I wanted to scream. I didn't think my lungs could take it.
After all that I had been through, and Alyssa still got what she wanted. The "just because she's older" reason wasn't enough for me. That was a lame excuse that was covering up the real reason. Charlie liked Alyssa more than me, his little favorite. I could live with that. But clearly now, she had gone too far.
"How do you think this dress looks on me? Do you think Edward will like it? Is it too old-ladyish?" Alyssa dared to ask me.
I wanted to lash out with the meanest comments. To say the meanest things that were right now about to leap out of my mouth. Somehow, somehow, this had to end right. She couldn't get everything she wanted right?
When she said the name Edward, I couldn't help feeling sad. He was the vampire that had gotten me into this whole mess. Edward Cullen had long, ruffled, bronze hair. I looked so plain next to him. He looked like a god. Even though I only got to know him for about one year, Edward was the center of my universe, at least until a few months ago.
"Hello? Bella? What is your problem? I bring you along to see my dress and all you do is frown the whole time!"
So I had been frowning. Great.
"Oh. Well, I thought that he might like an older dress? Like not as hip or short?" I knew Edward Cullen well enough to know that.
"Oh. I know that you're jealous and everything that your sister gets to marry this really cute guy, but can't you like try not to rain on my parade? I mean geez. You are so boring."
She really shouldn't have said that. I lashed out with the meanest comment I could muster.
"I a-a-am not boring! I don't even know why I'm here! Watching you get dressed in some stupid dress is boring! You're getting married to a guy that you barely even know!" I still couldn't believe how little Alyssa knew about him. She didn't even know the main secret about him, the secret that would probably make Alyssa run away in fear. Edward was probably nearby anyways, eavesdropping.
"Oh yeah! Wait. Do you know him? Charlie said you like dated Edward for a year! Please!
That's not even, like, a long time!" She didn't even know. But she kept rambling on anyways.
"Oh and Edward likes me more anyways! Poor Bella." she cooed "You just can't help feeling jealous. It's okay. I am so much better than you."
The dressmaker came back then and finished measuring the dress.
"I can't believe I brought you along." Alyssa stated at she finished dressing in her regular clothes. "You are so…"
A light rapping on the door stopped Alyssa in the middle of her tirade. I already knew what she was about to say, so it was like she had already said it. She could say anything she wanted, I didn't care. My life couldn't get any worse than this.
"Can I come in?" Edward's voice pierced the silence. My life was not fair.
"Ummm…Sure!" Alyssa said in her sweetest voice. He opened the door and walked, more like floated, into the room. I couldn't help gasping. Edward replied by smiling at me. "Hey Edward! I just finished dress shopping and I know that you will love it when you see it on the wedding day!"
"Too bad Alyssa, he already has." I thought to myself. Edward had a special ability of reading people's thoughts. He couldn't read Bella's thoughts though, and that sometimes bugged him.
" I'm sure he will. Besides, I think he already has an idea of what kind of dress you like." I winked at Edward and he smiled back. Alyssa just looked back and forth between us with a grimace building slowly on her face.
"What?" Alyssa spit out like it was a bad word.
"Nothing honey. I'm just smiling." Edward was so good at lying. Alyssa instantly believed him. "You want to go have dinner?"
"That'd be great!" Alyssa couldn't leave without flashing me a smug look.
Edward strolled over to get Alyssa's purse for her, and after he grabbed the purse he swiftly slid a piece of paper in my hand. I quietly put it in my pocket before Alyssa noticed. And then they were gone. I peeked at the note.
We really need to talk. Now.
Talk about what? How my dad, Charlie, tell Edward he could only marry Alyssa? How Alyssa suddenly came into my life when my mom adopted her? How she has totally ruined my life? How I am to be the maid of honor in their wedding and I can't handle that? How Alyssa stole Edward from me?
I still couldn't believe this recent turn of events. I didn't know why Edward was going through with this. Probably because Carlisle told Edward they were moving somewhere else if he didn't marry somebody soon. I was supposed to be that girl. The girl Edward was going to marry. But when Charlie learned that Alyssa was my new sister, there was nothing I could do. He liked her so much more than me. He loved her. She was everything I wasn't and more. Everything Charlie wanted. She was also older than me. Charlie believed that the oldest always gets married first. When Alyssa told my dad she wanted to marry Edward, what could I do? Alyssa wanted something, she got it. So when Edward and I asked for his blessing, of course he said no.
Edward knew that the only way to stay near me, was to marry my sister. Alyssa wasn't that much prettier than me. Not that it mattered. Edward already told me that I was the center of his world. Was that still true? Or did my new sister already have his heart. Alyssa had curly auburn hair with a few freckles and a face that my grandmother would have thought was precious. Nobody knew (except Edward) that she was a complete jerk. After all, he could hear her thoughts.
I decided to go home and worry later. I had moved out of Charlie's house and now lived in a dinky apartment near Forks, but closer to Port Angeles. As I slowly walked down the cement sidewalk, I started having a nervous breakdown. Tears I could live with, but shakiness and the urge to lie down on the sidewalk and curl into a ball was not okay. I couldn't live like this. I couldn't live this life. The rain sped up, as did my tears, as I neared my apartment.
Chapter 2
The TV held nothing for me as I flipped the channels rapidly. There were a few reality TV shows, but nothing that held promise.
I stopped at this one show called "The Bachelor". A bunch of girls were duking it out of this really ugly guy. The TV show didn't really help my state of mind.
Suddenly he was there in my apartment. I practically jumped out of my chair. I couldn't let him see my face though, because I was on the verge of another nervous breakdown, right after I had just finished the first.
"You know, you could have rung the doorbell!" I exclaimed. I kept my emotions in check and turned to him.
"What fun would that be?" He smiled as he flipped one of the light switches, so that light illuminated the room.
"You really shouldn't be here, you know. Alyssa would freak out." I stumbled over my words, but he didn't seem to notice.
"Well, I'm thinking you got my note. I think we really need to talk." He muttered, barely audible to my ears.
"I can't live like this Edward, and you know it. Every single second you spend with her is like a dagger that's slowly breaking away pieces of my heart."
"Bella. This is the only way! Carlisle wants to move, Alaska maybe!" His voice was disapproving, but also like a sweet song that could lull me to sleep. I fought against consciousness, and won.
"You like Alyssa better than me, don't you?" Tears started seeping out of the corner of my eyes. I didn't want the meeting to be like this.
He was there immediately wiping away my tears with his strong, but gentle hand. His expression was hard and full of disgust, I turned my head away.
"No. You know why I have to do this." Edward said harshly. I didn't see his expression
"I'd rather you leave, then you get married to my sister! This is ridiculous! Once I'm old enough to move out of Forks, I can find you. We can get married, and everything! Just…"
Edward's finger was on my lips in one quick movement. He was right, of course. My voice was reaching the hysterical point. He moved his hand away.
"Alyssa doesn't care about me! She's a jerk! And a mor…"
"No! She is not. Just give her time." His eyes rolled. "She's your sister, okay?
"What? So now you're defending her too? What's wrong with you? You aren't yourself!" I screeched! I'd have to apologize to my neighbors later.
"Bella, don't go there. She's actually quite nice when you get to know her. You know, this is hard for me too." I could hear the pain in his voice. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I know what we have been through. It's not all for nothing. It will all work out, okay."
It sounded like he was trying harder to convince himself, instead of convincing me.
"Things work out only in fairytales. This is clearly not a fairytale because the prince isn't supposed to marry the wrong girl."I whispered, afraid of his reaction.
He just sighed. He sat down on the couch and put his arm around me.
His cell phone rang one time and his hand was already at his ear. He spoke urgently. Many emotions flickered across his face.
"What is it?" I asked. My voice broke at the last word.
"Alice saw something. I have to go. Don't you dare do anything stupid!" He jumped out the window and I listened for a thud. Edward didn't make a sound.
Chapter 3
I had often dreamed of what it would be like to marry Edward and be changed to an immortal. Nothing else satisfied me. It was all crushed now, with the wedding almost three months away.
I missed how Charlie used to be. I missed my room. Alyssa had it now and had totally renovated it. It looked like a room out of Extreme Home Makeover now. Everything from before, thrown away. After all, Alyssa insisted and Charlie followed through.
The things that I did get to keep from my room were my old, out-dated computer and all of my old clothes. Actually make that almost all of my clothes. Alyssa found some she liked, so she took them.
I decided to check my email. I had nothing better to do. I turned the computer on and waited until the dial up was complete. I had plenty of time, so I picked up an old magazine that was sitting on the floor. Okay, I admit, my apartment was pretty dirty. When the computer was finally awake, I logged on and checked my email. There were was one from mom and then one from Jacob. Swell! It's my lucky day…
Bella. Hey. It's mom. Don't worry about Alyssa. I don't know why you have to be so mean to her. She is new to our family, so welcome her. Some boys you just have to get over. I got over your dad. You can get over Edward. What about that guy named Jake? He seems nice enough. Respond soon. I'm getting nervous over here. I love you. Mom.
Okay, so now my mom, Renee, was all big about Jacob. Renee knew nothing. If only she was in my shoes…
I took a deep breath. I was ready for the email from Jacob. How did he get my email address anyway? Maybe Charlie gave it out. Charlie was so eager to get me to date Jacob, it wasn't even funny.
Hey Bella, want to hang out sometime soon? I heard about Alyssa and Edward. I'm sorry. Hope to see you soon.
-Jake
I wouldn't make the same mistake I had made earlier in my life. I wouldn't lead him on. We could see each other, but not be more than friends. I thought that he wouldn't even want to see me after our last encounter. I didn't want to hurt him again like that. Maybe a life with Jake would be possible now. Now that Alyssa would be marrying Edward. It would be my little piece of revenge.
I couldn't possibly though, because I knew what Edward was doing. It might not look like he loved me, but he did. I knew that was wrong, because he was getting married soon. Where did his morals go? After he was married, I would have no time with him. I couldn't bear the thought.
I wonder what their new house would look like. Would it be huge? With all the money that the Cullens had, it would probably be state-of-the-art. It should have been my house. Jealousy washed over me. I knew the truth and she didn't, that should count for something right? It didn't though; it didn't count for anything at all.
I would go see Charlie tomorrow and tell him what was wrong with all of this. What he was doing to me. He was causing my life to turn upside down. He wouldn't like it at all. Charlie never has liked discussing feelings. He would have to deal with it though. It was his real daughter he was hurting. He would see it my way. He had to see it my way. Otherwise my life would be completely wrecked. Without Edward, everything was hopeless.
I remembered the words I told my mom about 6 months ago.
"It's just a crush." But I knew it was much more than that.
Chapter 4
I went up the driveway to my house. The house still looked the same, plain white and so inviting. I desperately hoped Alyssa was not home. But if she was, I could handle myself in a civil manner. I knew I could.
I rung the doorbell two times and silently waited. Alyssa answered the door with a huge grin. I smiled back too, in the friendliest way until I saw who was in back of her.
Edward was holding Alyssa's shoulders and staring at something behind me. I couldn't believe Edward was even risking touching Alyssa's shoulders with his cold hands. Wouldn't she at least wonder why his hands were so icy?
Alyssa smiled even wider when she saw my reaction. What a jerk. Civil manners, civil manners, I reminded myself. I had to keep this under control.
"Hey Bella." She spat. "What are you doing here? You kind of interrupted our study session, so make it quick." She looked back at Edward and giggled.
"Well. I was hoping to see Charlie." I answered with anger seeping into my voice clearly.
"I'm sorry. He's not here. You're just going to have to come another time, right Edward?"
Edward didn't answer and just nodded. I could see the sorrow in his face. He was trying to tell me something. I wasn't receiving the message though.
"Hello Edward? Shouldn't we send little Miss Bella out into the rain?" Alyssa sneered.
I didn't even realize it was beginning to rain. I hoped Edward was going to convince Alyssa to let me in.
"No. I think you should let her in. It could get really cold outside. Which reminds me… I better go. My family is going to play baseball soon. Bye Alyssa." He spoke rapidly and then kissed her gently on the cheek. Then he practically ran past me to his Volvo without another word.
Alyssa smiled triumphantly when Edward was out of sight.
"Edward's quite a cutie isn't he? Too bad he's not yours." And with that, she shoved the door shut in my face.
I fought the tears that were coming quickly and started walking again. The rain started to subside and I sighed.
Out of the corner of my eye a car pulled up beside me. It was black and looked pretty beat up.
I kept walking. I started to jog once I heard footsteps gaining behind me.
Then suddenly, I was flat on my face. Of course it was logical that I would trip. Just blame me and my clumsiness.
"Bella! Are you okay?" A recognizable voice called out. Jacob.
His strong hands pulled me up and I couldn't help smiling. He was wearing a leather jacket. He towered over me.
"Yeah. I think so. Let me dust myself off and get my bearings again. It's nice to see you again, Jake. That leather jacket suits you fine."
" Thanks. I didn't know why you weren't calling me. I was worried." He smiled my favorite smile. I had to ask him one of the questions that was bothering me.
"What about the treaty? You aren't allowed to come here right?" I asked.
"Why? You want me to leave?" Jake jutted his lower lip out and started sniffling. I laughed. "Well. We kind of settled that. There really is no treaty anymore."
"Really? Wow. That's… odd." I replied. I couldn't think of a mythical world without a treaty.
"So, do you want to go get something to eat?" He asked, hope in his voice.
"Um, now is not really the best time. Sometime later?" I suggested raising my eyes to meet his. I instantly regretted that action, because he was staring at me with his head cocked to the side in a puzzled expression.
"Sure, sure, sometime later. Call me when you want to hang out." Jacob said retreating to his ancient car. Then he paused right as he was about to open the door. "Bella, I sometimes just can't figure you out."
He climbed into the seat and closed the door and sped off. The car looked too small for him. He was huge.
I ignored Jake's last words and kept walking. My legs were moving all by themselves.
Chapter 5
My apartment was so desolate at night. I liked the old days when I wasn't the only person in the house. My nerves caught up to me.
I was trying to change the situation I was in, but sitting here in the dark wasn't helping. I couldn't lie to myself about that.
The rain started to pour outside and I found myself hurrying around carrying a bucket to wherever the roof leaked. It kept me occupied for a little while.
Eating at home was going to be absolutely dull. I knew I would not be able to get through the night without crying, so I called Jacob up.
It rang once and then I heard Jacob's booming voice.
"Hello?" Jacob asked with obvious curiosity in his voice.
"Uh, Jacob? This is Bella. Can I take you up on that offer?" I tried to sound excited, but my efforts were wasted. I sounded like I just had had a heart attack.
"Really Bella? Where do you want to go?" He sounded so excited, I couldn't help smiling.
"I don't know. Anywhere where the food is good, I guess?" I replied. Like I knew where to eat, I never went out of my dinky apartment.
Jacob chuckled on the other line.
"Okay. I'll make it a surprise. I'll pick you up in 20 minutes. See you there!"
Then the line was dead. Jacob needed to learn proper phone etiquette. He really wasn't polite on the phone. He is probably jumping off the walls right now. At least I'm making somebody happy.
I had 20 minutes. I decided to take a shower and then eat a snack. You never know if the food will be good or bad! Jacob's taste buds were probably all out of whack because of the werewolf thing anyways. Who knows?
When the 20 minutes had finally ticked gradually by, I hurried outside without bothering to look really presentable. I was glad to see it was not raining.
About 10 minutes later, the same old, beat-up black car growled to a stop in front of me. Jacob hurried out of the car and opened the door for me, his face twisting into a smile when he saw what I was wearing.
"Hey! Not everyone can wear leather jackets!" I teased as I climbed into the car. Jake smiled.
He jumped agilely in and started the rumbling engine. The car ride was very bumpy and Jacob hit the gas often, so altogether it wasn't a pleasant experience. He didn't say anything until we stopped in front of a casual-looking restaurant called "Hailey's Seafood and Bar".
"Well? How was the car ride?"There was a mocking edge to his voice. I didn't like it. "Was it better than the Cullen's car?"
I turned away. Was this what the whole night was going to be about?
"Jake, please, for me?" I asked putting on as serious a face as I could manage. "Can we not talk about that?"
"Oh sorry. Sorry, I kind of forgot." He gazed down at the sidewalk,embarrassed.
He led me inside by his arm and I started to feel uncomfortable. What if people thought we were dating? I hoped I would not regret this evening.
The lady inside led us to a table in the middle of a large room and set large menus in front of us. She ordered our drinks and walked away. I hoped Jacob was going to pay. His appetite was larger than my savings...
I looked on the menu and found a nice crab soup I wanted to try. Jacob still said nothing. I wondered why he was so silent. He couldn't still be moping about the Cullen thing, could he? I hoped not.
"So, uh, what are you getting?" I asked hesitantly.
"Bella, why did you accept my offer?" Jacob inquired raising his eyes to meet mine.
"Um, that wasn't my question you know." I responded.
"Please tell me." He begged.
I didn't want to answer. The voice inside my voice was telling me not to. But could I not answer? Was that an option?
Then the waitress came back to take our orders, and thank goodness Jake was taking the bill, his order was enormous. I flashed a thank you smile to the waitress, but she didn't understand. She frowned and walked away.
"Now will you tell me?" He requested. "I really want to know. I brought you to dinner, so you should tell me."
Wonderful. He was now playing the guilt-trip game. This night was not going to get any better. I could tell.
"Jake. I really don't want to." I whispered.
"Please? For me?" Jacob pleaded. He looked so sad. I couldn't make him sad again, and I was.
"Well. Why would I put pain on my pain on you?" I retorted.
Jake chuckled. "Your pain is my pain Bells… come on! Just tell me."
He wouldn't give it up though. All through the dinner he would make a reference to my "pain".
Finally when he joked about one of his dreams about killing one of the Cullens, anger finally bubbled up to the surface.
"Shut up Jake! I've heard enough!" I yelled.
I must have talked too loud, because all the couples around us, turned their angry eyes on our table.
I stood up and rammed my chair into the table. I then walked straight to the front door. I could hear him yelling my name inside, but I wasn't going back in. Why couldn't I have a stress free evening? Jacob could pay for my dinner when the bill came, he started it.
Okay. I sounded like a little child. I could behave better, at least. Why couldn't he behave better?
I didn't know which way to go, so I just walked left. Jacob could find me later. If I saw him now, I probably would have to throw something at him. I wasn't going to punch him, I'd already tried that and a broken wrist was not something I wanted to suffer again.
Chapter 6
Wasn't Jacob taking a little too long? He should've already picked me up! What if he just decided to let me walk in the rain? Uh, I was never going to talk to him again.
Eventually, I found a pay phone and was about to call Charlie, but then I realized he probably would just send Alyssa out here to pick me up. So I dialed Edward's number, hoping the whole time that he wasn't with Alyssa.
"Hello?" A chime-like voice answered. It definitely wasn't Edward. Alice.
"This is Bella. Alice?" I asked hesitantly. I hoped I wasn't getting the wrong number. I doubted I did though, because no normal human would have a voice so pretty.
"Bella? Hey! What is it?" There was a hurried sound to her voice but, I couldn't figure it out.
"Um, is Edward there? I need him to pick me up. I kind of am… lost." I guess I was lost. It was the first time the idea had come to my mind. I really didn't know what to do if Edward couldn't pick me up. Wait all night? No, I couldn't do that. That was not an option.
"Edward's not here. Do you want me to pick you up? I'm free."
"Sure. I'd love that Alice. You know where to pick me up right?"
"Duh, I do silly. I saw you before you called, remember? Oh, and sorry about the dog. Some dogs have difficulty behaving." She laughed and my spirits lifted.
"Okay. Bye Alice. I've missed you."
" I've missed you too, Bella. "
The line went dead so I hung up the phone, and then stepped out of my little booth of protection and into the now very cold and windy real world.
In about 5 minutes a red convertible glided to a stop right in front of me. Alice must have taken Rosalie's car. People were passing by stared, barely worrying about looking at the road in front of them.
I climbed into the car and flung my arms around Alice.
"Oh Alice! It's so good to see you!" I squeezed her as hard as I could, and she wrapped her arms around me. I made sure to look into her eyes to see what color they were, and sure enough they were topaz. I didn't want to cause her any unnecessary pain.
Then I let my arms fall limp at my sides. She responded with a small frown.
"Where's Edward?" I asked timidly. I hoped she would tell me the truth, even if something was wrong.
"He's on a hunting trip with Emmett and Carlisle." She explained.
"That's all?" I asked.
"Yes. Now I know the dog already tried to get the information out of you, but I was wondering if you could tell me what you feel about this whole…marriage deal." I could tell she wasn't trying to get the answer out of me, as Jacob had tried to do, she was honestly curious.
"What do you think? I think it's great that Edward's marrying Alyssa. I'm so happy I could scream of joy! You know how I feel Alice. I hate Alyssa! I wish my mom had never adopted her in the first place!" I yelled.
"Bella calm down. I'm on your side. I wish Edward wouldn't be so impolite. He's been way worse than that, toying with your emotions. I've had him as a brother for over 50 years, and he has never acted like this." She nodded while talking, showing me that she understood. I didn't think anybody could understand.
"Why is he doing this? I thought he loved me! Here he is, about to marry some girl that he barely knows and he tells me he still loves me? What is wrong with him? I am just so frustrated, I just want to tell him I loathe him, but every time I see him again I realize that I still love him and that…"
"Bella, he loves you both." Alice voice ranged an octave above mine. She put her hand around me for comfort. I did feel comfort.
"That's wrong."I whispered. Not comforted by anything that Alice had said so far.
"I know Bella. It is. He knows that. He can't have you both." She agreed trying to smile, but it looked too fake on her face.
"What…what do you see Alice? Of the future, I mean." I asked. I secretly wanted her to tell me that she hadn't seen anything. I already knew the answer before she said it.
"I see… him on his wedding day, but I can't see farther than that. There is still hope Bella. Don't give up. I'm all for you, but you know that." She said putting her hand up in the air.
I could tell she was putting extra effort into making the high-five not too hard. She knew my experience with broken hands already. I slapped her hand halfheartedly and looked out the window into the dark and gloomy night.
"Thanks Alice. You're the best sister anyone could have." I remarked and turned to her. She smiled mischievously.
"You mean I'm a better sister than Alyssa?" She asked her grin growing.
"She doesn't even compare to your supreme level of awesomeness." I clarified. Making up words couldn't hurt.
We pulled up to what I thought was my apartment. I was about to get out when Alice's hand grabbed mine. I'd evidently forgotten how cold her hands were. I almost hit the top of the car.
"Wait for me to get out Bella. We're not where you think we are." She said in a dead and eerie voice.
Chapter 7
"What are you talking about Alice? I told you to take me to my apartment!" I vented angrily. "Is this another sleepover hostage thing? I can't do that tonight Alice! Take me home." To show that I meant what I said, I added the foot stomping action for more effect. Alice seemed pleased with herself, but the voice in my head told me trouble was coming. Was that voice ever wrong?
"Come with me. Once we get into the house I will explain everything." She tugged me along a walkway, and not until I saw the silhouette did I recognize the Cullen's house. I started shaking.
I tried to get her to stop tugging me, but it was no use. I tried yelling too, but all Alice did was shush me. Then we were in the white house.
Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, Rosalie, and Esme were there. Edward was nowhere to be seen.
"Where's Edward?"I whispered urgently. If something happened to Edward, they would have to tell me.
Dead silence. Nobody moved, nobody made a sound.
"Where's Edward?" I asked again louder. " Just tell me where Edward is! You all look so serious! Tell me what's happening now! Right now! If you don't tell me, I'll…well I'll… I'll…um… I'll do something! Just you wait!" I sounded weak and pathetic, stumbling over my words like that.
It was Jasper who spoke first.
"Bella calm down. Nothing's too bad. Just relax." He begged in a soothing voice and a wave of lethargy washed over me.
I stumbled my way to the couch to sit down, while the others looked on, concerned.
"What is it?" My weak voice trembled and cracked.
"Why have you been planning to kill yourself, Bella? How could you make us suffer like that?" Esme asked.
I had no idea what they were talking about. I looked at Alice expectantly waiting for her to explain.
"I saw you jumping off your apartment building." Alice told me. "How could I let you go home when you might be leaving us forever! I told Edward and he went all crazy, that's not even the word for it, and now he's all scared because he's all worried about…"
"Wait! Hold up a second! I'm not planning on killing myself! I don't even know what you're talking about."
All the others seemed to relax, except Jasper who kept staring in my direction.
"Well! Now that that's cleared up, how about we relax, including you Jasper. Relax. " Emmett teased Jasper by waving his hands in a hocus pocus motion.
"Oh, thank you Emmett. I feel so relaxed now." Jasper lied easily. He still seemed really tense.
Esme stepped forward to wrap her arms around me in a motherly gesture.
"Don't you ever frighten me like that again!" Esme looked so concerned and mother-like when she said that, I almost had a seizure. She looked exactly like my mother for a second.
I stepped out of Esme's embrace and looked at Rosalie and Carlisle.
"Where's Edward?" This time my voice sounded strong and ready to take whatever life threw at me next.
"He was acting like I've never seen him act before and then he said something about Jacob. Alice saw you eating dinner with him." Carlisle turned and walked up the stairs. Was Carlisle backing out before I freaked out, or was I just imagining things. He was gone in a flash.
"Jake? I thought that they were friends. You don't think Edward would…" I gulped. "Hurt him do you?"
"We don't know. You can call him now." Esme gently handed the phone to me.
I dialed Edward's phone number. It rang three times. Nobody answered.
Chapter 8
After saying goodbye to the Cullens, and borrowing one of their "trashy" cars, I drove on my way to Jacob's house. I had to make sure both of them were okay. If Edward and Jacob got into a fight, who would win? Did I want to find out?
I looked at the clock in the dashboard. It was 11:37. How could it already be that late? The day flew by so fast, as it always did when something bad happened. I really hoped that Edward wasn't so stupid to pick a fight with Jacob Black. I thought they were friends. After the last fight, I would have expected that. In my world, who knew what to expect anymore?
The sight of Billy's house broke my reverie. I knew what I needed to do.
As I got out of my truck I noticed somebody, probably Billy, peeking out of one of the window curtains. I'd just have to knock on the door and hope that Jacob was where he was supposed to be, at home.
I raised my hand to knock, but Billy had already opened the door. I'm sure this simple action was harder than he made it look. Wheelchairs are tough stuff.
"Hey, Bella. Jake told me you'd be coming soon. He told me to give you this letter." Billy was digging in his pockets now, obviously looking for the letter
"So he isn't at home? Where'd he go?" I interrogated.
"Nope. He's not at home. He said you'd ask that too. My son has a lot of hidden abilities doesn't he? He told me to tell you, quote "I put everything in the letter".
So now I was on some kind of goose chase. The next thing I'd find would be a long and complicated riddle that would lead me to another riddle and so on, until I found both of them. Oh yeah, I had lots of time to go traveling and follow stupid made-up riddles.
"Here you go. Would you like to step inside?" Billy offered.
"It's okay, thank you though. I think I'll just go back my car." I replied trying not to hurt his feelings. To my relief he smiled back.
"Got a new car? Looks nice from hear, but of course an old man can't really see very well. Where'd you get it?"
"The Cullens gave it to me." I answered irritated that the conversation had taken this unexpected turn.
Billy frowned and then said a mumbled "bye" and shut the door.
I hurried back to my toasty car and took out the letter. It read:
Bella,
Don't worry. I'm fine. Edward and I are having a discussion and we won't be back for at least another week. Nobody's been hurt. Calm down.
Love,
Jacob
P.s. Sorry about ruining our romantic dinner by laughing.
Okay. So Jake thought that we were having a romantic dinner? Give me a break! Why couldn't we just be friends? He always took my friendliness to mean something else. I did love him, as a friend. Okay, maybe sometimes more than that. Guys weren't supposed to be so pushy, though.
I didn't really know what "discussion" meant in that context, but I was pretty sure that was all they were having, a discussion.
A drew in a big breath of air having come to a conclusion that they were not having a fight. That's all I needed to hear.
I started the car and went as fast as I possibly could, so I could reach home the quickest. This night seemed to go on and on. I more tired than I would have previously thought possible.
I pulled into the little parking lot, parked, shut the door, and was heading to my apartment when I saw something a little strange. Why wasn't this night ending?
Chapter 9
The lights were on. Somebody was in my apartment.
Nobody had the keys to my apartment for security reasons. So how could anyone get inside? Well, maybe Edward or Jacob could get inside. I wished desperately that one of the two or both were inside. They could straighten my whole world out. That was something I apparently could not do by myself.
As I neared my door, I saw one single silhouette by the window. It obviously must be one person.
A ran quietly towards my apartment door. I knocked twice and my dad answered it.
"Dad, why are you here and how did you get in?" I questioned him. The only place I ever put my key was under the mat, but I'd never told him that.
"Bella, Alyssa told me that you came by to talk. I guessed where the key was and let myself in; I hope I didn't upset you too much." Charlie actually sounded like he cared about me for once. Where did this come from?
"No dad, that's okay. Um, could you come back tomorrow; it's almost 1 o'clock now. I don't think I'd be able to stay awake. I think I'm going to hit the sack."
"Yeah I'd love that. I'm kind of busy tomorrow; can you come over another time?"
"Yeah, I'll call you when I'm coming over, okay? Love you dad." I hinted at his departing, and after a minute he got my point.
"Okay Bells, um. Love you too." He disappeared pretty quickly, so I laid down on the sofa. I wasn't going to sleep in my own bed; I was way too lazy. I hoped that tomorrow would be much calmer. I don't think I could take two days in a row of this madness.
The next morning I slept in, savoring the feel of the sunshine on my face. I was running low on food, so I decided to go to the food market.
There was a new either the Thriftway or the small Safeway at the corner. I decided to go to Safeway. It was in reality small and usually crowded, but all the food was within my budget. I had ditched my job at Newton's, so I didn't have a steady income. That fact was really getting on my nerves. I liked having some extra cash for emergencies.
As I got into my car and drove down the small lane, towards a "big" intersection, I started thinking. I was thinking perhaps a little too much.
Suddenly, I was running a red light and a car came out of the middle of nowhere, and screeched to a halt, but not without bumping and scraping some paint off of my car.
The driver yelled a string of profanities out the window at me. I ignored the driver and mouthed a few apologies. Then I drove the rest of the way to Safeway. I parked and got out to inspect the damage.
On any other car there would have been large dents in the side. But on this car, the Cullen's car, there was barely even a scratch. There was some paint that had been chafed off when the person had run into me, but it was clearly a miracle that that was all the damage. I'd have to thank the Cullens later. Their "trashy" car had saved my life.
As I walked into the grocery store, I noticed my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I wasn't really in the best shape. I was about to go back into my car, when a familiar face jogged up to me.
"Hey, is that you Bella?" It was mike. He had let his hair grow kind of shaggy and long. It suited him pretty well. I could kind of guess his inspiration for growing it out like that came from Edward. It didn't even have half the effect, though. I didn't know I looked that different. I was still recognizable.
"Hi Mike, long time, no see." He came up for a hug and I just let my arms hang limply from my sides. He wasn't going to get any hug from me. I couldn't tell if he had taken the hint.
His face warped into an unrecognizable expression. "Yeah, I am…l… I got to go and um… feed my grandmother. Bye." I didn't even have time to say bye back. He dashed around me and I watched him run out the door. Something was really strange here. He didn't even have a grandmother, the one remaining grandmother he had died before I had come to Forks. Mike and I had already had that discussion, weird as it may seem.
I hurried through my grocery shopping; waiting when I would get home and be able to call Jessica, and ask her what was up. I wondered if I even had her phone number anymore. She might have moved. She might not answer my call.
I didn't have any excuses. I would call her. I would ask her what was up, even if she didn't answer the phone. I was so used to seeing Mike act a certain way that it was really weird when he didn't. I hope the whole thing was just a misunderstanding. But what if it wasn't a misunderstanding? What would I do then? Add the problem to my lengthy list of tribulations? Maybe, the best idea would be to wait until Jessica or Mike would call me. They would call me that much was true. If trouble or danger (I doubt the second one would be found in a phone call, but as proven by James, it could) was attached to the phone call, it would find me, even if it took 3 or 4 months.
My hands were not shaky anymore after about 15 minutes after the accident. I knew I'd have to avoid daydreaming on the drive back home.
As I loaded my bags filled with food into the car, I thought back to what Alice said about seeing just the beginning of the wedding. Couldn't the wedding still be canceled? Couldn't I cancel it?
Chapter 10
The thought had crossed me before, but I had quickly shoved it out of my mind. Probably for fear of the consequences that would face me if I interfered. Would I be able to change Edward's mind though? Maybe if I could only convince his family.
Carlisle would side with me, I knew he would. He wouldn't sit around while I was in pain, he had enough compassion.
And Esme, with her motherly attitude, would talk to Edward too. She would convince him.
Didn't Edward have a voice in his head that told him what's right and wrong? Did vampires have such a voice? I'm sure that voice was on my side too. I had more on my side, than he had on his and Alyssa's side. I didn't want to fight him about the whole wedding event; not physically of course, he would beat me there, but with words.
I remembered back when Jacob had come over and told me the news. I already knew that I had a new sister, I had even met her once and had found her pleasant to be around, and way more social than I was, but I hadn't heard the latest. I remembered his facial expressions as he slowly and deliberately explained how Edward was getting married to Alyssa. I remembered standing still, as still as a stone, as he moved cautiously toward me. I remembered the way Jake wrapped his arms around me, and for once I didn't care if he hugged me. He always made me feel better, and that's what I needed right then, to feel better. I cried into his shirt and we stood there for what felt like a lengthy period of time, until I stepped back, breaking his embrace. His eyes conveyed to me what he could not say. His eyes communicated sorrow. His eyes also showed a new beginning. A beginning I didn't want to imagine.
The truth was I didn't have to choose anymore. My choice, Edward, the one I loved the most, had fluttered away in the wind. I could be happy about his recent choice, but all I felt in that moment with Jacob was hate, pure hate. I'd never thought that I could hate Edward. It was impossible, or so it had seemed. Edward loved me and had protected me in the past. Was he protecting me now?
That's what I needed right now. Why would I call Jake though, when all I needed was a hug? Without a doubt, he would probably spring at the chance to be with me, to be the protector and comforter, just like Edward had been to me so many times.
I knew there was a chance. I had many that would side with me. Renee might side with me, but what about Charlie? I wouldn't want him to have to choose, firstly, because that would cause him pain, and secondly, I already had some knowledge about who he would back up.
A hard thud on the door made me jump, and forced me to come back to the present time. I staggered to the door and thrust the door open.
A pizza man stood at my doorstep. He slid me the pizza.
"Um, a pepperoni pizza for a Bella Swan," He looked into my eyes and I could see him trying to assess my situation. "Are you okay?"
I wiped my eyes and was surprised when my sleeve came away from my face damp and black. I must look like a wreck to this guy, whoever he is.
I ignored his last question and returned to a more pressing one, "I didn't order a pizza. You must have gotten the wrong house. I can't pay for that." I explained as I gave the pizza back to him.
"Well, are you Miss Bella Swan?" Tears started to seep out of the corner of my eyes when he uttered the "Miss" part. I nodded slowly, my eyes fixed on him. I knew he must think I had some kind of problem. "Well, let him think that." A voice in my head said.
"When I get an order, I follow through with the order. This one's for you m'am, and it's already been paid for." He gave the pizza back to me and I gave up. I nodded and shut the door, in his confused face with weak force.
I shuffled to the kitchen, and placed the pizza in the middle of the table. Well, at least I had dinner for tonight. It was odd that the pizza was already paid for. I wondered who would do that. My first thoughts were in the direction of Edward, but I forced my brain to rewind and think of something different. If Edward wanted to tell me something, he would call me or jump through my apartment window. Or had the communication between us gotten so bad that he had started communicating with me by sending a pizza?
I opened up the pizza and a message was formed on the top of the pizza by pepperoni. It said:
Sorry
It wasn't signed. There were so many people that could have sent me a pizza, but only a few that would put the word "sorry" on it without a signature.
I dug into the pizza hungrily as I thought about the possibilities. It could have been Charlie. Charlie would've signed the pizza though.
It could have been Alyssa. Maybe she could've had a change of heart, decided to be friendly, and finally give Edward back.
"Stop dreaming." The voice told me.
"Hey! I can dream if I want to!" I yelled into the empty space. Had it really come to talking to thin air? Was I losing it? I severely hoped not.
Jake could've sent the pizza to me. Would he sign it? He probably would, just another "I love you" gesture and he would want me to know it was from him.
Could Edward have sent it? He was the only person that the situation fit with, for obvious reasons. He couldn't sign his name, Alyssa might find out. Plus, he knew Pepperoni pizza was my favorite.
I decided to let my mind have a break. I squeaked across the linoleum floor as I put the pizza in the fridge.
I would settle down before I went to bed. I decided to skip the shower routine-too much time to think-and instead just brushed my teeth.
Then I plopped myself down in my comfy reclining chair. I decided on reading the suspenseful romance "Rebecca". I knew the romance part would not be helpful to my nerves, but I couldn't think of anything else to read.
I settled in for a long night of reading.
Chapter 11
I awoke to the sound of tires squealing against pavement.
I must have fallen asleep reading. I jumped up and raced across the room to the window. As I pulled the curtains back I saw a Volvo swerve into my small driveway.
I knew it was silly, but I ran to the bathroom to check my appearance. If Edward was the one in the car, I had to look somewhat decent. It wouldn't help my battle for him if he saw me looking like trash.
I rushed to the door, but Edward had already beaten me there. He knocked one time and then I heard a loud crash. Out of the dust the figure of Edward appeared, as I struggled to get the wood dust out of my lungs. I coughed trying to find real air to breathe when Edward's cold hands were abruptly wrapped around me. I felt the wind in my face as he sprinted outside and was momentarily blinded by the sun. All this happened in a matter of seconds. I was still coughing by the time we were settled in his car.
He turned the key in the ignition and we were off at a speed I didn't think a car could possibly go.
His face was hard as stone and he didn't even look at me as he barreled though the intersections.
"W-w-what is… wrong?" I barely made it through the sentence without a cough.
Now that I actually had time to think, I was shocked by his behavior. He could have waited for me to open the door. He was over one-hundred-years-old; he had to have some kind of patience.
His arms were almost crushing the wheel. His appearance was a mess. His shirt was wrinkled, his hair all over the place. He never even looked at me, and the silence dragged on. I turned to him, shock written all over my face.
"Alyssa's… been..." I had never seen him at a loss for words. He couldn't seem to get the last words out of his frozen lips.
"What? What's happened?" I screeched. Deliberately, I rotated my whole body toward him.
"She's been… hurt." He whispered the last word.
I wanted so much to comfort him, but he looked like he was in so much pain that I didn't think I could patch anything up. He looked at me with the same expression that he used when he had known he had put me in danger or hurt me. Suddenly I understood what he was trying to communicate to me. I realized what the problem was.
My eyes took in his face and then my gaze lingered at his eyes. Only one word described this moment: thirsty.
Chapter 12
"What happened, Edward?" My voice was supposed to sound pain-less, but it came out as a squeak.
He wouldn't talk. He just stared ahead, his eyes never leaving the road. I'd had enough. He would either tell me, or I was getting out of this car. I didn't know how I'd manage jumping out of the car, the Volvo going about 180 mph right now, but I would figure a plan out.
"Tell me! NOW!" I was plainly frustrated and he could sense that.
"Bella. I… I didn't know… I didn't know how I could…escape." He sounded like a little child. His voice was dead. I'd never seen him like this since the James accident. I reached out to touch him, to comfort my Edward.
"DON'T TOUCH ME." He growled.
I jolted away from him, cowering in terror, as I let my arm drop to my side. He'd never acted like this before. My eyes started to tear up and before I could wipe the tears away, I was weeping hysterically.
I didn't think I would be able to find my voice, but somehow I found it. "Pull over Edward… I'm going home."
"No! We're going to see Alyssa." His hands still clutched the steering wheel. His eyes still stared ahead.
"Edward, you've never had to hide secrets from me," I whispered. "Tell me what's going on" I was totally serious and he could sense that.
"I hurt her Bella. I hurt Lyssa." He turned to me and I could tell he was measuring my reaction.
It was the first time I had heard him use his nickname for my sister. I felt my heart drop. He had never made a nickname for me. Now, he was making up stupid nicknames for my mean sister.
I stopped myself. If Alyssa was seriously hurt, I couldn't hate her. I had to be as friendly as possible. There was a part of me that felt sorry for my sister, I now realized. If she was already suffering pain, why would I force more pain on her? That would be plain wrong, and I knew that.
Edward continued quickly, "She doesn't know what I am. I tried to hunt this morning, but I didn't have time to. She kissed me one time. I knew that I had to leave or at least keep my distance from her. I told her I had to leave. She got angry at me. She told me that I was acting strange. She even threatened to break up the engagement, over a silly kiss! I finally gave in. I couldn't control myself, I bit… on the neck." His head drooped now. I could see he would say no more.
"Is she okay? Did Carlisle get to her?" I asked urgently.
"We're not sure. Carlise got to her and all the venom is out, but we don't know what she will remember when she wakes up." He peeked at me out of the corner of his thirsty eyes.
"What was she thinking before you attacked?" I questioned. Something was wrong here…
"Bella, I… I can't hear her thoughts." He answered and turned his eyes on me.
"What? What do you mean?" He couldn't hear her thoughts? What did that mean? He only fell in love with girls that he couldn't read?
"I can't hear what she's thinking, that's the problem." Edward slowed the car down a notch. He returned to staring straight ahead.
I was silent for awhile, letting my thoughts take me to another place, a place of despair. I found myself having a short nightmare.
"Bella?" I could barely hear my name, but when he waved his hand swiftly in front of my face, I snapped out of it. "Are you okay?" His hands relaxed on the steering wheel.
I wanted to open the door and leap out. No wonder he didn't see how rude Alyssa was! He couldn't read her mind. Instead of relief, I felt fury. Fury that was building slowly, and soon would erupt if I was not careful. I started thinking about volcanoes and how they sometimes erupted without warning. I had to be careful. I didn't just have a person in the seat beside me, I had a vampire, and not a quenched vampire at that.
I did let my feelings out though. I would let him know how I felt. I had the right to let him tell how angry I was inside.
"Am I okay? Edward, I wish you could read my mind right now. You'd feel the same pain I'm feeling. Maybe then we'd be on the same page!" I pouted jutting my bottom lip out, like a preschooler. My mom had always laughed at my expressions when I was little.
I wasn't done. I had more questions that needed to be stated.
"Do you only fall in love with the girls that you can't read? Is that what you look for?" I knew I should stop, but I convinced myself he needed to know. I let my words flow like hot lava. "You look for the package deal. Hmm, Edward wants a plain girl that he can't read! Wow! Oh! Look, there's a girl Edward can't read! Edward goes fall in love with her! Wait! There's the first girl's sister can't be read either! Oh! She looks a lot prettier than the first one! Edward falls in love with her! What about the old girl? Oh, she can live in pain. No big deal! Edward… doesn't… love… her… anymore!" My teeth ground together. Fury was practically exploding now.
The Volvo pulled off the highway. Edward's eyes pierced mine. I was in for it now.
"You know it's not like that!" His gaze was burning my face, I had to look away. "You are…beautiful." He couldn't seem to pull the corners of his face up. My favorite crooked smile nowhere to be seen.
The car roared to life and screeched back onto the highway.
Edward glanced over. "Isabella. I don't want to hurt you. I hate myself, but the way things were have changed. Life goes on."
"Life does not go on. Remember when you left me? Or is that blurry?" I asked.
"Yes. I couldn't forget." He kept on talking. "Nothing's blurry for a vampire, you should know that." He smiled, but the mood I was in did not change.
I switched the topic, "Isn't there some way that you and I could still be…"
"Friends?" He finished my sentence.
"More than that?" He was nodding his head side to side even before I spoke. "What about me Edward?" I was being selfish, no doubt about it.
He didn't answer. I predicted he wouldn't. What would he say that would make me feel better?
"Oh Bella. Forget about it. I love Alyssa now." Was that what I needed? No, definitely not. Or would he reconsider?
"Bella! Is that you? I just remembered that I loved you!" Was that what I wanted? Yes, it was, but it would sure cause a lot of conflict.
We arrived at the hospital at that moment. The parking lot was almost full, but Edward smoothly slid into one of the remaining spots.
He walked at a normal pace and opened up the door for me. I reached for his hand, but he pulled it out of the way. He bent down to whisper in my ear. My breathing picked up and for one little moment, just one, I thought he might kiss me. I clearly wasn't thinking.
"I'm going to hunt. If Alyssa wakes up, call me on this phone, Carlisle knows the number." He searched for something in my eyes, and paced down the street until he reached curve in the road, and then he vanished.
Chapter 13
As soon as he left, my guard crashed to the asphalt. I leaned down on the ground and lay there on my back, crying, as the sky turned gray.
I didn't care who saw me. I would cry like a baby as long as I wanted to.
The rain started to fall. It splashed across my face and dribbled down my clothes. As I lay there, I thought about my life. How I thought it was going to change when I moved to Forks, but how my life went back to the original pattern once Alyssa moved here. My right hand beat the earth, until it was slightly bloody on the side.
I stayed completely still, like a stone. Maybe if I laid here at still as I could manage, maybe people would forget about me. I might become invisible. I might not feel pain anymore.
"Bella, oh Bella!" Esme dashed out of well… nowhere. She took a quick look at my hands and pinched her nose.
Her motherly instincts clearly took hold. "Bella, oh Bella, oh!" She picked me up in a fluid moment and rushed me into hospital door. I was immediately enveloped in white and the smell of cleaning detergents.
I copied Esme and pinched my nose too. Nothing was worse than the hospital smell. She let me down a few paces from the door.
"Oh Bella, can you walk?" She asked still plugging the bridge of her nose. Funny, how she didn't have that nasal sound us, humans, have when we did that. Her voice sounded crystal clear.
"I think so." Looking down at the ground was easier than looking Esme in the eyes.
"Good." She grabbed some Kleenex off one of the shelves and handed them to me.
"Thank you" I answered. I dabbed at my eyes, catching each drop before it fell.
"Your hand looks terrible. What happened?" She wrapped her arm around me, still keeping her hand at her nose.
"I… I smashed my hand on the asphalt." I made my answer matter-of-factly, so she might get the idea that I did it all that time. It wasn't really a big deal. Carlisle could put a bandage on it.
"Ah… Did he drive you over?" We both knew who "he" was. Esme was purposely not using the name of her son, so she wouldn't upset me. I felt my spirits lift. There was good in the world.
"Yes." She knew I was not over her son yet, which was kind of uncomfortable. Esme wouldn't tease me though; she was the most mother-like creature in my life nowadays. I wanted to sob and hug her so much right now, it surprised me.
"Pathetic." The little voice said sourly.
"Why isn't he with you?" She asked.
"He's out hunting." I looked up at her face, and saw her looking away, thoughtfully nodding her head, her wavy brown hair shifting around her heart shaped face from side to side.
"Oh yes. He mentioned that this morning." She smiled at me and I smiled hesitantly back. She led me down the hallway.
A man in a white coat came out of one of the rooms ahead of us, I recognized him as Carlisle. Some nurses walked briskly past us giggling and sneaking peeks over their shoulders. Esme must get annoyed of women trying to snatch her husband's attention. Carlisle looked the same as he always did, semi-curly blond hair and very defined features, like his chin for example, could've been chiseled out of stone for all I knew.
He immediately looked down at my fist cradled in my left hand. "Ah… been clumsy again Bella?" He walked over and pulled some type of cleaning packet out of his pocket. "This might hurt some." He dabbed it gently on the scrape. I cringed a little and Carlisle must have thought I needed some form pain killer, because Jasper was abruptly about 10 feet away, keeping his distance from my bloody hand.
I felt better at once. "Gee Carlisle! You didn't have to call Jasper out!"Jasper chuckled and did a graceful bow.
"At your service, your majesty." His eyes didn't leave my face.
Carlisle wrapped some type of gauze on my hand.
"Thanks Carlisle." I smiled.
"My pleasure." He took a step back and Esme took her hand off of her nose.
All their faces became serious at the same time. I remembered what I was here, at the hospital for.
"How bad is she?" I looked at Carlisle, expectantly, waiting for an answer.
"She's fine. Her neck is swollen badly, but will heal in time. She hasn't woken up yet. Our worry is what she will have remembered." I was glad Carlisle put the sentence in plain English, I couldn't understand doctor language.
"Can I see her?"
"Yes. She's in the next room on the right." Out of the corner of my mind, I could see Jasper taking a step toward me and Carlisle held out his hand.
I unhurriedly into the room Carlisle had indicated, unsure what I would find.
Alyssa was lying on a large bed, her reddish hair swirled around her face, covered in a white sheet up to her shoulders. Her neck was at least double the size it was normally, it stood out.
I felt an unexpected feeling creep into my body. Sorrow. I realized that even though Alyssa had been a jerk in the past, I really did love her. Seeing her in this small room with tubes stuck in her and the image of her possibly on her death bed was saddening.
Sitting there in the room, I started to cry. I let the tears roll down my cheeks, I let them pool on my lip, I let them go. Faces flew by my closed eyes, the faces I loved, the faces I didn't want to let go, the faces I hated. Memories I had blocked before, now paraded through my mind.
I realized that even though I loved Edward, I could survive without him, I would. He didn't love me, no matter what he told himself. I started to walk out of the hospital room, without warning, I heard Alyssa's voice.
"Bella?" She asked, like she had never met me before.
I turned and walked to her, letting her see my tears, hoping she would see the pain in my sore eyes.
"What happened?" Alyssa whispered. This is what Edward had wanted. He didn't want Alyssa to remember anything.
Instead of answering I pulled out the phone and dialed Edward's phone number. Carlisle had the phone number too, but Edward didn't know how I'd memorized his.
It didn't even ring.
"Is she awake?" The crystal clear voice asked.
"Yes." I whispered letting hurt color my tone.
The line went dead.
"Bella? Who did you call?" She whispered again, and I wondered if she could only whisper. Was her voice box okay?
I opened my lips, but no sound would come out. She asked me again. I still found myself unable to form a word with my mouth. It was as if I was on mute, and no matter how much I tried to speak, nothing would be heard.
I nodded at Alyssa with my eyes closed. Then, I shuffled to the door. Esme was outside the door, and sensed something wrong as soon as she saw my face. But, she didn't understand.
"Is she dead?" Esme asked, not hesitating the least bit at the last word.
I shook my head back and forth. It was a lame response. It was all I could communicate right now though.
The hospital smells started to penetrate my nose. I had somehow blocked the harsh, clean smells from entering. My efforts had been put to waste.
I started to wobble back and forth, dizziness gripping me, not letting go. I wanted to look strong, oh how I wanted to be strong. I was weak. I was pathetic. I was fragile, and I had been smashed and stomped on so many times, no tape could ever fix me. No hot glue gun would put me back together. The pieces of me were splayed all around, every slice out of reach.
This was a battle and I would win, I had to win.
With that last thought, I plunged into complete darkness and spiraled toward the clean, white floor. So pure.
Chapter 14
The lights. The lights I wanted to shout. My eyes blinked rapidly, bright dots spotting my vision.
A bronze-haired face hovered above me. His perfect lips started to move rapidly, but I couldn't hear anything. I stared up at him in utter confusion.
He started to talk again, but I heard nothing. His eyes searched mine, as I shook my head. My eyes searched for something, anything that I could communicate with. I motioned with my hand at a pad of paper on the side of my bed. He watched my hands, and picked up the pad. He gingerly handed it to me.
Edward's expression was dark, his hair the same as always, untidy.
As soon as I had the pad of paper, my mind went blank. I knew what I was going to write, but I couldn't remember anymore. All I had to do was write some words.
So I wrote down the only words that came to mind.
What happened?
I was glad that those words had come to mind. I think whatever words I had thought of, I would have written down. If I'd jotted what I felt about Edward right now, that would not have been pleasant.
Edward seized the pad of paper, and I was surprised when my fingers wouldn't let go. Of course, for Edward this was an easy victory. His strong fingers pried mine gently from the paper. Then he grabbed another pen from a container at the edge of the sink nearby. He probably didn't want to pry the pen from my fingers too. I didn't blame him.
He wrote very quickly, his pen flying across the paper.
You blacked out just as I was entering the hospital. You then turned a greenish color. We were all very worried about you. I went to see Alyssa and she is well. So, here I am. You've been here for about 3 hours. I'm glad your face has returned to its normal color. I was pretty scared for awhile!
I moved my lips and found that I could at least whisper now.
"Oh please." My voice was surprisingly hoarse; I couldn't get enough sarcasm into those two little words.
He chuckled softly. His face grew softer.
"Go back to Alyssa." I commanded. After all, she was the one he loved.
He stared at me in confusion. This must be new to him, I thought, he is used to the girl who is hopeless and who needs somebody to lean on. Well, I am still the same girl, but it was better if he thought I was stronger now. Then he could leave me alone. Part of me ached at the thought, and the other part of me was hoping that he would leave me. He would forget about me like a penny in the rain.
Chapter 15
"Go on. Why waste your time here, when you can be with Alyssa?" I asked Edward. "It's okay. I'm already hurt enough. You really can't hurt me anymore than you already have."
His puzzled eyes continued to bore into mine. He hesitated and then opened his mouth as if to speak.
Instead of speaking, he ran his hand through his messy auburn hair. Then he strolled out of my room. Plain and simple.
I had just told Edward to leave me alone. When I'd said the words, I had barely thought about them. But now, as I saw him disappear around the corner, I realized that I could've just made a huge mistake. I didn't feel guilty, I felt happy. I experienced that tingly feeling when you finally stood up to a bully. Except Edward was no bully, in many ways he was unjust, but certainly not a bully. I grasped the fact that I had just told him that he didn't have to pretend that he still loved me.
I tried to sit up, but a buckle-like device was strapped across my waist. I fumbled with the buckle just as Carlisle strolled in.
"You took quite a spill," he exclaimed while examining my head and eyes.
"Yes. I am capable of leaving now." I eyed the buckle and Carlisle seemed to receive the hint.
With his strong fingers, he had the buckle open in seconds. This action only made me feel worse.
He obviously must have thought I needed help out of the bed, as he held his arms out for support. They were not the arms I wanted though.
I carefully jumped out of bed and walked out of the hospital without looking back. If I stayed too long, I would flood the whole building. I could hear their whispers- their strained voices.
I un-locked my car door, and took a seat on the cushy leather seat. I just sat there for a few minutes. Then deciding that before long, one of the Cullens was bound to stroll out here and check on me, I turned the key in the ignition. My truck started with a puff of smoke, and I drove out of the parking lot.
I turned the radio on to a rap station and twisted the volume way up. Now I finally realized why some people's car radios were so loud. They were trying to tune out their pain.
Edward smiling, his eyes victorious. Sitting in biology class on my first day while Edward stared at me coldly.
Even unpleasant memories were precious to me now. I had to re-live them every day so they would stay in mind. They could never get lost.
As I parked my car in front of my apartment, I spotted my neighbors.
"Hello Bella. How are you doing this… dreary day?" my grandmotherly neighbor asked in a withered voice.
I put on my best smile, but I couldn't force any of my muscles to cooperate. I gave it to her straight. "I'm quite dreary, Mrs. Ervine."
"Well Bella, not every day is a piece of cake." She smiled, her wrinkles disappearing and laugh lines taking their place. "I'm feeling dull today too. It must be the weather." She bent down and gingerly watered her plants. Mrs. Ervine watered her plants every day, rain or no rain. I guessed she had nothing better to do.
I waved goodbye and then continued inside my apartment building. Right as I was hanging up my raincoat, I realized that I had a phone call to make. Finding the number for Mike Newton would be hard, but I was very sure it was in my address book from Forks High. I flipped through the pages eagerly.
No. I wasn't eager to talk to Mike. I couldn't be. If I really did feel eager to talk to him, this would be a first. As I threw the phone book over my shoulder, and started digging through my school bag, the shrilly sound of the phone distracted me.
Anger flooded through me, partly because of the thought of the phone tearing me away from my search, and partly because of the thought of talking to another human while I was in this state. My voice cracked every other word.
I took a deep breath as I picked up the phone and put it to my ear.
"Hey Bells. Can you come and eat dinner with my fam tonight?
The enthusiastic voice invited. Who else would call me at this hour to ask me to dinner?
"Ummm… Jake I'm feeling sick." Truthfully, I felt worse than sick.
"I can make you feel better. My dad's cooking, so it's sure to be good. He is a-"
"Jake, I can't. You don't understand." I spoke quickly and wished fervently that Jake would hang up the phone. No chance whatsoever!
"It's about the bloodsucker. I understand perfectly." His tone was acidic. "Bells, you can't just sit there waiting for him to take you back."
I sat there with the phone frozen in my hand, "I'm not waiting Jacob- I've given up." There. That was the most appropriate summary for what I'd done at the hospital.
There was nothing but silence on the other side of the phone line. I could imagine Jake pressing the "mute" button and skipping around, yelling at the top of his lungs. And maybe he was doing just that, but all I could hear was pure peace. Maybe he hadn't heard me.
I was about to choke out that last sentence, when he spoke.
"Given up?" His voice was unsure. "On… Edward? Just like that?"
I didn't answer. I was honestly afraid to answer.
"I know what to do, just stay home. Kay, Bells? Jake asked.
The familiar buzzing of a dead line hummed in my ear, and I hung up the phone. What was Jacob's big idea? Hopefully it wasn't taking me out somewhere. I couldn't stand more red-eye embarrassment.
Deciding to sit down and wait until Jacob unveiled his "great idea" was possibly the longest pause in my very busy life. The clock confirmed it had already been two hours of sitting on the couch, dying of boredom, when the phone rang.
My phone sadly didn't have caller ID so I had no idea who was calling. I had an inkling that Jacob was on the other end, but I couldn't be sure.
"Meet Jacob at the beach. He's expecting you." The rough voice said.
"Who is this?" I asked. No one answered because the mystery person had hung up. Was this some kind of trick? Had Jacob been kidnapped or was he pulling a prank on me? My stress level was already rising rapidly; I didn't need another reason to worry.
I called Billy. His quiet voice ensured that nothing was wrong and Jacob certainly wasn't being kidnapped. He seemed to be trying to convince me to go to the beach. He claimed he didn't know anything, yet I felt like he was in on it. I reluctantly hung up the phone, and grabbed my raincoat. I didn't know if it was raining outside, but better safe than sorry.
My car hummed loudly as I flew down the street heading to La Push. As soon as I parked and got out of my red pickup, my eyes singled out light in the darkness. I squinted, trying to see the source better, but decided that I would have to walk down to the beach. The sand felt cold and spongy under my flip flop clad feet as I walked down to meet the light.
I started to pick out minute details. There were two candles on a small round table and as I finally made it down to the table, Jacob was sitting in one of the chairs.
I couldn't hide my surprise. I'm sure my skin turned a rosy pink in the candlelight.
"Um Jacob? What's this for?" I asked gesturing to the table and fancy silverware.
He smiled mischievously. "You sounded down on the phone. I thought this might cheer you up. His eyes turned apologetic. "I'm sorry that this is so spontaneous and I couldn't hire Paul or Sam to be my servant for tonight. So I guess I will just have to do everything myself."
He got up from his chair, then strolled over and pulled mine out from the table. I stood still, still frozen by shock at the over-done display of affection.
Finally, realizing I was supposed to sit in the chair, I quickly stumbled over to Jacob.
He reached under the table and placed lasagna in the center of the table. I didn't have the nerve to tell him I wasn't hungry. It looked like he had spent a lot of time preparing this meal.
He placed a big forkful on my plate, and an even bigger serving on his own.
"What do you think about this location? Be honest Bella." He dug his fork into the lasagna at an avid pace.
I loved it. The sun was setting, so the sky illuminated everything around us in a glow of many warm colors.
"It's beautiful." I simply stated, gazing at the light show.
"So are you." He responded looking straight into my eyes.
I didn't know what he was trying to do, but I finally had discovered what the mood of tonight would be. Couldn't he tell I wasn't ready to move on? I wanted to just sit down and forget everything. He was ready for me to accept him, to think of him as more than a friend. I needed more time.
I ducked his comment and switched the subject. His eyes burned as he realized I was pulling back.
"Did you make this dish by yourself?"
"Of course I did! You didn't know I could cook?" His tone was obviously sarcastic. "I would give you more if you ate something." He gestured to my untouched plate.
"I'm sorry. I kinda ate before I came." He waved off my comment.
"It's okay. I asked you here for a different reason than tasting my delicious food." I could tell he was hiding something. That something was producing a visible effect on Jake. Beads of sweat started appearing on his forehead. By now the sun had practically set, leaving us in mysterious darkness. The candles kept flickering, as if they were to go out, but they would re-gain their flame.
He stared at me for an immeasurable amount of time, abruptly stood up from his chair and crossed over to me.
"Bella… I've been waiting for this opportunity for a long time. I didn't think you'd give up Edward, so I wasn't planning on this." I froze, not knowing how to react. "I'd ask you if you wanted to go out, but I want something more permanent." His eyes surveyed my reaction, looking for something in my face before moving on.
What was he saying? He'd been waiting for this opportunity for a long time? Well, that was to be expected. He'd been hoping I'd give up on Edward for as long as I'd started dating him. But he wasn't his usual funny self. His face was blank, serious. Jacob didn't give me any chance of reading his feelings-or what he was about to say.
His voice started to quiver and break, stumbling over words here and there. "I'd be able to keep you safe, make you happy. I love you Bella. I-I- I want you to marry me Bells." Then remembering his stance, he got down on one knee. " I don't have a ring at the moment, but I can get you whatever you want. Please Bells."
Alarms started sounding in my brain; a deafening, screeching, sound that blocked out all other thought. No. He thought I was ready to except him? After I had gone through everything this morning? He wanted me to put that ring on my fourth finger and act like I was fine? No. I knew what he wanted to say, yet I still loved Edward. I couldn't move on.
"Bella? What's wrong?" His big finger caught one of my tears as it was falling to the sand. I could say no, but he wouldn't take that answer. He would keep pursuing me, never taking no as an answer. I couldn't say yes.
"Why are you asking me tonight?" I sobbed. My question could be interpreted many different ways.
"Well, I know that Edward might take you back." I looked at him through teary eyes, and realized he was looking down, ashamed. Jake obviously didn't think I would ask that question.
"I can't."
"Why not Bells? You said you loved me."
My voice rose. "How could you ask me tonight? Do you realize this is the same day that I said good-bye to Edward? Did you know how terrible this would make me feel?"
"Bella. Please. You mean so much to me. Don't you love me back?" Jacob's expression turned solemn.
"I do love you. But, I'm not ready to accept this." I explained, tears falling harder now. This would rank high up in the worst days of my life.
"I have to go." Standing up proved to be harder than I thought. I was just about blind. I stumbled on a tree branch as I was moving up the beach and Jake's steady hand grasped mine before I fell.
"Stay Bells. Just stay. Don't go." I tried shaking his arm off of mine, but his grip was strong, and he wasn't letting go.
"Let me go!" I tried twisting and turning but no luck. "Jacob! Let go you moron!" Screeching loudly, I fell to the ground and tried kicking him, only managing to obtain a few bruises in the process.
I wasn't any match for Jacob. He lifted me effortlessly onto his lap.