Episode 1: Grunkle Ford's Turtleneck Sweater
A/N: Greetings! This Stanford Pines writing! Lilis has planned to post this right after posting the third chapter of the main story but unfortunately, Bill interfered. She is now in bed, still unconscious with Mabel taking care of her. Anyways, Enjoy! Flames are allowed!
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Dipper stood in front of Mabel, facing the camera that she was holding.
"Hello, and welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, " Dipper greeted, waving.
"Today, my sister and I are going to investigate anomaly number two hundred: Grunkle Ford's Sweater," Dipper announces, flashing a cardboard sign with the case name briefly.
Mabel took out a photo of Ford from her scrapbook, flashing it in front of the camera for a moment.
"Oh sure, he looks perfectly fine, but if you observe carefully, you'll realise that Grunkle Ford always, always, wears a turtleneck sweater, even during the summer!" Dipper explained.
"Yeah, even when he sleeps at night!" Mabel added, shaking the camera in the process.
"Mabel! Stop shaking the camera!" Dipper ordered, grabbing the camera.
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Mabel sat on a chair next to Dipper's bunk, holding a folder which was labelled 'top secret''. She grinned.
"Well, alright. Mabel, show us the theories," Dipper instructed.
"Theory one: he's hiding something under his sweater!" Mabel stated, flashing a drawing of Ford with a giant question mark pointing to his sweater from the folder.
"Highly possible," Dipper mumbled.
"Theory two: he's used to wearing a turtleneck sweater after wearing one for thirty years straight while living in the portal!" Mabel continued, flashing another drawing of Ford coming out of the portal.
"Theory three, which is my personal favourite: he's perfectly fine! He just likes wearing turtleneck sweaters and Dipper's just bonkers!" Mabel said, giggling as she flashed a drawing of Ford smiling, with Dipper running after him with a camera, screws flying out of his head.
"Hey! That's definitely not a theory! Give me that!" Dipper hissed, snatching the drawing away before facing the camera towards him.
"Well, I personally think that theory one is highly possible. But we need evidence to prove this theory," Dipper stated.
"Well, as Grunkle Ford's twin brother, Stan should know the reason," Dipper added, smiling slyly.
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Mabel held up a cardboard card which stated the name and career of the person being interviewed, which was Stan.
"Camera? Do you want to interview me again?" Stan asked, looking at the camera skeptically.
"Alright, here's the question. Why does Ford always wear a turtleneck sweater?" Dipper questioned.
"Well, if I told you here, Ford's going to here us and kill me," Stan answered, frowning.
"But don't get me wrong! I really want to answer that question just to see the look on Sixer's face, but not now," Stan added.
"So... when are you going to answer it?" Dipper asked.
"Not now! Try to get the answer from Pointdexter, first! Now get that camera out of here before my brother find out!" Stan ordered sternly.
"Fine," Dipper said, sighing.
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Ford was calculating something in his study before realising that his great-niece and nephew was present.
"Hello, children! What do you want?" Ford asked, waving.
"Oh my gosh! Is that a mosquito on your shoulder? Let me swat it away for you!" Dipper offered mockingly, about to pull Ford's sweater.
"Nonsense! My dear boy, I have installed a device that drives away any species of insects on this boat, so there is zero percent chance of a mosquitoes appearing on this boat," Ford pointed out, chuckling as he pushed Dipper's hand away.
"Right... I must be hallucinating," Dipper lied, with Mabel giggling.
"Or maybe not! Maybe... I saw something under your sweater!" Dipper concluded in a snarky tone.
Ford seemed to be taken aback, looking panicky. He blushed a little, gulping nervously as he looked away to avoid eye contact.
"T-there's nothing under my sweater!" Ford stuttered, getting up hastily.
"Now, if you excuse me, I need to get some coffee," Ford added, quickly walking past Dipper and Mabel, massaging his temples as he left the room.
"Alright! We're on to something!" Dipper said, smiling.
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"Hello, Mabel here!" Mabel, who was sitting next to Stan, greeted cheerily, waving.
"So, you may be wondering why I am filming this instead of Dipper. Well, we devised a plan earlier on, where Dipper distracts Grunkle Ford while Grunkle Stan finally answers the question!" Mabel explained excitedly.
"Well, pumpkin. Sadly, I can't answer the question directly for a certain reason. But, I can tell you of something that mau be the key to getting the answer to your question," Stan answered, grinning.
"Really? Tell me, tell me!" Mabel requested.
"Okay, but first, grab you drawing and colouring materials," Stan instructed, snickering.
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"Alright, I'm back. I've managed to distract Grunkle Ford for a while by talking about Quantum Physics, which was enough for Mabel to complete the drawing," Dipper said.
"Here's the drawing!" Mabel announced, flashing it.
On the slip of paper, there was a drawing of a star with a goofy smile on its face, putting two thumbs up, with the captions 'hey now, I'm and all star' written around it.
"Seriously?" Dipper asked, looking at the drawing skeptically.
"Now, Mabel is going to give this to Grunkle Ford and I will be filming behind the door," Dipper explained.
"Now, let's see his reaction," Dipper added.
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Ford sat by the dining table, drinking something while writing something in Journal Four. Grunkle Stan was sitting on the other side of the table, pretending to read some outdated newspaper.
"Alright, Mabel will be coming out any minute now, " Dipper mumbled, filming behind the door leading to the storage.
As soon as Dipper has said that, Mabel came into the room, sneaking up to Ford, who was gulping down his coffee.
"Hey, Grunkle Ford!" Mabel greeted cheerily, surprising Ford, who gagged on his coffee, coughing.
"Mabel! Don't do that again! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Ford chided, wiping his mouth.
"Sorry about that! I just got a little overexcited because I have something to give you!" Mabel stated, grinning, causing Stan to snicker softly, still avoiding eye contact.
"Really? But what for?" Ford asked, his frown turning into a smile.
"Oh, no reason! Wink, wink!" Mabel said, winking.
Mabel took out the slip of paper from her pocket, handing it to Ford. His smile instantly turned into a grimace at the sight of the drawing. He looked shocked and mortified, his face turning a deep shade of scarlet.
"You're speechless, aren't you? You like it, right?" Mabel inquired, grinning from ear to ear.
"Of... of course, sweetheart, " Ford answered, forcing a smile on his face.
"I knew it!" Mabel exclaimed.
"Uh... this is getting us nowhere," Dipper muttered.
"Hey, Pointdexter! Mind if I play some music? The room is too quiet!" Stan requested, setting the newspaper down, grinning widely.
"Of course you may! Go ahead! " Ford said, still flustered.
Stan took out his phone, smiling slyly. After a while, an upbeat music began to play, causing Ford's eyes to widen, dropping the drawing. His jaws dropped, like he had not expected Stan to play that particular song.
'Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me!
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed!'
Stan began to snicker at Ford's expression as the song blared on. Mabel looked at her two grunkles, puzzled.
"You like this song, don't you?" Stan asked, sneering.
"Oh, here comes my favourite part!" he announced, smiling as the chorus started.
"HEY NOW! YOU'RE AN ALL STAR! GET'CHER GAME ON! GO! PLAY!" Stan sang loudly.
Ford clenched his fists, still blushing. He began inching towards Stan, giving him a death glare. If looks could kill, Stan would have died instantly. Stan saw his twin brother approaching him, as mad as a raging bull.
"Uh oh," Stan muttered, gulping nervously.
"Stanley Filbrick Pines! You are going to pay for this!" Ford roared, purple with rage.
"W-what? But I didn't plan all this!" Stan lied.
"It's obvious, Stan!" Ford hissed, gritting his teeth.
"Well, I'm out of here!" Stan yelled, running out of the room.
"Oh no, you don't!" Ford hollered, dashing after his twin brother.
"Oh boy. This was unexpected," Dipper commented.
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"Okay, so Mabel and I are up at the deck to chill out for a while after that happened," Dipper explained.
"Come back here, you knucklehead!" Ford roared from the lower deck, causing some of tye seagulls and albatrosses in the area to fly away.
"Well, while we came close to solving this mystery, it remains a mystery. But who knows what other secrets waiting for us at the Arctic Ocean," Dipper stated, taking a sip from his can of soda.
"This is for that stupid prank!" Ford hollered.
"Kids! HELP ME!" Stan screamed.
"Should we?" Dipper asked.
"They'll work things out," Mabel reassured, shrugging.
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After the chase and the filming of the video, Ford has locked himself in the bathroom. He pulled down his sweater to reveal the tattoo, which was identical to Mabel's drawing, and the scars on his back. He sighed as he let go, frowning. He just hoped that the kids would not try to find out about the things he was hiding under his sweater.
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HI THERE! IT'S YOUR FRIEND, BILL CIPHER! THIS STORY WAS HILARIOUS! BOY, I COULD BLACKMAIL FORDSIE WITH A PICTURE OF HIS CURRENT EXPRESSION! HE WAS INSTANTLY PETRIFIED AFTER READING THIS! ANYWAY, SINCE THERE IS NOBODY IN MY WAY NOW, I'LL GIVE YOU SPOILERS TO THE MAIN STORY! THERE WILL BE A LOT OF STANGST AND...
Mabel: *sprays some paint into Bill's eye*
ARGH! NOT AGAIN! DARN! I'LL BE BACK! REMEMBER, REALITY IS AN ILLUSION! THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM! BUY GOLD! BYYYEEEEE! *disappears*
Mabel: Yeah! He's gone!
Dipper: Well, since Grunkle Ford is pretty much petrified, which means that he is to shocked to move due to this story, we'll be doing the author's note.
Mabel: Well, please review! Flames are allowed!
Dipper: Also, be sure to tell your friends about this story! See you guys soon, after we snap Grunkle Ford out of his trance.