"MOM! DAD!" I screamed, as I read and re-read the letter. "What, what's wrong?" my mom along with my father and family ran in. "I GOT ACCEPTED TO BROWN!" I cheered; I felt my father's arms around me. It was his and mine's dream to go to Brown, more of his. Once we took a tour of the campus, I was just in love. "Congratulations," everyone said at once, I stared and smiled.
"Brown?" my love Jacob said as we drove to a movie, that night. "Yes! Isn't it awesome! This is my dream, its finally coming true." I stared at him for a moment. He wasn't happy; I could just tell by his eyes, they were a pitch black, which means he's angry or upset. "I knew you wouldn't be happy," my voice was harsh now, anger boiled in me, he can never be happy with me. I thought we would be closer after at least two years of dating. I thought he would have asked me to marry him by this time. He isn't anything like he was toward my mother, maybe it's a wolf thing. "I am happy, it's just," he paused and pulled into a parking space. "I want to be with you," I rolled my eyes, "what was that?" "What?" "Your eye rolling, do you think I'm lying?" "Yes, I really do," he looked taken aback. "You seem unhappy around me, like it's either, 'your tired' or 'you get upset over the smallest things' I can't deal with it. I thought you really loved me, you said that, but lately, you haven't said it, and when you do, you don't mean it." He was quiet, we both were, I just sat there waiting for him to speak, like I have been for almost my whole life. "Nessie, I do love you, I always will, I'm sorry," he leaned in, I didn't want to deal with it, I just hopped out of the car, and walked inside, waiting for Jacob, who came in five minutes later.
"So I got my acceptance letter to Alabama yesterday, my dad was not happy, he thinks" I tuned out my best friend Heather as she went off about how her dad wants her to go to California, not Alabama. Last night with Jacob replayed in my head, over and over. The night ended with no kiss, no "I love you," just a simple "goodnight." I don't know why this has been happening to us so much, every night we get on about something. "Oh my gosh, he is looking at you," Heather said, I turned to where she was looking and saw him. Jack Lewis is a rare bread, of nice, cute and athletic. He isn't like the boys he hangs out with, he isn't perverted, one time I dropped my books, and he picked them up. He always loans me a pencil in Trig, and he always stares at me. I turned back to my locker and tried to finish my European history worksheet. "That's nice," I said, "he so likes you," "you know you have told me that everyday this whole year. It's not good to lie, Heather, haven't I told you that," "I'm not lying, I'm stating a fact. Plus. I have been telling you that because he has been staring at you," DING, "I'll see you in AP Chemistry," I waved by and began walking to Trig, where I'll see Jack. I walked into Trig, looked around, "hey Nessie," someone said, "hey," "hey nessie," "what's up Nessie," ok, I admit, I'm kind of popular. I sat in the corner near the door, I turned to my friend Lisa, but then I caught his eye, Jack's eye. He smiled, I just turned back to the front, he had a nice smile, it made my heart stop. "Ok, we are going to switch a few people around," my Trig teacher, Mr. Holland said as he walked into our class. He began saying names and pointing to places, "Ms. Cullen, in the back next to Mr. Lewis," my head shot up, "what?" I said loud enough for everyone to hear. Mr. Holland stopped, "is there something wrong with that, Ms Cullen?" I shook my head, and slowly got up, moved to the back, and slid in the seat next to smiling Jack. "Well, at least now I don't have to walk to give you a pencil," he joked, I just gave him an 'I don't care' stare. He didn't stop smiling, or staring at me all period.
I walked out of the library two days later, I saw Jacob leaning against his car, and he did look beautiful. My heart pounded with every step I took toward him. "Hey," he said, "hi," "look I'm sorry, I really am" I felt his arms around my waist, I just stood there. "It's…its ok" I lied, I was never afraid to speak my mind, but I had to lie. "I love you Renesmee Cullen," again, it didn't seem true, just something in his voice made it not true. "Nessie, are you going to bed?" my mother asked as she came into my room, I had tried to pull another all nighter for my European history test. "In a little, I just have to read the chapter," "ok, what's going on with you and Jacob?" I sighed, "I don't believe he loves me, I don't want to love him, I want him around, but not in that way. We have been dating for a long time, I have missed out on so much for him, and he has isolated me from everyone and everything." "Jacob has missed a lot of his life being a wolf," "well that's not my fault, he shouldn't take it out on me," "well, if I were you, I would think about who's best for YOU, and who isn't" that night, I put away my book and sat up and thought about what my mom said. After two cups of coffee and a candy bar, I was awake, I guess I had to get use to it. "Whoa, you look dead," Jack said as I slid in the desk next to him. "Thanks," I said, he just laughed a little, "pull an all nighter?" he asked, I nodded and took another sip of my coffee. "I have to get use to it, I'm going to Brown in the fall," "seriously? Me too," my heart stopped at his words. "Really?" I was suddenly interested. "Yeah, I got accepted, once I saw the campus_" "you fell in love with it," "exactly," the rest of Trig, Jack and I talked about the campus, the sports, everything. "Why don't you play basketball at Brown?" I asked as we walked into lunch together, still chatting about our school. "My parents don't like the fact that I am going to such a smart school, or that I'm even smart. They wanted me to take the scholarship to Kentucky, even though it was part time, but I wanted to take the full time academic scholarship to Brown, did you get a scholarship?" "Part time scholarship, which is better then nothing." I suddenly realized that we were standing in the middle of the cafeteria, just talking. It didn't seem like it, it just seemed like it was just us, only us, talking. "Do you want to go and grab a pizza?" I hesitated for a moment. "I promise I will get you back in time for Chemistry," I giggled a little, it felt different, to laugh, but it did feel nice. "Sure" and we walked out, right into our future.
"Thanks for giving me a ride home," I said as Jack pulled into my drive way, "no problem, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow," "yeah, bye," and I hopped out and watched him drive away. "Who is that," I jumped and whirled around, and saw him leaning again the post. "Why do you care?" I spat as I walked past him, to the door. "Nessie," his voice was soft now, I felt his arms around my waist, it felt nice, but uncomfortable at the same time. "Let me go," I said turning to him, he slowly unraveled his arms. "What is your problem?" he asked, "my problem is you, it always has been, I can deal with your mood swings, you love me one day, and hate me the next. Are you going through another change or something? Get some help, and when you do come find me, till then," I paused and gulped, "maybe we shouldn't see each other." Relief washed over me. I've never seen a face like his at that moment. I was so hard to read, maybe anger, or sadness, or a mix of both. I saw the tears form in his eyes, I couldn't bare it, I walked in. "RENESMEE YOU CANT LEAVE ME," he yelled through the door, the tears poured faster and faster as I slid down the door. After my dad forced Jacob off our property and staying up and talking to my mom for a good three or four hour, I managed to fall asleep.
Two weeks went by, two weeks of nothingness. I know I broke Jake and I up, but that emptiness crept into my heart. The world seemed duller, the highlights of my day where when I saw Jack. Even one week he was gone to Italy on a school trip. Heather would stay with me days on end, every night I cry or scream in my sleep, my mom would wake me up, and just hold me. That was never enough; I wanted him to hold me. The fact that I felt relived when we broke up brought disgust to me.
"Hey Ness, how are you," I loved how Jack calls me Ness, its better then Nessie, which is what he called me. "I'm good," I lied; it was kind of obvious I did too. Considering my hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail, I wore Juicy sweat pants, boots, and a University of Alaska hoodie. "You are such a bad liar, I can see it in your face, now what is really going on?" he asked, I sighed, "my boyfriend and I broke up." "Oh, I'm sorry," I could tell he was lying. The bell rang and I quickly slipped out of the class. "NESS WAIT," I stopped and turned to Jack, "look, I'm sorry, I really am," "I don't need you to be sorry for me, I'm doing that pretty good myself, thanks," I turned away. "Ness," Jack said as he grabbed my wrist, "please, I know your upset about your boyfriend_" "YOU KNOW, you don't know what the hell it's like to lose the one you love. To think that everything is perfect and it all just crash down in front of you because you didn't want to work it out, because you didn't want to believe in your love and more importantly yourself." I stepped closer to him, "so don't you dare tell me you know what it's like to loose your life long love, you don't know what I am going throw, you never will," I pulled my wrist back and ran out, out on my future, out on my life.
I ended up at La Push beach. I stared out at the ocean. "Renesmee?" I looked up and saw Seth standing there. Since Jacob and I broke up, he refuses to have anything to do with me. "Seth," "what are you doing here?" he asked, sitting down next to me. "Running away," "from what?" "Everything, mostly people, I just want to be alone," "That's exactly what Jacob said, he just wanted to be alone, so he shut himself in his room, nobody goes in, he never comes out." My heart dropped to the earth's core. "What?" Seth nodded, "you really need to talk to him, make up, kiss, do something. I know you miss him, Nessie, Heather told me about the nights you would scream, and cry," "did you tell Jacob that?" "Of course I did, even though, him waking up in the middle of the night yelling your name doesn't help the fact that he is depressed." The tears built up in my eyes, "SETH!" we both turned to the yelling voice, it was Leah. "It's Jacob, he's gone, Bill found all his clothes and his phone gone, he left." I felt my head become lighter, and then I saw nothing, nothing but darkness. The feeling of falling came upon me.
"Renesmee," I slowly looked up from my Chemistry book and saw Heather standing in the doorway. "I heard what happened, with Jacob and everything," she paused and knelt down next to my bed, "I'm so sorry." I managed to put on a smile, "thank you," I suddenly felt her arms around me, I realized how much I missed her, how good of a friend she really was. That night, Heather stayed with me, we talked for hours, laughed for hours, I wasn't alone, I had my best friend, but something was still missing, and I think I know what it is.
I walked into Carlos's Car Shop, "hello, can I help you," a tall man said walking up to me. "Yes, I'm looking for Jack Lewis," the man smiled and walked out, next thing I know Jack was walking out, he did look beautiful, even though he was all greasy and had an oily smell. "Hey," I managed to get out, "hey, how are you?" I shrugged, "getting around, look, I'm sorry, I was just so confused, all those things I said to you. I never meant, you are so sweet to me, and I treated you like crap. You deserve better, and if you don't want to be my friend, I…I understand." It was silent once I was done, then Jack finally spoke, "your right," he said stepping closer to me, "I don't want to be your friend," my heart sank, his arms were suddenly around my waist, "I want to be more," then his lips met mine. It was so different.
Weeks upon weeks went by, closer and closer Jack and I became. More and more my love for Jacob diminutives. "Can you believe we have three months before we leave for college," Heather said as I we talked at my locker. "Please don't mention that," I stated, "hey ladies," I felt the warmth and safety of Jacks arms my waist. "Hey babe," he said as he kissed my arm. "Why, at least you and Jack will be together at Brown, I'm gonna be stuck at California," thank goodness the bell rang, so I didn't have to hear about Heathers college problems again. She strolled off leaving Jack and I alone. "I am excited for college," "why?" I asked, "because then, I don't have to go through your dad to see you all the time," I burst out laughing. Last week my parents met Jack, my dad loved him, mostly because he was going to Brown, and got accepted to Dartmouth, Harvard, and Stanford. My mom, well she loved him because I did. "He really loves you," my father said the night after Jack left from dropping me off and talking to my parents. "Really?" "I hear him," "dad, don't read his mind," "it's not just that, but also, how he just looks at you, it reminds me a lot of how I look at my mother." Silence filled us, "he makes me feel human, all human." "I'm going to miss this place," I said as we gazed up at the stars. We sat in Jacks convertible, the top down, in the back seat, his arms wrapped around me. "Really?" he asked, "yeah, as much as I hate it here, I will always miss it_" "RENESMEE!" We both sat up and I saw Seth running toward us, "it's Jacob, he's back, but he's hurt." My heart sank, as much as I wanted to shake it off I couldn't. I turned to Jack, "I'm…I'm sorry, I have to go," I jumped out of the car and began running with Seth, to save the boy I love.
"JACOB!" I screamed as we ran throw his house, I ran all the way up to his room. Where I saw him, lying on his bed, Bill next to him crying. "Bill?" he looked up at me, "Nessie, you need to save him. Please help him," I knelt down next to Jacobs beautiful face. I saw weakness in his eyes. "Nessie? I must be dead, I'm seeing angels." The tears built up in my eyes. "No, Jacob, you're awake, you're not dead." He smiled, as he reached up and placed his hand on my cheek. I inhaled, the feeling of his touch brought so many feelings and memories back to me. "Jacob, listen to me," I gulped. I was ready to let all my feelings out. "You need to get better, because I love you and I want to be with you," "I saw you, you have moved one." "Jack doesn't give me the feelings you have. You show my life, love, and I know you will always be there for me, I'm…I'm not sure Jack will do that for me. I love you Jacob." I slowly leaned in and our lips met. The world around me stopped, all that was moving was Jacob and I. My arms wrapped around his neck. I forgot how much that feeling made me…alive.
The next two days I stayed with Jacob, helping him. "Ok, time for you to go to bed," I said helping him into bed. "Come here," he pulled me in and I went under. "Jacob, I