Angel
Rated G
This is for Ocelot, who shares my love of Firefly.
Disclaimer: This all belongs to Joss. I don't make any money, it's just for fun.
Mal looked at the pale girl in front of him.
"What are you doin' here?"
She blinked and brushed a long strand of hair from her dark eyes; still regarding him in silence
"Go on, now, git, I got work to do."
"You called me, Captain." she whispered softly.
"Well, I ain't got time to play right now."
"I know." Her voice wrapped around him like a warm embrace. A lover's caress. Mal almost closed his eyes and surrendered to it.
"Then you know I gotta go tend to my crew."
"And who will tend to you?"
The question was like a knife to his heart, an echo of his failures. His stone façade wavered as he sank into a chair. His crew was a wreck; his ship was in shambles and an Alliance fleet sat within spittin' distance. They had survived hell, only to face the consequences of what they had done. Mal slumped and put his head in his hands.
Like a gentle breeze, she stroked his hair. "I can't fly with out you, Mal."
"You might not fly now, darlin'; how'm'I gonna fly without Wash."
"You gonna light a beacon for me, too, then?" Mal winced at the pain in her voice. The pain of a thousand losses, rejection and abandonment. The same voice that called him to rescue her. "You gotta let them know that you'll miss him too. I want to fly again. But I can't fly unless you believe in me. I brought you here. I couldn't save him anymore than you could. If you blame yourself, if you give up, then no amount of help from Kaylee, or the Alliance or almighty providence himself, will ever make me fly again."
"Don't say that, darlin."
If there was a reply, it was lost in Inara's voice, calling out through the ship. "Mal?"
Mal looked around, but she was gone, a figment, a dream, a wish
"Mal?" Inara called into the intercom. "The Alliance crew is here to help."
Mal sighed. "I'll meet them in the cargo hold; what's left of it."
---
The mechanic looked around Serenity's repaired bridge. "She's all yours, Cap'n."
"Thanks." mumbled Mal.
"Ya know, there's some what says we're traitors helpin' you out like this." She looked at the pilot's seat and her voice was a whisper. "Mebbe I'm alone, but you and yuirs sacrificed heart and soul, so them what perished on Miranda could rest in peace. Browncoats mighta lost the war, but mebbe we won't hafta live as slaves to the Alliance anamore. Thank you."
---
Mal sank into his bunk weary and spent. The pillows wrapped around him like arms of comfort. Rebuilding the ship had given them something to do, but now they had to face the future knowing that never again would they see Wash, nor Shepherd Book, nor listen to the insufferable wisdom of Mr. Universe. They were gone and the crew of Serenity was forever changed.
A gentle touch brushed his arm.
"You don't give up, do you?"
"Is that what you want?" Her voice was sad, like her heart was breaking. "You want me to go away, never bother you again?"
"No, darlin', I really don't." Mal opened his eyes and stared into the dark pools of her eyes. "But I don't understand why you stay."
A melancholy smile, wisdom and experience painfully etched into her young features. "For you. You won't let yourself love anyone but me; I can't abandon you, leave you alone in the dark of space. What sort of person would I be then?"
"You ain't exactly a person now."
She put her hand on his cheek; cool and tender, it was as if he was touched by heaven. "No, I guess not, but you freed me from the dark prison of a curse. I can't not watch over you.
"It's ok to let them go now, Mal. They have met their destinies and found peace. Death is hardest on those who are left behind. Be happy they have found freedom. Mr. Universe knows love, Shepherd Book has met his creator, and Wash, he can fly unfettered through the stars. No more pain, nor tears, nor fear. Their immortal souls unshackled, no longer bound by the frail bodies they once knew."
"What about you? Aren't you bound to this ship?"
"Once, but you heard my cry and freed me. I stay of my own free will."
"But why?"
She looked away, drawing her knees to her chest. "Because you are a good man. You deserve to be loved. I know you as well as you know yourself, Captain. You won't let anyone get to close, because you are afraid. I have no illusions that you share my feelings, but I love you, Captain. I will look after you and your crew as long as you are here."
Tears ran down her face. "I'm sorry I couldn't save Wash. If I could have gone faster, or farther, maybe… I don't know. He was amazing. Even though he couldn't hear me, he flew like he was one with the stars. Maybe he was the angel and I am but a shadow."
He pulled her into his embrace. "It's ok, darlin', you did good. And I love you, too, Serenity."