We are psychic!!!!!
By: Satsu'mi
Okay, its my first attempt at a parody, might not work that well, but heck, I want to try, and who's gonna stop me? You? HAH! This story contains characters of Season 1 & 2 plus our wonderful retard, Michael (put him in just to add to the number ^_^). Note: This is a humour fic, and I blast whoever I want. Their personalities maybe a bit distorted but who cares! I don't!
This is a tribute to Link and Luigi!!! Thank you guys for letting your nice works rub on to me. I got my inspiration from them, maybe because most of the characters they hate are the characters on MY "To despise" list too. Well, maybe a few differences here and there, but… Link and Luigi, I hope you don't mind.
The Digidestined kids were all at Izzy's place mucking around. Tai, TK, Matt and Ken were playing Scrabble, because they got tired of waiting around while Izzy was trying to get to Gennai and find out (as usual) how was the digi world was getting on. Yolei hovered above Izzy's head, trying to give pointers here and there. Joe was immersed in a book –"How to be a Man –A book for retards". Michael was trying to get glimpses of the book too because OBVIOUSLY this book would've been all useful for him as well as for Joe! Kari was sitting there trying to look prim and proper, but failing because she just looks plain stupid staring into space. Cody was pacing the room impatiently, waiting for Izzy and Yolei to succeed in getting through. Mimi was busy painting her nails pale violet which was supposed to match her new deep pink dress. She had threatened that if anyone comes over and upsets her business, she was going to bite their heads off. Sora was trying to hold a decent conversation with Davis since he was the only one left and she really didn't have a choice. But of course, the most decent conversation Davis can manage was to talk about how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could actually chuck wood, and it was pissing her off more and more by the second.
Finally, Izzy fell to the carpet on his back and heaved a loud sigh… everyone waited with bated breath for something.
"He can't do it," said Yolei finally.
"ARGH!!! I don't know what's wrong with the lousy thing!!!" complained Izzy.
"Possibly it's because Kari's in the room," suggested Matt helpfully. "Maybe the retarded brain waves are getting to your computer. I know it's kind of getting to me because I can't seem to think of any other new words to make up."
"Matt! That's not nice!" scolded Sora but no one listened in particular because she's a knave.
"It's might be easier for you if you just admit that you plain suck at word games," snickered Tai.
"Shut up!"
"No."
"Would you people SHUT UP and start thinking of a plan on how we could get this thing to work!!!!!!" roared ever-high-tempered Cody.
He was about to kick the laptop when he said 'thing', but Izzy was sharp and a bit too quick for him. He grabbed his precious laptop out of the way and Cody's feet ended up on Joe's butt instead, sending him shooting out the open window. Everyone stared for awhile, admiring the power that such a little body could exert, then went back to their business.
Mimi finished doing her nails, stretched and looked up. "Uh… Izzy, you might wanna look out because Kari has her face plastered onto your computer screen…"
"WHAT?!!" Izzy jerked up instantly from his lying position, immediately fearful of his laptop's welfare. He turned and grabbed Kari by the collar. "What's the big idea??" he asked her sternly.
Kari gave him her usual retarded smile and pointed towards his laptop. "There's red light coming from your screen."
"HUH???!" Everyone immediately crowded over. And indeed, Izzy's computer screen was glowing a weird scarlet colour.
"Hm… curiouser and curiouser…" said TK, stroking his chin.
"What do you think it is?" asked Ken warily.
"I have no idea," admitted Izzy.
"Sure doesn't look like something blue," Michael commented stupidly. Sora had had it with all the stupidity around her. Even though everyone knows that her mentality is almost just as bad, it's just that we have to give her time to realise that. And besides, maybe it's the fact that her blue helmet had acted too much like a restraining device for her brain and therefore encouraged the retarded growth of her already retarded brain. But lets resume our story. Sora smacked his head.
"That was SO unnecessary, Michael!" she yelled.
"Hey, maybe it's an indication! Maybe that's the door to the digi world!" Davis suddenly cried, and pulled out his digivice.
"Hey wait, you moron!" yelled Matt. "We aren't even sure if it's SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFE!!!!!!!!!!!"
As Matt's "saaaafe!!" dragged niiiiiiiiice and looooooooong, a lot has been happening. Davis had already opened up whatever door it was that was on the screen, and immediately, a strong wind began to howl around the room. Everyone got sucked into the screen. Including Joe, who'd just walked into the room. Sigh… I'm sorry he had to come.
As everything settled down and everyone stopped yelling and shrieking and screaming and cursing and squealing and whatever forms of exclamation possible. They calmed down and find themselves in a very weird place. Not the digi world, and not the human world either.
After a long silence…
"Okay… NOW what do we do?" Said Ken finally.
"Beats me," Tai shrugged and got up from the ground. "I think we're lost in the middle of nowhere…"
"Yea, no thanks to Davis," Mimi muttered as she brushed dust and twigs off her clothes.
Everyone got up and looked around. They were on top of a hill slope. The sky above was dark and dreary. All around them were a stretch of greyish-blue hills, fields and forests. It was misty, so the entire place looked a bit eerie. Everything was still, nothing moved, even the air seem to hang frozen.
"If you ask me, this place gives me the creeps," said Sora, shuddering a little.
"For once, I think you are right," said Yolei. Sora glared at her.
"Cooee!!!" said Kari and Michael knavishly.
"I can smell the rain," commented Joe.
"These stupid people seemed to have grown even stupider since we've arrived at this place," observed Matt irritatedly.
Izzy nudged him and hissed. "Do you HAVE to say that? Though I hardly think you are mistaken."
Everyone started pondering on where the hell they were and what they were supposed to do. Well, I take it back, everyone who CAN think started thinking. People like Kari, Michael, Joe and Sora couldn't think if their life depended on it. Um… maybe not Sora as much in this case, I accidentally gave her a bit more brain in this story than she actually has. Hope you guys don't take it for granted.
"Does anyone have ANY freakin' idea where we are???!!!" Cody finally could contain his impatience AND his temper no longer. And besides, he hadn't spoken for awhile. Now would be a good time.
"Well don't look at me, it's not me who opened that stupid door," said TK, eyeing Davis meaningfully. Cody turned a pair of blazing eyes onto Davis. And as he started advancing to the cowering heap that was Davis, Matt could see the sadistic smile in his brother's eyes.
"That's for trying to hit on Kari," muttered TK victoriously. ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!! I hate myself for making TK say that!!!!!!!!!! Oh, well, as I was saying!!!!!
Everyone was standing there to see what would happen to Davis and Cody was advancing towards him with blazing eyes…
"My gosh, I do believe his eyes' turned red!" exclaimed Mimi, covering her mouth. It was true. Suddenly, without warning, a pair of scarlet hot beams shot out of Cody's eyes!!!!
"YEEEEOOOOOWWWAAAAAZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!" screamed Davis as he held his burning backside and ran, in ONE FLEETING SECOND…… out of sight, just to reappear again half a second later. You can hear this really cool effect of his voice growing softer as he disappears into the horizon and growing louder again the next moment he returns. Now, he was running round and round the dumbstruck group of people so unbelievably fast, that he had formed a circle of dust around them.
Ken recovered first, and started to comment. "Goodness, I never knew that Davis, or ANY human for that matter, can run THAT fast," he said in awe.
"Nor me, but if Cody did the same thing to me, I'm not sure I wouldn't be able to run just as fast," said Tai. Just then, Matt butted in.
"Gosh, what wouldn't I pay to see you fly off to seven heaven if he tries it on you," he smirked.
"Eat this, Matt!!" Tai threw a punch aiming at Matt's face. Sora screamed her high-octave IRRRIIIIITATING scream, that nearly made Michael, standing beside her deaf, which might not be a bad idea at all! But he wasn't, so back to the story.
At the splitting moment when Tai's fists were about to kiss Matt's face hello…… he disappeared!!
"Huh? Where's Matt?" said Yolei.
"I'm here," said Matt, who was suddenly standing behind her.
"How'd you get there so fast? Yolei was standing quite far from you!" cried Izzy. Matt tried to think for a moment, then shrugged.
"Don't know how I did it, it just came, like THIS!" He did the same thing again as Tai marched over, and targeted another blow at him. This time, he appeared in front of a boulder, a diabolical look on his face. As he vanished again, so did Tai's right fist landed on the huge boulder…
Matt stood behind the boulder sniggering, waiting for the expected yowl of pain. But instead… his safety shield -the boulder, crumbled. Everyone present gaped, as the gigantic boulder shattered into a bazillion pieces like frail glass the moment Tai's punch connected with it.
Mimi looked at Tai, and Cody, then over at Matt, who was revealed from behind the rock after it was crushed to pieces. Then she turned over to stare at Davis, who was still running around like a knave but with extremely abnormal speed, no one could even really tell where he EXACTLY was! He was so fast he that his shape was just a colourful blur, because of his retarded jacket and unmatching shoes.
"What the heck is going on around here?!" she cried.
"Uh…" That was a question that nobody quite knew how to answer. Well, except the ME the narrator of course! But finally, it was Izzy who came up with the closest answer. I said closest, therefore it might not be ENTIRELY correct.
"It seems to me, that since arriving here, some of us has grown more retarded," said Izzy, looking over at Joe, who was squatting in front of a flower, appearing to attempt what he thinks is a normal conversation. No one in particular felt like listening what he and the flower might be gossiping about, so Izzy resumed what he was saying.
"And some of us however seemed to have developed some sort of superhuman powers or something," he finished.
"Then what about the rest of us, who haven't developed anything, AND are not retards?" asked Sora. Look who's talking! Thought TK.
"TK!! I didn't know you thought Sora was a retard!" cried Kari. Sora spun around murderously and faced TK, who gulped.
"I think we will eventually become either one or the other, depends on how our body reacts to this new environment. That's the most sensible theory I can come up with," continued Izzy while Sora pummelled TK. Pooor TK, but never mind! I shall avenge him! Later. The remnants of the gang started wondering who would eventually turn into super humans and who into retards. "Because as you can see, Kari has already developed some sort of ability to read people's minds or something," said Izzy.
"I have??" asked Kari stupidly. At that, Mimi rolled her eyes.
"Oh come off it! If someone as retarded as Kari could develop psychic powers and not become an extra Mega-retard, so could everyone of us present here!"
Ken turned to look at Joe, who was now scolding a blade of grass for not sharing the dirt-nutrients with the flower beside it. "I'll not be so sure if I were you…" his voice faltered.
"And I believe Michael is trying to fly…" said Yolei. Everyone turned and saw Michael at the highest hill point, standing tippy-toed, and flapping his arms, looking as if he's trying to fly. Oh, and did I mention he looked like a total moron doing that?
"Uh…" everyone was speechless.
"Who brought us to this devil of a place that we might turn into retards?!!!!" screamed Sora, right into Davis's ear, who had just managed to stop running, but then he started running again because Sora was trying to chase after him, but she failed of course.
"Well we don't know about you, but we're certainly liking this, right Tai?" said Matt as he appeared beside Tai. Tai nodded in agreement.
"Growl." Muttered TK.
"Ok, so before I might turn into a retard, lets get this straight…" Izzy began, but just then… WHOOOSH!!!
Everyone was windswept for a moment, but got a shock when they looked up and saw………. MICHAEL FLYING IN THE AIR!!!!!
"I can fly! I can fly! I can fly!" yelled Michael retardedly as he glided smoothly through the air. Then, he proceeded to sing the theme song of Peter Pan. "Think of the happiest things…… you can fly! You can fly! You can fly!"
Unable to stand the moronic activity anymore, Cody shot him down like a bird with his "X-beam", which was the name he gave his "power".
"Ok, I think I'm tired of mucking around waiting for each and every one of us to develop our retardedness OR our psychic abilities," said Sora determinedly. "Lets just get moving! We are bound to find that out sooner or later anyways, but meanwhile, CAN'T we start looking for a way to get out of this dump? And while we're at it, some one PLEASE get that idiot of a Davis to stop running! He's been at it since I yelled in his ear."
"Geez, I never knew you were that scary," said Tai, and shut up quickly because Sora was starting to look REALLY scary.
"But in any case, I think Sora is right, lets get a move on," agreed Yolei. "Though I don't think any of us would develop into retards, well, not after Michael's case, maybe Joe is an exception," she shrugged.
All the people said, "Hear, hear!" and started off.
As they trod on this unfamiliar soil. Everyone wondered if they will ever get back home. Yes, even Joe! He misses his textbooks. After walking for quite some time, they stopped underneath some dark grey trees to try and get some kind of idea of where they are while they rested.
"You know, can someone just stop Davis? He's really starting to irritate me," said Ken, looking at the ever-running Davis. Cody had tried to zap him with his "X-beams" but he was too fast for them, Tai and Matt couldn't do anything. Matt could always appear right in front of Davis, but he fear that the moment he does so, he'll be run over the next instant because of the momentum and will have to live as a pancake for the rest of his life.
"CAN'T YOU STOP YOURSELF!!!" yelled Yolei as Davis rushed by.
"Can't… can't stop… can't control…" they vaguely heard before he disappeared through the horizon and reappeared a second later. He whooshed past Mimi and her skirt flew up from the wind. The non-retarded boys whistled teasingly, excluding Izzy, Cody, and well, Ken. (they just don't seem the kind to do so)
Totally enraged, Mimi screamed after Davis. "FREEZE YOU MORON SO I CAN STRANGLE YOU!!!!!!" And as if heeding her call of death, Davis stopped right on his tracks!! Frozen, to be exact, with his feet still suspended in mid-air.
"Great! We've finally found someone who can de-motionalize him," said TK as all of them watched Mimi bash Davis to a pulp. "Hah, if anyone can do it, someone with a freezing power can."
Very soon, they had more or less figured out what powers have descended upon whom. Tai seemed to have developed some sort of super strength, Matt's was obviously a psychic ability called Teleportation, Davis's was speed, Cody had decided to name his power "X-eyes", Kari's was the psychic ability to read minds, Mimi was able to freeze whatever she wants motionless and Michael's skill will undoubtedly be flying.
So the kids continued walking and complaining until they meet a whole group of…POCKET MONSTERS!!! And three other kids.
"HEY! What are these weird looking dudes?" Said Michael, who was so astonished that he fell into the ground, kissing a passing-by porcupine in the process…OUCH! (well, he deserves it)
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…" Sora was staring starry-eyed at a kid with a blue jacket and a red cap. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…be still my heart…." She advanced towards the kid, who was getting a scared expression on his face and…
POW! A huge Staryu hit Sora across her stupid face. "STAY AWAY FROM MY ASH, YOU BLUE-HEADED WEIRDO!" yelled the other kid who was with him, a flame haired girl with a flaming temper to match.
"Hey…since when am I YOUR Ash?" said the other kid, obviously named Ash.
"Shut up!" yelled the girl and they started squabbling…
And finally, a yellow mouse got so sick of everything around him that he released a huge jolt of electricity that sent everyone flying away…except for himself.
THE END!
Wait just one moment!!! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A DIGIMON FIC FROM THA START!!!!! Stupid housemate!! *punts her off to the other side of the world. (You know when my housemate started typing when you see the part that the pokemon started to pop out.)
Ok, back to my REAL story!!!
So the kids continued walking and complaining until they felt like stopping for no reason. They had come into a grey and misty forest. By now, Yolei had found out that she could tell the future through envisioning and… through just knowing. And TK seemed to have gotten some kind of weird psychic power called Transfiguration, where he could change the form of any object into another totally different form. He became so hyped about it and started practising it on various things. But obviously this needs practices, so he had somehow created dumb things like a rock that has leaves and branches growing out of it (a rock halfway changing to a tree). He could also combine two things together. Tai thinks that he should try to combine Joe and Michael together, to create the world's stupidest person. The idea was entirely supported by Matt, Ken and all the prodigious people.
"We could give him a name which is a combination of both their names," said Matt enthusiastically. "Oh say… Mijoe or… Jochael!"
"Jochael sounds appropriate, sounds like "joker"," Mimi chimed in.
"That is so lame," said Tai.
While the others are busy plotting their diabolical plan, which will probably never succeed just yet as TK is still too stupid to know how to handle his skill properly, Sora too, had discovered her knack, which was Invisibility. It sort of complements my wish that she would disappear from the face of the earth, yea so, anyways. Soon after, Yolei predicted rain fall. It started to pour down like the Niagara Falls the next second.
"You might do better next time by telling us just a bit EARLIER!!!" Cody yelled as all of them were running through the forest, looking for shelter.
"Hey, it's not MY fault! The message thingy just sort of came a MINUTE before the rain starts!" Yolei defended. Suddenly, Joe spoke up. (Gasp!)
"I believe that there's a cave some way off to our right," he informed them. Everyone stopped and stared at him, pondering on how seriously should they consider his statement since he was once of the most idiotic people of the lot.
"You think we should believe him?" Ken leaned over to Izzy and said. Izzy stroked his chin, actually considering.
"A little bird told me that, his name is Twittery, and he said the cave would be big enough for all of us," said Joe with a knavish smile after his stupid sentence.
Matt slapped his forehead. "Whhhhhhhyyyyy do we even bother?! Let's keep going, I need shelter!"
"Actually, I wouldn't mind going right, you know," said Izzy. "Considering none of us have a single clue on where to head now…"
Now everyone stopped to think and finally decided why the hell not, and started to follow Joe's lead to the right. And finally…
"HEY! There IS a cave!!" exclaimed Sora and pointed ahead. Everyone else spotted it, cried "Yay, shelter!!" then started running towards it. Davis got there first of course.
"Darn, my shoes're all wet!" complained Mimi.
"Your entire body's wet," Davis pointed out.
"I know that! Growl." Mimi snapped, and squeezed a gallon of rainwater out of her dress. The girls were much more petty about the weather and their condition and were drying and cleaning themselves. The boys heck cared about being wet and just stood there dripping. Yolei grumbled about how her hair was going to take ages to dry since it was so freakin' long, Sora worried about the laundry back home.
"I'm hungry," said Kari. It was kind of weird the way she talked because she did so without opening her mouth. Everyone stared at her and she looked up. "What?" she asked, puzzled. Her mouth was still closed, but her voice sounded throughout the entire cave, as if it was everywhere, even Sora at the back could hear it.
"Looks like it's another psychic something Kari's got there," voiced Tai.
"Nah, I think telepathy and mind-reading are somehow connected, it's probably just an extension of the psychic gift she has," Izzy said knowingly.
"Do you know if any of the others might have extensions too???" asked Davis enthusiastically. Izzy shrugged.
"I'm still HUNGRY!!!!!" Kari's telepathic voice rang shrilly in the cave. Everyone was covering their ears and some were rolling in agony on the ground. Cody could take it no longer and proceeded to beat her up.
"Ahuck, I'll go get something to eat," offered Joe and went out. He went out and stood under a fruit tree outside the cave.
"I never knew Joe could actually do something smart for a change, you know, leading us here and bringing food and all," said Ken to TK.
"Maybe he's a bit smarter than we give him credit for…" begin TK sympathetically. They watched him.
Joe did not climb the tree, or do ANYTHING a normal human would do to get food OFF the tree! But instead, started asking the tree politely to spare some of its fruits for his hungry friends.
TK slapped his forehead. "I take that back."
"Uh…" said Ken, pointing. TK looked the next second, to see the tree immediately dropped sooooooo many fruits that Joe was buried underneath them. Both of them gaped, wordless.
"JOE CAN TALK TO TREEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they yelled in unison, screams echoing in the little cave. Everyone cried in anguish as they covered their pooooor ears.
"STTOOOOOOP SCREAMING, YOU JERKS!!!" Cody yelled over the commotion, lost his temper, and singed them.
Thinking and analysing everything, Yolei came up with one of her very rare brainwaves. "You know, I do think Joe's retardedness all this while… has been his GIFT!!" Everyone looked at her as if she'd just spouted horns. "Don't you see? I think he can somehow talk to plants or something!"
"And animals," groaned Matt, recalling the Tweety-whatever bird incident. In the end, everyone concluded that Joe could somehow communicate with animals and plants.
"We can call it 'nature-speaking' or something," said Sora.
"That's so lame," commented Tai. "Not that it doesn't suit him though," he added looking at Joe, who had just came back with the food.
Just before the hungry bunch of people tuck in, Kari exclaimed in the last minute. "Shouldn't we say grace?"
Everyone looked at each other, said "GRACE!!!" and tucked in.
It was still pouring so hard outside that it was impossible to walk in it without drenching yourself. Even with Davis rushing out and coming back in the next instant, he had three drops of rain on his jacket! GASP! That's a lot!! Yolei predicted that the rain would last for quite a few hours, and everyone groaned.
"Ok, run this by me again," began TK. "We got sucked into the computer, because Davis so CLEVERLY opened up the stupid door that leads to hell knows where…"
"And now we're stuck in the middle of a place we don't even know…" continued Izzy.
"With everyone getting all these weird psychic abilities…" said Mimi.
"Some of them which are kind of retarded, and irritating," said Tai.
"And it just had to rain after that…" put in Sora with a sigh.
"Which explains pretty much why we're stuck here…" Ken added.
"LALALALALA!!!!" Joe suddenly broke into a song just beside Michael's ear, and he DID went deaf this time! Haha, no, I wish he did, but he didn't.
"ARGH!!" cried Yolei, covering her ears. "And Joe JUST has to start singing!!"
"Can't one of you idiots SHUT HIM UP!!!" yelled Matt at the people who could, stuffing his ears too. Mimi and Cody looked at each other. They COULD stop Joe, but decided they wouldn't do anything just because Matt had insulted them so. Finally it was Izzy, who really couldn't stand the racket anymore, simply threw Joe to the side and embedded his head into the cave wall. WAIT! Izzy? Little Izzy? Throw Joe to into a cave-wall? Um… actually he didn't.
"Hey! How did he do that?!" exclaimed Davis, who was the first to notice. "He didn't even use his hands!!"
"What?" yell all of the other stupid people. "Do it again, Izzy!"
Izzy, curious himself, sighed in consent, and embedded Michael's head in the cave top. HHAHHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!! A sadist, am I? I am NOT!!
"Wow!!" cried everyone else. "Telekinesis!!" Izzy smiled smugly. Then looked at Michael and Joe's bodies-minus-heads, "I think, I'd better get them back out." He said, then telekinesised Michael out, then Joe.
The moment, Joe's head was yanked out of the wall, a beam of light shot through the small opening that his head had made and illuminated the entire cavern with an eerie blueish gleam. Everyone gasped in surprise. What was this???!
HAHAHAA, I'm too lazy to continue now, so I think I'll make this a sequel instead. And again, you are welcome to give me nice comments^_^ And if you want to tell me how badly I've done this thing, please do so too! And again, just so I can do worse in future, hahahaha!!!