Please note that all these one shots were previously on my page, I just moved them around. I hope you find your old favorites as well as new ones. They will be in chronological order until the tenth one shot. After that, any subsequent one shot I write will be scattered in time.

Author's note: I have wanted to write some Sydrian since finishing The Golden Lily, but I was a little afraid and I really had no story that seemed convincing. Then I thought of the Evanescence song Lose Control. There is a line that says, "Just once in my life, I think it'd be nice, just to lose control just once." And then I ran with it. You should look up the song because it is pretty much awesome.

Please feel free to review. I may write something fluffy and completely out of character later on.

Happy reading!

Lose Control

A Bloodlines Fanfiction

By Danielle Cheri

I avoided Adrian as much as possible after that kiss. Jill had given me hurt looks, no doubt from Adrian's hurt feelings, but there was no way I could mend this. He was a vampire. I should be terrified of him. I should be terrified by all of them.

But I was becoming more used to them. I tried my hardest to distance myself. I had to. I could be sent to re-education after this. Or be the first Alchemist to my knowledge to be kicked out of the organization.

Ms. Terwilliger had kept on with the spells and was now being even more passive-aggressive about it, assigning more of them for me to execute on my own time and report about them.

One afternoon, after a stressful period of silence in my independent study, I dropped Ms. Terwilliger's coffee off at her office without a word and immediately left campus again. I sipped my own coffee as I drove Latte around. I knew where I wanted to go, but I knew I couldn't go there. It wasn't right. It wasn't smart. So I drove.

I didn't realize I'd actually made the decision to go to his place until I pulled up in front of it. I idled for several minutes, arguing with myself, trying to make myself just go back to Amberwood and do my homework.

I knew I had lost when my hand twisted the key and pulled it out of the ignition. I sat for another minute telling myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Adrian answered the door. His look was expectant. "Sydney." He said in greeting.

I looked up into his eyes a moment and then quickly away. "Do you still have that gelato?"

He smiled crookedly. "Yeah. Come in."

He stepped aside and I walked over the threshold.

"You can sit down if you want." He said as he walked into the kitchen.

I walked toward the couch, but was stopped by a large portrait of a familiar face: mine. I stood transfixed.

"Do you like it?" He asked from behind me.

I could think of nothing to say. I walked over to it and looked at it for a minute before I gently took it and turned it around. I would never normally take such liberties with his work, but I couldn't stand in that moment to see myself through his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said softly.

"I don't want to be Rose." I don't know where it came from. It just came out. I allowed myself to meet his eyes.

"You're not." He handed me a carton and a spoon before he sat down on the couch.

I sat on the opposite end and dug into the gelato. I studied his other work as I ate silently. He watched me. After a few more bites, I put the lid back on the carton and sat it and the spoon on the table in front on me.

"I…" I began. But I didn't know how to go on.

He took a deep breath and said, "You could never be Rose. Not to me."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked, still keeping my eyes averted.

"It's good. Rose hurt me. You could never really hurt me."

I looked at him from the corner of my eye. "And why's that?"

"Because I knew when I fell for you that I could probably never have you because of your allegiance to the Alchemists. I knew I scared you. I hate that I scare you—"

"Your magic scares me." I interrupted. "The fact that you need to drink blood terrifies me. But you don't. Not anymore."

He studied me silently for a while. Finally he asked, "Sydney, will you look at me?"

I slowly turned my head. It took a little bit longer for me to lift my eyes to his.

"What scares you the most? About this?"

"That I'll lose control." I said without hesitation.

"And I know you pride yourself in that."

"If I don't have my control, I have nothing."

"But it would be so nice if you would lose control just once. Like you did when I kissed you."

"Just once?" I asked. I could feel hysteria creeping up. "And then once more and once more yet again until I lose complete control. And then I'll be pulled from this mission and sent to re-education where I'll be reminded why I'm supposed to be frightened of you."

I didn't realize I had started crying until I felt his thumb wipe the moisture from my cheek. I leaned into his hand instead of pulling away like I should have.

And then he pulled away himself. He stood up and started pacing. "I could really use a cigarette."

"Yeah." I swallowed and then stood. "I'll go. I'm sorry I bothered you."

"But you didn't. I wish you'd do it again, but I know you won't." He sighed. "I know you can't."

"What was it you said about me not hurting you?" I asked helplessly.

"I hoped that if I said it enough, I wouldn't be." He went into the kitchen and produced a bottle.

"Please don't do that to Jill. She has a test in the morning. She can't afford the hangover."

He slammed the bottle down on the counter so hard, I was afraid it would shatter. But it didn't. "I have no other option."

"Paint. Smoke a cigarette. Go for a drive. Anything. Just don't get drunk."

"You know what? That's easy for you to say, Sage. 'Don't give Jill a hangover. But it's fine if you wallow in yet another heartbreak. She can handle that.'" He gripped his hand around the bottle trying to control his anger. "But how is she supposed to concentrate? How am I?" He rubbed his eyes. "She's probably seeing this right now. She says I pull her in more when my emotions are stronger."

I shook my head. "Do whatever you want, Adrian. You're an adult. Never mind about anyone else, especially the girl whose mind is connected to yours."

"I'm trying, Sydney." He was defeated. "You have no idea how hard I'm trying."

I studied him for a long time before I finally headed toward the door. "Just think about Jill before you do anything destructive."

He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. I was brought back to that afternoon all those weeks ago.

"Don't kiss me. Please." I begged softly.

His eyes were pained as though it actually physically hurt him not to.

We stared at each other for several unblinking moments before I finally looked away. "I need to go. I have homework."

"You already graduated."

I smiled. "Yeah, but if I don't pass my classes, I have to leave."

He smiled back at me and then rested his forehead against mine. "I never want you to leave."

"What else am I supposed to do?"

"Everything you can to stay here so I at least get to see you."

I said nothing. Leaving Adrian would be difficult and he knew it just as much as I did. So while we couldn't have the relationship we both so desperately wanted, we were at least in agreement that we would remain friendly.

I surprised both of us by pressing my lips to his briefly, pulling away before it went any farther. It was the most I would ever let my control slip where he was concerned. We shared a resigned smile and then I left without another word.