First of all: I don't own any of the characters displayed in Mitchells' novel Gone with the Wind.
So, what if Scarlett realized her feeling towards Rhett much earlier? What if she realized them at a time, when she could not allow herself such feelings? How could this have influented the lifes of everyone involved with Scarlett?
This is my first GWTW-fanfic ever and most important my first fanfiction in English so please be gentle ;) Reviews are very appreciated! I'd love to find out what you think about this.
IN TIMES LIKE THESE
It was a dull and hard time Scarlett found herself in. Well, in fact she didn't found herself in, because Scarlett hardly paid attention towards her feelings and sentiments. She would become hard and would freeze her heart in order to protect herself from worlds cruelity. She felt she couldn't count on anybody but herself. Never did she allow herself to let her guard down but pushed herself with amirable force through life. She survived war, hunger and humilitation, she saved the life of many people but never did she think of it. She didn't felt she saved herself and her folks from starvation but instead had a feeling of great loss whenever she thought about her home – Tara. Yes, she did marry Frank Kennedy to save Tara from the greedy hands of Jonas Wilkerson, but now she lived in Atlanta – a city she loved since her father told her that they were of the same age, even if that wasn't correct as she learnd in her first year at Atlanta – and felt numb. She missed the red hills of Tara, that once were adorned by long lines of cotton but now were only the shadow of themselfes, covert by dirt and weeds.
Nontheless she missed her home, the only place where she felt she was young. And in fact she was young, but at twenty-one she already carried her second child. A fact that left her the impression of being old. And she hated nothing more than being old. At Tara she had held all responsibility for everything but there weren't any restictions or at least nobody had paid attention. But all these sewing circles in Atlanta simply made her feel sick. Her husband infact didn't improve her feelings but aggravated them. Even Ashley, her precious Ashley couldn't help her. When seeing him she felt she carried the hole world on her shoulders, as if she had seen so much, as if she definitively was old. And Melanie, sweet Melanie, was so content with her current life, on Ashleys side, with her son, that it pained Scarlett tremendously whenever she saw her sweet heartshaped face with ist big brown eyes that held so much love for her. Everytime she called on her she would tell her how happy she was, that they were sisters, dispite Charles had died so long ago and how much she owed her. Scarlett felt she would scream if Melly ever said those words again.
Of all people Rhett Butler was the only one who made her feel alive. Her mocked her, made fun of her but importantly he listend to her, when she told him about her business and he gave her tipps to improve it. With Rhett she feld young again, not because he was much older than her – her own husband was senior to Rhett – but because he made her laugh and because he was the only one who was able to let her steely eyes sparkle with amusement or happiness or very often anger. Because even if she was grateful everytime he was around they would always end up fighting because of him mocking her. But even then, when she would throw her head up and turning her back sharply at him she could feel life prickle in her bones. When he would throw his head back to roar with laughter she smiled a silent smile for he was – dispite beeing a scalawag – a very good company. Often she would wonder why on earth he was so intrigued by her, because she knew he was, but never did she spent much time to think about it and so came to no conclusion.
Of course Frank Kennedy was not so amused by the constant calls from Captain Butler, but Scarlett dismissed him with a simply „Fiddle-dee-dee, I recieve whom I please."
Never since the day Scarlett laid down her mourning for Charles Hamilton the ‚old guard' of Atlanta approved of her. But now, seeing that Scarlett was escorted by that Butler to her mills – through the woods most of all and pregnant – was nearly to much to bear. Mrs. Merryweather, who set herself on the mission to guide Scarlett on the right path of life called several times on her but Scarlett would only set on her most innocent smile and tell her how grateful she was that captain Butler was such a good friend and how he helped her in this situation when Frank , because of his store, had no time to escort her through the woods. Of course she knew how it must look like, but beeing so close friends to all of the ladies she knew that they would understand her. Frank simply couldn't feet two families and she had to make sure that at Tara noone felt hunger. Mrs. Merryweather often didn't know how to face this oh-so-loving Scarlett and when she left the house Scarlett could be seen with a most satisfied smile on her face. Again she had beaten the old cats with their own arms. Butt hese little victories did nothing to brighten her life. She hated the fact that she lived with Frank in Aunt Pittys home. One half of the house, as an heritage from Charles, belonged to her and she had decided that she wouldn't spent money if there was somewhere money to save. She longed for a home just for herself, without Pittys constant attacks and even without Franks dowdy character. She longed for Tara, but Tara was far away now and Scarlett was determined to make money. To make so much money that she would never again be afraid of hunger and poverty. So Tara would have to wait a little longer. She surely would be home soon.