AN: First iCarly story. It'll only be a few chapters long. It's a side story thing so I can get back into my writing mojo! Because college is warping my ease with certain POVs. Right now the first POV is the best I've got. It's easier than keeping track of EVERY other character.

And my Bleach fic will be updated either on sunday or before wenesday...as for the xxxHOLiC fic...I dunno when I'll get to that. But I won't abandon it.

Life from your own point of view always seems less complicated but so much harder at the same time. Looking outside from the inside is a simple way of putting most things. And when you ask people to understand…they say that they do, but you're fully aware they don't.

It's why I've never told anybody about my huge crush on Carly. I never had to worry about it. I've liked her since we first met. And I dare say it's not even a crush anymore.

Because somewhere along the line; I fell. I fell head over heels for Carly Shay. And I'm not ashamed to admit to myself that I love her, hell I love her more than Fredward does.

But I am scared to admit it out loud.

I want to tell her so bad…and I've tried time and again to see if she likes me in any way. I think she does, but I'm not sure.

I've never been sure of anything. Well except Carly. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My life would be trapped in one huge cell if it weren't for her.

That doesn't mean I don't get into trouble here and there. But of course it'd be so much worse if she hadn't been around.

Although…if my father was allowed around I'd be a decent kid I think. My mom left him when Melanie and I were too young to remember his face. And then when we were eleven I guess she missed him or something…because our baby brother Nathan was born. If I had to take a stab at who the three of us looked like more…I'd say our dad. Cause none of the faces we make look like our mom.

I think we're part of why our mom is such a…sleaze bomb. When I get into trouble she gets this weird look on her face, yells at me, and then mumbles something about looking too much like 'him'. She must miss our dad a lot. I think she's where I got my pride from. Because she'll never admit something she thinks will make her weak.

It's why I can't tell Carly or anybody about liking said brunette. I'm too proud and tough skinned Samantha Puckett, and tough skinned Sam tells nothing of herself but how strong she is.

Nothing.

Nathan's a lot like me. He looks nice and sweet when he wants to…but if he doesn't like you…watch out. Freddie found that out the hard way.

My mom had been shredding my nerves. And when she came home with cold food for me and my baby brother…I had to get outta there. Nathan had frowned and complained to me as I slipped his jacket on, ignoring our mother's shouts about just heating it up. "I'm hungry." He mumbled finally.

"I know." I rubbed his arms. And I knew he wouldn't care about eating cold chicken, but the point is…he shouldn't have to. He should be able to have nice hot food. Not cold hard strips of meat. I was used to it, Melanie was used to it. But I'll be damned if Nathan's gunna go through it too. "We're gunna go to Carly's and you can eat all you want there okay?"

He nodded, blonde curls falling into his face. He looked just like me when I was a kid. Melanie had longer hair than me so no, we didn't look the same then.

His life must be so hard and confusing. Staring through five year old eyes at a world made by drunken mother's and father's that were either too good for said drunken mother's or just deadbeats. His little brain trying to keep up but not being able to. He deserved to just be a kid. To just be a five year old boy.

This was why I was taking him to Carly's. She and Spencer never cared; they wanted him to come over because they knew our mom didn't really care.

Nathan raised his arms and I lifted him up, setting him on my hip. He let his head fall on my shoulder. "We're going out!" I called to the waste of a mother in the kitchen. She returned my shout with a, 'whatever' as I pulled the door open and stepped outside.

Why did life have to be so complicated? Why could the three of us not get parents that were rated 'N for normal' on the Richter scale?

Life really sucked sometimes.

"Hey Spencer?" I called, opening the door to the Shay household. The crazy grown man-child hoped out from the back.

"Sup?" He looked at me curiously.

"Can you watch Nathan while I do iCarly?" I was to young to be a mom…but I had no choice but to be the mother figure for my baby brother, he didn't have a mom that cared. "He hasn't eaten yet."

He grinned. "Sho thang!" He held out his arms and Nathan went to him easily. See, if he liked you he was a little angel. "What do you want to eat little dude?" Spence was oddly great with kids, which made sense cause he was crazy like one.

"Spaghetti and…and…," Nathan scratched his head as he though, Spencer walking him to the kitchen and myself heading upstairs.

"Veggies?" Spencer teased.

"Ew!" Nathan shouted.

"Yeah ew! Veggies are gross!"

I opened the door to the studio. "Got anything good to eat?" I asked as I headed for the water I spotted. Hope there's nothing gross in it because I'm drinking it anyways.

"Another late to the show. You may just have a world record." Freddie's annoying voice stung my ears.

I took a drink, glad it was just water. "Shut up alright. I'm not in the best of moods."

"What's wrong?" Carly asked curiously but with clear concern. God I love her. That little twinkle in her eyes. I could eat her up…if she were an actual cupcake.

"My mom is what's wrong. She's what's always wrong." And she was. She was why little Nathan was downstairs with a guy that wasn't his dad eating a meal that wasn't made from home like it should be.

Life was to damn complicated.

"What happened now?" She knows my mother's habits. I've told her them. I haven't told Fred-dork because I don't trust hi, but I'm to upset to care that he's there.

"I send my mom out for some food for Nathan and me right, so we sit and we wait and finally she gets back…cold chicken strips in a bucket and a new tattoo. By the way he's downstairs." I pointed to the floor.

She nods. "Cool, maybe we can get him on the show tonight. He's so cute." She makes that adorable little face where her dimples show in her cheeks, and it takes all of my brain power to keep talking.

"Maybe. He'd probably like that. Anyways let's just start the show." I look at Freddie, just seeing that infatuated face looking at my girl made me want to punch his brains in till they squished out of his ear holes.

He smirked. "Show started fifteen seconds ago." God I wanted to punch him!

There was an awkward pause before we did our usual, "This is iCarly." Although this time it was more like a disappointment.

I couldn't help but grin as Carly played with Nathan. He made a bee-line for her as soon as Spencer let him into the room.

I nodded to Spencer. "Did he eat?"

The artist made a face. "He's a monster! A tiny, blonde haired monster vacuum thing! They should sell cleaners that clean like that in stores." He looked thoughtful. "I'd buy a cleaner that cleaned junk like he cleans a plate." He dropped his head and walked out.

"How have you been Nathan?" Carly asks as she lifts him up onto the bed beside her. He grins up at her.

"Good." He rubs his head like he's shy, but he's not. Like me, he's going to be short for a real long time.

I nod to Carly and lean to her right ear. "Can he stay the night?" I had a bad feeling in my gut about taking him back to our mom's. "I don't want to be a problem but I don't want to take him back there right now."

She nodded, turning back to Nathan. "Hey, you wanna stay over here tonight. We could watch movies with Spence."

He nods. "Yeah!" He cheers.

"Why can't he go home with you?" Freddie really bugged me more than my mom sometimes.

I glared at him and he got that look of fear I loved seeing on a victim's face. That look of utter fear and helplessness. "Mind your own business Benson."

I miss being a little kid. I miss not having a higher knowledge of life so I didn't have to overthink. See people like Fred-dork think I'm a total idiot, maybe because I'm a blonde…but I'd bet anyone a thousand bucks I think ten times more than he does.

I miss sleeping with Carly, hugging her while we slept…and just enjoying it because I was a little kid. It didn't mean anything back then.

Now that I'm older…it means way to much. And that scares me to death.

I open the door to my house and step inside. My feet carry me to the kitchen, because I know she'll be there. And she is, drinking a beer and watching the small TV on the counter. "I think Nathan and me should stay at Carly's for a few days." I spoke loud enough to know she heard me.

She turns to look at me. "No you're not."

"Nathan's already spending the night." I wasn't going to let her do this. I couldn't. And I knew if Melanie were here she'd agree with me.

She stood. "Who do you think you are to take my son somewhere and keep him there without my okay?"

"His big sister. Who actually gives a crap."

She scoffed. "Don't act like you're better than me." But you both know you are. "You were still born on a bus."

That was always her wild card. Never knew when it would show up, but you always knew it would. I give her a look of disappointment and disgust. "I may not be worth much mom, but I deserve better than you. And so does Nathan. He deserves way better than this life. And you'll have to pry him from my cold dead hands before I let you drag him down with you!" I snap and run up to my room. She's still shouting.

I grab a garbage bag and stuff a bunch of random clothes inside before taking one of Nathan's little Rocket Raider duffel bags and carefully packing him more than a week's worth of clothes. I may or may not stay with Carly, but Nathan had to stay there. I'd settle for that other guy right about now. Even his crazy mom is better than mine.

I ripped off the lock on the door to Carly's place, knowing full well she'd be upset. They should just buy a whole case of chain locks. It'd save Spencer time and cash.

I head upstairs and go to Carly's room. I'm frustrated and sad and happy and disgusted all at once. So many things and so many thoughts I can't even be sure where to start. I'm happy because Nathan is safe. I see him sleeping on his stomach with Carly's arm securing him around his back so he doesn't fall.

He's in a pair of pajama's I've never seen before. I was sad because they'd spent money on us. They always said they didn't mind but again…they shouldn't have to. He should already have had those. I should have gotten them for him, and if my mom gave a flying crap she'd have bought him a pair herself.

I don't mean to wake Carly. "It's four in the morning, what are you doing?" She's more worried than upset, and that makes me happy too. But I'm at a loss for large words because I'm upset and frustrated with the things my mom had said to me.

Turning to her I find that I'm to tired to smile, but I can't help but think she looks adorable with a bed head and sleep in her eyes. Nathan shifts and blinks his "Where else am I gunna go?" I had nobody else I could lean on. Carly was all I had. And I think she knew that from the start of our friendship.

She looks more patient now that she's waking up. And I'm glad it's a Saturday. I set down Nathan's bag just as Spencer runs in. "I heard noise, and the lock on the door is broken. Everything okay?" He had a Suck Duster.

Carly hushes him. "Wait…you're moving in here?" She almost sounds like she wants me to, but I know it's still the sleep clouding her brain cell function. Spencer looks at me and doesn't look worried anymore. "Oh." He mumbles.

I shrug. "I don't have many options. And if I can't then can at least Nathan stay here?"

She shakes her head. "Sam, I don't mind either of you staying with us till you can work things out with your mom. But a call before you break in might be nice."

Nathan is up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He'll be up till at least ten now.

"So…why is Sam here?" Spencer was still half asleep too.

I sigh and scratch my head. "Just make Nathan some eggs. He's going to be up for a while now." I motion to the small blonde who is now on his feet and walking wobbly over to Spencer.

The artist looks down at him, then to me, then back to my brother. "Okay." He settles and takes the small hand held out to him.

Carly call him over. "Yeah?" He blinks.

She stands and gives him a funny look. God…her hair is already smoothing itself out. She's like an angel or something. "You thought someone was in here," she looks at him for confirmation. He nods. "And was in my room?" He nods again, letting go of Nathan's hand. "So…you bring a Suck Duster?"

He nods. "You bet I do."

She smiles. "Now I'm sure you're insane."

Spencer nods, walking up the few steps. "Am I?" He asks, clicking it on. She nods before he grabs her in a head lock. "Fight me off then!" He makes those dumb sounds that are so like him as Carly screams at him to leave her hair alone.

I smile despite my bad mood. Feeling better and more settled just from being around these two. I take Nathan's hand, he's pointing and giggling as Spencer continues to show his baby sister why he has a Suck Duster as a weapon. I was jealous of them.

Melanie and I were close when we were kids. If nothing had ever changed…this may be us now in our own house if our dad was still around. But because the alienation our drunken mother put us through we grew apart quick. The last nice thing I'd done for her (and she would owe me for life) was signing her up for that boarding school so she could get away.

"Come on buddy, I'll make you something to eat." I led my baby brother from the room as Carly continued to try and fight her own older brother away as he tried to get her feet.

"Are we going back home today?" Nathan asks me later that day. I sigh, pouring him a glass of juice.

I didn't know what to tell him. He shouldn't have to ask me these kinds of things. "I dunno little man." I set down the glass. I was trying to keep the place clean. But me being me, and me taking care of Nathan…yeah it kinda made for an impossible situation.

Nathan, who was sitting on the floor behind the coffee table drinking apple juice and coloring an old coloring book of Spencer's, his hair was messy and damp from his bath. I was lying on the couch flicking through channels.

"Sam!" I look back slowly. She's holding a plate.

I blink up at her dumbly. "Hey Carls." I look back at the TV set. I was just Sam to her. Sam who had no responsibility but her little brother and sometimes her twin sister. Which was almost true.

"Why was there a half-eaten tamale in my bed?" Because I'd been eating it in your bed thinking of you, which sounds weird and gross I know…but I love food and I love Carly. They just go together. Like me and Carly, only she didn't know it yet.

I look up at her. "I left it there." I sat up and took the plate, starting to eat it again.

She sighs; I'm making her frustrated and bothered. Those things I never wanted to be in her life. I want to say sorry, but my tongue ties and I think I talk I may tell her my biggest secret ever. "If you and Nathan are going to stay here you can't leave everything a total wreck. You have to at least try and keep some stuff clean."

I nod. "I hear you." I start, trying to swallow the secret as it filled my throat like puke…but puke with no food. Like just the acid. What's that called?

"We're sorry." Nathan looks up at her, his hands go to his head again. I think it's a nervous habit he's starting to get. Carly shakes her head and smiles at him, that sweet Carly smile I love so much.

"No, you don't have to worry about anything. Keep coloring." He does as he's told, like me he only listen's to Carly. She looks at me. "And put your laundry in the hamper!" She hisses, pulling out my pink pair of 'I heart Vegas' underwear. "I should not find your panties on the stairs!"

I groan. "You know I hate that word." It was to girly.

"Panties!" She shouts at me, making me shout and cover my ears. I hear Nathan giggle. She throws them at me and I tuck them into my boxer pocket.

Spencer comes out and asks us to take our girl stuff upstairs. And suddenly they're both upset with me, and I'm upset with myself because I've made Carly upset with me. What did I do?

"You've got to stop leaving messes everywhere and eating food in my bed." Carly looks at me like she's sorry for me. I don't want her pity…but I'm to proud and to starved for any attention from her to say anything about it.

"And no deleting my web celebrities."

"And no more panties on the stairs!" Now she just looks annoyed. I groan again and rub my ears. She gives me a half smile which makes me feel better.

"Stop using that word, you know I hate it."

Spencer looks at me funny for a second. "To bad, stairs, stairs, stairs!" He shouts, almost making me smile. I blink up at him with a confused face.

"What?" I mumble.

Carly looks at her brother with the pity now. "She meant panties."

He makes a face that is just so him and then looks serious. "I'm embarrassed now." He was just so him, and that's how he'd always be.

And I'm Sam…I'd always be touch skinned Samantha Puckett that was to scary to like anybody and to shy (in secret) to actually say who she liked.

That is that…and that is all.

I try and do something nice for Carly. I can't do much but I make her a snack for when she gets home. I love the idea of sharing a place with Carly. I practically live here anyways.

Nathan was taking a nap on the couch when she walked in from where ever she'd been. "Welcome home." I greet her happily.

She speed walks into the kitchen with a worried and almost upset look on her face. "I made you a sandwich." I smile proudly and set the snack down on the table. I want her to smile and tell me how cute I am in my Sam way. But she doesn't…she looks sad and even more worried.

"Look Sam…I really think you should go back with your mom."

I shake my head and get serious quick. "Never gunna happen Carls. If you want me and Nathan gone then fine…but I'm not taking him back to that house."

"Nathan can stay here for a while, but he needs to be able to go home. And so do you. Just get things settled that's all I'm asking." She means it. She wants everything in my life to be okay, she always has. Chalk it up to another reason I love her.

But I was too proud. I shook my head and started to say something as banging came to the door, waking Nathan up. Carly gives me an, 'I'm sorry look', and I know who's outside that door before I actually want to.

"Nathan, go upstairs." I call. He looks at me in confusion. "Just go little man, please?" He nods, slipping off the couch and heading upstairs. He didn't need to see her.

"Come in." The brunette in front of me calls and the door slides open, I feel my stomach swirl in disgust at the site of my mother.

But still…that blonde gene kicks in the moment I'm not sure what to say. "Mom?"

She gives me that smart sarcastic look she always gives me when she mentions where I was born. "I know who I am." She reminds me of me before Carly. Totally stupid and living life just to live it…I hate her so much.

Then I feel the anger rise in my stomach and claw its way up my throat. "Carly," I snapped. "Why would you get my mother to," She cuts me off before I can finish.

"You two have to make up."

I shake my head. "I don't want any part of her. And I won't let her screw Nathan's head up any more than she probably has."

"A; you don't deserve my parts. And B; the one that's messing up your brother's head is you."

I glare at her. "A; I don't want worn and torn parts. And B; I'm re-screwing what you dislodged. I would have to work so hard if you didn't bite so hard."

She sneers at me, now I know where I got that face from. "That's real cute Sam. Real cute…but you should take a good look at your future cause your heading this way." She sucks her teeth. "And your brother is heading down the same road as your father. No money…no life…no kids. Maybe I should have let him keep you three." She thinks about it for a second. "Actually just you two."

She means Nathan and me. Melanie is her angel child sent from heaven. Only because I took the blame for everything so she'd always stay that way. She'd been given gifts…I hadn't. I was the tails of the coin that we flipped on. "My future is gunna be just fine. And Nathan's gunna be an amazing guy when he grows up. Know why? Cause he's nothing like you."

She scoffs. "Whoever told you that your future is going places lied to your face." Carly had told me that. Which is part of why I clung to her. I'd be okay if she was around. "You've already been in Juvie and your parole officer could care less, sadly it'd take effort."

This chick…I could count all the stars for every time I'd wished she weren't my real mother. Sadly there weren't enough of them.

It happened…not sure how or when but it did. We fought, like wild caged tigers. She's not as strong as me…but she's strong enough.

I made sure Carly was far enough away, and shouted at Nathan to stay upstairs. The last thing I saw before we'd stormed out of the apartment still screaming at each other was Carly going to hug Nathan.

…Words could never say how much I missed being a kid with no worries. A kid with no brother and no sister on her tail…and the only thing to worry about was dodging detention.

She really did care. "I've already made sure they don't have anything sharp on them." That had been fun for me. "I'm kinda praying you can make them get along better. Or just help." The therapist guy nods his understanding.

And I feel hurt when she runs away. She'd been stand-offish since we left to come here. While my mom and I shouted at each other and she tried to make herself invisible. I felt awful for her. Because nobody was looking, but everyone was watching. But I couldn't my 'Sam' habits of letting an argument I could win die.

She ran from me like I was Death. And I felt a twinge of hurt and disgusting twisted pride. I was hurt because the one person I loved more than anything (of course there was Nathan but that's brother love), literally ran from me like I was going to hit her. She knows I'd never ever hurt her on purpose. I was proud because…if I can make Carly Shay afraid of me…then anybody else is no contest. And Carly knows I'd never lay a hand on her to hurt her.

And then I'm just disgusted because not five seconds after she leaves my desperate mother makes a pass at the ugly, squat therapist. "Excuse my desperate mother."

"Excuse my rude daughter."

"I get it from you."

"And you get that smart mouth from your father." She snipped.

I stuck my tongue out at her and she copied me.

…Never have I ever met my father. But I could imagine he must be like Melanie. Easy-going and responsible, she had to have gotten it somewhere. I was so sick of my mom I wanted nothing more than to just know him so I could have someone to talk to, to cry to besides Carly, to have someone take care of Nathan so I could just be a regular teenage girl who was just supposed to make mistakes so she could learn more about herself.

I wanted my dad. I wanted to know him, meet him, hug him…a man I never met…never thought about till recently…I wanted a dad I didn't even know the name of.

See…these little 'Sam' habits that I had to build into my system to protect me…they make me do and say dumb things.

Which was part of why I was on the floor wrestling my mom and trying to bite her kidney out of her back, while she tugged my hair to get me off her.

This was also how we ended up in a small 'psycho' people room. Great job Sam…you drove the love of your life to this.

I should have eaten before I came here. But that thought is the least of my worries. The thought pressing down on my brain from the outer edges of my skull was just finding a way to ask her about my dad.

Where was he…what does he do for a living…did he want to keep his kids…those kinds of questions.

But I can't build up the nerve. Not just yet.

For hours we stood there and argued in circles. Mom always had to be the victim. She always had to be the one with the problems that couldn't help herself. At least I was trying to get help.

"Why can't you be more like Melanie?" And there it is. Another wild card.

"Can you try not comparing me to Melanie for once?"

She kept bringing up things in the past I had no control over. Finally I have to ask…just to break her perpetual cycle. "Where's dad?"

She freezes. "…What?"

I shrug. "Where's my dad? Is he scummy, poor, cheap…what?"

She straightens her back, I watch her closely. "He owns a junkyard." I tried not to smirk. "He's talented." She has that look in her eye…she's remembering him, something nice. I wanna know.

"What do you mean?"

Before she can answer the therapist shoves Carly into the room. She looks scared. "No, no, no!" She shouts and smacks the door. "You can't leave me in here! I want to live!" She shouts. It hurts she really thinks I'd hurt her, I never would. And I'd never let my mom hurt her either.

"Nobody leaves till they make nice!" The speakers crackled.

Carly glances back at my mom and me. She looks even more scared now. "It's never going to happen." She turns. "You could at least say something positive you know." She looks between us again.

I roll my eyes. "She's never even said anything nice to me about iCarly."

"I'm sure that isn't,"

My mom cuts her off. "What's iCarly?" And I resist the urge to smile as she smacks her forehead in that cute Carly way.

Sighing I pull her away from the door and bang on it. "Let us out will ya? This isn't working!" It may have…but I don't know.

The therapist repeated his earlier statement. Carly pulled me aside and banged on the door. "It's never going to happen! They're both horrible in different ways!" That one cut deep.

I swallow my nerves and blink back the tears in my eyes. She turns to me. "Sam, I'm sorry and you're my best friend…and I love you do death. But we have to be honest here…you're in Freddy Kruger's nightmares."

I blinked back more tears. "You make it sound like I've hurt you before." But I have. I've kept secrets…done bad things…said mean things. The person that can hurt her more than me has to be Spence. She didn't answer. "I'm not gunna hurt you Carly. I won't let anybody else hurt you either."

"I'm just glad someone knows how bad she actually is." And the Oscar for 'Bombing the most moments' goes to my mother!

Carly turned on her. "You're no better! You're supposed to be the adult! But here we are and with Sam looking after her little brother when," she paused, her hands went her head and she made this funny sound.

I blinked. "Carls?" This was bad. "What do we do?" I look at my mom, she shrugs. Oh yeah…helping kids isn't exactly her forte.

"Make up so we can get out of here!" Carly snapped. She clutched her head and made another one of those funny sounds. "I gotta get outta here." She mumbled as she pressed on the door and made the sound again.

I had to fix this if Carly was gunna get better. But I still wanted to know about my dad. I crouched down and held her face in my hands. "Carls? Carly, watch me. Watch me okay?" I had to do something…Nathan couldn't stay at the Shay's forever.

I stood and looked at my mom. "I love you…mother." The words were strange on my tongue as I said them to a person I had never thought to say them to before.

"What you think I don't love you?" That was more than shocking to hear.

I shrugged. "You never say it. You never tell any of us about dad…where he's been the last sixteen years. You never do anything for us."

She sighs. "Your dad makes things for a living."

I nod, hoping she'll keep going. "Like? You had said he was talented." Carly makes that sound; I look back at her and crouch down to her. She whines and I pull her into a hug, maybe she'll ignore the closed space if I hold her.

My mom shrugged again. A smile of old memories playing on her face. "He can take a ton of rusted old scraps of metal…a few tweaks and coats of paint later he'll have a car that looks brand new."

He sounds good already. "So why did he leave you…or did you leave him?" I was never a hundred percent sure.

"I left him when I was a few months along with you and your sister. He was…he was a good man." She smiles wider. "He is a good man. He does what he loves…makes good money…he's got his head on straight."

I hugged Carly tighter as she whimpered again. "What's his name?"

"Tanner." She gives me a look, like she's looking through me at someone else. My dad maybe. "You three look just like him I swear. But you specifically."

"How just me when Melanie and I are twins?"

She shakes her head. "Your hair is more like his. And that look in your eyes when you think of something you think is constructive…it's just like him."

"So why…," He sounded amazing…so why had she left him?

Old memories have a way of creeping up your leg and nipping you where it hurts when you really never want them to. My mom shrugged and gave me the simplest look I've ever seen. So simple but so hard to understand at the same time. "People like me only drag down people like him, and if I could do it over I'd have left you three with him. But I couldn't."

I knew that look. I had it all the time when I was around Carly. The look of a person who had the whole world so close to them but always thought they weren't good enough. My mom and I were the same. She touched the sun and got burned; I was so close to hitting that point.

And I knew why she kept us…why she wanted to try again with dad. Because she loved him. Loved him more than anything. And we were her last ties to him. She'd gone back to see if she was good enough…she thought she wasn't just like before, and then Nathan came. Another reminder of the sun that had burned her into who she'd made me into.

It hurts like chizz.

My relationship with my mom was finally starting to look up. So much so I could actually leave Nathan with her while I went to do iCarly.

I wish I could have asked more. Maybe someday I will. But for now…this is enough. Well…

I look over at Carly. Almost enough.