~Dying Angel Style~

By: Aerys Krystie

Theme: AU.

Plot: The weight of everything he's ever done is pressing down on Jackson. He gets to the point that he worries Derek, especially when a new group of hunters enter the scene. Eventually, Jackson becomes something other than a werewolf.

Warnings: Slash, self-mutilation, violence, language, major OOC.

Disclaimer: Everything of and referring to Teen Wolf is not mine. This is a non-profit, fan-made story. Please support the official release.

oOo

Most people believed that the night was the worst part of any day. No one wanted to close their eyes and see what haunted them. No one wanted to relive their most terrifying memories, which would put more of them in an insane asylum. There was a simple solution that many would take under heavy advisement – drugs, alcohol or a combination of both?

There were some that didn't have that luxury, though. Drugs and alcohol had no effect on him. He could basically OD on heroin and bourbon, but nothing would happen. The track marks on his arms would heal in a day, if that. He detested his metabolism and found himself wishing that he could be human again. If he was human, he wouldn't have this problem.

Staring at his reflection, Jackson tried to figure out which deity he pissed off. He figured it happened in a past life. The hell he went through in this life was because he pissed on someone's shoes, without a doubt. He sighed and dropped his head, feeling the previous few weeks of insomnia catching up to him. There were only so many things he could do to remain alert. If alcohol had no effect on him, he knew that caffeine wasn't going to work. If he injected it into his arm or eye, he could ride a small high for a minimum of four minutes.

With a shake of his head, Jackson raised his head and applied the eye-drops. He blinked and waited for his vision to clear. The redness had disappeared a little, but the near black circles under his eyes took more work. With shaking hands, he applied the full face make up. He went extra heavy on the concealer when the first lot didn't cover the circles properly. He applied lip balm, in the hopes no one would notice his peeling lips and left his bathroom.

Ignoring the full length mirror, Jackson hunted through his closet to find something that would bulk him up. He knew it wouldn't be long before the others noticed his weight loss. He really couldn't help that. Food just wasn't appealing to him. The very idea of eating was turning his stomach. He detested the weekends, as he parents always wanted him to join them for breakfast. They stopped asking about a month ago; finally getting the message that he didn't want to eat.

Feeling he had enough layers under his hoodie, Jackson shoved his feet into shoes and left his bedroom. He ran down the stairs, shouting that he was visiting a friend and that he would be back later that night. He heard his parents getting ready to ask more questions, but Jackson was out the front door before they could. He contemplated for half a second if he should take his car and decided against it. If he was going to be injured in the pack meeting, he really didn't feel like bleeding on the leather seats.

Besides, it was a cool, crisp morning and a jog to the Hale mansion was a good way to clear his mind. Granted, it didn't work that well, but Jackson would take whatever he could. He got as far as the start of the forest, before he had to rest against a tree. The hunger pains were torturous and he was grateful that he was always the last to arrive. For the last three months that was because he had to stop and regain his strength. He couldn't make a grand entrance if he was half dead and that would just make the others worry about him.

A twig snapped and Jackson froze, straining his ears. He looked up when a black bird crowed and took flight. He smiled and shook his head. That was the first time in a while that he felt fear settle in, mostly because he thought it was one of the pack or worse Derek. He watched the bird for a moment, smiling and almost wishing that he could take flight. His eyes widened when a scent invaded his nose, smoke and leather.

Calming himself, Jackson continued to watch the bird. He smiled forlornly as the bird rubbed its beak on the branch before cawing again. He stiffened as a cold breeze swept by. Oh, the internal heater of a werewolf was marvelous, when the body wasn't starved and had enough sleep to function properly. He fought back a shiver and the urge to wrap his arms around his body. He knew that Derek was still there, watching him and waiting to be acknowledged.

The bird cawed and walked along the branch. Jackson tilted his head and moved to stand by the tree. He didn't hear Derek move, but he sensed the heat that radiated from the alpha as he stood beside him. Jackson sighed heavily and turned to move on, figuring that was why Derek was there. Arriving fashionably late was apparently irritating to the great Derek Hale.

Normally, that would fill Jackson with a cold sense of pride. As of late, he couldn't care less what annoyed some people and he couldn't even feign interest in their lives. Indifference was becoming his friend since he figured no one wanted to listen to him. He could live with that. After all, it wasn't as if he had done anything worth mentioning. Aside from the usual, like being used as a puppet to murder innocent people, threaten innocent people and just as a general means to an end. Then there was fact that he was a terrible human being before he was bitten.

Falling to a knee, Jackson struggled to get air into his lungs. He could feel his throat closing as it always did whenever he thought about every wrongdoing he'd committed. He clawed at his throat, which would usually end with him trying to scratch it out. He forced himself to stop the scratching and waved Derek on, not wanting anyone to witness his panic attack. However, since he was the alpha, Derek never did what anyone wanted.

Thinking of the bird, Jackson closed his eyes and felt his throat relax. He opened his eyes and glared at Derek. The alpha tilted his head and opened his mouth. Jackson forced a cruel smirk onto his lips and stood, brushing off his knees. He stepped around Derek and continued towards the mansion, trying to act as though that was his plan. He figured that Derek saw right through it, though. If he was lucky, the alpha wouldn't try talking to him. That could get awkward.

Once at the foot of the stairs to the mansion, Jackson paused. There was no one else in there. He couldn't hear their heartbeats and their scents weren't as strong as they should be. Fear tingled up his spine and he spun around, glaring at Derek. If the alpha wanted a one on one session, he should have just said so. Jackson didn't like it when people lured him somewhere under false pretenses. It made him feel like he was being used again.

Derek, however, was nowhere to be seen. With a shake of his head, Jackson started away from the mansion. He raised his elbow when he felt someone behind him, not surprised when his arm was caught. He pursed his lips when his arm was twisted up behind his back and the other arm snaked around his shoulders, keeping his spare hand useless. He could feel Derek's stubble against his ear, as well as his hot breath.

"I have questions for you."

Staring straight ahead, Jackson fought off the tingle that was traveling along his spine. It wasn't fear, but it was something else that he had been fighting off for a long time. He narrowed his eyes and brought his foot up, kicking out Derek's knee. The alpha's grip loosened and Jackson swung around, punching Derek across the cheek. His eyes widened and he stepped back, unsure if that actually happened. He had never been able to land an attack on anyone, much less Derek. He wasn't the only one surprised by the sudden assault.

The bruise was already gone and Jackson stepped back. His knuckles still ached from the punch and he decided that was a good thing. Derek was staring at his hand though and Jackson knew he had to heal, lest he wanted to be questioned further. He lowered his eyes, concentrating on healing the discoloration on his knuckles. When they were healed, he looked up and stared at Derek. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jackson turned and ran.

Once he hit civilization, Jackson slowed to a walk. He hit Derek. He actually struck his alpha. He had no idea what kind of punishment Derek had in store for him for something like that. He figured it was going to be something really bad. Derek only wanted to question him and his response was violence. That wasn't going to end well for him. He didn't care how awesome it was to actually strike Derek. Maybe he was just tired of being the one that always ended up on his back.

Derek was always telling him that control was key in everything. Jackson didn't have control of that situation and when he did, he did the only thing he could. He ran away. That was a normal reaction to attacking one's alpha, right?

The adrenaline was leaving his body. He had wandered past his home and towards the more seedy part of town. He stopped and looked around, wanting to find somewhere to hide for the next few hours, before he was due to get home. He sure as hell didn't want to be around anything with a stink as bad as the people that were walking around him. He looked around and decided the school was good enough. It was something familiar to him and no one would be there on a Saturday.

Once inside, Jackson headed straight for the locker room. He sat on a bench and allowed himself to shiver from the cold and wrap his arms around his body. The stupid urge to cry tried to take over, but he forced it back. He needed to be clear minded in case someone randomly showed up. At least he knew that Derek wouldn't show his face for a while. Jackson could feel laughter bubbling in his stomach. His alpha needed time to heal his wounded pride. After all, Jackson was the most pathetic of the pack and he managed to land a punch.

Raising a trembling hand, Jackson studied the blue tinge his skin had. He needed to do something before anyone discovered it. He wasn't as strong as he would like to be when it came to hiding his problems. He knew he had to suck it up and push them aside. The Argents sure as hell wouldn't care that he was starving, depressed and sleep deprived. He chuckled bitterly and tucked his hand into his armpit, inhaling shakily and closing his eyes. It was surprisingly calm in that locker room.

Jackson jolted awake with a gasp. He rolled off the bench and scrambled backwards, staring at the one that had woken him. Isaac looked apologetic and Jackson winced, looking away from him. He had no idea what Isaac was doing there, but figured he probably shouldn't ask. That would leave room for Isaac to question him.

"Sorry," Isaac whispered as he sat on the bench. "I thought I was the only one that came here."

Watching Isaac's movement intently, Jackson listened out for anyone else. There was another heartbeat somewhere in the room, which meant that Isaac came with back up. Jackson dropped his eyes to the jacket that wasn't his. Isaac was smiling at him and Jackson figured the jacket belonged to him. He pulled it off and threw it back at the teen.

"You were shivering as you slept, so I figured you were cold," Isaac said with a shrug.

Jackson raised his eyes, gazing blankly at Isaac. As he stared, he could hear Isaac's screams from the nights his father abused him. He would never be able to block them out again. It was another punishment from whatever deity was targeting him and he could accept that. He could handle anything that was thrown at him, even if meant that Isaac was being nice to him.

Without a change in expression, Jackson stood and headed for the exit. He was there to be alone. He didn't want to talk to anyone and he didn't want to listen to anyone talk. He kept his eyes lowered as he walked past Derek. He wasn't going to give that prick the satisfaction. Jackson inhaled deeply as he left the locker room and tried to understand what happened.

Derek wouldn't have noticed anything wrong with him, as he had an entire pack to worry about. Isaac might have noticed the subtle changes in his personality – or lack there of – and brought it up with the alpha. That's all it was. Derek was doing what he thought was his duty in order to keep his pack together and working as one unit. Surely Derek had to know that Jackson was always going to be a rogue member

Once outside of the school, Jackson checked his watch. He had gotten roughly an hour's worth of sleep, which should keep him going for the next week and a half. His eyes were drawn to the skin of his hand. The blue tinge was getting darker the longer he was outside. He patted the area under his eyes, unsure of if his make up was still in place. He looked at his fingertips and saw that he still had some of it on.

It was time to head home. He could sneak into his room and stare at nothing for a few hours. That sounded like a decent plan and it was one Jackson was eager to put into motion. If he didn't think about anything, he couldn't be tortured by his mind. Of course, the moment he entered the streets, rain began pouring. In seconds, every layer of clothing he was wearing was soaked and he didn't bother an attempt to stop his teeth from chattering. He figured the entire pack would enjoy seeing him that pathetic, though.

The trek home wasn't as long as Jackson thought it would. When he arrived, he was out of breath and was certain he was about to crack a tooth with the force of the chattering. He made his way around to the back. One of the cars was missing and he didn't bother to grab his keys. He looked at the small area he had to work with. After a few deep breaths, he ran towards the wall and jumped. He caught the gutter and found that was about all he could do.

Struggling, Jackson managed to snap off a piece of the PVC gutter. He placed his hand on the sharp plastic, inhaling sharply as the skin of his palm was cut. He managed to get a knee up, but the rest of the gutter gave up and he crashed into the rosebushes below. He winced as his face was scratched by the thorns and sat up. He was going to have a difficult time explaining why the gutter outside of his window needed to be replaced.

As he went to stand, he froze and looked at the main stem of a rose that was protruding through his right thigh. He blinked and raised his legs, panting as the pain shot through his body. He reached forward and looked at his left shoulder. He was certain he would have known that was dislocated when he sat up. Shaking his head, Jackson yanked his leg up and rolled to the side. He couldn't believe how badly he wanted to cry and how easy it was to force it back.

The thought of calling Derek for help passed through his mind, but Jackson pushed that back violently. He had to learn to stand on his own. He didn't care that he was one of the worst days possible. He could get into his room alone. Gritting his teeth, Jackson got to his feet and stumbled out of the rosebushes. He looked up at the damaged gutter and tried to figure the best way up there. He couldn't stand in the backyard, bleeding, until his parents got home. Explaining the gutter suddenly didn't seem that difficult.

Pulling off his hoodie, Jackson wrapped it around his injured thigh. He didn't know what to do about his shoulder or the sprained ankle that was throbbing dully. The blood loss was making the cold even more unbearable, if that was possible. He fell to his hands and knees, bowing his head in defeat. He inhaled and caught Derek's scent that was still on him. He growled and forced his shoulder back into place and got into a runner's starting position.

With as much energy as he could gather, Jackson leapt at the gutter again. He grabbed it and swung up onto the area outside of his unlocked window. He opened and looked down into the yard with indifference. Derek had an eyebrow quirked, but said nothing as he left. Once again, Jackson would be damned if he was going to give that prick the satisfaction. He was as strong as any other member of the pack and he knew how to hide pain better than most.

Closing the window, Jackson made his way to his bathroom. He clicked on the lights and immediately wished he hadn't. The first thing he saw was a ghostly white face under the remaining make up. He shook his head before pulled off his layers and throwing onto the floor. He opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the bandages and gauze he had stocked in there from when the cuts on his neck refused to heal.

He untied his hoodie and removed his shoes and jeans. He watched the blood running down his leg before his attention was drawn to his vibrating phone on the counter. He didn't even realize he had forgotten it. He sat Lydia's name and ignored it. He opened a bottle of disinfectant and poured it onto the hole in his leg. He moaned as it seeped into the wound and gripped the basin, closing his eyes.

Opening his eyes, Jackson stared at his reflection and decided that being a masochist wasn't the strangest thing to happen to him. He smirked and disinfected the back of his leg, ignoring the sting and the pleasure that came from it. He placed a wad of gauze over the holes and wrapped the bandage around them tightly. He cleaned the blood from his leg and removed his underwear. He went into his bedroom and pulled on a pair of jeans, before gathering his dirty clothing and going downstairs to the laundry.

He ignored the cold as best as he could, until he had the washing machine going. He turned on the heating in the house and then went back upstairs. He could hear his phone vibrating again and ignored it once again. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Lydia's questions. He glanced at his left shoulder and saw bruising appearing. He had no idea how long anything was going to take to heal. He doubted that Derek would know, either. How many werewolves were starved and sleep deprived?

Closing and locking his door, Jackson crawled under the covers of his bed. In his moment of weakness, Jackson hugged himself and tried to pretend that it was someone else. Someone that was much warmer than he was and his eyes started to close. They flew open when he realized who he was thinking about, but he closed them again. If he was to be tortured, he would gladly accept that.

oOo

When Friday rolled around, the wound on his leg was almost fully healed. Jackson found that he could walk properly if he ignored the pain and it finally made other stops questioning him. He felt bad about lying to Danny. He knew that Scott wanted to know why he wasn't healing properly and Jackson wouldn't be surprised if a message got back to Derek.

The bell rang, signally the end of school. Jackson took his time with packing away his books. Once the classroom was empty, he exited and wandered down the virtually vacant halls. He stood outside and hunkered down into his hoodie more. He blinked when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and stared at the unknown number that was flashing on his screen.

He rejected the call and walked down the steps, heading for home. He pulled out his phone when it vibrated twice, indicating that he had a message. He opened it. Don't be late. He deleted the message and continued for home. He had no idea who had sent him the message, since Derek was changing phones nearly daily because he had no idea how to encrypt a sim card. Jackson's eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly. Despite his age, Derek was rather technologically retarded.

The phone vibrated again and Jackson sighed, dumping in a trashcan. Cutting all connections and dying alone sounded wonderful at that moment. He winced as he heard someone calling his name, but ignored it all the same. He honestly had no idea why no one could take the hint that he wanted to be alone for an indefinite amount of time. When he was ready to talk to them, he would talk. No one was going to force him to do something he didn't want to do. Not again.

Once he was home, Jackson went straight up to his room and froze outside of the door. He closed his eyes and turned around, heading for the stairs again. His door opened and a strong hand gripped his still sore shoulder. The pain barely registered with him as he was dragged into his room. He said nothing and didn't even bother to look at Derek as he went to his desk, emptying his books onto it. He could hear Derek typing on his phone and felt the curious gaze on him. Clearly, the text message was meant for Jackson's phone and the alpha wanted to know why he couldn't hear the vibrating.

"So what's wrong?"

There was exasperation in Derek's voice and Jackson found that hurt more than any physical pain ever could. He was an inconvenience to Derek. The alpha obviously didn't want to be there, but someone was forcing him to check up on Jackson. That was one of the main reasons why Jackson knew he would die alone. No one wanted to be around, since he made it impossible for anyone to like him. Derek was doing what he thought he needed to do, in order to keep his pack together.

"Nothing. You can leave."

Sitting down at his desk, Jackson opened his notebook for chemistry. If anything, isolating himself had improved his grades greatly. He reached for his pen, trying not to sign when his wrist was pinned to the desk. He figured that bullshitting to Derek wasn't a smart move, but he really wasn't ready to talk to anyone about what was wrong, especially if they were only because they felt they had to be.

"Are you upset about last Saturday?"

"No."

In all honesty, he wasn't upset about what happened last Saturday. He was used to being lied to, so he figured Derek was going to be like everyone one else. He lowered his eyes, trying to ignore the painful thudding in his chest at that thought. What did it matter if Derek was like everyone else? He was used to being alone. It shouldn't matter if that ideal was ripped away from him.

Derek sighed and released his wrist. He stood back. "Take off your pants."

Jackson's heart thumped quickly for all of a second, before he remembered that Derek saw him get injured. "It's fine."

"Jackson," Derek growled.

Jackson ignored him, gazing at the formula for chemistry. He grabbed his pen as his name was said again, but his hand was shaking. Ignoring his alpha was more difficult than he thought possible. There was some unseen force that wanted him to comply with everything Derek said. Derek growled his name again and Jackson closed his eyes. It took every last bit of his dignity to keep the tears from falling. He had cried in front of Derek once, in a pathetic moment of weakness. He was stronger than that now and he would not cry in front of anyone ever again.

There was a lengthy silence that ended with Derek sighing and the presence disappeared from the bedroom. Jackson glanced at the window and stood. He closed it and went back to his desk. He had no idea what was going to happen to him for disobeying his alpha, but he was really hoping that it would be painful and take weeks to heal.

Once he had done his homework, Jackson went into the bathroom. He removed his layers and sighed. The weight loss was becoming too noticeable now. If Derek touched him without his layers, he would know something was wrong, which would be very bad. Jackson shook his head and looked at the sore on his leg. A few more days and it would be a scar. The bruises were mostly gone from his shoulder and the sprained ankle almost felt like new.

He raised his eyes and stared at his reflection. His face was gaunt and drawn. It was going to take more effort to appear normal than usual. He told himself to remain strong. Eventually, this would all blow over. He didn't know how long that would be, but he wasn't going to back down now. Whatever this punishment was, he would see it through. He didn't care if it meant death, as long as the suffering finally stopped.

After a shower, Jackson went to his room and dressed in a pair of pants and crawled under the covers of his bed. He watched as the stars were hidden by storm clouds. He curled into a ball and closed his eyes, once again getting the sense that someone was holding him. It was nice to pretend that someone cared about him that much.

It didn't last long, though. He forced his eyes open and looked at the hand that was on his shoulder. He wanted to snarl, but the new him just accepted the defeat and stayed where he was. He rolled onto his back and gazed into Derek's red eyes indifferently. Without invitation, Derek lied on the bed without breaking eye contact. Jackson's eyes widened and got out bed, taking the quilt with him, which he wrapped around his emaciated body.

Derek stayed where he was and Jackson sat beside his desk. He watched every movement of the alpha. He didn't want to lower his guard in case something happened. Jackson fought back questions. Why was Derek there? Didn't he have a pack to look after? Why the hell would he abandon them just to be there? Jackson was certain he made his feelings clear. He didn't want to be around anyone and only showed up to the pack meetings because he knew that would keep Derek away from his house. It would give him solitude.

"You aren't alone," Derek said quietly. When he didn't get a response, he sighed and sat up. "You don't trust anyone, not even yourself."

Jackson lowered his eyes, unable to believe that he was cowering. He wanted nothing more than to be bitten. He wanted nothing more than to be on top again. Once he was bitten, everything went to hell and he was still fighting his way back. He looked up at Derek, surprised that he was directly in front of him. He flinched when Derek reached up to touch his face.

"When was the last time you slept?" Jackson shrugged. "You need to take care of yourself, Jackson," Derek murmured as he moved closer. "When was the last time you ate?"

Jackson lowered his head. There was tenderness in Derek's words, which made the situation worse. He had to be hallucinating. In his hunger induced, sleep deprived mind, he figured that Derek would come to him and be kind. His window opening made him blink and look up. He saw Derek enter and shake the rain from his jacket. Crushing disappointment filled Jackson and he closed his eyes.

Something was thrown at his feet and Jackson didn't bother to open his eyes. He was hoping that the real Derek would leave and his hallucination would return. The window closed and Jackson looked up. Derek rested against it, arms crossed as he stared at the pathetic mass beneath a quilt, hovering in a corner of his bedroom. Jackson's eyes flickered to the phone at his feet.

"You missed the meeting tonight because you threw out your phone."

Jackson nodded. He wasn't going to apologize for missing the meeting. He wouldn't have added anything decent to the conversation. There was a reason he hung around the back of the pack, aside from being the only one that had no control. Derek moved to sit on the foot of his bed. He sighed and Jackson was getting tired of hearing that sound. Sighing was usually a sign of impatience. He was trying everything he could.

"Look at me."

Jackson turned his head away, resting his cheek on his knees. He didn't need to see the anger at him being stupid or worse, the pity at how low he had sunk. There was a flash of movement and Jackson blinked as his sight was filled with Derek's face. He turned his head to the other side and Derek moved with him. Eventually, Jackson rested his forehead on his knees and closed his eyes.

His head snapped back, cracking against the wall when he felt a hand on his hair, petting him gently. He stared at Derek, fear swirling through his body and clenching at his gut. He stared at Derek's hand, which was held up and waiting for him to place his fingertips against his. Jackson tilted his head and blinked at the hand. It had been a while since anyone used that tactic on him.

Derek was asking for his trust. Derek was asking for something that Jackson couldn't give him, but he couldn't tear his eyes from the hand. Instinct was telling him to run to Derek and let the alpha protect him and maybe even like him. Tears filled his eyes and he looked up at Derek. The alpha's eyes were soft and almost smiling. There was pity in there, though and the tears dried up as Jackson glared at him. Derek's hand dropped and he nodded.

"At some point, you'll have to trust me, Jackson."

The glare deepened and Jackson jerked his head towards the window. He wanted Derek gone and out of his life completely. That wasn't going to happen, though. He was drawn to Derek like an idiotic moth is a flame. It mattered not that his wings were burned every time he got close, just as long as he could feel that heat.

Derek stood. "At some point, you'll have to talk as well. I would prefer if you did so without lying." He went to the window and paused. "When you're ready, I'll listen." With that, he was gone and Jackson was left with a hollow feeling, as if Derek had taken his soul.

End Chapter I.

Thanks for reading! Chapter two should be up shortly. I also apologize for any mistakes. I went over it, but there are bound to be a few that I missed. I also apologize if I got anything wrong.

R/A/F if you wish!

Auska.