Battle on Headlong
By Ardent Dragon
Starring:
Blue Team (Hara5aki)
ArdentDragon, RanHarasaki, SynHarasaki,LouHarasaki, GCarlos, Squee, Maverick, DarkApocalypse
Red Team (Eat Shyt and Die)
SnipesforFun, Browneye Bob, Pritty Flowerz, Captain Kill, Gumby, Diggler, BlastTard, Stickyman
Spawn Point: Headlong, Blue Base
"Ok, so I think it's safe to assume, we all agree to forget that last match against Clan 1337 5choolGirl5."
"Yeah Ran, losing 50 to 0 against a bunch of giggling girls isn't something I want to remember, in fact, I plan to hit myself with a large blunt object until that's true."
"Good idea Ardent, be sure you video tape that and send me a copy"
"Hey Syn, Leave Ardent alone,after all, he had no deaths in that match."
" Uh, to be perfectly honest Squee, the only reason I stayed alive was because I managed to seduce their leader and gained all of their hearts, the whole clan sent me friend requests, heh."
"Lucky bastard," replies Ran, "Anyways, I wasnt paying attention, whats the gametype?"
"Well great Overlord Ran, It's multiflag elimination on Headlong"
"Ah yes, attentative and ass kissing as always, Maverick, now, on your knees and shine my boots!"
"YES SIR!" replies Maverick
"With your tongue.."
"Right Sir!"
"Now, heres the plan, Ardent, you...hey,where the hell is Ardent"
Just then, Ardent walks in with a Rocket Launcher.
"What I miss?" he asks.
"God Damnit Ardent, next time,let me know when your gonna do that, we could have lost you!"
"Nah, dont worry about it by the way, their down a guy, he had an unfortunate mis-hap with a couple plasma grenades, and by a couple, I mean six." replies Ardent.
"Tell me Ardent, why didnt you stop when clearly one would have been enough." asks Syn.
"Uh, because im a sadistic psychopath who likes explosions,plus,I didnt like his name."
"OK, lets move on.. Ardent, since you have more than enough firepower, you lead the defensive squad. Lopez, I mean Carlos..heh,heh..erm.."
"Sure ya did Gringo, Sure ya did.." Carlos Glares at Ran.
"Um, anyways, your with Ardent, you too Squee."
"Gladly," Squee winks at Ardent as he high fives Carlos.
"How the hell did you do that.." asks Ran.
"Skill"
"Word"
"Ok, Syn, you take sniping position.."
"Already here," Answers Syn from the top of the blue base skyscraper.
"Syn, how the hell did you get... nevermind,im starting to get a headache.All right, and finally, myself, Lou, Dark, and Maverick will go on offense."
"YAYYY!" exclaims Lou
"Lou, you go get the gunner on one of the warthogs, Dark, you get passenger, i'll drive."
"Uh , sir, what shall I do?" Asks Maverick
"Oh yes, Maverick, you will play a vital role, i'll need you to run around in circles singing 'I'm a little teapot' "
" Uh sir,im not one to question orders, but what the fuck will that do for the team?"
"Pipe down Maverick, or I will demote you to something far worse than Peon, i'll make you Lou's Boytoy!" barks Ran
"ALL RIGHT!" screams Lou from a warthog's turret, target practicing on orange safety cones.
"Your distraction will draw their fire allowing the rest of us to sneak in the back"
"IN..THE..BACK..BABY..!" shouts Lou in between gauss cannon shots.
"Ok," commands Ran, "Let's Move!"
A red team sniper takes position on the upper level of red base, scanning the large open area between the two bases, with nothing conecting them but a large support beam being hoisted by a now inactive and abandoned crane perched high above red base.His spotter, battle rifle at the ready with plasma pistol at his side, catches movement coming from the lower exit of blue base.
" 'SnipesforFun', this is 'Browneye Bob', movement by lower enemy turret, confirm."
" Bob, you dipshit,im right next to you, and I already know,ive been leading him since he exited the building. Your a terrible spotter you know."
"Oh yeah, well your a..whats that mom, call him a what..OK! your just a big ole meanie!"
"Good comeback..hey, what the hell is that..is that 'Im a little teapot?"
"HaHaHa! your a little teapot!" replies Bob gleefully
"No Jackhole, shut up and listen."
"Wow, he's really off key." says Bob
"Yeah, and why the hell is he just running in circles? Snipes to 'CaptainKill' , it appears were dealing with nobs here."
INSIDE RED BASE
"Good, good," answers Captain kill, leader of the clan 'Eat Shyt and Die' "this just makes our job easier." He pulls out an Energy Sword and swings it in the air randomly, striking the shields of his second in command, 'PrittyFlowerz'.
"Hey!" shouts Pritty, "We already lost 'Stickyman', we cant afford to lose someone else due to a team kill."
"Oh yeah, sorry, anyways, how are the other three doing?'
"Gumby, Diggler, BastTard, hows it going" Pritty asks into the team channel.
"Were half way there," answers Gumby, "Blast has picked up the invisibility power up and is sneaking in ahead to see if he can kill a couple of them before were detected."
"Ok, good, advise when you have the flag."
"Uh, sir?" asks Gumby " wont you already know when the announcer yells 'Flag Taken!' ?"
"Oh yeah, disregard that last part, Base Out."
" HAHAHA, 'Base Out' " laughs captain kill
"Fucktard.." mumbles Pritty.
RED BASE SNIPER POSITION
"Ok, ive had enough of his singing..." says Snipes while he tightens his grip on his Beam Rifle.
"I dunno, its kinda soothing in a creepy kind of way." replies bob.
"DANCE LITTLE MAN DANCE!" screams Snipes as he begins to open fire on his target's feet. "GAHAHAHAHA!"
Girlish screams erupt from below as Maverick hopelessly tries to run, but only finds a beamshot fired ahead of every way he tries to run. And then a single shot from a human sniper rifle cuts off the maniacal laughter. Snipes falls backwards and fires off a snigle shot which burns through the thick cord supporting the giant Beam, which then falls, directly on Maverick.
"SNIPES, NOOOOOO!" cries Bob, but as he begins to ponder the potential ramifications of being blamed for 'Snipes' death because he didnt spot the enemy sniper, a second bullet enters his brain.
ON TOP OF BLUE BASE SKYSCRAPER
"HAHAHA! YES! I AM THE MAN, DOUBLE KILL BABY!" gleefully exclaims Syn as he stands up to dance. "I am so freggin' cool!" he then begins to moonwalk backwards, when suddenly, he falls, right into the inescapable hole in the center of the building with only an indestructable window beneath him, which incidentally, looks right into blue base.
"Sniper Down! Sniper Wayyyyy down!" shouts syn into the team com channel.
"What the hell," asks Ardent in suprise "it says your still alive on the player info screen, but, wOOt! two more of theirs are dead!"
"I can seeeeee yoouuuuu Ardent, HAHAHA! giggles Syn, obviously proud of himself.
Ardent's eye twitches as he raises his rocket laucher and fires directly above him without looking.
"GAHHHHH! oh yeah, very funny Ardent, that wasnt very nice scaring me like that, but you must've known the glass was indestructable."
"Yeah, exactly, I knew it wouldnt blow you into a bunch of little tiny smoking pieces..." replies Ardent with a sarcasm level off the charts. He then blocks Syn off the team channel.
Just then, Carlos explodes in a flurry of plasma. Ardent runs to his fallen comrade's side.
"LOPEZ, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" scream Arednt into the cieling, "er, um, I mean carlos, ole buddy..heh.."
With his last bit of strength, Carlos flips Ardent the Bird, and dies with a cough.
"How the hell did he.. ARDENT, LOOK OUT!" shouts squess as she dives behind some boxes.
Ardent turns and sees three red team members, one of them emerging from active camo, all of them with battle rifles drawn and aimed at him.
"Weve come to kill you and take your flag." Says one
"Well, yeah, " scoffs ardent, "Thats kinda what I figured."
Ardent quickly pulls out his rocket launcher and fires twice hitting the lead red in the chest and face, killing him instantly, and draining the shields of the other two.They both take cover as their shields recharge, as does Ardent while he reloads.
Three grenades fly at Ardent, he manages to avoid two but catches the flak off of one, draining his shields half way, with no time to lose, he quickly charges and fires his last rocket, right into the face of the red who foolishly stuck his head out from their cover. The last one jumps out and fires at ardent, draining his shields the rest of the way, but Ardent closes the gap and brutally beats him to death with the empty launcher.
Smoke rises around Ardent as his chields crackle and recharge.He tosses away the rocket launcher and picks up a battle rifle from one of his fallen foes. "Only two of them left," says Ardent, "Ran and the rest shouldnt have a problem.."
"WOOHOO!" screams ran as he launches the warthog up the staircase that leads to the uppermost level of red base. He slows down as he approaches an air vent, which opponents often use as a hiding spot to intercept would be attackers. As the warthog comes to a stop, Ran turns to Dark.
"Well, go check it out." Ran commands
"WHY ME?" whines Dark
"Well, simple, Im driving, Lou is on gunner, that leaves you, the only expendable one here."
"Aw Crap," mutters Dark as he hops out.
He crouches and moves forward. When reaching the opening of the vent, he stands up and peaks in.
"See anything?" asks Ran
"All I see is is a biright bluish white light...Aw Fu.." his words are cut off as the plasma grenade stuck to his face plate explodes.
"OH SHIT!" shrieks Ran as he drives like a bat out of hell.
As he passes by the vent, a red SPARTAN jumps on the back of the warthog, and pulls Lou off. The girlish screams fade as Ran keeps driving without looking back. A frag grenade clunks to the ground and explodes as the warthog passes over it. A nearby plasma barrell also goes off sending the heavy duty veheicle spinning violently end over end, smashing into the side of the building and finally crashing into the dirt three stories below.
Ran jumps out and stumbles away as it explodes. Shields fully depleted, he looks for a place to hide, but only sees the flash of an Energy Sword as it ignites. High pitched, almost prepubescant laughter comes from the red elite standing before him.
BACK AT BLUE BASE
"What the hell could be taking so long?" pouts Squee.
"I dont know, but Dark is dead" replies Ardent
Rans Voice crackles over the team channel, "Ardent, Ardent, come in, I only have a second, weve been captured, weve failed, it's all up to you and Squee now, please, we cant lose this one, oh god, AHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Why the hell dont they just kill them and even the odds." asks Squee
"I dunno, maybe their just dicks." replies Ardent as he walks to the back of the base.
"Where are you going?" asks Squee.
"Correction, where are WE going " replies Ardent climbing into the driver's seat. "Take gunner."
As Squee jumps onto the gun, Ardent floors it and cranks up the new System of a Down CD, in stores now. ;) He takes the roadway leading towards the unfinished bridge in the center of the map.He hits it at full speed.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!" he shouts 'Dukes of Hazzard' style until he lands on the other side. The warthog then proceeds down the dirt ramp, off the roadway and makes its way behind red base.
Ardent gets out and turns to squee. "Get in the drivers seat and get ready to haul ass when we get back with the flag."
"Ok," squee replies.
Then Ardent makes his way inside the base. Crouching as he enters the stairway. He slowly works his way up three flights. He listens as he approches the doorway on the flag level.
"Seriously, Are you ever going to let anyone else get the sword?" asks Pritty.
"Hell no" replies captain kill, "im the Overlord, that entitles me to certain perks."
"But im a level 32, and your only a 14..shouldnt I be the Overlord?" Inquires Pritty
"Silence Underling! Now bring on the Dancing Girls!"
Ran and Lou are then shoved in, now wearing pink bows somehow, and begin to circle eachother in a rhythmic dance, with middle eastern music playing somewhere in the background. Captain Kill giggles and claps along to it.
"Oh dear god I cant take this anymore!"
"Who the hell was that?" asks pritty, startled.
Both Pritty and Captain start looking around unsteadily, when suddenly, Ardent jumps down behind Captain and cracking him in the base of the skull with his battle rifle, killing him instantly. The Energy Sword bounces to the ground, and is reignited quickly by ardent as he drops his battle rifle in favor of the new toy.
Seeing his chance, Ran grabs the red team flag and runs, jumping through the open window behind Ardent. Pritty opens fire but Ardent intercepts the bullets and locks onto him with the sword, he begins to lunge, and he would have killed pritty instantly...If Lou hadnt jumped in the way.
"BETRAYAL!" says the game announcer.
"Lou, you idiot," mumbles Ardent.
Pritty kneels over Lou's corpse. "Goodbye, Lover." He sighs and lowers his head slightly.
"Oh...Kay..Then..." interrupts Ardent, "I'll be killing you now, but first, tell me, why is someone like you following a twit like that?" Ardent points to Captain Kill's Body.
"simple, he's my little brother, so my mom will ground me if im not nice to him." Pritty Replies
"I see," replies Ardent, "ok,time to end this.."
Ardent and Pritty Charge each other, at the same time, Ran and Squee make their way up to Blue flag, for the score. Pritty's body drops simultaniously.
"Hey, Ran?" asks Squee.
"What is it?" replies Ran.
"That bow makes you look kinda gay.."
"Fuck You.." Replies Ran.
Ardent slowly walks to, and stands over Pritt's Body. then drops the energy sword.
"Good Game..."
Notice: All terms such as Warthog, Headlong, and SPARTAN are copyrighted by Bungie.
"Uh...Guys...guys..hellooooooooooo? You wouldnt forget about ole Syn would ya?"