Chapter 1: The One Where Misaki Got Drunk

[MISAKI'S POV]

I grimaced as I looked myself in the mirror one more time before hunching my back to see if the unflattering bulges in my tight dress was noticeable. I clicked my tongue as I tried to adjust the black skin tight halter dress that my friend helped me pick or forced me to buy. It didn't do anything but emphasize the rolls of fats in my body and didn't at all accentuate my supposedly assets like what the sales lady and my friend graciously remarked. I snickered… what assets? With my 5'4 height and petite frame, there might be some noticeable swells in areas where they are supposed to grow but that was it, there was nothing special about me. Over the years I have grown to accept myself, but right now with everything going on in my life, my self confidence and self esteem has dropped tremendously and I only have one person to blame.

My thoughts were cut short when I heard the loud knock on my door, pushing aside my thoughts I made one last thorough check in the mirror before dashing to my nightstand to grab my clutch. It will be my first time going out after a while and I wasn't looking forward to it AT ALL. Even with my intense protest to ditch the girls' night out, my best friend blackmailed me into going. She has a lot of secrets up her sleeves and I wasn't not ready to be exposed. I ran to the front door with my high heels and opened the door with an annoyed look, making sure to scowl a little bit more to let her know how against I was in leaving my warm and comfy apartment.

"Misaki, you look great," Sakura, my best friend since high school, excitedly exclaimed as she saw me in the dress she picked a week ago. I rolled my eyes at her comment knowing she was only flattering me to persuade me to go out.

"Stop lying."

"Why can't you see what I see? Boys are going to go crazy when they see you," a familiar cunning smile tugged on her lips and my life flashed before me. I didn't want to do anything else but stay at home in my sweats with my favorite company: Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia and binge watch Supernatural.

"I already told you Sakura-"

"I know, I know. You are not ready.. blah blah blah," she rolled her eyes, tired of hearing my bullshit.

As soon as we got in front of the bar I was already regretting my decisions. With the long line, drunkards making their way out, the hollering and catcalls we were getting from the men passing by; I just wanted to excuse myself and pretend to go to the bathroom but actually hale a taxi from the street over and still make it to my favorite show by 10 pm. Maybe grab a tub of my favorite ice cream at KC's mart and a few chips on my way home. That for me would be a perfect night. I felt a pull on my arm and Sakura was stirring me to the back of the line where the rest of my friends was waiting in line. And my wishful thinking was thrown into the trash.

"You can't cut off the line," a few boys complained from the back.

"Bite me," Sakura retorted back before crossing over.

"Will gladly do, baby," the man answered and his friends started began laughing. She rolled her eyes before focusing her attention back to our friends.

It has been a while since I last hung out with my friends, we greeted each other and caught up a little bit before the questioning begun. How our conversation shifted from me asking them about their work to them probing my life and struggles, I would never know…

"Tell me when was the last time you went out?" Aoi my close friend asked. We didn't get a long very well in the beginning. With my lack of fashion style and him making fun of everything I wore in high school, we drove each other crazy. But after getting stuck in doing a project together, we slowly came to know each other and I found something likeable in his demanding personality.

"Last week," I sighed

"He didn't mean going to work or going to the market to buy food," Erika, my co-worker and friend retorted back.

"I don't know a few months," I nonchalantly shrugged, "When are we getting inside?" I tried to stir the conversation to a different topic.

"I am pretty sure, it has been more than six months," Sakura sighed. They fell into silence as they gave me a sympathetic smile and I groaned mentally. I don't need their pity as much as their effort to help me get out of a rut and move on. I will move on when I am ready and when I want to.

"Let loose and enjoy the night, Misaki," Erika grabbed my hands and swayed them to the beat of the spilling music playing from the inside. I small smile tugged on my lips, regardless of their nosy attitude I am happy that I have them as friends. During the lowest point of my life they patiently listened to me and comforted me, for that I will forever be grateful for them.

Once we were inside, the girls and Aoi ordered a few margaritas to start off the night. It has only been a few minutes since we entered the bar and a few guys were already sending drinks to our table. A few were gutsy enough to flirt with them while I fiddled with my phone silently in the corner. This was one of the main reasons why I didn't want to go out in the first place. What was the point? Even with all these people around me I still felt alone and empty. I only wanted to be with one person, but he was long gone.

A couple of shots later and I was already looking at his name on my phone. I excused myself and went outside to get away from the loud noises. I walked past the bouncer and to the side of the building, my thumb already pressing dial on the familiar number. It has been a religious ritual for me to give that bastard a piece of my mind once in a while. And tonight was one of those nights.

At first I only wanted to get some answers from the countless of questions in my head. Why did he leave me? What did I do wrong? The first message was followed by another one. Without any response from him, I became more frustrated and angry. After 5 years together, he suddenly disappeared. The next messages became my outlet of anger and frustration.

I could feel myself loosening up, alcohol always had that effect on me. I was ready to spill out everything I have been holding back, if he thought my past messages was extreme, then this will top everything I have said before. Before it went to his voice mail, Sakura grabbed the phone away from me and pressed end before glaring at me.

"Don't you dare judge me," I cut her off right away before I hear what she has to say.

"You are still calling that douchebag?" she looked at me in disbelief.

"I am just going to tell him what he needs to hear, that I am doing very well and I will leave a few threatening messages," I smiled proudly before taking my phone from her.

"You are doing well? Do YOU think you are doing well, Misaki?"

I narrowed my eyes at her, feeling her words sting. A small realization crossed my mind. Since he left me, I still think about him every night. Waiting for him to return and answer my unending questions. The number of times I cried myself to sleep, my self -destructive behaviours that began affecting my life. I was far from doing well and I couldn't admit it to myself

"You have to erase his number,"

I protectively clutched the phone in my chest. What have I become? A pathetic, sad woman. Far from the person I was before. At this point I was too blinded by love and pain to stand to any reason.

"NO!"

"Why are you doing this to yourself? You have to let him go. It has been six months since he left you. Why can't you admit to yourself that he is GONE, he is never coming back for you," my eyes swelled in tears as I fell on my knees. I knew she was right, but what can I do, I loved him. I love him. I still love him. I started sobbing as all the memories came back, the good and the bad.

"You don't understand. You will never understand," her face softened as she watched me break down.

"I know I will never understand, but let me help you get back on with your life. Slowly move on. This is one of the first step you can do. Stop waiting for him to come back, he left you in this state and you have to prove to him that you can stand on your own," she crouched down beside me and hugged me tightly as I cried my eyes out. It still hurts like it was just yesterday.

-x-

Ten tequila shots and a few cocktails later and I was done. I can barely remember how we got back to my apartment. Sakura rummaged my clutch for my keys in front of my door. My surrounding was spinning and I swear I could see two redheads in front of me. I giggled as I reached for the other figure.

"You are so going to regret this tomorrow," Sakura shook her head while taking off my pumps.

"Who are you again?"

"Okay. I have a meeting early in the morning, I will try to call you before your work," she pushed me back on my bed as I tried to reach for my phone.

"Its already been deleted. No more calls. You promised. Don't do anything stupid. Okay?" I felt her tucked me in.

"Yes. Ma'am," I saluted as I closed my eyes.

A moment later I stirred into consciousness as I heard the front door lock. With much trouble and a lot of stumbling around, I was able to get up and head to the living room to where the telephone was. A chortled laugh escaped my throat as I reached the couch. She might have deleted his phone number but I know it by heart. My surrounding was spinning while I reached for the phone, I narrowed my eyes to focus on the dial pad. Once I keyed in the number, I slumped back on my seat and waited for the familiar voicemail greeting. I closed my eyes as the phone continued to ring,

"Hello?" my eyes snapped open when a raspy and deep voice answered on the fourth ring.

"Who is this?" he asked groggily.

I gritted my teeth in anger. He has already forgotten about me?

"F*ck you," I slurred out

"I am sorry?"

"You are a piece of shit,"

"Are you drunk?"

"Hell yeah I am,"

"Who is this?"

"Wow wasn't it so easy for you to just forget about me, huh. You fcking bastard,"

"Sorry, I think you got the wro-,"

"I gave you everything. I loved you so much and you just left me. How dare you?"

'dead silence'

"I called you so many times. Why did you just answer now?" my voice was becoming desperate.

"ummm,"

"You know I still work at the Little Cafe, I am surprised I still have a job considering of the things I have done. I am barely passing my classes and my life is in a shambles. But I still wish that one day you will come back and beg on your knees and ask me to take you back," my inhibitions were down and truth spilled out before I could stop myself.

"I am stupid enough because I will not hesitate to take you back. Whatever your reason is, I will still take you back," I swallowed a lump forming in my throat as my eyes began to swell in tears.

"Just come back to me, baby. I miss you so much," a desperate plea came out and a small sob followed.

"Sorry," he uttered before ending the call

-beep, beep, beep-

-x-

(The Next Morning)

I woke up the next day hunched in the sofa cradling the telephone in my chest. My head was throbbing in pain like someone was drilling holes in my skull. Why the hell did I drink so much? I couldn't even remember how I got home. I could hear a familiar ringtone dully ringing somewhere in my kitchen. Once I stood up, I almost puked out all of my guts. I looked for my phone in the kitchen which was hidden in the cupboard. How it got there? I have no clue...

"Hello?" I mumbled.

"Good Morning sleepy head," I inched the phone away from my ears. Sakura's perky voice was making my headache worse.

"Don't yell," I set up my Keurig coffee maker and began brewing coffee.

"I have been calling you. It is already past 11, don't you have work today?" my eyes widened in alarm.

"Shit. Shit," I put the phone on speaker while scrambling around the kitchen, putting together something I could eat. Despite feeling nauseous and crappy, I knew I would need some energy if I want to survive an 8-hour shift at the café.

"Did you do anything stupid last night?" I rolled my eyes while munching on my toast as fast as I could.

"I didn't. I can't remember anything, I just woke up in the couch," I managed to say in between chewing

There was a silence on the other line, "No you didn't,"

"What?" her tone sent shiver down my spine. What did I do?

"You called him again,"

"No. I didn't," I answered defensively.

"Misa, I tucked you in your bed before I left," my eyes grew like a saucer when I remembered about the telephone. Fuck. I dropped my toast and immediately ran over to the sofa to check the telephone. What if I told him something I would regret?

I sighed in relief as I looked at the unfamiliar entries.

"I called someone at 4 am but it's a wrong number."

"Thank god. At least you didn't make a fool out of yourself again."

"Yeah. Like I haven't embarrassed myself enough," I shook my head, remembering all the messages I left him. It might mostly have consisted of profanities and threats but my empty words were nothing compared to my desperate pleas. He could easily see through my lies, after all he was the person who knew me very well.

"Never call him again. Okay?"

I know it will be hard but this time I was determined to slowly start forgetting and move on from him. Sakura was right, he will never return to me again. A tear fell from my eyes as his parting words resonated in my head one more time.

I closed my eyes to prevent the tears from falling down, "That was the last time I will try. I promise,"

Next Chapter

"What the hell do you want me to do?" I asked exasperatedly.

"Live a bit dangerously, man," he dropped the paper works on my table and signaled me to look him in the eye.

"You need to meet girls. Okay? I will be waiting at the bar tonight You better be there or else-"