Lorelai lay flat on the couch in her living room, book in her hands and Paul Anka at her feet. She absent-mindedly rubbed her bare foot along his back as he gave his attention to the last-season shoe in his mouth. Looking up from her book every two minutes, she'd check her watch and then sigh in frustration. Rory was arriving today. Her job now finished, she was coming home for the first time in months. The only problem was that she had not been clear on the time that she'd be home, because no matter how organised she was, Rory could not control traffic on the major East Coast highways. And so, Lorelai had taken the better part of her day off so she'd be home to give her first-born the welcome she deserved. However, she was beginning to regret it; there was nothing worse than sitting and waiting, and Lorelai's natural impatience was beginning to rear its ugly head.
Sighing in frustration, Lorelai slammed her book into the seat of the couch and, swinging her legs over Paul Anka, pulled herself to her feet. She walked towards the front window, paused to look out of it, and, seeing Babette step out of her house, cat in stroller, she shrunk back into the house praying she stayed invisible.
"This is ridiculous," Lorelai mumbled to herself as she sank back into the chair near the stairs. Deciding she needed something to do or she'd lose it completely, Lorelai stood to go upstairs and fold the mountain of washing sitting on her bed. She slowly trailed up the stairs, keeping an ear out for any warning of Rory's imminent arrival.
Barely half a pile of clothes folded later, Lorelai found herself searching the yard out of her front bedroom window. Sighing, she realised she'd get no peace of mind until Rory came, and continued on with the clothes. Every few seconds, Lorelai found herself peering out the window, looking for any sign. She glanced up at about one quarter pile left, and swore a flicker of a shadow could be seen at the far end of the drive. To be positive of what she had seen, she moved closer towards the window. Before she got there, however, there was a commotion and a loud scuffle heard off in Babbette's yard, and the unmistakeable squeal of a girl being attacked by garden gnomes.
Laughing, Lorelai forgot all about the window and ran through her bedroom door, taking the stairs at a dangerous pace. Halfway down, she heard footsteps on the porch and knowing that she'd not get her chance to fling the door open and throw herself on Rory to welcome her home, waited for Rory to let herself in. By the time a knock was heard, Lorelai was already entering the foyer area. She reached for the door and turned the knob as she heard Rory's voice through the door, "Trying to keep me out?" she called as Lorelai struggled to undo the lock, "The first time you lock this door is the day you know I'm coming home," Grinning in triumph, Lorelai pulled the door open, "I'm not sure what to make of that, Missy."
Lorelai laughed at Rory's stern face and pulled her daughter into a hug. Holding on to her tightly, Lorelai said in Rory's ear, "Luke must have locked it on his way out." Rory giggled and squeezed her mother tighter. "Okay," Lorelai said, setting Rory back, "Now let me get a look at you."
I see your shadow on the street now
I hear you push through the rusty gate
Click of your heels on the concrete
Waiting for a knock coming way too late
It seems an age since I've seen you
Count down as the weeks trickle in to days
"Yep," Lorelai nodded, content with with her observation, "You've definitely grown," she told her still giggling daughter.
"I think I'm beyond the growing stage of my life." Rory shook her head, "Unless you're talking about out?" She added with a pout, turning slightly to the side and gesturing with her hands.
"More beautiful. You grow more beautiful every time I see you." Lorelai clarified, "You still have plenty more years before your metabolism catches up with you," she paused for a moment, and shaking her head, added, "Or you catch up with your metabolism... whatever." The smile spread back over her face as she remembered her train of thought, and added for good measure, "But maybe you should stay here from now on. If you grow any more beautiful they're gonna have to sacrifice you."
"And if I don't leave, I can't come back more beautiful?"
"Exactly, and then your beauty will not increase and my baby will not have to be sacrificed."
Rory returned the grin her mother flashed her, and replied, "Well, you can't argue with cold, hard logic like that!"
Lorelai giggled and reached down to pick up one of the suitcase Rory brought left in the doorway and pulled it inside the house.
Rory slowly took in her surroundings, silently taking inventory of the house as she followed Lorelai through the kitchen and into her bedroom. Small changes were evident to her, the most obvious change being the stacked pots and pans in the drying rack by the sink. This detail was a missing feature of her childhood, and it made Rory smile with the knowledge that this indicated where Lorelai and Luke were with their relationship again. Knowing Luke was here to take care of Lorelai made being away much less difficult than she had expected.
She followed Lorelai into her bedroom and unconsciously gave a small sigh of relief when she noticed everything remained untouched. Oblivious to her daughter's note-takings, Lorelai began listing off instructions.
"Okay, so I've made up the bed, with ah, some clean sheets, and um, I've organised a few things you might need. Umm," she looked around distractedly, trying to remember her preparations, "Oh, the ah downstairs shower is being a bit temperamental. I tried giving Paul Anka a bath in it last week, but I forgot to distract him with his rubber ducky and the towel kind of spooked him, and, well, now somethings wrong with the tub." She took a breath and slowed her pace, lamely adding to the end, "Luke's looking into it."
Rory nodded along with her mother, chuckling at both the story and the surprising awkwardness between them that she hadn't expected. It was the first time they'd been in each other's presence since Lorelai's birthday celebrations earlier in the year, the longest gap since Rory had graduated school. For months Rory had occasionally found the chance to come home, for Christmas and short weekends when she was in the area; while Lorelai had sometimes travelled various distances to spend weekends in Chicago, California, and on a longer trip with Luke, to New Mexico, when Rory's schedule dictated that political debates would take place there. They had more chances to see each other than they'd expected, but the last few months had just been impossible. Rory barely had time to even sleep as the election heated up, and so a celebration for her own birthday had not yet even taken place.
Now Rory was home, had successfully completed her first first job, and was looking towards the future with possible offers from newspapers and journals that she'd built contacts with over the last year, Lorelai was more wistful than ever in her daughter's presence. She knew that this was really only an extended visit that Rory was on, a holiday while she recovered from the pressure of year-long hard work, while she decided what and where her next step would be. And so, Lorelai was going to make the most of this visit. This pregnant silence, the awkwardness, needed to end, Lorelai decided. There was not enough time to walk on tip-toes and slowly ease back into themselves. They needed to make the most of the time they had, starting right now.
Later, they strolled through Stars Hollow together, Lorelai's arm draped protectively around Rory's shoulder. Talking a mile a minute, all seemed right in the Gilmore world. They had gotten back into their rhythm relatively quickly once the initial hiccup was forgotten, and natural actions from their past saw them walking along the long-worn path to Luke's as gossip and stories were shared.
So you come in and put your bags down
I know there's something in the air
How can I do this to you right now?
You're over there when I need you here
They shared many moments of laughter and silly debates in the first few days that Rory was home. Luke noticed in the few moments he'd seen Lorelai as Rory monopolised her time that she truly did seem happy. The last few months had been tense as Rory worked hard and Lorelai found herself torn between being happy for her daughter's success and missing the kid, and Luke was just beginning to realise just how much Rory's presence was missed.
Everyday Lorelai expected the rug to be pulled out from under her feet. She would convince herself at night when she went to bed that Rory would tell her the next morning that she's accepted the job offered by The Washington Post or some other such paper, and waited all day for a sign of Rory's decision. It seemed that Rory practically did have her pick of any paper in the country. Her experience on the political campaign of the Century made her a desirable asset to any small paper, and a possible future star to nurture for the larger.
Unconsciously, as Lorelai waited for Rory's undecided departure, she instead began to miss the moments that counted. In the stories she told Rory of the towns people and the inn she was just reminded of how Rory was not there to share the experience at the time. While they watched Footloose and The Godfather, she was reminded of sitting in the same living room with a much younger Rory on a much lumpier couch watching these same movies. Lorelai was almost unable to enjoy the time they had together as she felt the dread of her leaving again mounting.
My happiness is slowly creeping back
Now you're at home
If it ever starts sinking in
Must be when you pack up and go
Lorelai had told Rory once upon a time that she believed that over her years at college she would come out of it a more amazing version of Rory than either of them could see. This reigned true to Lorelai as she thought back over those years, over the last twenty-four years. Back when Rory was younger, Lorelai was amazed as she watched her baby grow into a little person and a sweet kid. It drew so much wonder as she saw Rory grow and transform before her eyes. And so, when she'd said those words to Rory, they'd been true. Lorelai had always been excited to see how her daughter would grow and evolve next, but it was different when she saw the changes in Rory this time. Before the changes happened while Rory stayed right in front of her eyes, and so it seemed like a longer period of time. In recent years, she'd only notice changes as she thought back over the months and replayed moments in her mind.
But as she sat in her living room with Rory one night not long after she returned home, she hated to admit the changes almost disturbed her. They were just minor details, the plumpness of her cheeks, the references that now almost purely dominated in the 'current and historical events' category, her increasing attitude towards certain one-time favourite journalists and reporters.
These details meant nothing, really. They didn't change who Rory was, or the relationship they shared. It didn't change where Rory came from or where she was going. These details made her Rory, but she was different. If Lorelai was truly honest, she wouldn't want her to change. The crazy mum part of her wanted to tie her down and wrap her up and never let her leave or grow. She wanted Rory her baby, her child, her teen best friend, the young college student to be there, to remain like a photograph would. She just wanted her to be there and to stay as she was. But the impossible thing was she wanted her to be all those Rory's. She missed them all.
It seems an age since I've seen you
Count down as the weeks trickle in to days
I hope that time hasn't changed you
All I really want is for you to stay
Rory had been Lorelai's first love. She always made sure Rory knew that; she reiterated it to her time and again, over the years. Hell, for most of those years, Rory was Lorelai's only love. She was the sunshine, the ray of light in all the dull, hard work. She made everything worth it, it was for her that Lorelai did everything, down to brushing her hair and making the bed.
As Rory's stay continued, Lorelai began to ease. The days were full and long, but Lorelai found herself only truly happy on the days when they would find some really terrible movies to watch, tease Luke mercilessly as he cooked them dinner, then spend the night hanging with her two favourite people as she stuffed herself with disgusting food.
It felt right to Lorelai, having Rory home again. They had been best friends for so many years, and it felt like they were getting that friendship back. The closeness. In truth, they realised, it that proximity did matter. When seeing each other, and even phone conversations, become limited, it becomes hard to keep up and be on the ball for every aspect of the other's life. But now they were back together, their bond was tightening, and Lorelai noted that their relationship now was much more similar to the one they had when Rory was in high school, the last time Rory actually lived there and they unconsciously told each other most everything.
One morning, early in December, Rory was roused awake in the early hours of the morning by her mother.
"Honey," she whispered urgently, "Rory, wake up!"
"Gawhmah" Rory mumbled incoherently, rubbing her face into her pillow. Lorelai continued to shake her, and Rory lifted her head, more aware, and said, "Mum?"
"Come on, Babe, get up, get up, get up!"
"Hmnm?" she grumbled again. When Lorelai didn't say anything, she peeked one eye open and looked up at her mother. "What?" she asked, in the most annoyed tone she could muster.
Lorelai grinned down at her sleeping daughter and said said in a conspiratorial tone, "It's snowing."
"Right now?"
"Right now." Lorelai confirmed with a nod, "Big, wonderful white, white flakes."
Rory sighed as she pulled her covers back off herself. "Okay, okay, I'm up."
Lorelai laughed in glee, and jumped up as Rory pulled herself out of bed."Okay," she said, "Hurry up, I've got the hot chocolate ready and waiting!"
Rory smirked and said, "Because the snow's going somewhere? Because it won't still be the first snow in three minutes?"
"Exactly," Lorelai laughed, "Now get a move on!"
They walked through the quiet streets of Stars Hollow, arm in arm as they enjoyed their snow walk. Coming upon a realisation, Lorelai said to Rory, "Do you realise that this is our first 'First Snow of the Season' walk in about three years?"
"No it isn't," Rory said shaking her head, "It can't be!"
"Yes it is," Lorelai said adamantly, "I mean, if it wasn't for your semester off in junior year, it would have been longer. You weren't here for the actual First Snow your first two years of college, remember? We had to make up for them when you had a chance to come home."
"Hmm," Rory mused, "Well, I guess that comes down to not living in the same house anymore. The close access isn't there." she finished sadly.
"Well, I'm just glad you're here to help continue the tradition this year. And I hope you realise that I expect you to be here every year for this." she said sternly.
"I'll do what I can." Rory said solemnly.
Lorelai looked at Rory and studied her quietly. She seemed quiet and introverted. Thinking about it, Lorelai realised she'd been like that the last few days. Lorelai had been busy recently as the inn started filling up as the holiday season approached. Wondering if her absence was bothering Rory, she said, "I'm sorry I've been so busy lately."
"Huh?" Rory said, jerking back into reality. "No that's okay. I've been occupied anyway. I don't think I was really sitting around waiting for you to come home."
"Okay," Lorelai slowly strung out, "So you didn't miss me. What's wrong then?"
"What do you mean?" Rory said defensively.
"Nothing. You just seem like something's been bothering you, that's all."
Rory sighed and tried to find the right words, as it was obvious she was going to have to come out and say it now. There was no stopping Lorelai now she'd asked. Lorelai continued to walk alongside Rory as she waited for her to say what it was.
"I took a job." she finally said.
They stopped. "Oh," Lorelai said. "Wow, that's wonderful kid!"
"It's okay mum."
"Of course it's okay!" Lorelai sighed, and shook off the mildly fake encouraging tone. "Look hon," she reasoned, "We both knew it was only a matter of time before you got tired of hanging around here with nothing to do to fill your day. You've already stayed longer than I expected you would, and I can't be selfish and expect you to be happy doing this forever. Rory, I love you and I miss you terribly when you're off doing your thing, but this is what we worked for. Remember, this is what we were aiming for – you being this amazing journalist and travelling and seeing the world. This is our home and always will be, but you're not me. I needed a home and a place I felt safe and welcome. I needed roots and somewhere I could build a home for myself. You are different. You always wanted to be out there, seeing and experiencing great things. Babe, its time. You need to go out and show the world how amazing Rory Gilmore is."
Rory nodded, understanding that Lorelai was talking to convince herself as much as she was Rory. Rory knew that she was right. But it didn't stop her from feeling torn. Rory had always wanted to be out there, as Lorelai said, but last these few weeks made it hard for her to leave again. She felt like she did when she was heading off to college, her future bright, open and before her; but her present heading into the past before she had enough of it.
"I start next week." she said quietly.
Lorelai nodded, and they started off again, and continued back to the house in silence.
My happiness is slowly creeping back
Now you're at home
If it ever starts sinking in
Must be when you pack up and go
Lorelai took a couple of days off work the next week and helped Rory move into the apartment they'd managed to find in record time. It turned out to be a nostalgic trip, and almost pointless because Rory was practically swimming in her preparations for her first day and their time together became less consistent.
"Well," Lorelai said as Rory showed her to the door of the apartment, "I guess this is it."
"I guess it is." Rory mumbled back sadly.
"Your grown," she told her daughter wistfully, "You're grown and living on your own and you have a job, full time salary and a 401K."
"Yes I do." Rory responded, allowing her mother the time to get it out.
"Well, don't forget me," she joked, "You know, call, write, at least send a yearly Christmas card with a small update and recent photo."
"I will." Rory promised.
"Man this sucks."
"Totally." Rory agreed.
"I'm so proud of you," Lorelai told her daughter adoringly, "Of everything you are and have become."
"I know. I love you, mum."
"Well, good." Lorelai joked, as she pulled Rory in for a bone-crunching hug. "You have no idea, kid. None at all."
Releasing her, she stepped back reluctantly. Giving Rory a lame wave goodbye, she walked down the hall towards the staircase. Rory stared down the hall for a moment, the door in her hand, as she willed herself to close it.
Jumping into action, she instead pulled to door open wider and rushed out of it calling "Mum!"
Lorelai came back up the staircase and they met at the entrance.
"What? What's wrong?"
"I just..." Rory shook her head and threw herself on her mother. "I wanted to thank you. For everything. You know that you are everything to me, mum. I mean, I may be grown and living on my own, but I still need you. I need my best friend and I need my mum. I love you and I miss you already! This is so stupid!"
"Shh honey, it's okay," Lorelai whispered in her ear. "Do you want me to stay?" she asked, referring to Rory's first night at Yale.
Rory giggled, and asked, "So when do I become a grown up and do things on my own?"
"Ahh, being a grown up is over-rated." Lorelai told her as she pulled her in, holding her tighter.
You're over there when I need you here