Yo, nice ta meet ya. Names Final T-Yoko and this here is my first Fic. A forewarning though, this isn't gonna play out like a normal fic. The way this is gonna go is, each chapter will have a number of parts, said number depends on how long it takes to settle the arc. Also, each chapter will have nothing to do with the one that came before it. Sounds weird yes, but once you get into the story you'll see why I'm doing it this way. Anyway have fun.
Customary Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me in any way shape or form, cause if it did, it'd be a lot funnier, and I wouldn't be writing this.
"Speech"
"Thought"
Chapter 1: What if Naruto never met Haku?
Part 1: Gender Confused
(A/N This is taking place 20 minutes before Haku would've walked into the clearing where Naruto was
As our story begins, we follow a young stray as he makes his way though the forest looking for food. Walking into a clearing, the young pup spots a human lying on the ground, presumably asleep. Not eating for days can affect anyone's mind, and this dog is no different, as its imagination transformed this human's rear end into some cooked meat. Needless to say, he took a bite.
"YYYEEEEOOOOOOWWWWW!"
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Tazuna's House
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3 shinobi, a child, the child's mother, and a drunken bridge builder all turn their heads towards the forest after hearing a familiar yell.
"That sounds like Naruto!" Sakura Haruno, the only female in this rag tag group of ninja, exclaims.
"Hmm, he probably just got attacked by a stray dog or something," Kakashi Hatake, the leader of this group, says uncaringly, "Well, I should go-"
"I'll go." Sasuke Uchiha, the last of his clan, says, getting up and leaving before the others could stop him.
"But Sasuke…" Sakura trails off, her words being ignored, "Oh I hope those two will be alright." "Cha, just wait till Naruto comes back. I'm gonna break him for making me worry, Shannaro!" Inner Sakura adds her two cents.
"They'll be fine," Kakashi added before getting back to his breakfast.
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Meanwhile (After the yell)
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"What the hell?!" Shouts the blond youth, looking around for the bastard that bit him, who was currently running for his life despite his hunger, "Damn dog, you better run!" The boy shouts after it. Who is this boy you ask, why none other than Naruto Uzumaki, a young shinobi of Konahagakure, also the one who happened to be the container of the Kyuubi no Yoko. "What time is it?" he thinks out loud, looking up at the early morning sky, when he hears a low growl, "So, come back for more huh?" he calls out, believing it to be the dog from before. Hearing another growl, only closer, Naruto comes to stunning realization. It was his own damn stomach. "Oops, guess I'm hungry. I wonder if Tsunami-san has made breakfast yet?" he says to himself before heading off.
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Tazuna's house (10 minutes later)
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"I'm baaaack!" Naruto calls out as he walks in to the house, only to meet the floor, "Urrghh. Sakura-chan, what was that for?" he whined to his pink haired crush.
"For making us worry about you, jackass." She shot back, resisting the urge to hit him again, "What happened?"
"A dog tried to make me its breakfast. Speaking of which, I didn't miss breakfast did I?"
"Actually you just did," Kakashi told him, his amusement hidden in his voice.
"Awwwww. Oh well, looks like it's ramen for me." He said before heading towards the stairs.
"How the hell are you going to get ramen in a place like this?" Sakura asked him, her irritation apparent in her voice, "They don't even sell ramen here."
"I brought some with me of course." He told her smugly before running up the stairs.
"Does he think of anything but ramen?" Kakashi asks.
"Aside for becoming Hokage, I don't think so," Sakura says, thoughtfully, "Wait a minute where's Sasuke-kun?"
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Back in the clearing
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"Where the hell is he?" Sasuke asks no one in particular, kicking a poor rock across the clearing, "This is where we've been training. He should be here."
After searching for a few minutes, Sasuke gives up and is about to give up when he hears something, "Who's there?" No answer. "Come out or I'll drag you out." He threatened.
"No, wait. I mean you no harm," a young girl calls out as she comes out into the open, "I'm sorry if I startled you," she apologizes.
"What are you doing here?" Sasuke asks her, mesmerized by her feminine beauty. "Wow, she's beautiful. If only some of my fan girls looked her, I'd have it made." He thinks to himself, "I wonder if she'll help me rebuild my clan? Hell, I wonder what she looks like under that kimono."
"I was picking herbs to make medicine for a friend of mine," She told him, snapping him out of his perverted stupor.
"H-huh? O-oh. Ummmm…" He stutters, blushing dully, "Well, a pretty girl like you shouldn't have to pick herbs all alone out in the wilderness like this. Let me help you," he says, flashing her a rarely seen Uchiha smile. "Ha, this smile of mine will surely cause her to fall for me. Soon, I'll make my move." He thought to himself sneakily.
"Well if its not to much trouble, I'd really appreciate it," she said, smiling at him.
"No problem," he told her, walking off to begin his search for the herbs, "Hook-line-and sinker. Now all I have to do is turn on the old Uchiha charm and she's as good as mine." He smirks to himself.
But, back in the clearing, the object of the Uchiha's affection had different things on her mind, "Why does this always happen? Why do guys always hit on me? Why did Kami curse me with such a girlish face and figure? Its just not fair." She(?) says, crying to herself(?), "Why me? Why why why why?"
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Back at Tazuna's
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"Hey, where's Sasuke-teme?" Naruto asks, having just finished his ramen. Lucky thing too, cause Sakura decided to reintroduce him to the floor, "Owwwww, what'd I do?"
"Baka Naruto, don't call Sasuke-kun a teme," Sakura huffed, readying her fist in case she had to belt him again.
"He went left awhile ago to look for you," Kakashi to him bluntly, "Though he should have been back here by now. Give him a few more minutes."
"Alright, I'm not worried. Sasuke-kun can handle himself." Sakura stated, calming down, "Cha, no one can beat my Sasuke-kun, he'll kick the ass of any and everyone that's gets in his way, Shannaro!" Of course Inner Sakura is never calm.
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Back at the clearing
5 minutes later)
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Sasuke walks back into the clearing with his hands hidden behind his back. Spotting him walking her way with hidden hands, the girl(?) gets a little nervous, "Umm…what are you doing," she asks him, opting to wait and see what he does.
"Just giving you these herbs for your friend," he tells her assuringly, revealing a hand full of them, but keeping his other hand hidden. The girl takes the herbs from him, but eyes his other arm warily. Noticing the look, Sasuke reveals a bundle of pretty blue flowers, which he promptly hands them to her, "And for you, pretty flowers for an even prettier girl."
Said girl(?) blushes brightly before taking the flowers, "T-thank y-you," she(?) stammers before standing up and putting the plants into the basket that she(?) brought with her(?). She(?) then gives him a short bow, "Thank you so much for your assistance," and she starts to walk off, "By the way, my name is Haku," she tells him, stopping, hopping he'd get the idea.
"A beautiful name. Quite fitting for one as alluring as you," He tells her, smirking. "Uchiha, Sasuke Uchiha. Pleasure to make your acquaintance," "Alright, here we go."
"It was a pleasure meeting you as well. Oh and by the way," She(?) said turning to face him, "I'm a boy," sh-he said before giving Sasuke a smile that would make weaker men fall to their knees, if they didn't know Haku's true gender of course. He the turns back around, and walks off to do whatever he has to do.
A cold wind blew through the clearing, blowing a single leaf from one side to the other. All was silent.
"WHAAAAAATTT!?" Sasuke shrieked before puking on the spot and fainting.
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Outside Tazuna's house
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"Did you hear that? It sounded like Sasuke-kun." Sakura said worriedly.
"It came from the direction of the clearing we were training in," Naruto added, worried as well.
Kakashi looked at his two charges before nodding, "Go ahead, I'll wait for you here," he ordered, before settling down on the porch.
"Hai Sensei!" They say at the time before rushing off to find Sasuke.
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Clearing (5 minutes later)
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Naruto and Sakura land in the clearing and rush to Sasuke's side.
"Sasuke-kun, what happened?" Sakura wailed, tears begin to well up in her eyes.
"Looks like something scared the shit-err… puke, out of him and he fainted like a sissy," Naruto stated simply, hand under his chin as if in thought, "Wonder what he saw."
"Shut up Naruto!" Sakura yelled at him, tears falling on Sasuke's face, " Nothing could scare Sasuke-kun, or make him faint like a sissy. Somebody must have attacked him you baka."
"I'm just sayin," He explained, putting up his hands in defense.
"S-s-she's a h-h-he."
"What?" Sakura turned to Sasuke's prone form, not sure if he said something or if it was her imagination.
"A he…it was a guy…she was a he…"
"Well it he can't be that hurt if he can talk," Naruto said, crossing his arms, "Even if he's just mumbling nonsense. Let's get him back to Tazuna-san's." He told Sakura before picking Sasuke up and supporting him on his shoulder, "C'mon Sakura-chan."
"R-right," Sakura supported his other side and they took off.
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(Several minutes later)
Back at Tazuna's
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"So what's wrong with him?" Kakashi asks, giving Sasuke a once over.
"No clue. When we got there he was out cold in a puddle of his own vomit, Sakura-chan cleaned him up of course." Naruto explained, "It was funny as hell though." He said with his trademark foxy grin.
"Stop making fun of Sasuke-kun," Sakura yelled at him before giving him yet another one way trip to the floor.
"OWWWWW."
Kakashi sweat dropped, "Umm…so did you notice anything else?"
Naruto, having recovered from his trip to the floor, explained about Sasuke's mumbling.
"Mumbling?" Kakashi asked, perplexed, "What did he say?"
Naruto Shrugged
"Your such a baka Naruto." Sakura chastised him, "It sounded like he said 'He was a she' or something like that. What do you think Sensei?"
"Either someone hit him with a pretty nasty Genjutsu, or he had a close encounter with a transvestite. Either way, we'll have to wait until he wakes up and ask him ourselves." Kakashi stated, pulling out his latest copy of Icha Icha Paradise.
"What's a Transvestite?"
Kakashi sweat dropped, "Naruto, shouldn't you be outside training?"
"Oh yeah, almost forgot," he said before running out of the room.
"Baka," Sakura said, not amused in the least at Naruto's antics, "So Sensei…What is transvestite. I really wanna know?"
"Shouldn't you be guarding Tazuna-san?" Kakashi said, not looking up from his book.
"Oh, right," she said blushing, before getting up and leaving as well.
"Damn Kids."
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Later that day
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Sakura, after lunch, was watching over Sasuke when his eyes fly open and he sits up quickly, startling Sakura enough to send her flat on her ass.
"W-where am I?" he asks, looking at Sakura with a dazed look in his eyes.
"Back at Tazuna-san's. Are you alright Sasuke-kun?" She asks him, the worry evident in her voice.
"I think so," he says, shaking his head, trying to focus, "What hap-." He trails off as his memory catches up to him.
"What's wrong Sas-."
"Nothing! Leave me alone," he snaps at her before jumping to his feet and leaving the room.
"Sasuke-kun"
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Downstairs
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"So you finally wake up sleeping bea-."
"Shut the fuck up Naruto!" Sasuke snaps at him as he puts on his sandals and storms outside.
"Fuck you Sasuke-teme!" Naruto yells after him, "What the fuck's up his ass?"
Kakashi just shrugs and continues reading his precious, "Who knows. I suggest we leave him alone for awhile though."
"Humph, whatever," He says, donning his own sandals and walking outside to train more.
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For the rest of the day, Sasuke's bad mood seemed to bring everybody down. Kakashi couldn't enjoy his book, Naruto actually shut up, Sakura stopped fawning over him, Tazuna hadn't touched his Sake, Tsunami almost burnt dinner, and Inari actually stopped crying for once. But when anyone tried to talk to him, whether to ask about what happened or to ask if he would pass the salt, he just snapped at them.
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The next day, everything seemed to get back to normal. Everyone stopped bugging Sasuke about what happened, opting instead to get the Hokage to get him to talk, and he seemed to be in a better mood than he usually was. Naruto and Sasuke finished their training, though not before Naruto trying to show off, almost getting himself killed in the process. Kakashi, now back at full health, got back in the game as well, testing his body while in the company of Sakura and Tazuna.
Elsewhere, a certain sharp-toothed no-eye browed nukenin and his protégé were preparing themselves as well. Without a doubt, tomorrow would be the final showdown between the two groups.
So what ya think? Love it, hate it, what? I'm open to all criticism, assuming its positive criticism and not just some asshole trying to vent on me. Also, because you've been such a nice audience, assuming you made it this far, I'm going to treat you to an Omake. Yay XD
Omake 1: No Teasing
After his encounter with Sasuke, Haku went back to the hideout to continue with Zabuza's treatment. After taking care of his guardian, Haku then sets to the task of finding something to put his pretty blue flowers in.
"Where the hell did ya get those?" Zabuza asks him, "Gettin hit on by guys again? Don't tell me you're goin queer on me."
"Zabuza-sama, if you continue to make fun of me in this manner I'll have no choice but to put you back in a near death state." Haku said, narrowing his eyes at his master.
"Whatever, Haku-chan, don't get your panties in a bunch." Zabuza told him sarcastically.
"Zabuza-sama I'm warning you," Haku threatened, reaching for his senbon pouch.
"Awwwww, is little Haku-chan embarrassed about his new boyfriend? Maybe you should-…"
"I warned you Zabuza-sama," Haku said grinning evily.