Summary: A sequel to Blue Eyed Kitten. I suppose it doesn't have to be read as a direct sequel, but the cat makes an appearance and it takes place in the same timeline in my mind. It's also structured the same way - Juliet feels bad, James does something to make it better. Even more angsty, and hopefully even more romantic than the first one.
Rated M because LornaCat can't help herself. It's like, a sequel rule. Worse language, more sex.
Spoilers: Through season 5...
Her Island Family
James heard his walkie chirp on the night stand. It was about as wrong a time as it could be.
Juliet was very close. He could tell by the way she was moving, she was fighting for it. It was hard for her to reach a climax sometimes, especially if he didn't spend enough time warming her up. So now that he had her this far he wasn't about to give up for a stupid work call. He couldn't do that to her. Juliet kept moaning, clutching at his back, and he knew she'd heard the walkie too. She didn't want him to stop either.
"Yeah?" James breathed. "That feel good?"
"Yes, please -" Juliet choked on the words, afraid to speak too much lest she lose the feeling.
"I'm not stoppin'," James reassured her. "Not til you get yours, baby..."
The walkie chirped again, a testy little reminder that someone was waiting for James to respond. God, why didn't I leave that in the other room? James thought, mentally kicking himself. She was already having a tough time concentrating. They were both on their lunch break, and they could hear the imaginary clock ticking. Not the most romantic of trysts.
"Don't think about work, baby." James said, low and in her ear. "Think about me inside you...god, you feel good..."
James had to concentrate too, so he wouldn't feel too good as he worked his hips against hers. He could make her come, he knew he could, she just had to relax her mind and let it happen, but her whimpers were becoming more frustrated than sexual.
Please come soon, baby, I'm about to explode...
The fucking walkie chirped again, this time followed by a terse and unfortunately familiar voice.
"LaFleur." said Phil. "Come in LaFleur."
"God dammit." Juliet muttered sharply, moving her hands to James chest to push him away.
"No no no," James said quickly, resisting her hands, trying to keep her there, underneath him.
"I can't," Juliet said, shaking her head and avoiding eye contact. "Just stop. Please."
James stopped and exhaled, as if it pained him to let her down this way, not realizing that it only made her feel worse about stopping right in the middle of things.
"I'm going to take a shower." she said in a shaky voice, gently pushing at James until he rolled off of her so she could get up. He saw her chin trembling before she turned and her face was hidden from him. He wished he hadn't. She grabbed her jumpsuit from the floor and half covered herself with it, walking out of the bedroom and in the direction of the bathroom.
Fucking fuck, did I do that? James asked himself. Did I not notice something was wrong when I got home and started taking her clothes off?
The walkie chirped yet again, and the look James gave it then could have melted it. He wanted to pick it up and smash it against the wall, but he wanted to have done it twenty minutes ago. He thought about what Juliet's reaction would be to the sound of the plastic and metal breaking, and he knew she didn't need to experience his temper that way. None of this was her fault. So James sat up, picked up the radio, squeezed it as hard as possible without crushing it, and answered the god damned call.
"What." he growled harshly.
"They're installing the new lights in HQ today, did you want to be here for that?"
Phil, you god damned shit-for-brains motherfucking kiss-ass son of a bitch...
James swallowed each and every one of those lovely words, cleared his throat and brought the walkie talkie back to his mouth.
"Do they need me to screw in the lightbulbs, Phil?" James asked him, the sarcasm lost in the angry tone.
"One moment, sir."
James took a very deep breath and let it out, trying not to think about the fact that Phil was actually taking the time to check.
"No, sir, they can do it themselves." Phil said, trying to sound very official.
James took another moment. He had to make sure he wasn't going to yell or punch a hole in the wall before he finished this meaningful conversation.
"Then no." James said, his voice barely controlled. "I don't want to be there for that."
"Thank you, sir. Over and out."
James tossed the radio onto the bed beside him. "I'm gonna kill him." he muttered to himself. A few minutes later, after James had gotten up to get dressed and go back to work, Juliet came back to the bedroom, her uniform on and her hair in a ponytail. She didn't look at him, going straight to the mirror over her dresser to make sure she looked at least half decent for the rest of the day. If she'd showered at all, it was just to escape James for a few minutes before she had to leave. His anger evaporated when she came around, replaced by a confusion and a guilt, unsure of what he should be feeling or what was wrong at all. This had gone beyond a walkie talkie interruption.
"Hey." James said softly. He walked to her in the boxers he'd slipped on, afraid to crowd her but too worried not to. "What happened?"
"Nothing, I'm fine." Juliet tried to assure him, adding a distant smile when she looked up at him.
"Juliet-"
She smiled again, trying to force the tears from her eyes, and shrugged. "I can't talk about it right now. It's time to go back to work."
"Call 'em and tell 'em you're not feeling well." said James, reaching for her arm.
Juliet shook her head softly and looked away. That worried expression of his was almost too much for her to bear. Defeated, because he was so scared of hurting her, James took his hand back, suddenly feeling awkward standing there in his underwear.
"I'll see you tonight?" he asked.
"Yeah." Juliet barely whispered, turning to go. James watched her leave, wishing not for the first time that he could just read her mind so he wouldn't have to ask, and she wouldn't have to tell. It was so hard for her to tell him what was wrong.
The puffball that Juliet still called Jim Jr. - the one that Miles called Fat Ass and the one James referred to as Pepe Le Pew for how often it approached Juliet for petting - meowed and trotted toward her as she got to the front door. She stopped, crouching down to pet him before she left again for the rest of the day.
"I'm sorry." Juliet said quietly, knowing she should really be saying these words to James. "I wish I could spend all day with you, but I've got to get back to work..."
James watched, spying from the bedroom doorway, as Juliet leaned down and let Jim Jr. nuzzle her face. She whispered something else, he couldn't hear her anymore, and he saw her wipe tears from her cheeks. He'd sensed this building for a while now, the tension between them growing, and he'd been waiting and waiting for her to tell him what was wrong. He'd been afraid to push, since doing so would usually make her withdraw more. He'd waited too long, and now she was talking to the cat instead. He had to find a way to show her she could open up to him.
James waited until she was gone and then got dressed, zipping up his uniform and heading into the main courtyard of the barracks. He spotted Horace right away, thanked fate for the convenience, and approached the director of the Initiative to ask him a favor. Horace smiled one of his tight smiles and looked up at James as the trusted security officer reached his side.
"What can I do for you, brother?" asked Horace, reading the serious expression on James' face with a glance.
James looked around the yard and sighed. "I need a day off." he said.
"Don't you have Mondays?"
"Yeah, but it can't wait that long." James said, since it was Friday. "And Juliet's got Wednesdays. We need a day together without interruptions, without emergencies, without..." James looked down at his hand, the one that held the offending device. "Walkie talkies."
Horace's mouth scrunched up on one side, his brow furrowing as he considered the request.
"Are things okay at home?"
"They will be if I can get this day off." James told him.
Horace shrugged. "Alright."
"Alright?"
"If you can get someone to cover your shifts, you can take as much time as you need. You've both been working hard for us. Don't think I haven't noticed."
"Well, thank you Horace." James said with a relieved grin, having expected more of a discussion on the matter. "You're alright."
"Don't mention it. I understand what it takes to keep a relationship healthy in this place. It's easy to let the job take over, but you've got to take time out for family too..."
James held his tongue, resisting the urge to tell Horace that it was their complete lack of wanting to be here that was the problem. At least, that's what he thought was the problem...
James had two more stops to make. One was security HQ, the command center he was now in charge of, part time, after only a year and a half of being in the Initiative's employ. The other was the motor pool, but that was a stop he'd have to make after Juliet's shift was over for the day. So James went to work and found the first guy he was looking for.
"Phil." he said, the tone of his voice putting a chill in Phil's spine before he even turned to look at LaFleur.
"Yes, sir?" Phil said, getting up from his seat like a soldier for his drill sergeant.
"Can I have a word with you?" James smiled, his friendly mouth and his sinister eyes telling two completely different stories. "Won't take long. I promise."
Phil glanced at the security monitors he was supposed to be watching, trying feebly to find some way out of this, and then turned back to face his supervisor. "Uh...yeah, sure."
James closed the door and locked it. Phil gulped, trying to remember if the room was soundproofed or not. Then, in a very conversational tone, one with a strong undercurrent of pent up aggression, James asked Phil if he'd ever made love to a beautiful woman.
"E-excuse me?" Phil stammered.
"I asked you: Have you ever made love to a beautiful woman?"
Phil, confused, creeped out, and a little worried now, shrugged nervously and said "Sure, who hasn't?" James was fairly certain he was lying, but he pressed on. He was building to something.
"Didja love her?"
"Did...?"
"Didja love her?" James repeated.
"I...yes?"
"Well then, surely you'll understand the problem I'm facing. You see, when you called me on this here walkie talkie 'bout an hour ago, to ask me about screwing in a god damned lightbulb, you interrupted something very special between myself and a very beautiful woman, one that I happen to love very, very much."
Oh shit. thought Phil. They were fooling around when I called. No wonder he was more pissed than usual.
"And this interruption," James continued. "This announcement about an installation that any idiot monkey could have overseen without having to make a special call, caused this very beautiful woman to leave before this very special thing was allowed to arrive at its very special conclusion. Are you beginning to understand, Phil?"
Phil nodded, trying to look remorseful.
"Good. That's good, Phil. 'cause you're gonna make it up to me."
"I am?"
"Yes, you are. You're going to work a double shift tomorrow. You're going to cover your own, this swing shift, when everyone else is enjoying dinner and hangin' with their buddies. But you're also going to cover the morning shift. You're going to manage the security team for an entire day, and you're not gonna fuck it up, because if you do I'll hang you from the tetherball pole and skin you like a wild boar. Ya dig?"
"Yes. Yes, sir."
"Yes sir." James repeated with flourish, smiling his approval. "Now why don't you take a seat and watch the little TV's for trouble out there in the wild. I'm gonna go read a book."
"Yes, sir."
"Yes, sir." James echoed again, really enjoying the sound of it that time.
Later that evening, when most of the motor pool had called it a day, James wandered into the garage area, checking behind vans and tool shelves for blonde hair and bandanas as he crept along.
"Hey. Morris." he said.
Morris looked up from his clipboard. "Hey, LaFleur. What's happenin'?"
"You're covering Juliet's shift tomorrow."
"I am?"
"Just thought I'd let you know."
"And why, may I ask, would I be doing that?" Morris asked, giving James a very skeptical look.
"For one, I'm telling you to. Two, I caught you stealing last week and I haven't tattled on you yet."
Morris sighed, and agreed, because LaFleur had a very good point.
That night, Juliet went to bed early, but she was still awake when James finally made his way in. He'd finally moved in with her a month ago. Maybe it was the change? But she'd been so happy those first few weeks...
James crawled in beside her. Juliet's back was to him, defensive, as alone as she could make herself in a bed for two. He didn't try to spoon her, afraid one of them would end up on the couch. He still reached out for her though, rubbing her back in soft circles, letting her know he was there for her in case now was the time she wanted to share. She didn't turn over, but she didn't shrink away or leave the bed either. She even seemed to relax the more he caressed her. For the first time since that afternoon, James felt like he might not be losing her after all. After a few more minutes, Juliet's shoulder moved subtly toward him. James didn't miss the sign, and he moved closer, wrapping his arm around her waist and burying his face in her hair. She closed her hand over his, their fingers intertwining, and she let out a sigh. They were going to be fine. She just needed a little more time.
Morning came, and James was awake to watch Juliet open her eyes. She blinked against the sun, knowing instinctively even through her morning daze that the light was coming in at the wrong angle.
"What time is it?" she asked groggily, turning her head and blinking so the clock would come into focus. She sat up when she read the time. "Why didn't the alarm go off?" She turned to James, wondering why, if he was already awake and watching her, he was still in bed too. He was sitting up against the headboard, and he smiled at her softly.
"We got the day off." he explained.
"...What?"
"I got us a day off." he said again. "So we can relax, or do whatever you want."
Juliet looked at James, slowly wrapping her mind around the idea. "You went to Horace?" she asked him. At first he thought she might be upset with him, but then he saw the corners of her mouth were turning up.
Aw, yeah... James thought to himself. I'm a genius...
And then her smile turned into an I'm about to cry face, and James' soaring heart fell with a thud in his chest. She could fly that thing like a kite.
"That was really sweet, James."
The wind had picked up again; were those...happy tears? Phew. Back to genius.
"I'm sorry about yesterday." she said. She looked down at the space between them, and watched James reach out to take her hand in his.
"You feel any better?" he asked her.
Juliet shrugged.
"Well, we've got all day to change that. What do you want to do first?"
I want to get as far away from the barracks as possible. And then I just want to sit with you.
They took a van - for unofficial purposes; it almost felt like stealing, which only added to the thrill of their outing - and took the bumpy roads away from the Dharma Initiative's village, away from bad memories, away from any part of the island that either of them would easily recognize. They found themselves heading inland, and they stopped at the edge of a tall bluff that overlooked a small ravine. They could see the stream at the bottom.
"Promise me something, James?" Juliet asked as they sat together, James sitting against a tree, and Juliet sitting against James.
"Anything." James replied, and though he thought he meant it with all his heart, there was one promise he couldn't make, and it was the one thing Juliet was asking of him.
"Promise me you'll never say you love me."
James felt stung. The words had been on his lips for months. He was still working up the courage to say them, and now he wasn't allowed? Juliet wasn't outwardly affectionate with him anywhere but the bedroom, or times like these when they were completely alone. Even then, he hesitated, afraid that saying it might change things. Now it sounded like things might change anyway, going back to the way they'd been before, and it made his heart sink.
"Everything I love gets taken away from me." she explained after hearing his stunned silence. James thought about that, realizing what she really meant. There must have been a reason she'd brought it up.
"Are you sayin' you love me?" he asked her gently.
Juliet's stomach did a flip when he put it that way. That was exactly what she was trying to say, but her fears made her mouth clamp shut any time she thought about it. They were stuck more in time than in space, since they could, with Horace's permission, leave the island any time they wanted. There was still no escape for Juliet, even worse now than two years ago, before the island had taken them for a ride through time. She was realizing now that there was nowhere to go, nowhere better she could be than in James' arms, and she was wondering now whether being in his arms wasn't a consolation, but the prize itself.
"I'm saying, if I did love you, that it would feel like I've given up on getting out of here."
"You think I've given up?" James asked.
"Haven't you?" Juliet answered with another question, sitting up so she could look at him. She didn't mean it as an accusation. She just needed to know where they stood. "I think we both know we're not waiting for Locke anymore. We haven't been for a while now. And you seem fine with it. You seem happy."
James looked into her eyes and thought about their house, their friends and the pet they took care of together. They had a home and a family here. He was more than fine with it. "I am happy." he told her. "I could spend the rest of my life here with you and be content." The look on her face when she heard that said guilty, and he was afraid it was because she didn't have those same feelings for him. Was it happening again? Was he being used for comfort during a desperate time? "I understand why you might not want to do that," James continued. "But you gotta be realistic, Blondie. The DI's got a lot of crazy toys, but a time machine ain't one of 'em."
Juliet shook her head no. It wasn't so easy for her to dismiss. "I missed the birth of my nephew. And as much as I believe that Rachel would forgive me for that, that she already has forgiven me, I haven't forgiven myself for leaving her. It would be one thing if she even knew where I was, or that I was okay. When I think about her wondering whether or not I'm dead, it rips into me like..."
Juliet trailed off, her eyes tearing up again. She shook her head softly and looked down, frustrated with herself. Her hair fell down around her face, but James brushed one side away and touched her cheek. She didn't have to hide from him.
"I also feel guilty because I do love you." she said, looking up and into his eyes again. "I need you, and I do want to be happy and content here. But it feels like I have to make a choice. It was easier to be patient, sit tight and see what happens when there wasn't any other option. You're my other option, James. I can either keep fighting this impossible fight, or settle down with you and live my life. But choosing to give up on seeing my sister, to give up on ever talking to her again until it's thirty years too late...it feels like it might kill me."
I love you. I need you. I want to be happy. James heard those statements and it made him feel like he could put the entire island on his shoulders and carry it back to the future himself. He'd heard the rest of it too, though. Nothing good on that island ever came without a price.
"I'm sorry it hurts you so much to be here." he said. "But if you choose to be happy with me, I won't let it kill you. I won't let you regret it for a second." Juliet looked away, but James pulled her back gently. "Hey." he said, looking into her eyes. "I love you too."
The smile she gave him then was grateful, a genuine ray of sunshine between all those clouds.
"I know." she said. "And that makes being here so much easier."
She looked at him for what felt like a long time after that. He wondered if she knew how relieved he was, to have finally put their feelings into words; to not only admit they wanted a life there together, but to declare that it was actually attainable for them both. Maybe she decided then, or maybe she remembered she could still take her life one day, one hour at a time, and that she should enjoy what she had and never take it for granted. Either way, no matter where she ended up, she wanted James to be with her when she got there.
"Kiss me." she said softly. It made him smile. He leaned torward her, pushing her hair back again, and put his lips to hers. She kissed back, wishing she could just forget everything else but this, the time they spent together. She couldn't forget, but he could make feeling crummy feel damn good in the meantime. After a few pleasant, mind-consuming moments, Juliet pulled her head back, and looked James in the eye. They'd just said it out loud.
"I love you." Juliet said again, curious to give it another try, to make sure he'd heard her, to make sure she'd heard him right too.
"I love you too." he said again.
Even though she'd already known, it was a relief to hear him say it. It really did make everything easier. "Let's get in the van." she said, pulling away from him so she could stand up.
"You wanna go back?" he asked, trying not to sound too disappointed. This was supposed to be her day, after all.
"No. Not yet." Juliet said as she got to her feet and brushed her jeans off. "I just don't want to get dirt in my ass when you make love to me."
"Ah..." James said, smiling as he followed her lead and stood up. Juliet, already on her way to the van, looked over her shoulder and smiled.
"We both owe each other one." she said.
"About that..." James said. "I promise I'll never bring my walkie talkie into the bedroom ever again."
"It wasn't just that." said Juliet, climbing into the back of the van. She sat on the far side of the bench seat, waiting until James shut the door behind himself to continue. "I had a lot on my mind."
"Yeah, and I should have known a quickie wouldn't fix that. I could have tried a little harder."
James got distracted from his apology when Juliet slipped her shirt over her head. Yeah, he loved her.
"You don't have to try any harder." she said, watching as James followed suit and got rid of his shirt too. "I just have to relax."
James put his hands under her knees, and pulled her legs carefully until she was flat on her back. "You can relax now." he offered, lowering his body onto hers and kissing her softly, slowly, on the lips. He kissed his way down her body, past her belly button and back up again, and she breathed deep and sighed.
"If I ate an Apollo bar for every time you made me feel better..." she said, pausing as James kissed her lips again. "I'd be really fucking fat right now."
James kissed her again and again, feeling up the side of her body, down her leg, up her thigh and over her torso. "I'd still love you." he said, squeezing her breast, lowering his head to kiss it, to kiss all over her chest and neck.
"I know." Juliet sighed, hugging his head while he put his mouth all over her. His hand slipped down between her legs, rubbing her over her jeans, and she moaned a little, pulling his head up to hers so she could kiss his lips.
"You sure you don't want me to take you home first?" he asked her. "I made the bed and everything..."
"This is fine." she answered him. She felt him unbutton her jeans so he could slip his hand inside, and she realized that this, being away from everything and everyone that could interrupt them, was more than fine. "This is perfect..." she whispered, and whether she only meant the moment, or the view of the rest of her life being spent on the island with James, she was happy, and that made him happy too. She breathed deeper and sighed longer the more he touched her, until she was moaning and matching the motion of his hand with her hips.
"I love you." he said, because all he could do was keep reminding her every way he knew how.
"I love you too," she said, reaching down to push her jeans down from her hips. "I love you so much..."
They stopped talking for a while, to show each other exactly how much love they had, and Juliet was finally able to concentrate on what was important. There was nothing out there, nothing beyond their new life on the island. There was no safe way, not in that moment, to travel back to where they'd been. She felt herself relaxing, and for the first time in a very long time she felt like that would be okay.
Breathless, and laughing a little because it had been so good, Juliet looked into James' eyes after they'd finished. He smiled down at her, confident and protective, the way he always did after making her body do that.
"You really do make it easier." she told him again.
The next day, James cornered Daniel, who'd just arrived back on the island after another month in Ann Arbor, and asked him if there was any way possible to get back to their original time. He'd explained everything about Juliet's situation, about her sister and her nephew, that to see them again was her only wish and had been for four years and counting. He said even a wild theory, a glimmer of a mad scientist's idea, would do. He didn't need probable, he just needed possible.
"I wish I could help you, James."
"It's Jim now. Ya gotta call me Jim."
"Sorry. Jim. I wish I could help you, I really do. But we're just beginning to discover what that giant magnet underneath us is, and what it does. We can't just...'send people back'."
James knew Daniel was speaking in layman's terms for his benefit. He'd been snapped at about his technobabble enough times to have learned that lesson.
"Please." James said. "Even if it's just a theory. I need somethin'. It hurts her to even think about being happy here."
Daniel nodded, feeling very bad indeed. There was something about the way James was speaking to him now, with humility and respect, that let him know he was very serious about helping his girlfriend. Dan's eyes looked around the room, but as usual it wasn't exactly the room he was looking at. He was off in his own world, solving equations in his mind, trying to plug in the right numbers to make an idea work.
"I mean, we got here by lowering an old geezer into a well. There's got to be an equally crazy idea to get us back there, right?"
"I have an idea." Daniel muttered, almost to himself. James watched him think, kept on the edge of his seat until Daniel's brain returned to their conversation. "I have an idea." Daniel said, clearly this time. "It won't get us back to the future, but it might help Juliet."
"Well what is it?" James prompted him impatiently.
"We can leave Rachel a message. We can record a message from Juliet and just...make sure Rachel gets it when she needs to. In 2004."
"Alright..." James said slowly.
"The Dharma Initiative still exists in 2004. We can use them as a delivery service. They'll keep the message until the time is right, and then deliver it to Rachel."
"How do we know they'll follow through?"
"You and your friends were eating Dharma Initiative food twelve years after every member they had on this island was killed." Dan reminded him, giving him that politely reproachful look. "They'll follow through."
James hoped he was right. James hoped Juliet would believe it, at least. And James hoped that Daniel meant it when he said he would keep trying to find a way back to 2004 in the meantime.
She smiled when he told her the idea. He could tell she wasn't sure about it at first, but his desire to make her happy was what really made her happy in the end. They offered to film her, but she seemed uncomfortable with that. Only James knew why. She decided to write a letter instead, and she filled it with as many personal details and inside jokes she could think of, so that Rachel could be sure that it really was her. She wrote down everything she wanted to say to her, everything she wished she could say to Julian, and all the things she would do if she were back home. It was twelve pages long, and when she read it all back again, it felt right. The tone was optimistic, and she didn't say goodbye at the end of it. It didn't feel like letting go, which was important to Juliet. She still didn't know whether she'd ever get to see Rachel again, but at least she could be sure she'd made contact.
They were lounging in bed again, late at night, after another long but satisfying work day. Things were quiet on the island, and the Dharma Initiative seemed to be running smoothly. Life was good.
"So." said James. "You feel better?"
Juliet sighed contendedly, and moved her body so that the top of it was laying on James' chest. "Yeah." she said. Jim Jr. was asleep on the other side of him, and she reached out to pet the length of his furry body. Jim Jr. purred, echoing Juliet's sentiment.
"We've been through a lot of shit together, haven't we?"
Juliet smiled at the thought. They'd been through it...and survived. And now they got to lounge around in bed together.
"Yeah." she said, her tone a little lighter than before.
"Is there anything else you want? I'll do anything I can for you."
"There is one thing..."
Juliet lifted her head to look at James, and she lifted her hand from Jim Jr.'s side so James could see as she inspected her fingernails. There was a layer of grime, black grease, that she could never seem to get out no matter how many hot showers they took together.
"I don't want to work in the motor pool anymore." she admitted.
James grinned. "We'll start workin on that first thing in the morning, sweetheart."
Juliet chuckled, and laid her head back down on James' chest.
"I'll talk to Horace about it." James said sincerely, tucking Juliet's hair behind her ear.
"I can talk to him." Juliet reminded him lightly. She wasn't hopeless anymore, and she'd never been helpless.
"I know you can." said James. "But you don't have to."
Juliet smiled. She could see Jim Jr.'s belly rise and fall evenly, the ends of his wispy white fur moved by a soft breeze from the open window.
"I love you." Juliet said to her island family.
"I love you too." James answered back.