hardly soft
"Let's date."
It takes Mochizou a few seconds to register those words. When he finally does, his jaw drops. "What are you talking aobut, Tokiwa?" he asks, desperately hoping for her answer to be sound.
"I like you." Her voice is hollow.
Mochizou has spoken with her enough times to know how she sounds like when she's talking about something like she really means it. Yet, the hardness in her eyes – untouched and trying to stand tall – prevents him from calling her out. It's a captivating sort of determination that he will never have because he'll never be brave enough to shoulder the consequences of such determination.
Midori's hands leave her lap, cornering him as they close around his. The fact that they're sitting in a half-empty café with half-empty cups of coffee only makes it even more awkward. "Well? If you aren't going to say anything…" she drifts. Her fingers remain firmly buckled over his, cool and pressing down hard on the bumps of his knuckles.
Mochizou gulps. He thinks about the impenetrable girl seated across from him, but these thoughts inevitably shift to the other girl who lives across the street. She's impenetrable in her own way.
The thought eats at him, and he feels something start to burn in the pit of his stomach.
"Alright."
They don't talk for a week because of tests in school. Then, they forget that they're supposed to be dating, and Mochizou remembers only because of an innocuous commercial showing on TV. Midori brushes it off, easy and unaffected. She makes the first matter of business informing Tamako. He watches her walk in front of him and push the door open before he can, and feels like he's watching a rerun.
"I'm so glad for the both of you!" Tamako sings. She glows with secondhand happiness.
Mochizou feels another burn. This time, at the back of his throat. The unsurprising part is that he's felt this way before.
But Midori's grin is one for the awards. "Thanks, Tamako! You need to tell me all about him now, I'm going to mentally prepare myself for the trials forthcoming."
He slaps his hand on the table, beside the red bean mochi Tamako's plated for them. At first, he's indignant, but it slowly changes into something like betrayal. "I should be the one saying that! Tamako, does she have some deep dark secret that no one else knows about?" he cups a hand to his mouth and mock-whispers.
Midori bristles. Tamako chuckles.
They're walking on a very thin line.
Makino is like a hawk.
A really, really fluffy hawk – but a hawk nonetheless.
She walks up to them during lunch break, her sweater loose and sagging over her hands. "What's going on?" she asks. She even manages to make it sound like she doesn't really care.
Midori cocks her head. "What're you talking about, Kanna?" she gives a good-natured laugh.
Makino raises her eyebrow. She fiddles with the ruler in her hands and uses it to prod Mochizou's stomach. He sputters a little and edges back.
"I mean, something fishy is going on," Makino mumbles. She studies her ruler, half-lidded eyes going from one point to another.
"We have no idea what you're talking about, Makino," Mochizou attempts to salvage the situation as Midori folds her arms, stumped by her friend.
The small girl shrugs. She leaves the silence dangling between them, and it becomes suffocating and full of guilt. Mochizou wants to walk away, but knows that that would just make things worse.
Suddenly.
"I know!" Makino jumps. She points to the classroom door. Midori and him sidestep to give her room to walk up to it and examine it. She applies her ruler to the doorframe.
"It's crooked."
"Are you sure I can come?" Tamako asks for the umpteenth time. She cups her cheeks with pale hands, the mole on her neck hiding behind a wrist.
Midori sighs at her indulgently. "It will be a waste if you don't – we have three tickets, right, Ooji?" She shoots him an expectant stare, her eyes telling him 'don't screw this up'. Of course he won't, because he's always wanted to go to the zoo with Tamako.
"Yes! If you don't go, we'll be wasting one ticket t-think about the penguins," he tells her. He's never been able to ask her to go on a date before – but now, it's much easier.
Tamako weakens at the mention of the penguins. "Then, then I must go!" she declares. She's a magnanimous person, after all.
Midori smiles, and it's a real smile for once, and Mochizou thinks it looks good on her.
The zoo is lively. The liveliest thing of all, though, is Tamako.
She runs from one exhibit to the next, and all her reservations of going with the two of them are left behind roughly five minutes upon passing through the ticket booths. She holds Midori's hand and pulls Mochizou's elbow and ushers them from place to place. When she stops to catch her breath, Midori mats her hair down and he fans himself with a map of the zoo.
"This is so much fun!" Tamako exclaims. She always voices out her thoughts, no matter how trivial they are. "Where should we go next?" she asks, tapping her heel against the pavement, waiting, and Mochizou thinks that this is his only chance.
"Hey, Tamako, before that, can you help us take a picture?" He places an uncertain hand on Midori's shoulder, cautious. Midori lets him rest it there and doesn't spout a violent objection.
Tamako seems to blossom with excitement. "Sure thing! Where do you guys want to stand? How about here, with the tigers in the background – no, no, wait! Stand over there! The giraffes are just there! It'll look really cute!" She gestures wildly, bouncing from one step to the next.
When they finally help Tamako decide on a background for the perfect picture, Midori stands in place and waits for him to join her. Tamako is standing a few feet away, playing with his camera. Mochizou remembers that this is all his idea, so he should have more bravado – but as he inches to stand beside Midori, in front of the lions, he knows how much of a coward he really is.
Midori rolls her eyes and grabs his waist and pulls him closer. She flashes a bright smile, but some part of Mochizou thinks that it's not for him.
Mochizou summons up something. He lifts the corner of his mouth as Tamako shouts, "1, 2, 3! Cheese!"
Midori's fingers stay at his waist for a moment, as if testing the texture of his jacket. She doesn't look away from Tamako.
"It looks great! Come see!" the girl waves them over as she examines the camera screen.
They huddle on either side of her, and she fits nicely between the both of them. She grins as she admires the picture, laughing softly to herself. Mochizou lets her shoulder brush against his arm, and lets himself feel terrible. Tamako's hair always had a faintly sweet smell to it. It reminds him of mochi and a warm, warm place.
"I want to take another!" the girl worms out from between them, parading around with the camera in one hand.
Midori steals a glance at him from the corner of her eye, her expression changed. It's accusing, but it's like looking at a mirror.
"You're the same," he whispers without thinking.
Midori locks her shoulders. "… I'm not."
Midori kisses him in the middle of summer.
It's a rapid, calculated peck on his cheek. Mochizou can already sense her pulling away even as her lips linger. If he'd been looking the other way, he would have missed it.
He feels the skin under his collar heat, feels his fingernails digging into sweaty palms.
On the other side of the street, Tamako's making mochi with Asagiri. She doesn't glance up to look at them.
A failed attempt.
Mochizou feels sorry for her. Then, feels sorry for himself too.
Midori doesn't look up from the sidewalk. "I'm not like you," she reminds him.
"Look, look!"
On their way to school, Tamako forces something into his hands. Midori peers over his shoulder. It's a heart-shaped photo frame with the picture they took at the zoo. Mochizou can see the small hint of Midori's hand on his waist, and hopes that no one else notices. He looks at his half-hearted smile and Midori's wide grin and thinks that this isn't how things are supposed to be.
"I developed the photos without you knowing," Tamako explains, looking very proud of herself. "A present from me to you both!"
Mochizou holds on one edge of the frame. Midori holds the other. He wonders if she's gripping it as hard as he is right now.
"Softer," Midori commands, and he eases back without thinking. Only in an afterthought does he feel that this is unfair. Midori's lips are a sharp pressure against his and then she sits on him, knees knocking against his arms, and he feels like he's made up of awkward angles and that the both of them don't fit in any places. He tries to think of Tamako and the delicate, slight arc of her waist and her soft skin – but Midori's hipbones are loud and assertive, the curve of her back harsh, not gentle, and she treads her hands through his hair like she's imagining it being longer and darker.
She shudders against him and places her hands on his chest, groping for warmth that isn't there. Her eyes snap open and she breaks the kiss in one fast motion. The weight on his mouth shifts when Midori lets her forehead fall onto his shoulder, like she's come to a realisation.
Mochizou slowly lifts her hands off him, thinking that this is the end, but Midori doesn't get off his lap. He taps her arm lightly, but still doesn't get a response.
"Tokiwa?" he calls out. The girl immediately raises her head.
"Midori-chan."
"… What?"
"Call me Midori-chan," she tells him. Then, she blinks, "Please."
His hands clench. "Then – then you should call me Mochizou!"
"Mochizou," Midori says without hesitating, and he feels like he'll never win against her.
She places her hands on either side of his face and pulls him into another kiss. Her legs shift against him and the hem of her skirt rises to a dangerous height but she can't find it in herself to care because she continues moving until he can see a flash of white. "Mochizou," she says against his mouth and it stings because even if it's a girl's voice, it's not the voice he wants –
"Midori-chan," he returns, and the girl seems to stiffen under his arms, feeling the same way he does, but she doesn't stop her attack.
"You're only doing this to make yourself feel better," he hisses into her shoulder.
"And? What's your point?" she says, trying to hide her breathlessness, her hands working under his shirt.
"It makes you no different from me."
Midori inhales, expanding and turning angrier still, her breasts pushing against him. She doesn't lessen the blow with a reply, choosing to press her lips together, but that itself is a reply he understands. Without warning, she pins him down on the floor and avoids looking into his eyes, and it's no longer just a flash of white he's seeing.
"Make your voice higher." Her breath fans out across the skin of his neck, and Mochizou screws his eyes shut.
On Valentine's Day, Mochizou buys a bouquet of flowers from Hanase.
She gives him a collaborative wink. "Go get em'," she tells him as she deposits the change in his hand. Mochizou is able to laugh with embarrassment when he's in front of her, but the moment he leaves the store, he loses the strength to do even that.
He meets Midori outside his house. In her shoulder bag is a box of chocolates for him and another from Tamako.
"Here." He passes the chrysanthemums to her, ceremonial and yellow.
"Thanks," she says, and hands him the chocolates with equal fanfare.
The sound of a window overhead sliding open causes them to raise their heads. Tamako looks down at them with a light in her eyes. "Happy Valentine's Day!" she tells them, giggling, and her voice travels down to them in smooth, chime-like ripples.
"Midori-chan, you're really lucky. I think you're the first girl Mochizou's ever given anything to!" she comments, before sliding the window shut to hurry down the stairs.
He exchanges a look with Midori. Her eyes are narrowed, and full an emotion he can't think to describe, because he knows how she's feeling.
They hold hands.
"Tokiwa," he says. "Tokiwa, don't cry."
His hands hover at her shoulders, shaking, not daring to touch her.
"I told you to call me Midori-chan, Ooji!" she cries, widening her eyes as she stutters out the last word. She breaks down that instant, her shoulders wracking uncontrollably, and he can only throw his arms around her to try to smoulder them.
"Tokiwa." He holds her tighter, closer, but it only makes everything more distant. She sobs into his shoulder, clinging to his back. It takes Mochizou a moment to realise that he's crying into her hair.
It smells of oranges.
notes: depressing ot3 or depressing ot3? they date each other to make tamako jealous and end up feeling terrible about themselves and realising that they're too alike and nothing will ever be happy for them because nothing ever works out the way they want it to. the only thing that works out is that they find someone exactly like them. but the one they want isn't that.
this is AU though, i mean honestly speaking they could definitely work out hah, i just… felt like writing this… yeah…