I don't own X-Men Evolution characters. Sorry! I just had a weird idea in my brain that I needed to get out. This is based on one of my other hobbies. I am an amateur birdwatcher so I wondered what would happen if the Brotherhood went bird watching?
This is For the Birds
"Okay out of all the field trips we've been on this is the lamest," Lance grumbled. "Walking around in the park looking for birds. Yeah that's real educational."
"Mr. Alvers!" Ms. Teems, the new Biology teacher sharply reprimanded him. "Birds are an integral part of the world's ecological system! They carry seeds from plants as well as controlling the insect population."
"Yeah and they also eat dead stuff by the side of the road!" Todd told him. "One time I was watching a couple of crows peck at this dead skunk on the highway. One of them just swallowed an eyeball and…"
"Okay Mr. Tolensky that is enough!" Ms. Teems looked a bit ill. "We get the point! The purpose of this trip is to observe how many species of birds there are in the park and observe them in their natural habitat."
"Not to mention getting us out of the building so that the school will have a chance to air out the stench of that stink bomb the Brotherhood set off the other day," Scott grumbled. Along with the Brotherhood, the X-Men and some of the other New Mutants were in the group. Actually, due to a cruel twist of fate, they were the group with no other students in it.
"It's still a lame field trip," Lance grumbled.
"Who cares?" Fred shrugged. "It gets us out of class."
"Yeah and maybe I can find a snack," Todd licked his lips.
"Oh gross! You aren't going to eat any birds are you?" Kitty blanched.
"I don't eat birds!" Todd snapped. "Well chicken yeah and turkey but other than that I don't eat them! One too many bones and feathers, and two, do you have any idea how many kinds of germs there are on birds?"
"Coming from Mr. Clean over here that's a relative question," Kurt snickered.
"At least I don't have fleas!" Todd snapped.
"Of course not!" Kurt snapped back. "That would be their version of committing suicide!"
"Children please!" Ms. Teems shouted. "I want you to get back on track here!"
"I'd love to tie them to a track," Fred whispered to Todd pointing at the X-Men. Todd giggled.
"Just write down how many different types of birds you see and what their activities are," Ms. Teems told them for the fiftieth time. "It's not that hard."
"Fine," Lance looked around. "I see a pigeon using a statue as it's personal bathroom. Can I go now?"
"Alvers!" Scott snapped.
"Will you act mature for once?" Jean asked him.
"Wait I see two more birds," Lance said. "A Red Headed Stick in the Mud and a Preppie Pigeon Brain."
"And I see a Rock Headed Loon!" Scott snapped.
"I see a Catbird," Tabitha snickered pointing at Kitty.
"I see a Bubble Brain," Kitty retorted.
"Hey look," Pietro quipped. "I just spotted a Spike Backed Loser!"
"Hey look," Evan snapped. "I just spotted a Silver Haired Lame-o!"
"Hey look," Ms. Teems groaned. "I just spotted a vending machine that sells aspirin. Be back in a moment students." She walked off muttering something to herself about joining the circus as a human cannonball.
"Okay why don't you guys have fun with your little feathered friends while I take off," Lance said.
"La-ance," Kitty snapped. "You promised you'd help me with my biology report. Remember?"
"What do you mean? You don't have a biology…" Lance then blinked. "Oh that report! Oh okay Kitty let's go!" He grabbed her and they ran off.
"Oh great," Jean groaned. "Three guesses to what kind of studying they'll be doing!"
"Gee Jean did you use your powers to figure that out?" Pietro quipped. "But Lance has the right idea. Let's bail this pop stand!"
"Hey I saw an ice cream stand a while back!" Fred said.
"I'm in!" Tabitha said.
"Oh no you don't!" Scott snapped. "We have a job to do!"
"Oh please," Tabitha rolled her eyes.
"Look you have to behave yourselves," Jean said.
"You have to behave yourselves," Todd mocked in a sing song voice.
"Stop it Toad!" Jean snapped.
"Stop it Toad," Todd mocked.
"Cut it out!" Evan snapped.
"Cut it out," Fred mocked.
"Quit it you yahoos!" Rogue snapped.
"Quit it you yahoos," Pietro mocked.
"Oh very mature," Jean snapped, folding her arms.
"Very mature!" Tabitha mocked.
"Why don't you jerks just act your age?" Rahne asked.
"Why don't you go play fetch?" Todd snapped.
"Yeah," Tabitha snapped. "What do you X-Geeks care if we do our homework or not?"
"We don't," Scott snapped. "What we do care about is what kind of trouble you delinquents will get into!"
"Who us?" Pietro blinked. "We're just sweet innocent kids. Right Rogue?"
"Yeah right," Rogue snapped. "And I'm Barbie!"
"Well just call me Ken," Pietro raised his eyebrows at her. "Rrrowww!"
"Get away from me!" Rogue started to chase Pietro around. Before long all the X-men and Brotherhood were arguing at the top of their lungs.
"GUYS CUT IT OUT!" Amara snapped. Unfortunately she didn't realize what she was doing and a fireball flew from her hands. "Oops!"
"You were saying?" Tabitha raised an eyebrow.
"Ms. Teems!" Todd hopped up and down. "Ms. Teems they're setting the park on fire yo!"
"Yeah!" Fred called out. "They wanna barbecue all our little feathered friends! That's not nice!"
"Shut up!" Bobby was about to use his powers to put out the small fire when Ms. Teems looked over in disbelief.
"How did this fire start?" She screamed.
"They did it!" Todd pointed as Scott and the others put out the small fire by throwing dirt on it.
"Yeah we were just standing around minding our own business when they started playing with matches!" Pietro said. "We Brotherhood members may cause trouble but at least we ain't arsonists!"
"Nobody here is an arsonist!" Scott snapped. "The fire just um…happened that's all."
"Fires always seem to just happen when you guys are around," Todd snapped.
"I can't believe this sort of behavior from you Institute kids!" Ms. Teems snapped.
"Well why do you think those kids are at the Institute?" Pietro said. "You know it's just another reform school."
"It is not!" Evan snapped.
"That is such a lie!" Jean snapped.
"I wasn't gonna say anything," Pietro whispered to Ms. Teems. "But Jean has a little problem. She likes fire a lot, if you know what I mean. As long as she's away from matches she'll be fine."
"I am not a pyromaniac!" Jean snapped.
"No she's just a maniac," Pietro said. Jean tried to strangle him, but he hid behind Ms. Teems. "Hey! Did I mention she has anger issues?"
"I'm gonna cream you Pietro!" Jean roared. She lunged at him.
"Jean! Jean!" Ms. Teems grabbed her by the shoulders. "Why don't you and I have a nice little talk? Maybe a little sit down, find your center. Go to a happy place."
"The only happy place I wanna be is at his execution!" Jean snapped.
"Come on Jean," Ms. Teems dragged her away. "I have this doctor that gave me these wonderful pills that will make you feel all better."
"I am not crazy!" Jean snapped.
"Of course not dear," Ms. Teems dragged her away. Some of the X-Men went after them, others glared daggers at death.
"Okay it's time to go!" They all ran off into the park with the X-men chasing them.
Soon Todd and Fred found themselves alone wandering in the park. "Hey Toad do crows count as birds?" Fred asked.
"Well since they are birds Freddy yeah," Todd rolled his eyes.
"Cool," Fred wrote it down on his list. "Hey I got two birds already! A crow and a pigeon!"
"You mean you actually want to do this?" Todd gave Fred a funny look.
"Yeah well I'd actually like to get a good grade for once," Fred shrugged. "It seems like an easy way to do it."
"You gotta point," Todd shrugged. "Okay crow and pigeon," He wrote down on his own list. "So where else are we gonna find birds yo?"
"I got an idea," Fred took a deep breath. "HEY YOU BIRDS! COME ON OUT! HERE BIRDIE, BIRDIE, BIRDIE! COME ON OUT!"
Suddenly birds flew out of the trees everywhere, startled by Fred's yelling. "Aw man that was a great idea!" Todd scribbled down birds on his list. "We got bluebirds and redbirds and all kinds of brown birds!"
"Yeah but they flew away so fast I couldn't figure out which bird was which," Fred grumbled.
"Hey I just thought of something," Todd said. "How is the teacher gonna know what kinda birds we saw."
"Cause we wrote 'em down on the list!" Fred said. "Oh I get it…"
"Exactly," Todd nodded. "Why look around straining our necks like a couple of saps when all we gotta do is put down the names of a lot of birds? The teacher ain't gonna know the difference!"
"You're right!" Fred beamed. "Boy we sure are coming up with a lot of great ideas Toad! Hey I'll bet we're gonna ace this assignment!"
"Well we are the smart pair," Todd nodded. "Now let's see…eagle, hawk, robin…ducks…"
"Swan," Fred scribbled down. "Flamingo…"
"Flamingo?" Todd looked at Fred.
"Well the park's near the zoo," Fred said. "Who's to say a flamingo didn't just walk out of its cage and escaped?"
"Oh," Todd smiled. "Good thinking. Penguins, ostriches, um…"
"Emus," Fred wrote.
"A what?" Todd looked at him. "Ain't those cows with hair on their bodies and the long horns?"
"Nah that's a yak," Fred said. "We had one on the farm once."
"Really?" Todd asked.
"Yeah," Fred shook his head. "We couldn't keep it though after the incident with the Girl Scouts, the electric cattle prod, and the water pump. Long story."
Pietro appeared whistling happily. "Hey birdbrains," He snickered. "Guess what? Did you know Daniels still doesn't know what poison ivy looks like?"
"Where's Tabby?" Fred asked.
"Who knows?" Pietro shrugged.
"HELP!" Lance screamed running out of nowhere. "KILLER BIRD ON THE LOOSE!"
Something was chasing after Lance. It was small and fast and flying around. "I got it!" Todd caught it with his tongue but did not pull his tongue back into his mouth. It was a woodpecker. The bird shrieked and Todd let it go. The woodpecker flew away as fast as it could, considering its wings were covered by slime. "Yuck!" Todd spat out feathers.
"Is it gone?" Lance moaned coming out from behind a tree.
"Yes it's gone!" Kitty stormed out of the woods.
"Kitty I can explain," Lance started.
"Don't bother!" Kitty shouted, much to the amusement of the other members of the Brotherhood. "Lance you are such a jerk sometimes!"
"How could you get attacked by a woodpecker Lance?" Pietro laughed.
"Trust me," Kitty folded her arms. "You don't want to know! I am out of here!"
"Kitty wait!" Lance called after her as she stormed off.
"Let her go Lance," Pietro shook his head. "Besides, your little escapade has given me an idea."
Twenty minutes later…
"For the last time Ms. Teems I am not crazy!" Jean snapped. "I never set anything on fire in my life!"
"Of course not dear," Ms. Teems put on her best 'I Believe You' face on. "Oh look here come some of your classmates back already. Todd, Fred and Lance came back. "Did you see any birds?"
"Yeah a psychotic woodpecker," Lance grumbled, rubbing his head.
"We saw lots of birds!" Todd said cheerfully, handing her a list.
"Let me see your lists," Ms. Teems sighed. "Tolensky, Dukes you did not see a flamingo!"
"Yes we did," Todd told her. "It escaped from the zoo!"
"You said any bird," Fred told her.
"What I meant was…" She was interrupted by screams and yells. Scott, Rogue, Kurt, and Evan ran towards them. Several different kinds of birds including ducks and geese were chasing them. Of course being covered in slime and bird food didn't help matters much.
"Pietro! Toad you two are dead meat!" Evan screamed as a rather large goose was pecking him. "OWCH!"
"Nice look turkey!" Pietro laughed.
"This is nuts!" Ms. Teems shouted. "What the heck is going on? And what is this bird doing here?" She shouted as a large pink flamingo appeared and started walking up towards them.
"I told you we saw a flamingo!" Todd said proudly.
Before Ms. Teems could say anything Tabitha came riding by on an elephant. "YEAHOO!" She shouted with joy. "I always wanted to do this!"
"So that's where she went," Pietro said.
"She must have let some of the animals out of the zoo," Todd looked around and saw a few zebras wandering around on the other side of the park. "Cool! I wonder if my giraffe is around here?"
"I wonder if Kitty will ever speak to me again," Lance sighed.
"I wonder if I'm not too old to run off and join the circus," Ms. Teems put her head in her hands, seriously contemplating a change of careers.