This fic was inspired by the wonderful people over at the Smallville forum at TWoP (www.televisionwithoutpity.com). If you've never been there, I highly recommend it. Also, go to Tresca's amazing site-- http://www.geocities.com/yawkey104/lana.html Because it Never. Gets. Old.
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***The Tragic Story Of Lana's Parents (Who Are Dead)***
Inside the Stately Luthor Manor. A Party.
Lex walks over to Lana.
Lex: Lana, you don't look like you're enjoying your party?
Lana: Well, I didn't really want to make a fuss about it, but it made Nell happy, so...
Lex: Well, as my father is fond of saying, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'
Lana: (she looks down, mournfully) I guess, I just can't see the point in celebrating the day my parents were killed by the meteor...
Lex: Your parents were killed by a meteor? Does Clark know about this? (Calls Clark over in an intensely not-smooth move to get the farmboy and the cheerleader together as a blind for the fact that he's shagging aforementioned farmboy into the ground every chance he gets.) Clark! Did you know that Lana's parents were killed in the big meteor shower twelve years ago?
Clark: (guiltily) I'm so sorry, Lana, that must be awful for you.
Chloe: (who followed Clark over like a puppy) What's awful?
Clark: Lana's parents
Pete: (who followed Chloe following Clark) What about Lana's parents? (Pete wanders off, having delivered his token line)
Clark: They were smooshed by a meteor
Chloe: Oh, no that's horrible!
Pa Kent: What's horrible Chloe?
Chloe: Oh, Clark was just telling me how Lana's parents got flattened into people pancakes by a meteor.
MamaKent: (pursing her lips) Oh, Lana, I feel so sorry for you! Don't you have anything to remember them by? A memento of some kind?
Clark: Like the building where they met?
Chloe: Or a peice of the meteor that killed them!
Clark: (muttering) I don't think that's very nice at all.
Lionel Luthor: Meteor that killed who?
Pa Kent: Like you care, you magnificent bastard! But, Lana's parents.
Lionel: Lana's parents were killed by a meteor? When was this?
Lex: The same time a meteor caused my total and complete baldness, causing you to treat me like a total freak, Dad.
Clark: Lex! You're not a freak! The baldness makes you hot!
Lex: (smirks) I know.
Lionel: I'm disappointed in you, Lex.
Lex: Why, are you blaming me for the death of Lana's parents, too?
Chloe: Wait, Lana's pareant are dead?
Clark: Yeah, Chloe, haven't you been paying attention?
Chloe: Well, yeah, but it sounds so much hotter when Lex says it.
Clark: (dreamily) I know...
Lex smirks. Lionel glowers.
Pa Kent: Can we get back to the astonishing fact that Lana's parents seem to be dead?
MamaKent: No, not Lana's parents! And she looked so adorable in that fairy pwincess costume! How did it happen?
Clark: (looks guilty) In the meteor shower, mom.
Chloe: It's all because of the meteors!
Principal Kwan: Chloe, what did I tell you about your meteor theory?
Chloe: But Principal Kwan! They killed Lana's parents!
Kwan: Lana's parents are dead? That poor girl... you'd never know it from the way she acts.
Nasty Nell: She gets that stiff upper lip from her mom. Who's dead.
Lionel: Nell, you should have given the girl some token to remember her parents by. Like a necklace made out of the meteor that killed them.
Lana: Wait! (turns to Nell) What is the green stone on my favorite necklace? The one you gave me to commemorate my parents death?
Nell: I'm sorry honey, but it's from the meteor that killed your parents.
Lana: My parents are dead?
End.
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***The Tragic Story Of Lana's Parents (Who Are Dead)***
Inside the Stately Luthor Manor. A Party.
Lex walks over to Lana.
Lex: Lana, you don't look like you're enjoying your party?
Lana: Well, I didn't really want to make a fuss about it, but it made Nell happy, so...
Lex: Well, as my father is fond of saying, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'
Lana: (she looks down, mournfully) I guess, I just can't see the point in celebrating the day my parents were killed by the meteor...
Lex: Your parents were killed by a meteor? Does Clark know about this? (Calls Clark over in an intensely not-smooth move to get the farmboy and the cheerleader together as a blind for the fact that he's shagging aforementioned farmboy into the ground every chance he gets.) Clark! Did you know that Lana's parents were killed in the big meteor shower twelve years ago?
Clark: (guiltily) I'm so sorry, Lana, that must be awful for you.
Chloe: (who followed Clark over like a puppy) What's awful?
Clark: Lana's parents
Pete: (who followed Chloe following Clark) What about Lana's parents? (Pete wanders off, having delivered his token line)
Clark: They were smooshed by a meteor
Chloe: Oh, no that's horrible!
Pa Kent: What's horrible Chloe?
Chloe: Oh, Clark was just telling me how Lana's parents got flattened into people pancakes by a meteor.
MamaKent: (pursing her lips) Oh, Lana, I feel so sorry for you! Don't you have anything to remember them by? A memento of some kind?
Clark: Like the building where they met?
Chloe: Or a peice of the meteor that killed them!
Clark: (muttering) I don't think that's very nice at all.
Lionel Luthor: Meteor that killed who?
Pa Kent: Like you care, you magnificent bastard! But, Lana's parents.
Lionel: Lana's parents were killed by a meteor? When was this?
Lex: The same time a meteor caused my total and complete baldness, causing you to treat me like a total freak, Dad.
Clark: Lex! You're not a freak! The baldness makes you hot!
Lex: (smirks) I know.
Lionel: I'm disappointed in you, Lex.
Lex: Why, are you blaming me for the death of Lana's parents, too?
Chloe: Wait, Lana's pareant are dead?
Clark: Yeah, Chloe, haven't you been paying attention?
Chloe: Well, yeah, but it sounds so much hotter when Lex says it.
Clark: (dreamily) I know...
Lex smirks. Lionel glowers.
Pa Kent: Can we get back to the astonishing fact that Lana's parents seem to be dead?
MamaKent: No, not Lana's parents! And she looked so adorable in that fairy pwincess costume! How did it happen?
Clark: (looks guilty) In the meteor shower, mom.
Chloe: It's all because of the meteors!
Principal Kwan: Chloe, what did I tell you about your meteor theory?
Chloe: But Principal Kwan! They killed Lana's parents!
Kwan: Lana's parents are dead? That poor girl... you'd never know it from the way she acts.
Nasty Nell: She gets that stiff upper lip from her mom. Who's dead.
Lionel: Nell, you should have given the girl some token to remember her parents by. Like a necklace made out of the meteor that killed them.
Lana: Wait! (turns to Nell) What is the green stone on my favorite necklace? The one you gave me to commemorate my parents death?
Nell: I'm sorry honey, but it's from the meteor that killed your parents.
Lana: My parents are dead?
End.