Dressed To Impress
A Companion Piece to 'A Night at The Ivy'
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I am not Eoin Colfer.
"Arty, what about this one?" called Angeline from the bedroom, holding up a bright blue silk necktie.
"I'm sure my black one will be sufficient Mother," droned Artemis.
Angeline walked into the bathroom and appraised her teenage son in the full-length gilded mirror.
It was a well known fact that Artemis Fowl II was a smart dresser. Outside of Fowl Manor, he was never caught without his uniform of tailored suit and polished loafers. The boy enjoyed exuding an air of confidence and power through his clothing, and knew it worked. Whatever the client, be it businessman, politician or fellow scientist, Artemis' abilities were never doubted. There was, however, one kind of client that Artemis Fowl had no experience impressing at all, which is strange because they make up half the human population.
Angeline held up the tie in front of Artemis and squinted at the reflection, "Are you sure you don't want to wear this one? The blue really makes your eyes 'pop'."
Resisting not to roll said eyes, Artemis looked in the mirror. He had to admit his mother was right. The bright tie did make his eyes (Holly's hazel onse had been disguised with a contact lens) look especially blue, but since when was he concerned with making his eyes stand out?
"Is it absolutely necessary for me to attend this gala tonight Mother? I have a astounding amount of work to complete at home and I-" Artemis began, but Angeline interrupted, already undoing the black tie around his neck and replacing it with the blue one.
"That's exactly why I'm making you go Arty. You work too much, you need to relax and have some fun for once."
Artemis fidgeted under his Mother's touch, "Then allow me to go to the actual event. I refuse to acknowledge this ridiculous 'Junior Gala'."
"I know you'd rather go with Father and I, but the invitation said no minors and despite the fact your birth certificate says you're an adult, you don't look a day over sixteen," commented Angeline, now brushing her son's black hair.
"What are you doing? My hair looked fine!" Artemis said indignantly.
"I'm just brushing some of the gel out. You shouldn't slick it down so much. It doesn't look natural."
Artemis glowered at his reflection. His mother rarely commented on his appearance, but this afternoon had claimed him 'unacceptable' and rushed him up to the bathroom for repairs. Her actions reminded Artemis strongly of Butler's sister, Juliet.
"Mother, does this have anything to do with the fact that Minerva is attending?"
Angeline put down the comb and was now adjusting Artemis' shirt collar, "Not just Minerva. All the children of Europe's business leaders will be at the Ivy tonight. It will be a great opportunity for you to make some friends."
"I already have friends," Artemis said. He meant, of course, Captain Holly Short of the LEPrecon. She, however, had been extremely busy as of late, and hadn't called or visited for nearly two months.
"More friends," said Angeline. With a satisfied smile she stepped back and gave Artemis a final once-over, "And maybe even a girlfriend or two?"
"Mother!"
Angeline laughed and left the bathroom, "Don't worry. We'll be right across the street if you need anything."
Artemis continued staring at himself in the mirror and frowning. Experimentally, he flipped the edges of his collar up and observed the effect. Though not his style, the boy had to admit, it did make him look particularly suave. He sighed and returned his collar to its normal shape.
Girlfriends? The idea was preposterous. His mother had probably only said that because the event was at The Ivy restaurant in London, the same place his mother and father had met all those years ago.
****
The Ivy restaurant and lounge hadn't changed much since Artemis Fowl I met Angeline Ross. The private room was still furnished with a dozen round tables, set with the finest crystal and white table cloths and equally prim waiters navigated their way through the crowds, carrying flutes of sparkling water and nectars while the chef served up a delicious five course meal.
The guests were, admittedly younger than the first time, but just as wealthy. The young men and women were dressed in their finest, nearly dripping money in gowns of multicoloured satin and suits of silk. The guests were all about Artemis' age, but, from his initial observations, possessed nowhere near his intellect.
"Go talk to someone," Butler said, pushing Artemis into the crowd. Artemis turned and scowled at his bodyguard. Angeline had obviously spoken to him on the flight over from Ireland.
"I'm talking to you, aren't I?" Artemis retorted, knowing full well how insolent he sounded.
Butler raised an eyebrow at his principle and gestured again for him to join the crowd of teenagers. Artemis pinched the bridge of his nose and approached a group of boys donning tuxedos. Casual conversation, he could do this.
Barely two minutes later, Artemis was leaning against a wall, glass in hand on the opposite side of the room. Sometimes, he seriously doubted he was even the same species as other teenage boys.
Artemis' eyes soon found Butler again, standing with the other bodyguards by the door. The other protectors clearly had the same idea as Butler, and seemed to be trying to make themselves invisible, while still watching their principles. It was almost comical. Two dozen giant, gun toting, sun glass wearing men and women sipping from tiny glass flutes and frowning.
Butler turned slightly and saw Artemis. He smiled and jerked his head to the right, mouthing, "Minerva." Artemis scanned the crowd and soon saw Minerva's trademark blonde curls bouncing towards him. He froze, torn between running and staying.
Now, it would be untrue to say Artemis Fowl II disliked Minerva Paradizo. He thought she was quite pretty, and he often enjoyed their discussions of science and politics; however, it was Minerva's exuberance that annoyed Artemis. The girl simply enjoyed his company too much and seemed to consider the two of them more than 'just friends'.
Tonight, Minerva was dressed in a rose pink ball gown covered with diamond and pearl beading. An overlarge fabric bow cinched her waist. Miniature chandeliers seemed to be attached to her earlobes and several crystal bangles adorned her wrists. The French teenager was accompanied by three other girls, all dressed in similar fashion.
"Artemis! It's been so long!" Minerva cried and pulled Artemis into a hug.
Artemis grimaced and mumbled into Minerva's dress, "Not long enough obviously."
"What was that?" Minerva said, now holding Artemis at arm's length.
"Nothing. It's nice to see you again Ms. Paradizo," Artemis said, sounding as innocently as he could.
Minerva's friends tittered among themselves, commenting on the younger boy's appearance no doubt.
"Oh! How rude of me!" Minerva exclaimed and whirled towards her friends, "Artemis, you must meet my friends: Aimee, Bernadette and Estelle! We all belong to the same book club. And everyone, this is Artemis Fowl II, a very close friend of mine from Ireland." The girls giggled once more and waved shyly at Artemis, not looking at him directly.
"It's a pleasure to meet you all," Artemis said, bowing slightly.
Minerva asked hopefully, "Did you come with anyone?"
"Just Butler, as usual," Artemis replied, knowing he would regret saying so.
"Oh how wonderful! Then you must sit with us! Let us go get a table; I hear they're serving dinner soon."
Artemis reluctantly followed the foursome to the nearest table and settled in for what he assumed would be a long and boring night.
****
The four French girls propelled conversation along nicely throughout the meal, supplying Artemis with plenty of useless facts about their privileged lives, but when their font of vapid comments ran dry, attention turned to the only male.
"So, how long have you known Artemis, Minerva?" Estelle asked over crème brulee.
"Nearly four years, if you can believe it. Although, Artemis was away for most of it in-" Minerva began.
Artemis interrupted quickly, putting down his fork beside his barely touched dessert, "In Turkey. At a prestigious boarding school."
Minerva's friends 'oohed' and 'ahhed' at this while Minerva shot a reproachful glance at Artemis that said, "I wouldn't have told them," but Artemis wasn't sure. Most of the time he just felt like Minerva's latest science project, a subject to be flaunted, and it wasn't helped by the fact Minerva had been clutching his hand since they had sat down, preventing his any escape attempts.
"Your father is in oil, isn't he Artemis?" asked Aimee, draining her eighth flute of orange juice of the night.
"Actually-" Artemis said.
"He's in all sorts of business, all legitimate and very green," Minerva jumped in, preventing Artemis from speaking.
"Oh. My mistake," Aimee blushed and summoned a waiter for another drink. Artemis frowned. Oil? This girl obvious hadn't heard of his family before.
"Are you the heir to your family's business?" Bernadette inquired, dollar signs practically visible in her dull brown eyes.
Artemis didn't even attempt to answer this time, letting Minerva answer proudly, "Why of course! Artemis is the first born, and his brothers are much too young."
The three friend's eyes widened. Brothers!
"How much younger?" Aimee asked slyly, batting her fake eyelashes. Artemis rolled his eyes. These young ladies were infuriating.
Fortunately, Artemis was saved from being exhibited any further when the large ring on his hand vibrated. Unfortunately, this was the hand Minerva was currently grasping, and she looked down in confusion at the boy's hand.
"Excuse me ladies, but I must visit the washroom. Please forgive me for interrupting our…engaging conversation," Artemis said, extracting his hand from Minerva's and standing up. He glanced at Butler by the door and then looked pointedly towards the bathroom, discreetly displaying the ring by brushing a lock of hair from his eyes. Butler nodded and handed his drink back to the waiter, heading to the bathroom. Only one person had the modified fairy communicator's number, and when she called, it usually meant trouble.
Butler checked that there was no one in the bathroom before entering and locking the door. Artemis smoothly spun the ring onto his palm and lifted his hand to his ear, pretend-a-phone style.
"Captain Short, to what do I owe the honor?"
"We've just had a confirmed Opal sighting on the surface Artemis. I'm coming to pick you up now."
Artemis smiled, "And I assume you know where I am because-"
"Foaly's been tracking you as usual, yeah. I'll be outside on the balcony. You better hurry up," Holly said sharply and promptly cut off the connection.
Artemis looked up at Butler and said simply, "Opal." The giant bodyguard nodded,
"Do you want me to wait for you?"
"No. Go across the street and explain the situation to mother. Hopefully she can make up something to say to Father. Then, take the Bentley back to the house. We may need to gather supplies."
Butler grunted in recognition and unlocked the bathroom door, striding out. Artemis returned to the table to grab his jacket. Minerva was glaring at him suspiciously when he got there.
"Something wrong Arty?" she said, her eyes following the length of Artemis' arm to his hand, and the ring.
"I'm afraid my dears, that I must leave," Artemis said through gritted teeth, pulling on his jacket.
Minerva's three friends protested with a chorus of, "Oh no!", "Why do you have to go?", "When will we see you next?" and many magnificent pouts.
"It just so happens that my date came after all," Artemis smirked and 'popped' his shirt collar.
Realization flickered behind Minerva's watery blue eyes and she frowned, her gaze jumping between Artemis' ring and his smug expression, "You…and…her?" she stammered.
Artemis just smiled and turned toward the balcony, "Until next time."
As he was walking away, Artemis swore he heard Aimee say with a barely repressed giggle, "Next time cannot come soon enough."
Outside, the night air was cool and Artemis sighed as it washed over his face. This might be the last moment he had to relax for a while.
"Good timing," said a disembodied voice, "I just got here. I see you managed to get away from Minerva and her clones."
"Just barely," Artemis grinned, looking around the balcony for the slight heat haze that would signal his friend's presence. In the blink of an eye, Holly materialized on the wrought iron railing, sitting with her legs crossed. Artemis stepped towards her and put his hands on her waist, lifting her off the railing and setting her down.
Holly took in Artemis' appearance for a moment, "That blue tie looks nice on you. Brings out your eyes," and then laughed, "What's wrong with your collar? You look stupid."
Artemis sheepishly folded the collar down again and looked at Holly. Of all the girls he had seen tonight, she was by far the most beautiful, even in a tattered LEPrecon uniform and combat boots. He watched as she took off her helmet and rubbed the tips of her pointy ears, wary of any of the party guests watching. Her mismatched eyes reflected the candlelight and seemed to sparkle with mischief.
"Must we leave now?" Artemis said absent-mindedly, "We are at a gala. Do we have time for just one dance?"
Holly looked down at the hand which Artemis was now holding and scowled, "Of course we do not have time for dancing Fowl! Opal is on the loose, and besides, I cannot dance worth dung."
Artemis instantly dropped her hand and looked inside at the assorted teenagers. Minerva's accusing glare followed him from her place at the table while her friends looked around nervously; probably wondering what had made their leader so angry.
"Fine, then let us be off," Artemis said while Holly looped a metal chord under his arms and tucked a sheet of camo-foil under his chin.
"Off to save the world, once again."
And with that, Holly fired up her wings and the two friends jumped off the balcony and into the cold, starry London night leaving behind little more than memories and a very annoyed teenage girl.