Title: The Price of his Soul
Author: Ben Mason
Contact: tychocelchu@mpx.com.au
Series: Voy
Part: 1/1
Rating: G
Code: P
Date originally posted: 25/11/99
Summary: Why did Tom confess?
Archive: You betcha.
Disclaimer: Confession is good for the soul.
* * * *
"I see you had help"
"It's good to see you too, Chakotay."
"At the least the Vulcan was doing his duty as a Starfleet Officer, but you, you betrayed us for what? Freedom from prison? Latinum? What was your price this time?" The disgust and contempt in the Maquis leader's voice obvious to all of them. The sneer of his lip dominated his tanned face.
Tom knew what the older man was referring to. His first and last mission for the Maquis had cost them several strips of Latinum, at a time when latinum was hard to obtain in the DMZ, not to mention the cargo he had been running. He stepped closer to explain to this arrogant Indian just what he had done with his 'fee' from that mission. But Janeway interrupted him.
"You are speaking to a member of my crew. I expect you to treat him with the same respect as you would have me treat a member of yours."
Later, these words would haunt Tom Paris as he lay awake in his new quarters.
*A member of her crew. She must love to pick up mongrel strays. Treat me with respect. Why bother? I don't. I haven't since Caldik Prime. Why'd she have to step in. I would have loved to seen Chakotay's face when I told him. I won't now though. The time has passed, it would only sound like an excuse now.*
Tom rolled over and tried to sleep, refusing to give in to the guilt and remorse that had threatened to overwhelm him ever since....
* * * *
Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris sat at the desk in his quarters in the visiting officers barracks at Starfleet HQ. He couldn't move. His mind was frozen in a repeating set of phrases. Three words predominated those phrases.
*Its my fault.*
His screen was on, displaying a letter from a person he had never met, and probably never would. Hell, he hadn't even known she existed.
It was this letter that had paralysed him. After the accident, he had gone through all the counselling sessions, and sure, he had been sorry they were dead, he regretted that it had happened. But it wasn't like there had been anything he could do about it now was there? This way was better, everybody stayed happy. Especially his father.
But now? How could just a few words change a person's outlook on life? One small fact would change, had changed, how he viewed the world. How he viewed himself. He read the letter again.
From: Shaynee Martin
To: Lt. T. Paris, Starfleet HQ.
Dear Lt Paris.
My name is Shaynee Martin. My teacher is helping me write this letter to you as I am only six. A Starfleet man came and told me that my mother died in an accident, but no one will tell me what happened. They tell me that it is better that I don't know, only that she loved me.
But I want to. They said that you were there. Can you tell me why my mama died? Please?
Sincerely,
Shaynee.
*Its my fault.*
Finally Tom came to his senses. There was only one thing he could do.
"Computer, begin reply."
"Recording."
"Dear Shaynee,
Hi.
Yes, I was there when your mother died, and yes I know the reason. She died in a shuttle accident at a planet called Caldik Prime. She died because someone made a mistake, because I made a mistake. At first I lied about it, because I didn't want to face the consequences.
I was wrong. I am now going to tell everyone the truth, and I'll make sure that you are taken care of. As long as I'm alive, you'll never want for anything. I only ask one thing. Don't ever do what I did. Don't ever lie, always face up to what you've done.
It's all my fault. I'm Sorry.
Lt Tom Paris."
"End Letter. Transmit. Begin new letter, encoded to Starfleet Board of Inquiry."
"Recording."
Sirs.
I hereby make a full confession of my actions at Caldik Prime on Stardate....."
* *
"Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, it is the decision of this court that for the crime of perjury, and the deaths of three fellow officers, you are hereby stripped of rank and dishonourably discharged from Starfleet."
Tom Paris, civilian, stood silently at attention, eyes front. Two security ensigns pulled off his pips, tore the jacket from his back and dropped them into the recycler. They disappeared in a swirl of energy. He turned on his heel, and allowed himself to be escorted from the auditorium, ignoring the press swirling around him.
He stopped when he came face to face with the Admiral at the doorway. Tom had a request to make.
"Dad..."
Owen Paris' face was unreadable, as if made of stone. His voice was no different. "I have no son."
* *
*Well, I'm on my way.*
He had made a promise, and regardless of his unemployability in respectable companies, he intended to keep it. Therefore he had to make a choice, the lesser of several evils, so to speak. he could have gone to any one of the numerous pirate clans in the quadrant. They would all value his piloting skills, including the Orions. But they also would put him in the position of creating more orphans.
So instead he had contacted the Maquis. They at least were trying to save lives. For each mission he did for them, he would receive a fee. A fee that would be paid into an account in trust for Shaynee, accessible only to his mother until the young girl was old enough to make her own decisions.
After all, Earth may be money free, but the Federation wasn't. And from time to time, Shaynee would need funds.
Would she ever forgive him? He wasn't even sure if he wanted her to.
* * * *
Tom rolled over again, still unable to sleep. What now? He was trapped irreversibly on the other side of the galaxy. *I can be there for her no longer. Sure, mother will see that she gets everything she needs, but it is no longer coming from me. I've sidestepped my responsibilities again.*
The answer to his need for atonement was obvious. He had taken lives once. Others had been destroyed because of his actions. From now on, every day he saved someone while piloting Voyager, every light-year closer to the Alpha Quadrant, every time he made someone's burdens lighter; he would be one day closer to redemption.
Tom slept.
Fin