Chapter One: Transcendent

"I think the cake should be mostly white, with blue trim and, uh, hmm… Viktor how many layers should the cake have?"

There was a pause as Yuuri Katsuki waited for an answer from his soon to be husband. Of course he's not even paying attention….

"Viktor? Viktor are you listening to me?" Yuuri chastised, "C'mon pay attention! I can't exactly plan a whole wedding by myself."

"Haha, sorry, sorry," he said smiling in that infuriating fashion of his, "What was the question again?"

"How many layers should the cake have?"

"Hmmm… I don't know, how many do you want?"

Yuuri sighed. This had to be the seventh conversation following that script. It was as if Viktor didn't have any opinions on the wedding decorations or the ceremony at all. Not about the napkins, the placemats, the invitations… the only thing he contributed was that he wanted to get married in Russia, in the same cathedral that his parents were married in; the parents that Yuuri hadn't even met yet.

I'm marrying this man and I don't even know his parents… Not for the first time his thoughts faltered and he hesitated. No, don't start with this again. I love him, and that's all that matters! Yet no matter how often he scolded himself that way he couldn't help but get cold feet at times. Viktor knew everything about Yuuri, where he grew up, who his friends and family were… everything. Other than the fact that Viktor started skating when he was seven and became a god in the skating world, Yuuri didn't know anything about his fiance's upbringing. It felt like he didn't even know who Viktor was at times.

That's not true! I know that he likes katsudon, and soaking in the bathhouse. I know he's sensitive about his thinning hair and his age, that he forgets things easily, and that he doesn't know what to do when people cry in front of him. That's right, Yuuri knew the important things about Viktor. The things that he fell in love with are in the man himself, not in his upbringing or family. Still, who could blame him for at least being a little curious?

"Yuuri, now you're the one not listening," Viktor said poking his cheek.

"Wha? Oh sorry, I got caught in my thoughts."

"I was asking a question about, the… the things that you light on fire and put in cakes, I can't remember the word for them…"

"Candles?"

"Yes candles! I don't know why I forgot such a simple word."

"It's the little things that trip me up too," Yuuri reassured, "So what about candles?"

"I think we should have pink ones!"

"Pink?"

"Yes around on the cake, little pink candles would be really cute don't you think?"

"But I thought we agreed that the main color scheme would be blue and white. I've already ordered blue napkins and white tablecloths...and with the cake being white with blue trim… three colors on one cake is just too much."

"Oh, okay," he pouted.

The man looked so dejected, Yuuri's heart broke a little, but at the same time he felt indignation and annoyance. He's obviously just being over-dramatic to make me change my mind, he thought, but it's also true that he hasn't really suggested much.

"But... if we had a blue cake, then we could have pink candles. I could order pink silverware too and then it wouldn't stand out so much. Oh! And we could have a pink flower on every table as a centerpiece. Yeah, a single pink flower-"

"In a blue vase!" Viktor finished for him.

"Exactly! We could also hang some pink flowers from the ceiling with the lights!"

"I can already see it!"

So could Yuuri. He could see it so clearly. Walking up the aisle with Viktor waiting at the other end… his heart pounded hard in his chest with an interesting ache that he had come to know as love. Love; that simple, powerful thing changed his whole career- no his whole life in one fell swoop. With the undeniable power of love, Yuuri had conquered the skating world and is now going to marry the man of his dreams. It was almost too good to be true, and Yuuri had to keep himself from pinching his arm to see if it's all just a wonderful fantasy. Love…

"- love it."

"I can't wait to see it!" Viktor said.

"See what?" Yuuri asked.

"What we've done with your room of course," his mother said, "You two will absolutely love it!"

Yuuri did not, in fact, 'absolutely love it'. It seemed the family got together and swapped his usual bed sheets with bright red satin ones, with heart pillows. Rose petals littered the floor in fragrant bunches beneath their feet and candles monopolized every surface feasible surface. A damn fire hazard was what all this was.

"Oh GOD," he mumbled red faced into his hands. He honestly didn't know if his family could even put any more effort into embarrassing him.

"Wow!" Viktor exclaimed.

"Don't you adore it? Like a little honeymoon suite~"

"Mom, please…"

"Don't be embarrassed sweetie, your father and I made sure all the guests knew not to eavesdrop on the lovebirds tonight. I can't believe my little boy is getting married! It's enough to give an old lady like me another ten years of life."

"Mom telling them not to eavesdrop is even MORE embarrassing! Besides the wedding isn't for another two weeks! And Viktor and I aren't going to be… you know, uh, we haven't… I mean..."

"We haven't gone all the way yet, is what Yuuri is trying to say," Viktor tactfully interjected.

Yuuri's face rivaled the bedsheets in their vivid hue as he tried to hide his face.

"Oh, well you two will remedy that shortly I'm sure," Mrs. Katsuki laughed, a little blush crawling up her own cheeks. She exited the room and Yuuri gratefully flopped onto the bed, face down. Viktor chuckled a little and sat beside him.

"It is really nice you know, what they did with the room," Viktor said.

"It's tacky," Yuuri's reply was muffled but audible, "It's tacky and… humiliating!"

"It's not humiliating, it's considerate. Not every set of parents would be as accepting of a relationship like ours as yours are Yuuri. You should be grateful to them."

Yuuri knew he was right, and it was painfully clear how much time and thought was put into the bedroom decorations. They wanted to be accepting, he understood that but didn't they understand how that made him feel? Even he wasn't sure about the… physical aspect of their romantic relationship yet. Yuuri himself had never felt sexual attraction to anyone, and was confused by his romantic feelings towards Viktor; romantic feelings that somehow excluded sex. Normal boys had urges, and by all means Viktor was an extremely sexy man, but Yuuri didn't, no couldn't think of him that way. He wasn't normal. The thought of intimacy repulsed him and he didn't know why.

"Yuuri, I won't ever do anything you don't want me to do, even after we're married. You know that right?"

"It's not fair though… for me to marry you and ask you to make that sort of sacrifice for me. Besides, I want to be intimate with you, I really do. I love you with my whole heart and soul Viktor. I want my body to be in on it too."

"I know."

Viktor pulled Yuuri close and his heartbeat reassured and calmed him. That familiar warmth and comfort relaxed him and his embarrassment began to ebb away.

"We could… we could try. Right now I mean," Yuuri spoke softly into Viktor's chest, almost too softly to be heard.

"Are you sure?"

Yuuri felt Viktor's heartbeat rise and his own did too, but with it came all the anxiety and nausea he felt when faced with this sort of physicality.

"Y-yes I'm sure," Yuuri made his point with a soft chaste kiss. God he was so nervous. He was so nervous he thought he was going to die. How can he even be this nervous after just a kiss? Damn were his hands shaking already? How was he going to do this? Their clothes weren't even off and there was Yuuri almost hyperventilating. I want to do this. I want to do this…

"I want to do this," he said against Viktor's mouth, and kissed him again, more passionately. Viktor let Yuuri take the lead, and Yuuri's fingers shook as he traced the outlines of Viktor's body through his clothes. This is no big deal, I've seen him butt naked before, full frontal and everything. This is nothing new, nothing scary.

But it was new, and it was scary. In movies they never show the awkwardness of it, the strange fumbling and odd noises and above all the terrifying vulnerability that overtakes you and suffocates you. Being sexy on the ice was one thing. Being sexy alone with the person you love, the one person you can't lose, that's different. Yuuri knew he should push Viktor down, whisper erotic things in his ear and make him whimper in pleasure. He should be that person that he is on the ice in the bedroom, at that moment, with him. But that was that and this was this. In the bedroom littered with rose petals there was only Yuuri Katsuki, a young virgin whose first attempt at eros was to think of his favorite food dish.

"Yuuri let's stop," Viktor said. They were both shirtless at that point and Yuuri was working on Viktor's pants, trying in vain to pull them off. He got caught off guard by the statement, his hands still held up high in the air and Viktor's legs raised upright and stiff, the pants clinging pathetically to his ankles.

Yuuri let go of the pants, lowering his arms and his gaze. I knew it, I'm awful at this… God what if he doesn't want to get married anymore? Shit.

"Why are you crying?" Viktor asked, "Yuuri look at me."

"I-I'm sorry I'm terrible right? It's nothing like how you thought it'd be is it?"

"Yuuri, I want this to be right for you. You looked like you were forcing yourself so I… hey come on now don't cry. You weren't terrible I promise. You're just… not ready."

"No, I am! I am ready Viktor I just… I don't know how, and for me it's just- God I can't even talk to you," he laughed, remembering his first awkward attempts at conversing with his idol. "It's not that I'm not ready. I'm probably as ready as I'll ever be. I'm just- sex isn't really something I've ever thought about much and when I did start thinking about it all I could think about was how exposing and painful it would be; how embarrassed and vulnerable it would make me feel. Don't get me wrong, if I'm going to do it with anyone it would only ever be you. And I want that with you. I want to be intimate in a way that's tangible and real for you. You're everything to me Viktor. Without you I'd be nothing. And I can't lose you. Not over something as stupid as a fear of sex!"

Viktor listened to him patiently and when he finished he took Yuuri's hand and pulled it to his mouth to kiss the ring on Yuuri's finger.

"Don't worry about sex Yuuri. I didn't fall in love with you over something as trivial as that. I love you, in a way that I've never loved anyone before. And if that love means we won't have intercourse then I'll accept that too. You're everything to me. I love you."

Yuuri's eyes filled up with tears again and he grabbed Viktor in an embrace so tight neither of them could even breathe. He loved this man. He loved him so much. Too much. A love that both suffocated him and acted as his only form of sustenance; that's the love that changed Yuuri's life, and that's the love he'll cling to now and tomorrow and every day after that for the rest of their lives as a wedded couple. He truly couldn't wait to marry him.

"I can't wait to marry you," Viktor echoed Yuuri's own thoughts and everything felt right. There didn't need to be sex. Their love transcended that. It transcended all physical desire! At that moment Yuuri's stomach let out an angry growl and Viktor laughed.

"We should satiate that beast," he said patting Yuuri's bare stomach. "Get dressed, I'm taking you out to eat!"

Yuuri smiled as he pulled his shirt back on. Someday, he thought, Even if I hate it, even if it feels wrong, I will make love to him. I swear it. And for the first time in his life, something like sexual desire clutched at him. It wasn't the same as the possessiveness he felt towards Viktor, that undeniable desire to make him his and his alone. It was carnal and raw and it terrified Yuuri even more because of it's intensity. In time, he thought, After all, we've got a whole life left to live together. Yuuri was assured in that thought, far too assured. The poor boy had no way of knowing how short his time left with Viktor really was.

Sorry for the cliffhanger, I just couldn't resist (^.^)