Woohoo! Second One-Shot Sunday. :D Thanks to my wonderful beta Miss-Murdered. =)
Title: Trust
Pairings/Warnings: 1+2+1, a bit of fluff but not too sappy, occurs somewhere in timeline, minor language
Author's Notes: This fic has been over ten years in the making. Not sure I did my original idea justice but... anyway, I'm tired of it hanging over my head! ;-P
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Gundam Wing (unfortunately) and they were used without permission, but all the words are my own.
Duo heard the water shut off and the rustling of the towel as Heero dried himself off. The door to the impossibly small bathroom was open, taking up a good majority of the equally impossibly small bedroom, but Duo didn't mind. He knew Heero hated to feel trapped and a room with one closed exit was basically an iron wrought cage to the practical pilot. But the steam seemed suffocating and Duo cracked a window before sitting back down on the bed
When Heero emerged, completely naked but utterly unashamed, Duo failed to contain a gasp at the battered form before him, deep purple bruises in various states of recovery mapped his chest and back. He frowned slightly as Heero slipped on a pair of shorts.
"You should let me make sure there's nothing serious," Duo suggested from his position on the bed, following his comrade in arms with his eyes as he moved around the room to draw the curtains.
"There's not," he said definitively, leaving no room for argument.
Duo sighed. It was a strange relationship for him. Heero was definitely his closest friend, but he was like no friend he'd ever had before in that he wasn't actually... friendly. He almost laughed aloud at the thought. One would wonder if they were even friends at all. Quatre balked when he used the term to describe their relationship. But Duo knew. He didn't need external validation for what they had. As unfriendly as Heero may have been, he let Duo inside. He let him see who he really was – or as much as he could stand to show. Maybe it was involuntary, since he couldn't well hide it after failing to kill him and exposing his hidden heart, but it was what it was nonetheless.
Heero wouldn't have let anyone else see the bruises.
Duo slipped across the bed and laid down on his back, giving the other pilot as much room as possible before Heero crawled in with him, gingerly resting his abused body on the stiff mattress. His breath caught as he tried to settle and Duo felt bad for him. Despite Duo's mouth getting him into trouble when he had the unfortunate experience of being on the receiving end of OZ's interrogations, Heero tended to take a lot more unnecessary physical punishment. He'd once confessed Duo to be the more agile and quick on his feet of the two – and Duo knew it to be true.
In an act of compassion he flipped over on his side and met Heero's deep blue eyes, appearing black in the dark, staring openly at him. They were close on the tiny bed, their noses only a few inches apart. Heero's eyes had a strange quality to them, conflicted, pained. His breathing was labored slightly, obviously having difficulty calming down from their mission.
"It went well, huh?" Duo offered quietly, his voice seeming too loud and brash in the small darkness. He chuckled a little. "You were fabulous! Especially that trick with the bullet ricochet... amazing!" He complimented the other boy shamelessly, knowing at this point that despite his outward appearance to the contrary, he loved to have his ego stroked. "And all this time I'd only been keeping you 'round for that computer stuff... Seriously underestimated you."
Duo winked and the barest hint of a smile crossed Heero's lips as he closed his eyes, seeming to appreciate Duo's attempt to cheer him up.
Then he noted Heero's fingers gently feeling the space between them, seeking Duo's. Tenderly Duo reached out and slipped his own between those calloused digits, gently entwining them in a gesture of trust.
They lay like that a long time as Heero's breathing settled and Duo circled sleep like the last bit of water in a drain. He was just about to let himself slip in when he heard his name, ever so softly, breathe past Heero's lips. He forced his eyes open again and squeezed Heero's hand.
"Do you ever think about what it'd be like to be... normal?" Heero asked softly, once he was sure he had Duo's attention.
"Do you?" Duo asked, incredulous and unable to keep it out of his voice.
He felt sure the other teen only ever thought about the mission. Despite their friend status, they rarely ever talked about anything personal. Well, if he was perfectly honest, Duo talked about personal things enough for the both of them, Heero simply never reciprocated.
"Yes," Heero answered honestly, seeming incredibly uncomfortable and suddenly... shy.
This surprised Duo almost more than the original question. He felt Heero attempt to pull his fingers from his grasp, but Duo just held on tighter, not wanting his friend to think it was anything to be ashamed of.
"Yeah, sure," he followed up quickly. "I think about it. But it's kinda hard for me to imagine, ya know? Terrorist is actually a bit of an upgrade from street rat. I'd probably be dead if I weren't doing this, so I guess I just don't know what 'normal' really means."
Heero appeared contemplative and then resigned. "You're right. I suppose I don't know either."
He still seemed dejected so Duo tried to cheer him up. "It's okay! You know, to think about it. I guess we'd be in school, huh? Sounds kinda boring when you think of it like that. Studying, going to dances." Duo laughed a little. "I know how much you like dances." He felt a bit of success when he saw Heero's eyes shine a moment with amusement.
"You're right. I'd probably hate it," Heero admitted quietly.
"Nah," Duo shrugged it off. "If you weren't trained like this, you wouldn't know any different. I'm sure you'd be a total lady-killer. After all, you've already got Relena halfway to the grave." Duo winked again at his partner, tightening his grip on his hand once more in reassurance, but Heero appeared exasperated.
"No," Heero argued, something strange hidden in his voice. There was a long pause, but Duo waited, sensing Heero wanted to continue. "I've never even kissed anyone."
The confession was rife with humiliation and Duo was honestly a bit surprised he'd come out and said it. It certainly wasn't something he would've confessed... especially if he was as typically tight-lipped as Heero.
"It's okay," he comforted easily, "I haven't either." This news seemed to surprise Heero quite a bit, but Duo just shrugged off his inquisitive eyes. "When would I have had the chance? I didn't start my training as early as you, but chicks weren't exactly on my ten-year-old mind."
Unfortunately, while he'd anticipated this would make Heero feel better, it apparently only increased his inner turmoil as he paused again, closing his eyes for a moment before reopening them with a tentative resolve.
"Would you... kiss me?" he asked, so timidly Duo almost didn't believe his ears. He blinked a few times in shock, taking in Heero's serious face.
"Huh?" he asked in disbelief, kicking himself right after he uttered the word for his articulate sympathy.
"I... trust you," Heero admitted in a strange form of apology, turning his eyes away in shame.
"I just never," Duo started, then stopped.
Never... what?
Never thought his first kiss would be with his partner in a tiny twin bed in a run-down safe house after breaking into and blowing up an OZ base? Yeah, what was normal again?, Duo wondered. Either one of them could die tomorrow, having never been kissed, and that was... that was terrible, really, when he thought about it. They both sacrificed their normality so that billions of people got to experience theirs. This was his normal now. And maybe, in his normal, kissing your partner in a tiny twin bed in a run-down safe house after breaking into and blowing up an OZ base was normal. And so, instead of finishing what he was going to say, he just said, "okay."
Heero blinked at the response, probably predicting he'd be turned down. He seemed suitably at a loss for words as he opened and shut his mouth three times before giving up.
"You're sure you want it to be me?" Duo asked as he inched his nose a little closer, just far enough away so he could still see Heero's eyes.
He felt the other boy's fingers tighten and Duo suddenly found himself thinking how sweet and endearing it was that this total bad-ass, ass-kicking stiff and stoic soldier who'd killed hundreds of men in cold blood was actually nervous about something as simple as a kiss.
He nodded slightly. "If you're sure," Heero repeated carefully, seeming afraid Duo would change his mind.
They stared at each other for a few long moments, neither exactly sure where to start. Duo's heart started pounding as he considered it, wondering if Heero was similarly affected. If he was, he didn't show it, though those eyes had taken on an odd sheen and his nervousness betrayed him.
Carefully, Duo slid a bit closer, until their noses were touching and he heard Heero's breath catch. If the moment weren't so serious, Duo would've laughed. It seemed preposterous that this boy terrified OZies from here to L5 when Duo's lips only centimeters away made him breathless.
Slowly, carefully, Duo sucked it up and ghosted his lips ever so slightly against his comrade's, getting a feel for the proximity. And then, once he felt a bit more confident, he pressed against them a little more before withdrawing nervously.
Heero looked at him, mirroring his own uncertainty.
"That was it?" he asked cautiously, clearly not wanting to offend his partner.
"Eh, I don't think so," Duo replied honestly, feeling his cheeks flush, grateful for the darkness.
Why was he so nervous about this? He felt his arms tremble slightly and knew Heero must've felt it, their hands still interlocked. He felt foolish and immature and embarrassed in a way he hadn't felt in years. So he was taken aback when Heero pushed forward this time, pressing his lips roughly against Duo's, thinking the dark haired boy had to be as embarrassed as he was. They held that position for about thirty seconds before Heero pulled back, clearly unsatisfied.
Duo chuckled in the back of his throat. "Kinda dumb two Gundam pilots can't figure this out, huh?" he offered, trying to shield their pride.
Heero just grunted and fought Duo to withdraw his hand. He was disappointed, not wanting Heero to be upset and give up so easily. But then he felt rough knuckles drag across his cheek and strangely it comforted him.
"'Ro..." he murmured softly and nuzzled his nose against the other's.
Gently their lips met again, a bit more confidently. After a moment, Duo opened his slightly and nipped Heero's bottom lip playfully. Heero gasped and drew back to study Duo's wide smile and shy eyes.
"What was that?" he asked cautiously.
Duo shrugged, realizing Heero's hand was still resting on his neck from when he'd drawn it across his face. "Just seemed like me," he confessed, bringing a hand up and placing it on Heero's cheek, stroking his thumb along his lower lip.
"It was... interesting," Heero decided, bringing his face forward for another try.
This time, their lips locked and Duo let his eyes drift shut as they kissed, mouths parting and tongues peeking out. Suddenly Duo realized his arms were shaking again and he tried to slip them down between them before Heero noticed but the other boy had pulled his lips away and grasped a shaky wrist in his strong hand.
"Are you okay?" The question was soft and sweet and Duo felt uncomfortable having made Heero stop.
"Yeah," Duo replied, humiliated at the way his voice shook. "It just felt..."
"Good," Heero finished breathlessly. Duo nodded, glad Heero felt the same way. He didn't really know what to expect, but he didn't expect to be trembling at the simple touch.
He was grateful when Heero moved forward again and pushed his lips furiously against Duo's, sucking on them, exploring with his tongue, their teeth clinking together clumsily. His hand gripped the back of Duo's neck as they kissed, keeping him locked there until they were desperate for breath and forced to separate.
Duo felt himself trembling as he sucked air into his deprived lungs noisily. Heero's chest heaved as well and he rested his forehead on Duo's, their noses resting side by side.
"I guess we figured it out," Duo whispered with amusement as he forced his body to calm down.
"Thank you," Heero mumbled, stroking Duo's cheek and hair. While Duo appreciated the tenderness, he felt his heart drop in his chest, fearing the moment was over. He never anticipated he'd want it this much.
Duo reached up and placed his hand over Heero's, twisting their fingers together, pulling his hand down and kissing his wrist. Heero was clearly surprised and Duo felt incredibly vulnerable and... silly. He didn't know where this desire within him to kiss Heero came from. He would've never suggested it or even thought about it if Heero hadn't asked, but now... now he wanted to plaster kisses all over him. Objectively, it was probably the best thing he'd felt in his painful fifteen years and he never wanted that good feeling to end.
"Sorry, I just..."
Duo didn't know what to say and he let Heero's hand go and turned onto his back. He was pleased when Heero reached out and grabbed his hand once more. Sure it was just their friendly hand hold, a way they often fell asleep on missions together, but he was glad Heero wasn't unhappy or put off by him.
"I know." The words were very quiet, as if Heero didn't want to bring it up but couldn't leave things like that. "But we can't compromise the mission."
Duo almost groaned. Damn the mission and the war and everyone to hell! They could make out for one night!
But Duo knew he was right. He already cared for Heero more than he should. Their innocent handholding was a friendliness he shared with no one else. It was bad enough. Kissing, especially kissing that felt that good, could launch them into a relationship, even if only of a physical nature, that would lead to consideration of Wing's pilot above the others. Above even the mission. And he already damned the mission to hell only moments earlier.
"Yeah, yeah," Duo grumbled, squeezing his friend's hand. "But after the war, you owe me. This was your idea, after all."
Heero snorted and scooted closer, resting his forehead against Duo's bicep. "There'll be plenty of women around to kiss I'm sure."
But Duo was silent. He wasn't sure he wanted that. It was a weird, uncomfortable feeling for him. He couldn't see just macking it up with the first available woman. He agreed to Heero's proposition because it was Heero and he trusted him and cared for him. Would it be the same with anyone else?
But Heero probably didn't really want that. Maybe that was his way of saying he was just practicing for Relena... Though Duo knew that was only something he told himself to protect his heart. Its much easier to let someone go if you think you never had them to begin with, as Duo learned the hard way in his short life. And there was really very little way they were both going to make it out of this alive just based on the number of self-destruct attempts between the two of them.
He realized in the quiet that Heero had fallen asleep against him, his breathing steady and his grip loosening.
It wasn't only the mission he needed to protect from his misplaced emotions, he thought bitterly. It was himself.