Few quick notes before I start.
1. This is my first (uploaded, not written)Story I have made and I hope you guys will enjoy reading it. I enjoyed writing it. A Review would be nice and helpful so I hope you guys would indulge. Thanks
2. Well I'm just Hung up on FFXIII and that's why I am uploading this FanFic , cause it also contains my personal opinions on the characters.
3. I Hope(no pun intended) none of you will hate me or something just because I chose this couple.=3 Hope X Light forever =D
4. This is written in a First Person Sense of View, so please bear with me. though occasionally I might add in a sentence or so in a third person sense.
5. This does not reflect the Characters real personality or personal thoughts. This is , after all, a Fan Fiction.
6. Any review at all would be much appreciated ( as stated above), Be it Criticism , Favouritism , maybe even plain nonsense. I take opinions very seriously and I need some inspiration as fuel to write future chapters.
7. General Stuff, Hope and the other member's thoughts and words are in normal letters, whereas Lightning's thoughts and words are mostly Italic. Hope(still no pun intended) I cleared something up because some reviews talked about not knowing who was speaking. (Though sometimes it's just so obvious.) No offense though, to those guys who submitted those reviews. Thanks, in fact. Because of it I could improve. I appreciate that.
Well, Enjoy!
I - How I Always Felt
'Hope's Perspective'
"I've never imagined a place like this ever existed when I lived on cocoon."
I ponder what I just said; Gran Pulse is like nothing I have ever seen in my entire life.
I look around at the people around me. My gaze eventually falls upon Lightning. Ever since my mother died, I never opened up to anyone. I felt insecure, scared and lonely. Until I met her. I've felt this strange feeling, after I decided to follow Lightning through Gapra Whitewood and when she hugged me and promised to look out for me. It's kinda hard to explain this feeling, it's like my heart sort of jumps when she calls me or when we have a conversation. Is it Love? If it is, I feel as if I have no chance of ever winning her heart, she's 21 and I'm only 14, it's a big gap in age difference. She always seems so cold. And yet I just feel all the more attracted to her because of it. I'm sort of Glad, actually, that I became a l'Cie . Because of it I could meet her and potentially get closer to her. However, I return to reality and realize Lightning was looking at me. She looks genuinely worried.
She must have noticed me staring at her, and the look on my face must have looked pained and depressed. Most likely because I really like her and yet I feel it is an infatuation doomed from the start.
"Hope, are you all right? You seem a little depressed and sad for some reason."
Wow, she said it in such a cold, calm manner. My heart jumps a little. I look away, flushed.
"Y-yeah I'm….fine". I Stutter, probably because I'm so nervous talking to her. I must have sounded pretty unconvincing, because she frowns. However, she takes my word for it and I'm relieved.
Sazh looks at me and he is smiling. He's kinda like the guy who would supply comic relief if he was in some sort of video game. But he looks like the kind of guy who could perhaps teach me more about relationships and Infatuations. He is, after all, a 31 year old married guy with a child. He looks me over and returns to taking care of his baby chocobo. Maybe he knows of my predicament?
I fondly remember back when Lightning told me to abandon my project NORA and when she hugged me and said that she would take care of me. I remember the warm feeling again and I turn red. My face feels so warm right now I think it will melt. My heart is beating rapidly too, my mind is going crazy.
"All right, I think it's time for us to move on".
Upon hearing that voice, I feel like just fainting. It sounds so sweet. I feel like I'm in a daze.
Lightning must have noticed my flushed face and dazed look and said,
"Hope if you aren't feeling well, just tell me. ok? You're just a kid so don't push yourself too hard."
I feel like having a heart attack. A kid? That's all she thinks of me? A little kid who can't handle himself? I hide my disappointment by just looking at the floor and using my hair to try and cover it up.
"No, no. I'm fine, Lightning". I stutter again. I don't even look at her face.
"I told you, you can call me Light".
"Really, I'm fine, Light. Thanks for your concern."
I put on a slightly strained smile on my face. I probably look really weak right now. It must seem obvious that something is bothering me.
She didn't return the smile. Her facial expression remains the same, as always. She looks away and starts walking in the direction to Oerba.
She's always treated me like a kid, or more like her little brother maybe? But I don't want it to stay that way; I want her to love me, as a man and woman, not as a little brother or as if I was her kid.
I hope she doesn't think I hate her though, because the way I feel is the total opposite. Sure, she always trains me until I end up needing rest for a whole day and need a whole bagful of potions, but I treat it as…quality time I get to spend with her. In fact I'm happy whenever she calls me to spar with her. Even though someone will have to nurse me to health because I can't even hold a potion properly after sparring and knowing her, she won't do it.
I decide to find Sazh later and maybe ask him for some relationship advice. He seems like my best option as of now. I can't just up and walk to Lightning and just tell her how I feel, she would never take me seriously. And Snow just doesn't look like the kind of guy who knows much about relationships, even though he has a fiancé. Vanille and Fang just….well I probably won't feel comfortable asking them. I feel I need to work up the nerve tell Lightning how I feel soon, because if I just wait to grow older, she may have found someone else! I think about what would happen if that came to be. I would probably die from a heart attack or just suicide. I don't think I can continue living without her in that case scenario. Sazh looks like he has free time right now so I run to him.
"Hey, Sazh!"
I see somewhat of a smirk pop up on Sazh's face before he turns to face me. It's as if he knew I would come looking for him.
"Yes, can I help you, Hope?"
He said that sarcastically, yup, he knows what has been bothering me.
I tense before I tell him of my predicament.
'Lightning's Perspective'
I wonder what's happened to Hope? Ever since we reached Gran Pulse, he always seems to lose focus in battle and daydreams a lot. And for some reason he always seems to stare at me a lot and always seems to look away when I talk to him. Does he hate me? Or perhaps like me? I perish the thought immediately after it popped up. Like me? Hah, I'm 21 and he's 14, no way would he ever like someone like me in a romantic way.
Little did I know that I was wrong, and that he really liked me.
Does he hate me then? I silently ponder the possibility of that. I can't play favourites but I always seem to back him up a lot during arguments. It's like he's my little brother or kid. I just feel this sense of need to protect him. I would be pretty depressed if he hates me, but I would accept it. I train him hard every time and he ends up with many bruises of sorts. I always put up a cold and calm demeanour in front of everyone; maybe he came to hate it?
Imagining if he hated me, I feel a knot in my stomach.
Why do I feel so bad if he hated me? I really don't understand why. I would accept it, sure but why do I feel like this? I…I've never felt this way before, since my parents died. Thinking back to the day they died, I changed my name and personality. I never opened up to anyone except Serah. And Serah was all I had until she turned to crystal. Since then, I never even said anything for a few days. I promised myself I would never get attached to anyone ever again, as I fear I might lose that person again. The only reason I feel somewhat close to Hope is because he also lost his parents and I find him as some sort of kindred spirit, who went through a loss just like me.
I decide to drop this subject for now and think about other things.
He and Vanille seem close nowadays. I think about it. Why do I feel like my heart would tear in half? I shouldn't feel bad if he likes her and she likes him, yet, why do I feel so…
I lightly slap myself in the cheeks twice using both hands.
Again! I'm thinking about Hope again! Come on Lightning, get a grip on yourself!
I try to drop this subject from my mind but it just keeps tugging at me. I can't control my thoughts anymore.
This Feeling, it's definitely a new thing to me.