Phil picks up the phone to call Dan, but he knows it's pointless. He won't pick up. Just like the last four times. He still tries though - but alas, the familiar electronic beeps are all that sounds from the phone. Engaged. Still engaged.
-o-o-o-
Phil would give anything to go back. Back to when they were young, and everything was so easy and uncomplicated, before everyone had expectations of them and they had reputations to uphold. Back when they could say something without each syllable being analysed within a trace of its existence. Back when they could walk down the street without having to be on constant lookout for young girls with whiskers drawn on their faces, or wearing t-shirts bearing their names. How did they get here? It feels like only yesterday they were just two kids with nothing better to do than love.
That was probably the hardest part, the fact that he could remember it so clearly. The day they met, nervous as each other but with expectations and hopes that were too large for their own good. Their first kiss, a messy jumble of smiles and giggles and not knowing quite how to hold their heads that was somehow still perfect. Dan's kisses that weren't really part of any milestone, but they were still humbly flawless and left the taste of him forever lingering on Phil's lips. Their muffled laughter when it was the early hours of the morning and too much noise would wake up their parents. The old Manchester Starbucks girl who would start making their order as soon as they walked in. The day when Dan's parents had driven them out to the really snowy forest and they'd spent hours doing nothing much that mattered. When Phil had to get a job as a waiter because he'd gone way over his phone bill texting Dan and he spilt food all over that lady that had turned out to be his lecturer's wife. When they were sitting in his bed snuggling as they always did and Dan had pulled out the simple gold ring. He hadn't known what to say and instead had just sat there, his young hopeful eyes gazing into Phil's full of promises that he didn't know how to keep. And as Phil had taken it and buried himself in a hug and whispered in Dan's ear that it wasn't legal yet, Dan had whispered back that he loved him and he didn't give a fuck if it was legal or not, they were going to get married. Yes, the ring. Especially the ring.
Of course they'd kept their promises but how long can the promise of a promise last before it's redundant? How long can you keep saying that you will do something without actually doing it?
They still wore their rings but actually getting married was never brought up. The one time Phil had asked Dan about it, he'd said that they'd do it the day it was legalised. And he didn't know what it was, but Phil was beginning to lose hope. Because when you're young and stupid and naïve and you've got the whole world at your feet, you do stupid things like make promises of forever without realising that sometime soon everything's going to catch up with you and you'll forget to make time for things like love.
Sure, they were happy now, but they were busy, and love has a funny habit of getting lost when there are things to do. Not because it's of any less importance, but just because love doesn't come with deadlines or certain things to do at certain times, and it very easily gets left behind.
Come February 5th, 2013, Phil's heart had almost jumped from his mouth when he'd looked at the paper to see a front page article about the new bill for marriage equality. He'd called Dan over in a height of excitement and Dan hadseemed pleased, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.
Less than a month later when Dan reached one million subscribers, Phil had burst into his room in excitement. They smiled beaming smiles at each other because now it seemed just that much more real, but then Phil grabbed Dan's hand and suddenly noticed- "Hey, Dan… where's your ring?" Dan had stopped mid-grin and nonchalantly tried to shrug it off with, "Oh, I don't know. Must have forgotten to take it off after a video or something," but the atmosphere of the room changed and suddenly the air was so thick you could feel it.
If there had to be a certain day when Phil knew, it would be that one. But he wasn't going to stop wearing it. Like hell he wasn't. Because sometimes it's easier to deal with the pain when you pretend everything's okay.
-o-o-o-
Dan walks in the door, saying hi to Phil.
"Dan, why didn't you pick up the phone?! I tried to call you three times!"
"Oh.. sorry, I was on the phone to someone else. All fine. I was just-"
"Engaged. Yep. Got it."