I sighed happily as Anthony and I watched a movie at 12:30 am. Today had been really tiring, as we had been filming all day outside in the blazing hot sun. Now we finally got the chance to relax by lying on our tan leather couch by watching the ridiculous DreamWorks movie that Anthony had picked out.
It felt nice, sitting here with my best friend, eating pizza from the local pizza place and sipping Mountain Dew. No matter how much I loved working with Anthony for Smosh, I liked it when we would just unwind and watch a movie, just like the old days when we would just goof off and were just being Ian and Anthony.
At about the middle of the movie, I heard soft snores from the other side of the tan couch. Haha, he fell asleep,I thought as I looked over at my best friend slumped over on the other side of the sofa.
When I got up to go to the bathroom, I stopped and stared at Anthony for a second. Anthony's dark brown hair was slightly messed up, with his arm tucked under his head. His breathing very soft and he just looked so delicate right now. He looks so cute when he's asleep. Wait, did I just think he looked cute again? Why am I still thinking he looks cute? I start thinking of his cute brown hair, his chocolate eyes, his pink plush lips… No Ian, stop thinking like that!
I shook myself and hurried into the bathroom. As I was sitting on the toilet taking a pee, I couldn't help but wonder why I had started thinking like this about Anthony. In all the years I have known Anthony I have never referred to him as cute like that like I have been doing for the past two months. Ever since we had filmed that one Smosh video where I had to spank Anthony's butt and hold hands with him, I have been starting to think weirdly about him.
Of course, I was the one who had written the script, but I had no idea that this would have happened to me. Every time Anthony looked at me directly in my eyes like he wanted to ask me something, I would always feel nervous and couldn't look him in the eyes.
I also have found that when I was away from him, if even for a short bit, I missed him. I missed his cute little laugh, his brown eyes that always sparkled with happiness, and the way that he could comfort me no matter how sad I was. Even if he was away for only two minuets, perhaps getting something from his car, I missed him in this way. I had no idea why.
Then there was also the time about three weeks ago, when Anthony's girlfriend had broken up with him. I had let him cry on my shoulder all night long, wanting to wring the stupid little bastard that had hurt this amazing person. I should have been miserable for him, and I was, but I secretly felt almost happy that he didn't belong to her anymore, like I had Anthony all to myself, as my best friend again.
Was the reason that I was suddenly acting this way around Anthony the past two months, was because…I liked him? No, I'm not gay… but why was this still happening to me? Why did a video that was meant to be funny having this effect on me?
As I was washing my hands, I couldn't help but still wonder for the millionth time why this was happening to me. Could I really be gay? No, I loved Anthony, but in a brotherly way. But why did I keep thinking of him in this other way? I still wasn't really sure what those sudden new feelings meant. I felt like I was lying to myself somehow without knowing it, like I already knew the answer was in my heart but just not listening to it.
Shaking these thoughts off, I stepped out of the bathroom and walked back down the darkened hallway back into the living room. I grabbed the remote from the sofa arm and turn to face the TV to shut it off. I sneak a peek at the sleeping Anthony again and realized I shouldn't of; Anthony had the cutest little smile on his face as he was sleeping and all of a sudden I felt like I was blushing really embarrassingly. I couldn't help but smile at how adorable he looked at the moment.
As I stood there, I got butterflies in my stomach. Never was I so glad that he was asleep at this moment. I was also glad that Anthony was a pretty heavy sleeper, but even then he wouldn't have woken up because of how silent I was just standing there. I had no idea how long I stood there and just stared at him. It could have been five minutes or an hour.
Eventually I realized what I was doing. I needed to escape. I was still so confused about what this all meant. Did I really like Anthony more than just a friend? I forced my eyes off his light pink lips and walked quickly to my bedroom. I closed the door and slid down against it with my head in my hands, my body shaking slightly.
Oh my god. Lots of thoughts were going though my head all at once. What the hell is all this? What is this happening to me? Why do I always feel the need to keep staring at him? I think maybe to protect him. To make sure he doesn't get hurt again like he was before 3 weeks ago. Whatever this was, I needed to forget about it. I put on some loud music with some ear buds in, so that I didn't have to think for myself. Just as I fell asleep, I couldn't help but think that I wasn't going to be able to forget about this all that easily.