"We're trying to save Dr. Kepners life right now"
I can still feel it. How my heart stopped beating, when I heard those words. My brain stopped working and I wished I heard somebody else's name, anybody, anybody other than April but my heart knew it was her, that sharp pang, it knew it was her, my April...mine!
"Stop! Enough! Alright? Stop, please?"
I begged them to stop. I couldn't see her like that as much as it hurts. I gave up. I wanted her alive just as much but I couldn't hold on any further.
I wanted to hold her, kiss her, hug her and never let her go. It hurts so much that I'll never be able to hear her again. Even though we haven't been together in a while and I'm seeing Maggie now, her presence around me is all what I wanted to know she is doing okay and she is happy. She is present now but lifeless. She is here, yet it feels like she is so far away.
"That is a rhythm"
As soon as Maggie said it. I could've kissed her but it felt wrong all of a sudden. Like I was just playing around with her and now I should go back home, to my April. I felt relieved but I was guilty now that I gave up on her. My heart was filled with hope. That maybe this was a sign. This was a sign we should give ourselves another chance? As much as I hate to admit it. I don't feel anything for Maggie as I do for April. She has always been the one.
"I believe you're here.I believe that.
I believe in you.Oh, I want to believe.
Yeah.I will. I will.
Oh, I will believe in you.
Okay?
I'll do whatever you want.
I'll do anything.
If you exist, just...
don't... don't take her away, okay?
Don't. God, don't do it.Don't take April.
Please?"
I've never been so desperate. I just wanna see her alive, breathing and in my arms. I beg God to give my April back to me. I'll believe in him. I've never thought God existed. But April did. So be there for her, be there for me, God. I cry my eyes out. I can't believe she is lying here. I can't believe I'll never see her running around the ER. I can't believe Harriet won't have her mother around. I can't believe I lied to her for my own selfish reasons. I don't want to believe any of that. Even though she hurt me, she left me, she broke me to the point of no recovery, I need her. I need April. She was always my necessity. Why didn't I see it before? I'm filled with guilt and then she responds by pressing my hand.
"Hey" she replies with a hey too. I breathe a sigh of relief. I'm so happy to see her. Those beautiful mossy eyes. I'm happy. But deep down I know I've to get her back. I need to say her what I should've said way back.
After everyone meets her. I say her I wanna talk. But I can't bring myself to say it. "Do you wanna be my plus one to Alex and Jo's wedding?" I ask instead.
"I thought I'd go with Matthew, besides you've Maggie now." she says and I know she is right.
"Just one time because we've never been to a wedding together, for old times sake, me and you?"
"Okay, sure!" she says.
"Thank you April" I love you so much, so so much. I wish I could say this to you. I kiss on her forehead. I rush over to the daycare and hug Harriet. I whisper in her ear "I promise I'm gonna bring your Mama back no matter what."
I call up my lawyers and speak to them about the situation.
I'm not gonna give up on our marriage this time. I'm gonna fight. Fight for us. Fight for our love. Fight for our little family. It doesn't matter if I've to sacrifice. I will fight for April. I've always kept it a secret but now it has to surface because I can't lose her again. I'm gonna tell her everything.