So... I smiled.
What else could I do? Yeah, OK... I mean, I could have let Ms. Benson completely ruin Sam's chances with Freddie, but... She deserved better, right? Face it... Sam had nothing. Her mom was a self-serving lunatic... Her own identical twin thought that she was destined for the life their mom led... Heck, even Spencer put up with her practically living at our place and cleaning out the fridge because he knew she had a less stable authority figure than me- and really... You know Spencer. That's saying something.
I know, I know... You're thinking, "So what, Carly? They LIKE each other." I mean, I know they do. And I'm glad- I am! Really. I want them both to be happy. So... I'm happy for them. Even though...
Freddie talked to me after the school lock-in, you know. He asked me what I thought about the whole thing and... Well, it kinda sucked. I mean, he was all dazed and and I was all shocked... And Sam was all MIA...I... Ok. I admit it. I lied. I said, "Wow, Freddie... That's... great! Sam's great! Y'all kissed! That's great!" Great, great, great, frickin' great. Yay. Woo. I know he was pretty much asking my permission to... Go for it? I guess, I mean... He asked me what I thought... Asked me if I knew Sam liked him... Even though he didn't SAY it, his eyes... Those gorgeous brown eyes asked, "Is there a chance for us?"
I couldn't do it to Sam. So... I said, "Wow. That's great." If it's any consolation the word "great" makes bile rise in my throat now. Because, you know what? I wanted to grab him and kiss him just like she did. Only better. I mean... Freddie and I have made out and I KNOW we both had fun... But, that was before all of... This.
Pretty eff-ed up, huh? I've had years. And only now do I realize what I had had right across the hall. When I told Ms. Benson about the camp application, I felt like some creepy double agent. Trying to break up my friends... But, at the same time, I was thinking, "Good. There's no WAY those two can work out... But, we TOTALLY could." God, I suck. I'm going to hell.
If it makes it any better, I DID rectify the situation. I DID stop Freddie from breaking Sam's heart. When I saw the look on Sam's face... I knew that no matter what I thought... Or who I loved... I couldn't be the bitch I really, really, REALLY wanted to be.
So, I watched them kiss. And my heart sank down into my shoes.
And I smiled.