Because of You
Disclaimer: Don't own CSI or the characters. Also don't own the song Because of You...Kelly Clarkson owns it...lucky her!
Summary: Sara finally tells Grissom about her nightmares. GSR
Spoilers: Nesting Dolls...I think that's it.
Author's Note: So sorry for any mistakes.
In the bathroom, Grissom jumped when he heard a terrified scream coming from the master bedroom. He rushed in, and saw the brunette thrashing around wildly, tangled up in the sheet. Her eyes were clenched, and she was crying out for help.
"Sara, honey, wake up," he said, gently trying to awake her from yet another nightmare.
She woke up with a cry. The tears flowed freely, and she threw herself into Grissom's open arms. She cried into his shoulder as he gently rubbed small, soothing circles on her back.
Once she calmed a few minutes later, Grissom asked, "You wanna talk about it," even though he was pretty sure of the answer.
She surprised him, however, by nodding her head. She snuggled deeper into his embrace and said, "You already know a little bit about my past...I think I'm ready to open up to you about a lot more."
"I'm ready when you are," he said gently.
"My childhood was full of problems," she started. "Some-times I wondered if I was just a mistake that God put onto the earth."
I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
"My parents caused me and my brother to have a miserable childhood."
I will not break
The way you did,
You fell so hard
"We were a happy family up until Dad started drinking. He grew distant from us, which started to break up our family."
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
"From then on, I knew to never to bother him, talk to him, or to believe that we'll ever be a family again."
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
"I always hid in my room...which was the only place where I felt safe from the fights going on downstairs."
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
But everyone around me
"I also learned not to trust him anymore. He not only broke promise after promise...but also my heart."
Because of you
I am afraid
"I was terrified."
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
"Before, I used to do everything with Dad. Whenever I need-ed help, advice, someone to talk to, or someone to wipe away my tears, he was always there."
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
"Then when all Hell broke loose, I learned not to cry in front of him. He'd call me weak."
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
"My mom and teachers were too blind to see that I was mis-erable, or to see the many bruises I had. They all were fooled by the smiles I forced everyday."
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
"When Mom killed Dad, teacher and students would murmur to each other, thinking that I didn't notice...I did, though. I knew they were pitying me and saying that this broke me up...but they were wrong. If something's already broken, it can't break again, can it?" asked Sara, looking up at Grissom.
"No, why?" he asked.
"Well, that's what it was like with my heart," she answered.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
"I was right there in the kitchen when Mom took the knife out of the drawer. She walked into the bedroom, and I followed. She just stood there, over his sleeping form, and stabbed him. He opened his eyes, and I'll never forget the hate for her I saw in them. He saw me, and whispered a final 'I love you' before he closed his eyes for the final time. I ran from the room, screaming."
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
"Before Dad died, I was awoken every night by sobs. I would creep out of my room to see one of my family members on the couch, crying into his or her knees."
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain
"I was eleven...a child!" she screamed, tears pouring over her lids.
Grissom hugged her closely, kissing the top of her head, while she continued with her story.
"Mom and Dad never even once thought about what it was doing to me and my brother!"
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing!
"Even after 24 years, it still haunts me! I've woken up screaming almost every night since that night!"
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
"I try everyday to forget about what happened, but I always fail. I tried to forget the looks of pity I received every time I walked through the halls in school. I tried to pretend that moving from foster home to foster home didn't bother me."
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
"I finally learned to accept the fact that I would never truly feel home, or the fact that I was never loved. Once I was out of foster care, I shut everyone out because that's what I was used to. I thought everyone felt that way...then some classmates told me I had to get a social life."
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
"My whole life has been vacant and hollow. I had very few friends, hardly any boyfriends, no one to call my parent, and nowhere to call home."
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Oohh,
Because of you
Mmm, mm
"But now I do," she said, snuggling deep into her boyfriend's arms.
AN2: Hope you liked it! This is my first songfic, and I just turned 13 the other day, so. Please let me know what you thought of it.