Dreams
(Excerpts from Bastila Shan's Journal)
Entry 1
It has been days since I got off Revan's flagship. Somehow I feel as if I am still on that ship that was about to explode. Revan is still unconscious. He is floating on a kolto tank at the medical bay as I write. It seems strange to see a man who was once feared by many can be as helpless as he is. Though he is my enemy, I cannot help but pity him. He was once a Jedi after all.
I had a dream last night. It was strange. I dreamt that I was in some jungle planet. There was smoke in the distance. I ran to where it was. It was a camp of Mandolorians. I walked inside. Nobody seemed to notice me. The men were training with vibroblades. The women, though they wore armor, were either cleaning armor, cooking cleaning their homes. Strange, though I knew from the Archives that Mandalorians gave full rights to their women to train for combat and go to war, I didn't see a single woman in men's circles. I explored the camp further. I came upon some children playing with toy vibroswords. I guess they stressed the value of combat skills even in children like them. On one corner, there stood a boy watching them. He had brown hair and brown eyes. He approached them and asked if he could play with them. One of the children replied: "No! Father told me not to play with bastards!" They shoved him away. So he went back to his corner and watched them again playing.
I woke up shortly after that. I could not help but pity that child.
Entry 2
Tonight I had another dream. I dreamt that I was still a child. It was like walking into my past. Only this time, I wasn't restrained by time. I saw all the planets my father and I visited when he went hunting: Kashyyk, Vanqor and several other planets in the outer rim. Father was a great hunter. I loved going with him in his hunts. I saw the first time I killed a wraid. Father was proud of me. Mother, however was different. She often lectured me because often I got dirty. She also told me that hunting was not for girls. I hated her for it. She always spoiled the fun while it was always father who brought her everything. I am glad that she doesn't see me now or she would disapprove of everything I am doing. I was glad to leave her. But father…I cried for a month for him when I was taken to the Enclave away from him. I really should not think about this. I am a Jedi.
Entry 3
I had that dream of the jungle planet again. It looked the same. Men training, women at home and children trying to imitate what the older ones were doing in play. There was the child again. Once again, he tried to ask the other children to let him play with them. Once more, he was rejected. As he walked away, some older Mandalorian boys hit him. I think they wanted to use him for practice. I couldn't stand it. I ran to those boys and beat every one of them until they all ran away. I looked for the boy. He was hiding behind a plasteel cylinder. I extended my hand to him. "Don't be afraid," I said. "They are all gone." He took my hand and got up. I asked him his name. It wasn't long before I heard a woman call: "Revan!" I gasped. I couldn't believe it. "Revan!" the woman called again. I turned to her. She was a large woman, carrying a force pike. She pulled Revan's ear and dragged him to one of the tents. She continued yelling at him: "Haven't I told you to prepare supper before leaving?!"
"But maam," he replied. "That is all the food we have."
She hit him. "Obstinate boy! Do not contradict your aunt! If we don't have some, then buy some. Where's your money?"
"I don't have money…"
"Then sell that ring." She pointed to a small gold ring on his finger. It had a little figure that looked like a skull as a design. I couldn't quite make it out.
"It's all mother left me…"
She grabbed his hand and wrenched the ring from his finger. "Ugh! I can't stand you! You are no use to me like your mother when she was alive. If I were to choose I wouldn't have her or you in the same tent with me! If you weren't a boy my husband would have left you out of the camp!"
She pushed him in the tent. I didn't understand much of what she said from then on. A Mandalorian mechanic was working on a console. Apparently, he saw everything. I approached him and asked about Revan.
"Uh, little Revan…" he replied. "Not much to be said about him. Except that her mother seemed to have gotten pregnant from some unknown source…It's a rather sensitive subject around here. Because of her rather…disgraceful circumstances, her family cast her out. Apparently, she gave birth to that boy somewhere. One day, we found her dead beside a well with her baby with her. The uncle took him in…though he didn't like the boy much. Lately that boy has been doing some work for them—fixing droids and stuff. Pitiful kid."
"Yes, very pitiful," I replied. The man walked away.
I walked near the tent again. His aunt was still yelling. Suddenly, she stopped. There was silence in the house. Revan came out of the tent. He was wearing a coat. He opened his palm, revealing his ring and some money. He ran. I tried to catch up with him but he was running fast. The next thing I knew was that I was out of my bed, calling him.
Entry 4
I decided to ask Master Vrook today about Revan. He was very stern but he answered my questions.
He didn't know much about Revan but I think he told me all that he knew. He told me that it was Master Kreia who brought him to the Temple on Coruscant. Not much was known about him before he went to the Temple. Master Kreia was said to have caught him one day stealing from a food vendor in the city. He was a dirty, scrawny boy. She was supposed to turn him in to the Republic prison but she took pity on him. She took him on as her apprentice. Many Jedi could sense that he was powerful. Many feared what he might become, but Master Kreia trusted in his pupil. He became more and more powerful everyday. He wanted to learn more so he sought other masters like Master Zhar. But as he grew more powerful, he became proud. Eventually, when the Mandalorian wars came, he took it as a challenge, so he defied the Council and went to war.
That was what he said. But I think that he might have gone to war because he knew what it was like to be a Mandalorian slave. I don't know. I should not think that. I must trust on the Council's judgment.
Entry 5
I had several dreams last night. It had to do with a little girl.
The first dream was in a cave. The girl was running. A tu'kata was after her. I followed their chase until when the little girl tripped and fell. She got up. She was limping. She tried to fight by throwing some rocks. When she had no more rocks, the tu'kata charged straight at her, horns on front. From out of nowhere, a boy with two lightsabers came. It was Revan. He killed the tu'kata. He extended his hand to her. She was huddled in one corner. He said, "Don't be afraid." She took his hand. They started walking deeper into the cave.
They were silent. Revan finally spoke: "By the way, I'm Revan."
"I'm Aranel…"
I woke up.
In my second dream, the girl was some years older. She had a lightsaber. She was fighting with Revan. They were fighting a woman. The woman looked like her. Aranel was knocked down. When she got up, she was put on stasis. Revan fought the woman alone. He was able to knock her down many times but somehow, the woman was able to recharge herself quickly that she grew stronger each time she was knocked down. It was as if she had unlimited power. It was frightening. Revan's strength was waning. Eventually, she was able to knock him down. She was about to strike him when Aranel threw herself in front of Revan. The blade pierced right through Aranel. Aranel fell. But the woman also fell. Blood flowed from her where she had pierced Aranel. Then she faded.
Revan took Aranel in his arms. He was crying. "Your blood…It's everywhere! Aranel, what have you done?!"
At that moment, it seemed that Aranel was at peace. She said, "Don't …worry…It doesn't hurt…that much…You're …here … I am safe… Nothing…will ever…hurt me … now …Revan, you…have…made me…happy." She closed her eyes. She didn't move.
Revan continued, "Don't…go. Because there is something I should have told you…I love you! Can't you hear me?! Aranel, I love you! Wake up!"
When he said those words, I woke up.
Entry 6
I found a portrait of Aranel Stari in the Archives today. She was as I saw her in my dreams. She was very beautiful (though I don't know if she knew that). Her eyes looked sad. She seemed to be staring at blank space. Though she didn't say anything, it seemed to me that she said much. Sorry, I know that doesn't make sense but that was what I felt then on seeing that picture. I first knew her as on of my teachers before the Mandalorain Wars. I knew that something was different about her then, but I didn't sense her sadness until now. I remember her as one of my favorite teachers. She had a natural way to connect with people. I was shocked when she joined Revan to fight in the Mandalorian Wars. Until now, I wish that she didn't join him.
There is something else strange in the picture. When I looked at her finger, she was wearing a ring. It looked like Revan's ring. It's very strange.
Entry 7
I found two holo-recordings today. They were sent here from Coruscant. One is a recording of a Republic soldier, dated three or four years before the Mandalorian Wars. A transcript of the recording is as follows:
"These Jedi are getting weirder by the minute. Well, they nabbed the notorious death stick lord, Terrik Kadon today. That's good news. But I think the Jedi they called Revan went too far in interrogating the prisoner. I think it was more of a torture than an interrogation by the looks of it. He asked a question. Even though the prisoner answered, he still electrocuted the prisoner. My fellow officers told me that it was probably due to the way the plan in capturing the Kadon went this morning. Things didn't go as planned. Although they managed to capture Kadon, a Jedi girl was wounded due in no small part by the prisoner's war droids. Perhaps that Jedi didn't like his little girlfriend getting hurt. Sheesh, I thought Jedi wasn't supposed to have that kind of a relationship. Guess I heard wrong. Maybe this Jedi's just crazy. Well, they sent Kadon to the hospital. I am not sure when he would be able to come back…"
Another recording is a recording of Malak from the Temple. It was dated two years before the Mandalorian Wars. This is a transcript:
"She's still unconscious. We are all worried about her. More than a week ago, she was so full of life. Now she's very still…Revan is so upset. I won't speak to anyone, even me. He just stayed with her in the medical facility. I am also worried about him. I know we would both do anything to get her back. She has to come back. She must come back…though she might not come to me…"
Another recording will be arriving from Coruscant in about a week. I wonder what that contains.
Entry 8
Today, I found the courage to ask Master Dorak about Aranel Stari. Although I know any that discussion about her was taboo for the Council, he answered my questions.
He told me that he first knew her when her master took her to the Enclave from Coruscant. The girl was said to be a top student and scholar of her school. Although she was untrained, she was able to resist the dark side. He wouldn't tell me the details on how he knew that. He said that she was an average student of the Force, but she proved to have a unique talent in forming force bonds quickly. Her masters didn't tell her about it because that ability is dangerous when utilized. She went to Coruscant for a few years and went back to Dantooine as a Jedi Knight. She was about to take a pupil when the Mandaloran wars came. She followed Revan to war. When she came back, she was changed. She could no longer feel the Force. The Council exiled her because she defied them.
I asked about her relationship with Revan. He was silent for a while but he told me that he knew that Revan and Aranel harbored feelings for each other. But they decided to obey the Code and resisted their feelings. When she came back from the Mandalorian wars, it was said that one of the wounds that she carried was a wound from Revan.
With that, he stopped his narration and said nothing more.
Entry 9
The promised holo-recording arrived today. It was a recording of a Revan in his signature mask talking to Malak right after the Mandolorian Wars. A transcript is as follows:
Malak: Master, she has escaped. (Revan is silent). I have sent units to find her.
Revan: You won't find her. I let her go.
Malak: You…WHAT?! She is a traitor! She's an insult to the Order we forged when we broke away from the Jedi! She has to bend to our will or die. If I could, I would kill her with my own hands. The torture that was given to her was not enough to make her beg for the death that she deserves.
Revan: She's weak. She is now dead to the Force. She will be of no use to us now. Besides, I told you to leave her. You disobeyed me!
Malak: (He was silent for a while) Now I see it…until now you still love her. You are weak Revan. You deserve to fall!
(Malak ignited his lightsaber. He attacked Revan. Revan fought back. He cut off Malak's jaw. Malak tried to scream in pain but he could not do so.).
Revan: Do NOT contradict me again.
The recording faded as Revan walked away.
Entry 10
I had another strange dream. I cannot sleep because of it.
I dreamt that I was in a jungle planet. I looked up the sky. There were droid carriers but the anti-air turrets were able to destroy several of them before they could even land. I saw a battalion of Republic soldiers charge but many were killed by traps and landmines before they could even get near the Mandalorian stronghold.
An officer ran to me, "General Revan, our losses are heavy. General Stari, we fear, has been captured. We have to pull back."
I found myself replying, "No! We will charge until there are no more soldiers left. We cannot fail…if we do, the Republic will be lost."
"But General…"
"Do as I say! There is no room for weaklings in the Republic army!"
"I…very well, general. I will sound another charge."
A bomb exploded a few meters beside me. I woke up.
In my next dream, I think I saw Malachor V. It was terrible….to see death on a massive scale. It was…deafening. I do not want to write about it.
I went to the Council to consult them concerning these dreams. When I finished narrating my dreams, they had come to a conclusion: I had developed a force bond with Revan. I couldn't believe them at first but I knew that they were right. This is dangerous. This bond has to be severed.
Entry 11
These dreams are not only getting stranger. They are getting darker, more frightening. Last night, I dreamt that I was walking in an academy. Its halls were large, larger than the Enclave itself. It was dark but it was illuminated by red light. I walked through those halls. Like the Enclave, its structure was circular. There were many Sith units but they could not see me. I walked to its core. It had huge beams jutting out like claws. On its center was Revan. I had always wondered how Revan had amassed such a large force when he came back to the Republic. I think this might be the key. This might be the secret of Revan's power: the key to unlimited potential. I wanted to see more but I woke up.
It was frightening. But I don't know if I should be more frightened of the visions I see or if I should be frightened for myself. I am threading on dangerous ground. The dark side is hard to resist.
Entry 12
I have a plan. I went to the Council early this morning and told them about it. My plan is to make Revan an ally of the Republic once more by using the Force to erase some of his memories and retain only those that can help us discover the secrets of the Sith. In that way, we could defeat Malak. I also thought that it would be good for Revan. It might be possible for him to come back to the light. The Council told me that they will reflect upon it. They will call me when they come to a decision. I hope that they would approve of my plan. It would be perfect.
Entry 13
There is another recording sent to me from Coruscant today. It is a recording of a Republic soldier telling about the execution of Mandalore the Ultimate:
"Mandalore the Ultimate was executed today. I saw it myself. I guess that he was not as ultimate as he thought he was. There will be a big celebration tonight at camp. General Revan defeated Mandalore's forces today. He used his lightsabers like scissors on the Mandalorian's head. Serves him right. But what's weird is that after the execution, the General didn't seem that happy about it. When he cut of his head, he saw that the Mandalorian had some strange ring. The General took it. He had a very strange expression. I couldn't quite describe his face. He looked sad and shocked at the same time. I think I heard him whisper: "Father…I'm sorry. I didn't know." That's weird. I don't know what the General's father had to do with it. Anyway, he secluded himself in his room tent for hours. Finally, he came out fully covered in a black robe and a black mask. Weird guy. But one has to admit, we wouldn't have done it without him. Well, there are still some Mandalorians left. But who cares about that now? We won!
The recording ended. After hearing that, I couldn't help but cry for Revan, in spite of myself.
Entry 14
I visited Revan today. He's still unconscious. The Council has approved of my plan. It won't be long before they start to set Revan right again.
Entry 15
I talked to Revan. Yes, I did…in my dream. He was sitting in the fields outside the Enclave, watching the sunset. I walked towards him.
He turned to me and said, "You are here."
"Yes I am...due in no small part to you."
"You saved me. You were with me all this time. For that, I thank you."
"There is no need for that, the Council said that you and I have developed a Force bond. I was able to see your dreams, as perhaps you saw mine."
"I did see…your dreams. Are we dreaming now?"
"Yes, we are. And that is not my fault."
He laughed. "Whoever said that it was iyour /ifault?" He paused. "Tell me, what's going to happen to me?"
"You are still unconscious. The Council has decided to wipe away your memory and perhaps…the dark side."
"When will this happen?"
"Perhaps…now."
"Then we do not have much time left. Come, sit beside me." He motioned me to the space beside him. I reluctantly obeyed. We sat there for a while, not saying anything. Then he laughed and said, "It's funny. Had our circumstances been different, we might have been friends."
"Maybe," I replied.
"Or perhaps…more?"
"I would never—"
"Shh…" He put his hand on my mouth. He laughed. "That's just maybe."
I shoved his hand away. "Why must you be so impossibly infuriating?!"
He laughed again. "I am a Sith Lord remember?" We laughed. He held out his hand to me. "Friends?"
I smiled and shook his hand. He didn't let go. But somehow, I didn't mind. Somehow, I felt safe when I was with him. We watched the sunset and its colors fade into darkness.
Entry 16
It has been a long time since I last wrote. The Endar Spire is almost ready. The preparations are almost done.
He is in the same ship with me but he doesn't remember me. I doubt that he would be able to remember anyone after his…change. But I must say that I am happy for him. I'm watching him from a distance. I see him now: smiling and laughing with his fellow soldiers. I think he has found peace at last. Yesterday, he discovered that he knew how to speak Sarkese, a language that we didn't include in his records. He made quite a show especially with the female soldiers. I wonder if he was ever like that as a Padawan. I don't know when all his memories will come back. Recently, I had no strange dreams. So I don't think he remembers anything significant now. Someday, he will remember. But until then, he is free. He can start again. But somehow, I feel that I miss him. Perhaps I would it won't be long now. I know I will meet him again...
A/N: Hey there! This is my first dueling circle story in KFM. I recycled the material from my other story "Echoes" which is also in KFM. Sometime later, I think I will upload that other story here when I am done with some editing. Thanks for reading my story.