I'm doing this because I'm on a little Weird Al hype and I've got nothing to do

I'm doing this because I'm on a little Weird Al hype and I've got nothing to do. This would be set when they are both in k'Sheyna Vale, and let's pretend that Darkwind offers Vree's feather there instead of in Haven.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Mercedes Lackey's stuff, and the song 'one more minute' belongs to Weird Al and I don't own it either.

~*~

One More Minute

Well I heard that you're leavin'

Gonna leave me far behind

That you found a brand new lover

You decided that I'm not your kind.

Darkwind held Vree's feather in one hand, Elspeth's in the other. His lover just stood there, speechless.

"Darkwind-" she started. "I'm sorry. I would have told you before-"

"What?" Darkwind gasped.

"-About me and Wintermoon-"

"Wintermoon!" choked Darkwind. "But he's twice your age!"

Elspeth shrugged. "Close enough. But look- don't get all bitter. Firesong's still hot for you." She directed this comment to the firebird on the windowsill, who was looking quite sheepish.

So I put your name out of my roller dance

And I tore all your pictures in two

And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go

Just because it reminds me of you.

That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'

I'm glad that you've found somebody new

'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass

Than spend one more minute with you.

"See ya, Darkie," she said as she walked out the door and down the stairs. Darkwind looked out the window to see her hanging on to his half-brother's arm possessively. Wintermoon waved at him.

"Well, that's okay." Darkwind told himself. "In fact, I'm happy she's gone. Quite happy." With those words, he set fire to the feather held in his hand. "I think I'd rather do anything then see her plain-as-a-board face again."

I guess I might seem kind of bitter

You've got me feelin' down in the dumps

'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas-station of love

And I have to use the self-service pumps

Darkwind whistled as he unloaded all Elspeth's belongings from his ekele, dumping them at the base of the treehouse. Yes, he was happy to see her go. She'd be moving her things to Wintermoon's ekele now, and he grinned at the thought of it. No, he'd never have to endure her presence again.

Honey, let me help you pack that suitcase

You ain't gonna break my heart in two

'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face

Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork

Than watch you going out with other men

I'd rather slam my fingers in a door

Again and again and again and again and again

(oh can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin')

Darkwind could list many gory fates he'd prefer to being stuck with Elspeth. Forming an alliance with Falconsbane, for one. In fact, it was an attractive prospect compared to her. No, he wasn't going to mope and moan. Perhaps he'd throw a party- yes, that would be just the thing. A wild, long party, with plenty of private hot tubs. And Elspeth and Wintermoon would not be invited!

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches

Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue

Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks

Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue

I'd rather dive into a pool filled with double-edged razor blades

Than spend one more minute with you

No, he was going to be very happy with Elspeth gone. She was just a spoiled-little-brat heir anyway. And what man would want such a prissy little prig? His opinion on Wintermoon's taste just took a divebomb. He might as well be trying to hook a hertasi! No- a kyree. A neuter kyree. Ha! Darkwind wished him luck! He'd rather try to tryst with Gwyna!

Darkwind smiled a bitter smile and did a little dance before destroying everything in the room that had anything to do with Elspeth (a.k.a. half his wardrobe) and went to sleep with a wide smile on his face.

I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die

Than spend one more minute with you.

~*~

Okay, that was very weird. VERY weird. Please no flames, I really do like Elspeth and Darkwind but it is such fun trashing them (like 'Something I Most Certainly Should Not Have Done'). But hey! There isn't enough humor around here! Yet another one of my infamous Humor/Dramas.