"Over the Edge"
by Space-Age Scribe
Characters: Team, especially Sheppard, Ronon, Teyla and Carson Beckett
Disclaimer: I use these fine characters without the slightest intention of infringement.
Spoilers: Tag to 3x09 'Phantoms'
Summary: The device had been disabled and the Daedalus was on its way. The mission was over, and now the survivors could limp home to recover. But for John Sheppard, the problems caused by the Wraith device back on the planet were just beginning.
John Sheppard could feel Teyla's sympathetic stare boring into the side of his head. He couldn't look at her now after admitting out loud, for the first time in years, that he had failed to save Holland. Sometimes, he just wanted to forget, even if just for a little while.
The Daedalus would be here soon, and then they could get the hell off this rock. He knew he should probably rest now since all was quiet – crisis averted – and he would probably have to lead the marines who beamed down to retrieve the bodies. Or what was left of them.
Still, he couldn't get his mind to settle. Even Teyla's quiet, stoic presence couldn't calm the nerves that made him feel like jumping out of his skin. Despite his fatigue, he could not stop his leg from bouncing and his hands from clenching repeatedly. Since almost everyone else had a bullet hole in them, he should consider himself lucky, but he could not shake the feeling that things were not yet over.
"Colonel."
John jumped as Carson Beckett stood before him. He hoped neither the doctor nor Teyla had noticed his flinch or the shaking that would not quite stop. He really needed to get a grip. Carson looked down at him with tired eyes.
"Are you okay, lad?" he asked. "Everyone else is stable and I realized that I hadn't had a chance to look you over yet."
"I'm fine," John said automatically, standing to hide his restlessness. He turned to look at Teyla, who looked as if any adrenaline she had was gone. She must be in a lot pain now, he thought. "Teyla, you should lie down and let Beckett give you some of the good drugs. You look like you could use them."
It was a testament to Teyla's pain levels that she only smiled gratefully at John instead of changing the topic back to his health. Carson nodded and John gave Teyla a hand in standing.
She gasped as the change in position made her dizzy. John immediately steadied her and looked at her in concern. Finally, she nodded her readiness and put her arm around his shoulders. He bent down to accommodate her shorter stature, a position that had become all too familiar in the past day.
But on the first step her good leg buckled, too weak to support her weight now that the danger had passed. Without thinking, John scooped her up in both arms and walked over to the cave entrance where the other wounded lay.
"Where should I put her?" he asked Beckett, who quickly cleared a spot near Rodney. John gently lowered Teyla to the ground and helped the doctor get her situated comfortably. As gently as he could, John lifted Teyla's leg while Carson took the backpack handed to him by Ronon and placed it underneath to keep it elevated. Still, John couldn't help but feel guilty that Teyla was slightly pale and panting in pain once they were done. John might not have been the one to shoot her, but all of the running around that he made her do certainly hadn't helped her condition.
Carson moved forward to assess Teyla's injuries and John took the opportunity to step back. Ronon sat back against a tree trunk, watching over everyone. Lt. Kagan was sleeping, no doubt with the help of morphine, as was Rodney. John suddenly felt a lump in his throat as he saw blood on the bandage around McKay's torso. It had been so close.
Suddenly, he pictured Holland lying in a similar pose on one of an infinite number of sand dunes. There hadn't been a lot of blood on the outside. That had been part of the problem: he had bled to death internally.
John unconsciously gripped his P-90 tighter as he remembered, again. It seemed now that door in his mind had been unlocked by the device, and the memories wouldn't go back easily into their box.
Rodney opened his eyes partway and gasped as he saw John staring at him, clutching his P-90. The scientist tried to scramble away before the pain of the movement brought him back to reality and reminded him that Sheppard was once again a friend.
John looked guilty as he watched his friend breathe through the pain, stepping forward to help but stopping when McKay flinched at his movement. Freezing in place, Sheppard watched helplessly, his heart pounding in his chest until he finally managed to choke out a few words.
"Rodney, are you all right?" he asked.
"Of course I'm not all right," McKay said, irritated. "You shot me! And might I add that you're really scary when you're like that. I'm debating whether I should speak for or against you at your court martial."
The words hit him like a blow to the chest. Normally, John would assure himself that if McKay was talking, he would be all right. But right now, all he could hear were Rodney's words ringing through his head, echoing Holland's words from many years before.
Unable to hold himself together any longer, John spun around and headed for the tree line. He wasn't sure whether he muttered something about checking the perimeter out loud or not, but right now he really didn't care. The injuries, the accusations and now the repetition of Holland's words suddenly made John feel as though he were in a nightmare. Only this time, he was awake.
TBC