Author's Note: Well, jeeze, lookie at all the people. looks up innocently at the readers?. Okay, finish the boring disclaimers and stuff and READ!
Dedications: Still the same people it's always been dedicated to. Especially to Illy, LK, Tali, Tango, Rissy, Kat, and everyone who I still see online, as that's not many anymore.
Summary: Gabrielle returns to Greece, alone, and has to the news of Xena's death with the God of War.
Warnings: Mentions of cannon character death.
Rated: PG
Date Started/Finished: 31 July 2005
By Delenn
I suppose it's fitting that the moment I set foot on Grecian soil, he's there. The first time that I'm truly back home and alone and looking for a place to curl up and hide for a while. For a minute, I think maybe I'm finally able to sense him… but no, I heard the shards of light announcing his presence.
I take a deep breath and turn around - and he's always saying that I'm the one with bad timing. What am I supposed to say to him?
"So, what, you and Xena," I hope he doesn't notice my gasp, "have a spat about the goody-goody path and she's off leading around some army in Japa?"
My first instinct is screaming that the slightly hopeful look on his face is obscene - along with the joke. How dare he be lounging a log when everything's so wrong with the world? Then, it's like I'm looking through new eyes and I can see the anxiety under the joke. He knows something's wrong.
I don't know what is worse; that I'm going to have to tell him, or the thought that maybe I'm going to have to comfort him. I'm barely up to the first… But how am I supposed to live if I can't even tell people what happened? There's still Eve and… "She -- she's dead Ares… she died in Japa."
The words make it seem so horribly real. I dare a glance up - for a second, Ares looks utterly stunned. It's like watching a chariot race of crashing and burning. Disbelief, then a cloud of darkness seems to cover his face. I look closer – his hands are gripping the log so hard that it's cracking.
He tumbles to the ground ungracefully - stares at his hands for a moment, before bringing them up to his face. I'm not sure if I should come closer or not - for a second I think maybe he's growling. He's shaking.
The sound - oh, it's a deep, powerful, almost-moaning scream that makes me wince as I realize it's exactly how I feel inside.
For a second, the skies seem to darken and I'm wondering if maybe he isn't going to do something rash and - I realize that the shaking is sobbing. "Ares…" I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. I don't even know what to tell myself. "I… didn't you feel something?"
I find myself staring into pained, angry, clear brown eyes. I wonder what I must have looked like at first. "Feel - like someone had waken me from a trance by reaching in my chest," he's standing now, coming closer - I've never seen him look like this, not the other time he thought Xena was dead. I'm starting to understand why people fear the God of War so.
"And yanked out some vital piece of me - laughing because the worst part is the void left behind? Because I couldn't feel her anymore?"
So he did feel it. And that look - I don't know whether to feel for him or to be afraid of him. "She's not gone," I can't say the name yet.
He stops, a sharp, bitter laugh escaping him. For a moment, I think he's about to start sobbing again - it's horrible to see a god, to see him so helpless like this. "You never did get it. I'm a god, Gabrielle, if I want to see the dead, I have to take the trip down to see my," it's like watching him wake from a nightmare, "Uncle. But he's gone. She's gone… She died in Japa, and I couldn't do a damn thing-"
He stops and looks down, so I can't see his face. His fists are balled and I wonder that if he went on some murdering spree, if I'd have the energy to stop him. Just because I can't doesn't mean that the world shouldn't pay - and, no… that's not what she would have wanted and… dammit, now I'm the one sobbing, again.
"Japa has its own gods…" his voice is quiet, "I couldn't … can't … see her, couldn't save her." His voice is shaky, but then it's strong again, and I can feel his gaze trying to pierce my soul. "She's gone."
I look up, but my eyes are too blurry to see his expression - only the blue light engulfing his form. I wonder where he's going, what he's going to do? I wonder why I thought maybe he'd stay and we'd cry together like old buddies - remembering a lost friend.
I must really be losing it. Of course I am because seeing - hearing - his pain makes me feel my own just as sharply. I'm at peace with Xena's decision, but that doesn't make it any easier to face each day with it.
When I've wiped most of my tears away, I try in a small voice, "Ares?"
He doesn't come.
Life persists in going on.
Challenge: We all know that Ares would have been affected in some way by Xena's death in Japa. Write a story (length of your choosing) examining Ares' reaction through the eyes of an observer.