Note: I do not own Harry Potter. It belongs to J.K. Rowling.
I wrote this song while listening to Ke$ha: Dancing With Tears In My Eyes and a line I think fits with this is...
I have destroyed our love it's gone; payback is sick; its all my fault.
"What the hell have I done." I sob into the lonely wind. I crumble down and fall onto the ground. Tears are escaping me like a full steamed train. I ache all over. I cannot move. I am lost. I broke my own heart. It's all my fault. Why do I have to be so damn stupid? Why? I try to call out for him but I can't. I just watch the love of my love disappear in the black abyss of the rainy horizon. How long will it be until I see his eyes again or feel the touch of his skin on mine. Or even feel him inside of me. What happens now?
Just a few months earlier we were fine; perfect. Nothing in this crazy, insane world could tear us apart from each other but I had to go and screw Lorcan and watch all of my life go crumbling down. It was like I was watching a Twister run in and out of my life killing all my hopes and dreams. It freaking sucked.
Lorcan. Gosh, how could I have been so stupid? How? How could I have thought Teddy was cheating on me? Why did I have to go screw Lorcan? More tears fall now as I reminisce my dead past.
Lorcan had me pressed hard on the bed. His hands caressed every single lingering part of my body. Sweat poured from both of us making a the sweet scent of what was happening. With one hand I played with his bright blonde hair. My other hand was working its way down his naked body. It was so right at the time. If only I knew.
Naked on naked. How it felt so good when he caressed my breast gently. It was amazing and out of the world. Yet, the whole time one name kept coming up on my mind: Theodore Remus Lupin. That boy had something special to him. But he was cheating on my I knew it. With perfect, little Victoire. So what if he was eight years older than me. It made no difference at all. He should treat me with respect. If only I was in America with them on their Ministry training.
Then Lorcan and I simply screwed. He felt strong for me but I felt nothing for him. I only felt hatred towards one man. Teddy was dead to me.
Why didn't I think clearly? Of course, even if Teddy and Victoire did screw over in America, she was only doing to me what I had did to her over a mere year ago. It is not my fault that something about Teddy made me hot, made me go wild.
"Rox, you know this is so wrong." Teddy lightly whispered those words in my ear. It sent chills down my then fifteen-year-old back.
I kissed him on the lips gently before replying with a smirk, "I don't care."
He kissed my neck with so hot of passion and whispered into it, "If I'm caught- we're caught, I-I could- Im twenty-three your fifteen this is illegal." A tint of worry escaped in his voice.
A smile crinkled on my face as I kissed his sweaty neck back.
"Who says will be caught?" I wondered.
"Well, no one, but what about Victoire?" He brought up another conflict.
I shrugged he dropped his arms to my waist and lightly began rubbing them. This was one of the only times I remember clearly with Teddy that we were both fully clothed. Teddy wasn't a man of wearing a shirt. He had one on this time though for it was his girlfriend, Victoire's twenty-second birthday.
"Do you love me Teddy?" I asked looking straight into his wondrous eyes. "Well, do you?"
"Do I ever Rox, but its so not right. We are eight years apart." Teddy tried to unconvince again.
"Age doesn't matter. What matters is the love we share among each other. And we both love each other so nothing, /nothing/ could be wrong with us." I said softly against his lips. He looked me straight into my eyes and then he kissed me was the most passion I had ever felt. I will ever feel.
It may have been wrong. I have no idea. It felt so right though. It still feels so right. Tears are the sign or failure, sadness, and weakness. I am all three. I fail at love. Why couldn't I just be logical for once? Teddy gave me a Promise Ring. I should've known. I-I should've known.
I glimpse down at my left hand. Upon my ring finger is the most beautiful diamond ring a girl could ask for. I wipe some tears from my face. His words were so meaningful the day I received the ring from him. I am sick of myself. I do not deserve to live at all. I am so, so, incredibly stupid.
Roxanne Weasley (noun) – stupidest person alive.
Hand in hand, Teddy and I walked down the beach shore. For our one year marker, Teddy had apparated us to a beach in America. It was located down in North Carolina. The place was so peaceful. Dolphins swam out in the horizon one after another. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever saw. We finally reached a boardwalk when we stopped walking.
"Come with me, love." Teddy said as he led me onto the boardwalk toward the edge of it.
Once we were there he turned to me. I beamed up at him. He was amazing. He was the best thing to ever happen to my life. I studied him. He was nervous. His hair was changing a different color per minute. It always happened when he was scarred or nervous. I cocked my head to the side and asked softly, "Babe, what's wrong?"
"N-Nothing- you're just beautiful Rox. I love you." He said. Then without me knowing what was happening he knelt down on one knee and held out a small box.
He cleared his throat loudly.
"Roxanne Angilina Weasley, you are truly the love of my love, I want to spend the rest of it with you. No matter what people say from now on out. Take this ring- Promise Ring- and promise me on the day of your seventh birthday we can get engaged and soon to marry. I want no other woman on this earth, but you."
"Oh my gosh! Teddy? The Promise Ring?" I gasped. Tears began to spring to my eyes. I had never imagined this coming. It was a dreaming coming true. I took the tiny box and open it to see the diamond ring I always dreamed of in it. I took it out and placed it on my left ring finger and held it some Teddy and I could both see it.
"It fits snug." I said through my tears of joy.
Teddy got up from the ground and kissed my head lightly. He then, being him, ripped off his shirt (I'm not even going to start on his abs.) And smiled at me. "Let's go swimming."
Do I take the ring off now? I don't want too. If I wear this does it mean we are still somehow connected? Please say we are. Everything is so meaningless without him in my life. He has always been he one for me. I need to prove I am still the one.
I get a hold of myself and gather up whats left of me and head back into the Burrow. Damn place. I hate it. I pass through the kitchen. My eyes are red and people are starring. No one says a word though. I just walk past them all with my head down and run into the room I share with Rose and Lily. There I collapse on my bed and sob until God knows when.
Funny. The last time I was at this place was when I received the news of Teddy leaving me for eight months. The news destroyed me. It hurt even worse when I discovered Victoire was his work partner there. Damn the damned place.
"Why? Why the hell do you have to leave?" I yelled in tears. "I don't want you to go." I said looking into his eyes with my big, brown ones.
Teddy sighed and placed a hand on each of my shoulders. He whispered to me, "It's only for eight months. You'll been in school for six of them. Plus I need this to pay for you and the family we'll be having one day."
My heart melted away. He truly cared about me. Truly, truly cared for me.
"Write everyday, promise?" I asked looking him in the eyes.
"If I could I'd write you every minute." He smiled at me. "I'm not going to forget about you Rox, you mean the whole world to me."
My heart melted again.
"Teddy, where are you? You need to head to the Ministry now." Uncle Harry's voice yelled to Teddy from another room.
"I'll be there in just one second." Teddy assured Uncle Harry.
He turned back to me and kept his voice at a whisper.
"Nothing in this world will change my feelings for you Roxy. My love for you is too strong. I love you." He smiled and kissed my lips gently. He grabbed his bags and began to leave the room.
"I love you too Theodore." I said as I sat down on the edge of my bed as he rounded the corner of the hallway.
Just breathe Roxanne. He will be back.
"Rox?" Lily's voice enters my ear.
I look over at her with a single tear strolling down my cheek and snap, "What?"
Lily looks unsure of what to say. She walks over to her bed and sits down on it. "A-Are you alright?" She asks.
"What the hell does it look like?" I snap again.
Lily is mute.
I bury my face into my pillow and try to make my sobs not heard. "J-Just g-go away!" I yelled between sobs.
"O-Okay…" Lily says leaving the room with that.
I hug myself and curl up into a small ball. I want this day to be over with. Make the pain go away. My heart only beats for one thing and my connection to it is lost. All because of what I did. I thought I needed to do some payback but no I didn't look where it got me.
First few months Teddy and I wrote everyday to each other. Three pages at minimum. But slowly he's messages were becoming shorter and less meaningful. Soon I found myself waiting weeks between his owls. What was going on down there?
"Vicotire…" I cried into the open air of my lonesome bedroom. An extreme anger rage overwhelms me. I punch my wall until I burst my knuckle. I shake the pain off and let the tears stroll from my brown eyes in a line. I was losing the best thing I ever had.
I had to get even with him. I had too. There was no way in this damned world that I wouldn't. My tears quit falling as I thought up a plan. How could I get him back? The wheels in my mind burst into movement and I finally get the plan I want.
"Lorcan…" I said out loud to myself.
Lorcan Scamander was my age. He had bright blonde hair and blue eyes. He was muscular and he was good looking. I found out the prior year, by his twin brother Lysander, that Lorcan sort of had a crush on me. I can abuse that quite well and get Theodore back.
It was the perfect plan at the time. If only I knew what Teddy was going to tell me in the future. Why do I have to be so stupid? I am a terrible person with one broken heart. I just want it to stop beating. Please let it stop beating.
"Rox, is it true?" Teddy locked eye contact with me. His voice was full of hurt and his eyes were dazzled with sadness. The usual happy feeling that came with him in your presence was gone. Nothing except cold betrayal now. That was coming from me.
I wanted to look away. I couldn't though. I hurt him. I didn't mean too. I should've trusted him. Yet, I didn't. I was stupid. I should've known better. My heart crumbled as I see a tear escape form his eyes. I begin crying myself. I never wanted it to end this way.
"I-I'm s-sorry." I mumbled through my billions of tears. "I-I thought"
"You didn't trust me. I trusted you. I gave everything up for you and y-you repay me like this. I want you g-g-gone." Teddy stopped and looked at me for a spilt second.
"We are over."
My world came tumbling down. I can't breath. I can't move. "Please n-no…" I whisper to the wind.
It's too late he already began walking away. In the distance I hear him yell at me, "Maybe I should just be with Victoire."
"What the hell have I done." I sobbed.
On the ground, I am knelt. I feel like I have nothing left of me. Life will never be worth while for me. I place my hand on my heart as I realize the thing I regret the most: I am the reason why I am crumbled on the ground, in pain. I am the reason why I lost the best thing. I destroyed our love.
"I'm sorry."
I hope you all enjoyed this.
Please review and let me know.
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