FOUR SEASONS
As Beckett sat idly going through her paperwork, Castle, sitting in his usual chair beside her desk, studied her out of the corner of his eye. Her face lifted toward him. He could never get enough of just looking at her. Those eyes, those lips, the cut of her jaw line all blended together to create a vision that he has carried in his mind's eye for well over a year and a half.
As he was gazing upon her, her eyes brightened, her smile broadened, his thoughts flew to the possibility that she was pleased to have him by her side again. And then she rose from the desk and moved in front of him, "Mike Royce, my God it seems like forever since I've seen you."
The man moving through the bullpen quickly grabbed Beckett in his arms and hugged her tightly, enthusiastically kissing the side of her head. "Katie, it's great to see you. You certainly look as good as ever."
"Mike, what brings you here?", Beckett asked.
"Well, I'm not a member of any police force now, I operate a private bounty hunter business that I guess is going to be involved with this precinct on a couple of cases. I came in here today to get more of the specifics from the higher ups."
Noticing that they were standing right in front of Castle, Beckett struggled to make an appropriate introduction, "Oh, uh, Mike, this is Richard Castle, a close friend of mine. He is a mystery author that has been shadowing me for awhile to gain technical information as well as inspiration for a series of books that he is writing. Castle, this is Mike Royce, Mike was my training officer here at the 12th when I graduated from the Police Academy."
"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Royce.", Castle offered. "Detective Beckett has certainly utilized your tutelage to rise to great heights in her career at the NYPD."
"Pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Castle.", Royce answered. "Yes sir, Katie was the best rookie I ever trained. Taught her everything she knows. I guess since you are a close friend of Katie's, you probably already know about me. We were a pretty hot item around the 12th back in the day."
Castle had heard all of the words that Royce had spoken, but he had never taken his eyes off of Beckett. How would she respond to these remarks. She verbally brushed the comments off, but Castle noticed her eye brows arch, as her head dipped to one side and she twirled a lock of her hair with her right index finger. All of the stark images of last spring and the despair of the summer came back in a rush flooding all of his senses. It had been a mistake to return.
"Mike, let's go into the break room and catch up on what's been going on, and what cases they are asking you to assist with?", Beckett stated.
As they were turning to leave, Castle lightly touched Beckett's arm, "Detective, can I speak with you for a moment?"
"Uh, sure Castle. Mike go on in and get yourself an espresso, and I will be right there."
As Mike sauntered off to the break room, Beckett turned to Castle, "What is it you wanted, Castle?"
"Kate, I think that it's time that I leave. It was a mistake for me to return. This situation, or for my purposes, our situation, is never going to lead to what I'm looking for and I'm not going to put myself through the last six months all over again."
"But,...
"This past winter we worked so closely together. We accomplished so many good things. There was certainly some heartache and loss during that time, but it was the two of us supporting one another to get things done. The time that you spent living with us is without a doubt the happiest time of my life. After you left, it was like I still couldn't make you see what you meant to me and what I wanted for us."
"In the spring, I made a terrible mistake. For what reasons, I don't know. I won't make excuses. All I know is that I paid dearly for it. I opened up to you about it, and made myself even that much more vulnerable. I made it possible for you to have the ability to hurt me, and you crushed me. I had to get away because I couldn't take the daily pain. If that makes me weak, I guess I will just have to accept it, but I was not going to make you feel you were in an awkward situation, and since you had made a decision, I had to accept your choice."
"I spent the summer trying to fight the old adage that 'Most men live lives of quiet desperation'. I'm not very whole just yet, but I am trying to get there. I had not planned to come back, but as we know some unforeseen circumstances brought me back here. I guess at least I was right in knowing that I shouldn't have come back."
"I'm not going to spend the fall experiencing the events of last spring. At this point I don't think that it would be healthy for me. So, it's best that I leave now in order to avoid the collection of any more images that I will have to battle against."
"Detective, please be safe. I wish for you to have nothing but happiness. Katherine Beckett, I have loved you for such a long time, and that will end only when I do. Have a good life, Kate."
As he turned to walk to the elevator, the same feeling came over him as in the spring. Each beat of his heart felt like he was being stabbed. He had to get out of there. At least the last time he had Gina to hold on to. She didn't love him, hell she probably didn't even like him, but she did have a vested interest in making sure that he got out of there. If he could just make it out of the building before his heart collapsed from the assault, maybe he could survive.
In the spring he had nothing to focus on, nothing to go to, but now the realization had finally come within his grasp. There was an almost-woman that would be with him tonight. Someone who loved him. Someone who cared about him. In reality he would only have her exclusively for one more year, but surely that would be enough time for him to learn how to spend his future alone.