They both stood on the platform, Platform nine and three quarters, as a hot gust of wind brushed by them and tickled Luigi's mustache. The Hogwarts Express had arrived. Shrek stood right beside him, that hot green pile of shit. He looked straight ahead, took a deep breath and turned to Luigi. They made out for, I don't know, 26 minutes.
Passionately.
When the hot make out was ogre, he grabbed his luggage cart and threw it at the train, smashing 4 windows and gaining 100 bonus points.
"I'm a wizard, Luigusfgiufdghuieu," Shrek said as his stroked Luigi's mustache.
Tears streamed down Luigi's face as he bid his beloved Shrek good bye. The doors opened and Shrek stepped onto the train. He pressed his fat green hand against the glass window. Luigi pressed his hand on his side of the window. At this moment all of the commotion or the train station turned to white noise and the only people here were him and Shrek. He wanted to keep their hands pressed against the glass for all of eternity, but then the whistle blew.
The roar of the engines starting filling the air and normal human wizards hurried inside the train. Shrek still matched Luigi's fingers on his side of the train window; his eyes brimmed with stinky tears and mouthed
"Don't cry for me, laddeh."
The train started moving and Luigi had to let go. He tried wiping the tears, but they ogrewhelmed him, drowning his eyes in salty acid. The train had sped up and left the station. Luigi saw that Shrek still had his stupid sausage phalanges against his window. He wanted to run after the train, making this last encounter last a little bit longer, but Luigi was too much of a fat ass to try running after the train. Touching the train was exercise enough that the window was hella nasty.
He turned around, heading home to sanitize his dirty ass hands, but a feeling prevented him from doing so. Shrek's train had left and the hustle and bustle of the train station had returned. Luigi was the only one who couldn't move forward.
He reached into his denim overalls, checking if he has any coins for a bus ride home. Then it struck him. Luigi ran back to the train platform, having to punch out old ladies and flip baby strollers just to get through.
Luigi had one last thing to say to Shrek.
The next train rolled into the station and Luigi was filled with passion. He jumped on the roof of the train. All of the train cars filled with little wizard passengers and the whistle blew. The sound ringed in his ugly ears. Luigi could only see the last sliver of Shrek's train from where he was standing and now he knew.
Storm clouds rolled in and "All Star" by Smash Mouth began playing in the background.
"It's-a time."
Luigi ripped a train car right out of the tracks and threw the fucking thind at Shrek's train, which was like 500000 centipedes away from him.
Just like how tears rained from his eyes earlier in this fanfic, blood rained from the sky as the entirety of passenger cars flew into the air and crashed into Shrek's.
50 kill streak.
At this point, Luigi didn't care that he possibly killed 50 wizards, or destroyed two fucking trains; he didn't even give a Koopa's ass that he probably murdered the love of his life, he just wanted to say one final thing to Shrek.
Drenched head to toe in train passenger blood, Luigi looked down at his feet. He clenched his now red gloved fist.
"I wasn't-a crying for you," he whispered.
He grabbed two freshly cut onions from within his sports bra and raised then as if he was Rafiki and they were Simba.
"I'm-a crying because you stuffed FUCKING ONIONS IN MY SHIRT!"
Tears overflowed from his eyes and Luigi broke down on his knees. He screamed to the gods,
"ONIONS!1!"
It slowly began raining chicken nuggets.