It was snowing the morning he left. Murphy remembered watching out of the window as footprints were covered over, lost in endless white. He wasn't, by nature, someone who cried. But that morning it seemed there was nothing else he could do. He and Connor had exchanged rough words, rougher than they'd ever been before, and then Connor had just... Left. Murphy, drowning in fathoms of irrational anger, had not followed. Two hours had passed; it began to snow again, and Murphy had gone to the window, all his anger dissolving into fear and guilt.
He pressed his forehead against the cold glass, his breath fogging against the window. There weren't many people out in the dreary winter weather, a few children were playing in the streets, building snowmen and having snowball fights, but most of the adults were inside, where it was warm. Everything was blanketed in white, like one of those iddylic Christmas cards that you think couldn't possibly be real. Connor was wearing blue jeans and his black coat, and when you added in that he was a good two foot taller than all the kids, he'd stand out like a sore thumb. Murphy couldn't see him, and he closed his eyes against more tears.
He'd been so stupid! He'd woken up in a bad mood and he'd run out of cigarettes and Connor had jokingly refused to give him one and he'd just… snapped. Started shouting and pushing, calling him unspeakable names and insulting him every way he knew how. He didn't even mean to start a fight, he hated fighting with Connor which was why they rarely did, but he'd just been so angry.
And now…. Connor was gone. He was thankful, sort of, that his brother had left before they'd done something they'd both regret, but the rest of him was drowning in the sorrow. He hated being alone, hated being more than a foot away from Connor, and the knowledge that he was the reason that Connor had left, that he had caused his brother to storm out, just made it all that much bitter.
I swear, I'll never start another fight with you again, if you just come back to me, he thought desperately. I'll stop swearing, I'll give up smoking, I won't touch another drop of alcohol, just please come back to me.
He opened his eyes and nearly turned away from the window before he realised what he'd just seen. A black coat, Connor's black coat. He turned back to the window and yes, Connor was with his coat, walking down the road towards the building, hands in his pockets, head down. He looked up and must've seen Murphy watching him because he smiled and raised one hand in a sketchy wave.
Laughing, and blinking back tears of joy, Murphy ran towards the door, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste. He flew down the stairs, almost falling more than once, and eventually burst out onto the chilly street. He was barefoot, and the snow instantly began to freeze his feet, but he didn't care as he trudged towards his brother.
Uncaring of the numrous children that could see them, he flung his arms around Connor and pressed their bodies tight together.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I didn't mean it, didn't mean any of it, I'm so sorry, please don't leave again, oh Christ I'm so sorry." He was babbling, nearly incoherant with the emotion that he was so desperate to vocallise, but he didn't care. Just please, God, let Connor stay.
"Hey, hey, it's alright, man, I'm not goin' anywhere," Connor murmured, burying his face in Murphy's hair. "Just figured ya needed a little time to cool off. Didn't mean ta spook you."
Sniffing, Murphy raised his head to look at his brother's face. "So… you're not mad?"
"Well… a little bit, but it's okay. Now, what are you doin' out here in nothin' but jeans an' a tee shirt? You'll freeze your fuckin' arse off!"
He untangled his limbs from Murphy's and began to lead his brother inside before he remembered something. He dug around in his pocket until his fingers closed around a small box of cardboard. Smiling, he tossed the packet of cigarettes to Murphy and led him inside to the warmth.