Every time We Touch
Kurt doesn't really think about being all alone in his house until Blaine sends a text a few minutes after Finn and Carole have left for shopping, the latter being not all too thrilled by the idea. Kurt is pretty happy that Finn didn't seem to question where the sudden eagerness of Carole to buy him new clothes has come from, because, quite frankly, Kurt is to blame. Honestly, those pants were just not matching anything and most of the shirts Finn possessed were not even their natural color anymore. So Kurt is actually doing Finn a favor or that's at least what he is trying to tell himself as he opens the newly arrived text message from his boyfriend.
4:30PM: Are you busy today? Wanna come over? – Love, Blaine.
Kurt smiles when he taps in his answer.
4:32PM: Come here? Have the place all to myself. – Take care, Kurt 3
When Blaine knocks on the front door one hour and a half later, Kurt greets him with a quick kiss, before taking his hand and leading him to his room. Since Kurt transferred back to McKinley, spending time with Blaine has, as was to be expected, become a very rare occasion. They still try to see each other as often as possible, even if this is confined to the weekends when Dalton's curfew or Burt's lectures about school don't get in the way. Kurt has a creeping suspicion that Blaine has been thinking about transferring as well, but Kurt can't really decide if he wants him to or not. On a very selfish level he does, because it would mean they would see each other every day again, but McKinley, even with the support from New Directions, is not nearly as accepting as Dalton and Kurt doesn't want Blaine to leave just for him, even though it would mean that they would have to continue their long distance relationship.
But in a way they appreciate their time together even more now and when Kurt closes the door to his room, Blaine immediately wraps his arms around him from behind and Kurt leans back, inhaling the scent of Blaine's shampoo and deodorant.
"Hi." Blaine kisses the spot right under Kurt's ear, making the latter sigh contently.
"Hey," Kurt turns around in the embrace, bringing his arms around the other boy's neck while leaning in so their lips are brushing. Blaine lets out an audible sigh, slightly tightening his grip around Kurt.
"I missed you," Blaine whispers against Kurt's mouth in a way that makes Kurt's heart flutter.
"I missed you, too, " Kurt says and can't help a chuckle leaving his lips at the mushiness of the dialogue, "We're turning into hopeless romantics, aren't we?"
"As if we weren't already," Blaine says, amusement lacing his voice.
"I don't really care, though. I like us that way," Kurt continues and then they kiss and it makes Kurt's toes curl and his breath hitch. Blaine responds with a low noise that sounds like something between a growl and sigh and presses closer, their bodies now flush together and Kurt decides that this feels really good.
Blaine moves a hand to Kurt's hair, caressing the back of his head with slow strokes that make Kurt press back, before he leans back in, not really knowing what he likes better, the touch of Blaine's hand or of his lips.
Blaine suddenly breaks their kiss, his eyes a little darker or maybe that's just the low light in the room. Kurt is a little surprised, but then Blaine is moving backwards until his knees hit the couch that is positioned only a few feet away and Kurt lets himself be turned around and lowered onto the soft sofa cushions. Blaine climbs on top of him, both his legs on either side of Kurt's body and the younger boy thinks he kind of knows where this is going.
"Is this okay?", Blaine breathes hotly against Kurt's ear, his hand on Kurt's hip, threatening to dip under his shirt, and honestly the brunet doesn't know the answer to that question.
Blaine and he have not taken that last step yet, after that talk they had had prior to them becoming a couple Blaine had been very reluctant to even bring it up again. When he finally, four months into their relationship, did, Kurt was still not very confident with the subject, but Blaine had said that they would work this out together. Now, after nearly one year of dating they had had some pretty awesome make-out sessions but going any further still intimidated Kurt to no end.
He still pants out a 'yes' anyway, even though his heartbeat speeds up with every second that passes. Blaine's hand wanders up Kurt's chest to his side, brushing over his chest, his shoulder while his other one supports his weight, so he doesn't completely crush the boy under him.
Blaine is trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses across Kurt's jaw, making Kurt squirm underneath him while the brunet lets his hands slide under Blaine's shirt, feeling the older boy breathe in sharply at the touch.
Blaine ducks his head to Kurt's collarbone sucking and nibbling and Kurt can't help but moan softly, which in turn makes Blaine whine in response. Kurt pants are turning shallower and he pushes his hands down, bringing their aligned bodies even closer.
Then he feels Blaine, hard Blaine, against himself and everything comes to a halt.
Kurt is suddenly very aware of their positions, the way Blaine's thighs press softly against his hipbones, his erection digging in his stomach, the way his breath ghosts over Kurt's neck and chin, so close that his lips occasionally brush the skin there. Kurt can hear Blaine's intakes of air, the way they are irregular and kind of frantic as if he can't take in enough of it.
And he panics. His brain short-circuits and all he can think of is how hot and tight the room suddenly seems to be. His whole body tenses up and he can feel the color draining from his face. His fingers dig in Blaine's shirt and he is sure that it must be uncomfortable for the other boy but he can't will his hands to just move and when he feels Blaine pull back he presses against him, his head pressed to the crook of the other boy's neck, his arms now possessively clutched around him.
"Kurt…wha-?", Blaine tries to ask but Kurt just shakes his head and his eyes swim with tears and he feels so stupid, because he is flipping making a scene over something that should be so nice and that Blaine had been so patient about and Kurt just wants to curl up and cry when he feels warm hands gently brushing his hair and he is rolled to the side, so he can rest more comfortably on Blaine's chest.
"Kurt." Blaine says his name in a voice that makes the younger boy look up, his eyes red rimmed. Blaine's expression is concerned and also a little exasperated but his features soften immediately when he sees the look of pure misery on the other's face.
His right hand wanders to Kurt's cheek, thumb touching the damp spot where a tear has rolled down and it feels so nice which makes Kurt even more miserable because why on earth has he to feel so intimidated by this, he doesn't deserve Blaine. Blaine who is so patient, so awesome, so perfect and Kurt who is so scared and can't give him what he wants-
"Hey," Blaine interrupts Kurt's rambling, his left hand now running soothing circles on the base of Kurt's neck. "I know that expression." He's smiling at him, his eyes looking straight into Kurt's who feels more stupid by the second.
"I'm so-…", Kurt tries to apologize, but Blaine presses a finger to Kurt's lips, muffling his words. "There is absolutely no reason to apologize for anything here." He leans in closer, but when he sees the streak of fear crossing Kurt's features he thinks better of it and instead runs both his hand up and down the other boy's sides, one of his hands coming to a stop at the small of Kurt's back.
The stay like this for a few minutes, a not completely comfortable silence stretching between them, even though it's not an awkward one either. When Blaine finally breaks it, his voice is not angry or disappointed, but reassuring.
"Can I ask you a question?" he asks and Kurt nods, not trusting his voice just yet.
"Did I do something wrong? 'Cause the last thing I want our first time to be is awkward because we can't tell each other if we don't like anything the other one does, so if it is something I did-"
"You didn't do anything wrong." Kurt interrupts, the tone more bitter than he had intended, but the way Blaine just talks about sex like it's the weather and the way he could even remotely think this mess was in any way his fault just makes him feel even worse. When he sees the hurt that flits over his boyfriend's face, Kurt can't help but wince a little.
"You're perfect, Blaine," He tries again, sounding more convincing. "but that makes it worse, because I feel so safe with you and you do everything just right and I just don't know what's wrong with me. I want to give you this so bad but whenever we get serious I just freak out and I can't help it and I'm so scared that that's not enough for you." Kurt's crying again but he doesn't care because he needed this to be said and it's sort a relief for him to actually talk about it, but why isn't Blaine saying anything? Kurt has to force himself to look up at his boyfriends face and his eyes widen when he sees Blaine's eyes seeming incredibly wet.
"Are you…?-" Kurt is suddenly wrapped into a too tight embrace and he feels Blaine shaking and only realizes after he hears a low chuckle from the other boy that Blaine's laughing and this just confuses him even more. He still can't help the smile that creeps on his face, because he is just so relieved that Blaine's not crying or, even worse, confirming what he has just said. And also, Blaine has a very, very nice laugh.
Blaine's shaking slowly decreases and then stops completely and somehow the two boys end up sitting with Blaine against the armrest and Kurt nestled on Blaine's lap, the former still clinging to Kurt's shirt.
Blaine lifts his head from Kurt's shoulder moving slow kisses from his collarbone to Kurt's temple murmuring 'so stupid's' and 'can't even believe you're thinking that's' against the skin he can reach. Kurt just sits there, feeling somewhat shaken and when he pulls away to look at Blaine, resting their foreheads together, he notices the gentle smile playing around the older boy's lips.
"Could you please tell me what that just was?", Kurt asks and his voice just sounds a little bewildered and more amused than anything.
Blaine just sighs exasperated and pulls back enough so he can look straight at Kurt. "Kurt. I love you-" this sends a nervous but really nice flutter through the younger boy's stomach, even though Blaine has said those words before. "-but sometimes you can be as clueless as I am with romance. I could never ask for anything more from you than you are already giving me. If you are not ready to take this a step further that is fine with me and you trying to make this work, even though we both know how uncomfortable you were even talking about sex a few months ago just makes it so much more special. Don't feel like you're doing something wrong, because you did the only right thing in pulling back when you were not comfortable anymore. I want our first time to be good for both of us and if you still need time, I will never ever deny you that, okay?" Blaine's expression is so earnest and Kurt feels like crying again, this time of happiness but instead he leans forward and catches the other boy's lips in a soft, slow kiss that goes on for far longer that either one expects at first. But it feels so nice and neither one wants to pull away and that's fine.
When they finally break for air, Kurt puts his hands around Blaine's neck and leans his head on Blaine's shoulder. "Thank you," he whispers and feels so loved, so secure that he never wants to let go again. Blaine is running one hand up and down Kurt's back and doesn't say anything in return, because really, there is nothing else to say.
It doesn't really matter that they haven't gone further in their relationship today, because, in a way, they have, and Blaine's sure that eventually he will be able to show Kurt how amazing this can feel but until then he is completely satisfied with just holding Kurt and them breathing together.