What About Gary?
Summary: Question- What is scarier than receiving tomorrow's
newspaper today? Answer- Having one of your saves be Joan
Gallagher. This very short story is an EE/What About Joan?
crossover.
Disclaimer: Early Edition and What About Joan? characters belong to
their creators. No copyright infringement intended. No profit is
being made.
Author's Note: After immersing myself in the daily writing of a
continuing series for over a year and particularly spending the last
three months addressing weighty emotion in my stories, this story
represents an unexpected detour. But be forewarned: This story is
just meant to be absurd and goofy.
Author: Tracy Diane Miller
E-mail: tdmiller82@hotmail.com
What About Gary?
"Meow." Thump.
"Go away!" Gary bellowed. He grabbed the pillow and held it over
his head praying that he could drown out the cry of his possessive
messenger.
"Meow."
No such luck.
Gary really wasn't eager to start this day. Yesterday, he had nearly
round the clock saves. It was his last save, at a strip club, that
made him cringe. The paper asked him to stop an altercation between
two female strippers fighting over a hefty tip left by a patron. He
had stopped the fight, but not before becoming a human wishbone to
the aggressive strippers. He had been lucky to get out there with
his dignity and his clothes intact.
"Meow." The cat's cry was insistent now.
Defeated, Gary threw back his bed covers, rose from the bed, and
proceeded to the door. His footsteps were as heavy as a guy walking
towards the guillotine.
Gary flung open the door. The cat offered another "meow" before
surrendering the paper and scurrying into the loft. Gary flashed the
cat an annoyed look before bending down to pick up the paper. He
closed the door. Flipping through the paper, he noticed the usual
saves- slip and falls, school fights. However, on page ten, a story
captured his eye "Woman Chokes To Death On Donut." A picture of the
victim accompanied the story. He read the story out loud. "At 7:30
a.m., Joan Gallagher, a teacher, choked to death while eating a donut
at Dino's."
Great. The day was already starting out to be another winner. No
shock that Dino's was the venue of the choking disaster. Dino's was
probably serving the same pastry they had served the night of his
infamous date with Emma years ago.
Gary quickly took a shower, dressed in his white turtleneck sweater
and a pair of blue jeans, and hurried out of the loft to prevent
another catastrophe.
* * * * * *
Joan stared intently inside her very large cup of coffee. People say
that you could read the future looking inside of a coffee cup. No,
wait...that was tea leaves. The only future promised by cups of
coffee is acute caffeine addiction.
Maybe Alice and Ruby had been right. Maybe if she and Jake talked
this thing through everything would be okay. Except she didn't know
where Jake had gone. After he stormed out of her apartment last
night, she left several frantic messages on his answering machine.
She even called at 4:00 a.m. and got the answering machine. Just
where was he at 4:00 a.m. anyway? And this morning when she called
his secretary, the woman said that he wasn't available. Liar. He
was probably sitting right there laughing at her desperation while
playing some juvenile game of one upmanship. How could such a fine
evening turned into World War III?
Joan reviewed the events of the previous night in her mind. When she
came home last night from an evening teacher's meeting, she was
pleasantly surprised to find Jake in her apartment cooking dinner.
She marveled at her good fortune. Not only did she have the most
handsome, most considerate, most intelligent guy alive, but he could
cook, too. Mother always said that if you could find a guy who could
cook, you should marry him on the spot.
There lies the problem. The "M" word, the octopus that kept rearing
its head and strangling her with its many arms (commitment,
permanency, constancy, responsibility, certainty) words that scared
her. She had always been a spontaneous, fly by the seat of her
pants, kind of girl. And weren't investment bankers supposed to be
big on planning? Who proposes after just nine dates anyway? Then
again, their first meeting could have easily gone into "The Guinness
Book of World Records" under most unconventional. She would have
gone to confession after what happened between her and Jake that
first night. Then again, she wasn't Catholic.
Jake knew how she felt about being pressured. She thought that he
understood. She had almost moved in with him because of her fear of
losing him, but that time, he was chivalrous. He told her that he
only wanted her to make that decision when she was ready. Yet, he
also let her know that occasionally he would propose.
Like last night.
They had just finished the wonderful meal of chicken marsala, ravioli
stuffed with crabmeat, and creamed asparagus. He removed the glass
of white wine from her hand and placed it on the coffee table next to
his glass. He had such a mischievous gleam in his eye. He then told
her what he had been thinking about doing all day. He wanted
to...play Scrabble. Huh? Play Scrabble? Yep, sure, that was the
obvious request following a romantic dinner. Of course, when he also
stripped down to his boxers (the ones with the little red hearts on
them) she should have figured that something was going on. Yet, she
indulged his desire to play Scrabble. Ten minutes later, he had
completed his twenty-point phrase "Will You Marry Me?" She was
speechless. Even after he went into the bedroom and returned a few
moments later with a small velvet box and opened it to reveal a huge
pear shaped diamond engagement ring, she, Joan Gallagher, was still
speechless. Finally, after a long and agonizing silence, she spoke.
Instead of answering his question, she asked him whether he wanted to
play Monopoly next. She rambled about how she felt lucky tonight.
She was sure that she could score Park Place, maybe with even a few
hotels on it, too. Her avoidance of his question was met by his
uncharacteristic anger. He threw back the words he had uttered early
in their relationship "You made me feel like a fool." He called her
selfish and immature and added that he didn't want to stay in a
relationship that lacked direction. Then he stormed out of her
apartment...wearing only his boxers.
Joan sighed heavily. She picked up her glazed donut. "Hi, friend.
We have been through so much together in our...," she looked at her
watch, "...twenty minutes here." She said to the donut. "Sorry I
have to eat you and I'll probably be even sorrier when you go
directly to my hips, but you understand, don't you? You wouldn't get
angry with me for turning down your marriage proposal, would you?"
She rambled. Just as she prepared to take a bite of the donut, a
stranger bolted across the room and snatched the donut away from
her. Only it was no stranger. It was Jake.
"Hey! Don't eat that lady." Gary warned.
Joan was shocked to see Jake, but she was happy that he was there.
He must have called Alice or Ruby and learned that she was having
breakfast at Dino's. He must have wanted to make up.
"Oh, Jake!" She gushed. She rose from her seat, threw her arms
around him, and kissed him hungrily on the lips.
"You're...you're welcome." A shocked Gary stammered after the kiss
ended, a noticeable blush on his face.
"Jake, I'm so sorry about last night. I never meant to make you feel
like a fool. I know that you want to get married. The
big "M"...it's so scary. What if I'm no good at it? Look at what
happened to Mark and Betsy? I don't want that to happen to us." She
confessed.
Who was this nut? And why did she keep calling him Jake? Gary
wondered.
"Listen, lady. I don't know who you are or what you're talking
about, but since everything is okay here, I'll be going."
"Oh my God! Jake, you have amnesia, don't you? You were in a
horrible accident after you left my apartment and that caused you to
lose your memory, didn't it? You didn't come to Dino's looking for
me. You came because you have been wandering the streets all night,
lost and scared. You were hungry so you ended up here. Oh, Jake.
I'm so sorry, but don't worry. I'll help you through this. I'll
call Ruby. She'll know what to do. We'll get through this
together." Joan reassured.
"My name is not Jake, it's Gary. And I don't have amnesia." Gary
said perturbed.
"Don't worry, everything will be okay." She repeated before planting
another kiss on his lips.
Just then, the handsome investment banker with gorgeous mud green
eyes wearing a double breasted Armani suit entered Dino's.
"Joan, I'm so sorry about last night that I..." He stopped mid-
sentence. "What the..." Jake exclaimed when he saw his girlfriend
standing next to a man who could be his twin.
"Jake?" Joan asked, returning his shock. She glanced at
Gary. "And Jake?" She picked up her coffee cup then yelled to the
waiter. "Hey! What did you put in this coffee anyway? I'm
hallucinating!"
The End.
Summary: Question- What is scarier than receiving tomorrow's
newspaper today? Answer- Having one of your saves be Joan
Gallagher. This very short story is an EE/What About Joan?
crossover.
Disclaimer: Early Edition and What About Joan? characters belong to
their creators. No copyright infringement intended. No profit is
being made.
Author's Note: After immersing myself in the daily writing of a
continuing series for over a year and particularly spending the last
three months addressing weighty emotion in my stories, this story
represents an unexpected detour. But be forewarned: This story is
just meant to be absurd and goofy.
Author: Tracy Diane Miller
E-mail: tdmiller82@hotmail.com
What About Gary?
"Meow." Thump.
"Go away!" Gary bellowed. He grabbed the pillow and held it over
his head praying that he could drown out the cry of his possessive
messenger.
"Meow."
No such luck.
Gary really wasn't eager to start this day. Yesterday, he had nearly
round the clock saves. It was his last save, at a strip club, that
made him cringe. The paper asked him to stop an altercation between
two female strippers fighting over a hefty tip left by a patron. He
had stopped the fight, but not before becoming a human wishbone to
the aggressive strippers. He had been lucky to get out there with
his dignity and his clothes intact.
"Meow." The cat's cry was insistent now.
Defeated, Gary threw back his bed covers, rose from the bed, and
proceeded to the door. His footsteps were as heavy as a guy walking
towards the guillotine.
Gary flung open the door. The cat offered another "meow" before
surrendering the paper and scurrying into the loft. Gary flashed the
cat an annoyed look before bending down to pick up the paper. He
closed the door. Flipping through the paper, he noticed the usual
saves- slip and falls, school fights. However, on page ten, a story
captured his eye "Woman Chokes To Death On Donut." A picture of the
victim accompanied the story. He read the story out loud. "At 7:30
a.m., Joan Gallagher, a teacher, choked to death while eating a donut
at Dino's."
Great. The day was already starting out to be another winner. No
shock that Dino's was the venue of the choking disaster. Dino's was
probably serving the same pastry they had served the night of his
infamous date with Emma years ago.
Gary quickly took a shower, dressed in his white turtleneck sweater
and a pair of blue jeans, and hurried out of the loft to prevent
another catastrophe.
* * * * * *
Joan stared intently inside her very large cup of coffee. People say
that you could read the future looking inside of a coffee cup. No,
wait...that was tea leaves. The only future promised by cups of
coffee is acute caffeine addiction.
Maybe Alice and Ruby had been right. Maybe if she and Jake talked
this thing through everything would be okay. Except she didn't know
where Jake had gone. After he stormed out of her apartment last
night, she left several frantic messages on his answering machine.
She even called at 4:00 a.m. and got the answering machine. Just
where was he at 4:00 a.m. anyway? And this morning when she called
his secretary, the woman said that he wasn't available. Liar. He
was probably sitting right there laughing at her desperation while
playing some juvenile game of one upmanship. How could such a fine
evening turned into World War III?
Joan reviewed the events of the previous night in her mind. When she
came home last night from an evening teacher's meeting, she was
pleasantly surprised to find Jake in her apartment cooking dinner.
She marveled at her good fortune. Not only did she have the most
handsome, most considerate, most intelligent guy alive, but he could
cook, too. Mother always said that if you could find a guy who could
cook, you should marry him on the spot.
There lies the problem. The "M" word, the octopus that kept rearing
its head and strangling her with its many arms (commitment,
permanency, constancy, responsibility, certainty) words that scared
her. She had always been a spontaneous, fly by the seat of her
pants, kind of girl. And weren't investment bankers supposed to be
big on planning? Who proposes after just nine dates anyway? Then
again, their first meeting could have easily gone into "The Guinness
Book of World Records" under most unconventional. She would have
gone to confession after what happened between her and Jake that
first night. Then again, she wasn't Catholic.
Jake knew how she felt about being pressured. She thought that he
understood. She had almost moved in with him because of her fear of
losing him, but that time, he was chivalrous. He told her that he
only wanted her to make that decision when she was ready. Yet, he
also let her know that occasionally he would propose.
Like last night.
They had just finished the wonderful meal of chicken marsala, ravioli
stuffed with crabmeat, and creamed asparagus. He removed the glass
of white wine from her hand and placed it on the coffee table next to
his glass. He had such a mischievous gleam in his eye. He then told
her what he had been thinking about doing all day. He wanted
to...play Scrabble. Huh? Play Scrabble? Yep, sure, that was the
obvious request following a romantic dinner. Of course, when he also
stripped down to his boxers (the ones with the little red hearts on
them) she should have figured that something was going on. Yet, she
indulged his desire to play Scrabble. Ten minutes later, he had
completed his twenty-point phrase "Will You Marry Me?" She was
speechless. Even after he went into the bedroom and returned a few
moments later with a small velvet box and opened it to reveal a huge
pear shaped diamond engagement ring, she, Joan Gallagher, was still
speechless. Finally, after a long and agonizing silence, she spoke.
Instead of answering his question, she asked him whether he wanted to
play Monopoly next. She rambled about how she felt lucky tonight.
She was sure that she could score Park Place, maybe with even a few
hotels on it, too. Her avoidance of his question was met by his
uncharacteristic anger. He threw back the words he had uttered early
in their relationship "You made me feel like a fool." He called her
selfish and immature and added that he didn't want to stay in a
relationship that lacked direction. Then he stormed out of her
apartment...wearing only his boxers.
Joan sighed heavily. She picked up her glazed donut. "Hi, friend.
We have been through so much together in our...," she looked at her
watch, "...twenty minutes here." She said to the donut. "Sorry I
have to eat you and I'll probably be even sorrier when you go
directly to my hips, but you understand, don't you? You wouldn't get
angry with me for turning down your marriage proposal, would you?"
She rambled. Just as she prepared to take a bite of the donut, a
stranger bolted across the room and snatched the donut away from
her. Only it was no stranger. It was Jake.
"Hey! Don't eat that lady." Gary warned.
Joan was shocked to see Jake, but she was happy that he was there.
He must have called Alice or Ruby and learned that she was having
breakfast at Dino's. He must have wanted to make up.
"Oh, Jake!" She gushed. She rose from her seat, threw her arms
around him, and kissed him hungrily on the lips.
"You're...you're welcome." A shocked Gary stammered after the kiss
ended, a noticeable blush on his face.
"Jake, I'm so sorry about last night. I never meant to make you feel
like a fool. I know that you want to get married. The
big "M"...it's so scary. What if I'm no good at it? Look at what
happened to Mark and Betsy? I don't want that to happen to us." She
confessed.
Who was this nut? And why did she keep calling him Jake? Gary
wondered.
"Listen, lady. I don't know who you are or what you're talking
about, but since everything is okay here, I'll be going."
"Oh my God! Jake, you have amnesia, don't you? You were in a
horrible accident after you left my apartment and that caused you to
lose your memory, didn't it? You didn't come to Dino's looking for
me. You came because you have been wandering the streets all night,
lost and scared. You were hungry so you ended up here. Oh, Jake.
I'm so sorry, but don't worry. I'll help you through this. I'll
call Ruby. She'll know what to do. We'll get through this
together." Joan reassured.
"My name is not Jake, it's Gary. And I don't have amnesia." Gary
said perturbed.
"Don't worry, everything will be okay." She repeated before planting
another kiss on his lips.
Just then, the handsome investment banker with gorgeous mud green
eyes wearing a double breasted Armani suit entered Dino's.
"Joan, I'm so sorry about last night that I..." He stopped mid-
sentence. "What the..." Jake exclaimed when he saw his girlfriend
standing next to a man who could be his twin.
"Jake?" Joan asked, returning his shock. She glanced at
Gary. "And Jake?" She picked up her coffee cup then yelled to the
waiter. "Hey! What did you put in this coffee anyway? I'm
hallucinating!"
The End.