Disclaimer: [Insert witty comment here] Torchwood doesn't belong to me.
Pairings: Canon through Season 2, so Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys, unrequited Tosh/Owen, hints of UST between Gwen/Jack
Author's Note: Written for lelann137, who won me for Sweet Charity. She gave me the prompts of Tosh, Ianto, Jack and falling apart. Thanks to szm who betaed this for me and helped make this a better fic.
"What do you miss the most about Torchwood London?" Tosh asked as she leaned against the strength and comfort of Ianto. She felt his arm tighten around her briefly, could feel his breath catch in his chest and she could only surmise his surprise at her question. Not that she blamed him. No one here ever asked him anything about his past. Not since Lisa.
"I suppose… my team and friends," he finally replied, his voice soft and filled with pain. "I'm the only one that got out. The others were either outright killed or became like Lisa."
"You had a team?" Tosh asked. It surprised her.
"London wasn't like here. Cardiff has always been a monitoring station. Well, until recently. So small numbers. Eight hundred and twenty-three people worked at Canary Wharf with something like sixty different departments. So, yes. Teams."
"I guess I never really thought about it."
"Why would you? Jack's never made it a secret how much he hated One. None of you were much interested in it when I came." He shrugged. She wished she could see his face, see his eyes and what he hid behind them. She can't without moving and besides, he wouldn't let her see what he felt. He never had.
"What did you do at One?"
"You didn't read my file? I thought Jack had you do his research on me when I first came here."
She wished he didn't constantly twist her words. "Your file said you were a junior researcher."
"Yep." She waited to see if he would expound on it. He didn't. He never had. She somehow doubted he ever would.
Tosh sometimes wondered how none of them ever fell apart. The Rift threw everything it could at them; they worked long hours, often stumbling home at the wee hours of the morning. She couldn't remember a time she had gotten more than a few hours of sleep in one go. Gwen kept finding more and more creative excuses to use with Rhys, something that did not endear him to her job and the increased responsibility she had taken upon herself. Owen snapped at everyone until Ianto simply started withholding his coffee. Unfortunately, that wouldn't work with the Rift.
"Holding up there?" Ianto asked as he came up behind her, handing her a fresh mug.
"Suppose so," she shrugged. "You heading home soon?"
"Have some filing to finish."
She turned around, looked at him closely, trying to glean something from him. He remained as impassive as ever. "You've been here for too long. You need a break."
"Our illustrious leader has departed the Hub in an attempt to patch things up with her significant other. Doctor Harper made an early day of it after he finished autopsying the trio of Lrxians. We're all getting too tired, Tosh. None of us should be left alone here."
She sighed. She couldn't exactly disagree, even if a part of her felt anger that Owen and Gwen had managed to slip away.
"Finish what you're doing and I'll show you the dorms. I've made up a couple of beds for us. No reason we can't nap; the Rift alarm will ring there."
"Do you think this'll get any easier?" she asked before he could leave her to her program.
He hesitated a moment. "It has to, doesn't it? Eventually, the Rift will calm down from what we did." He walked away, heading towards the archives. She bit her lip, hoped he was right. They couldn't keep this pace up. Not for much longer.
"Gwen! We don't listen to the PM. We don't listen to anyone but the Queen. Why do we have to go to the Himalayas?" Tosh asked, frustrated that the other woman didn't seem to understand how Torchwood worked.
"He's Harold Saxon, isn't he? We have to listen to him," Gwen insisted. It worried Tosh, and given the sidelong gazes of Owen and Ianto, they felt the same as she did. It shouldn't matter if the orders came from Harold Saxon or the liftman; Whitehall didn't tell Torchwood what to do.
"There's no way we can go and hike off to the bloody mountains on his say so, Cooper," Owen shouted, "we're barely containing the Rift as it is. You really think Cardiff will be standing when we return?"
She stubbornly crossed her arms across her chest. "Well, I say we're going."
Ianto sighed, "We can't."
"Look, even Tea Boy agrees with me," Owen pointed out, ignoring the glare Ianto sent his way.
"I'm in charge now that Jack's gone and left us. We were asked to go, so we're going," Gwen pronounced.
The three veterans of Torchwood exchanged glances that said everything that needed to be said.
"Cooper, we're not getting on the plane. That's final," Owen stated, standing abruptly from his chair. "Now that that's settled, I have some real work I need to get done before the bloody Rift calls us out again." As he left the conference room, he shook his head, muttering something about 'bloody politicians' under he breath. Ianto didn't bother to say anything to Gwen before he followed, heading to the archives. Tosh hesitated a moment, feeling like she should say something before she too left their leader where she sat. Gwen didn't look as if she understood why they disagreed with her orders. They hadn't so far.
Instead of heading towards her computer and the work she knew needed to be done, Tosh instead went to find Ianto. After wending her way through the halls of the archives, she found the little room he had converted into his office. He sat, head bent, seemingly intent on examining and cataloguing the artifact in his hands. She just watched him for a few minutes.
"Going to take a seat?" he asked, breaking the silence.
"Sorry, didn't want to disturb you," Tosh apologized, even as she took his invitation.
Ianto shrugged, rolling his shoulders and neck as he sat back in his chair, placing the artifact on his table. "What's wrong, Tosh? No one comes down normally."
"That's because we're all afraid you'll put us on decaf if we misplace something," she chided. His lips quirked upwards at her comment. She sighed, "Do you think we're doing the right thing?"
"As Jack was fond of saying, we're Torchwood. We're outside the government," he finally said.
"But the government has asked for our help before and we've done it."
"It's always been at our discretion. We are not at the call of the government. If it is deemed beneficial, we will intervene if asked, but they can't command us." His eyebrow quirked, "If Saxon is really worried about Yetis or whatever it is in the Himalayas, he can ask UNIT to check it out. We don't even have bloody jurisdiction there - the closest Torchwood office in that area of the world was closed down in the twenties."
Tosh didn't even bother asking how Ianto knew that; he always seemed to know obscure facts about the inner workings of Torchwood. "What are we doing, Ianto? Jack's gone off, and Gwen's leading us, and the Rift is acting up, and now the government is trying to tell us what to do. How are we supposed to handle all this without Jack?" Despite her best efforts, she began to sob. The stress of the past weeks, the lack of sleep and her fear of the future all conspired to break the control she normally held over herself.
"Oh Tosh," Ianto softly said, coming around his desk and gathering her into his arms. He rocked her gently as she cried, murmuring nonsense words until she calmed. She surreptitiously wiped her eyes, letting out a strangled laugh when he presented her with a handkerchief.
"You always have what I need," she said.
He smiled in response, before sighing, "Look Tosh, I don't know what the future is going to bring, but Jack was just one man. Yes, he was our Captain and he seemed to know and be sure of so very much, but he wasn't always in charge of Three. Only since the millennium. And while he was often assigned here, he also had a lot of independent assignments outside of Cardiff. Three managed fine without his glorious presence. We'll manage somehow."
She wished she had his confidence.
Gwen sulked but informed the PM's office that Torchwood would not be heading to the Himalayas. And then, it didn't seem to matter as they discovered the probable reason for why Saxon wanted them out of Cardiff. The Rift had finally settled and the team had once again had the beginnings of an actual extracurricular life, when Saxon made his move and invited the Toclafane to Earth.
"What's he doing?" Owen frowned, pen in his mouth as they watched his announcement in the conference room.
"Oh god," Gwen cried as the Toclafane giggled and killed the President-elect of the United States.
"Fuck me," Owen breathed and Tosh bit back an inappropriate giggle.
"We have to do something!" Gwen declared passionately.
This was how Torchwood-Three became the center of the Cardiff-resistance against the Master. Eventually, they placed the Hub into lock down, complete with automatic self-destruct if the necessary codes were not entered upon re-entrance, and scattered to different parts of the world to help the resistance in other places.
"Do you think any of this will work?" Tosh asked, arms hugging her body as she waited for her transport to Greenland and from there to North America. She eyed Ianto who stood guard with her. He looked so strange, having forgone his suits for denims and grown a beard.
"It has to, doesn't it? Else the world is lost."
"I guess," she paused. "It's an awful lot of faith to put into one person though."
"Jack believes in her, or she wouldn't have his vortex manipulator. We have to have faith, Tosh." She had to concede that. They had met up with Martha before she had crossed the Channel to France and had seen she had the very familiar wrist strap on her. If Jack hadn't trusted her or believed she would succeed, he wouldn't have let her have it.
Still… "I don't know if I have faith anymore."
"Oh, Tosh," Ianto said and pulled her into a hug. "We'll get through this, you'll see. It'll work and then we'll be back here and we'll help rebuild Earth and everything will be fine."
"How can you be sure?" Tosh asked, feeling very small and scared.
"It has to happen, doesn't it? Jack always said the twenty-first century is when everything changes - and we have to be ready. This has to be the start of it. So, we survive. Promise me Tosh, you'll survive. I can't come back to working with just Owen and Gwen."
She laughed, hiccuping a little at that. "Promise," she said.
"Good girl," Ianto complimented, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I think your ride is here. Go on, then. Go save North America."
"Stay safe, Ianto Jones." Sniffling, she squared her shoulders and darted to where the boat had landed. Smuggling, an art long practiced in the coast towns, had undertaken a revival. Dangerous yes, but vital for the resistance. Her contact merely grunted as she scrambled on board. She took one look back as they pushed the boat back out to sea. Ianto still stood where she left him, a dark silhouette in the dusk light. She waved a hand in farewell and hoped she would see him again.
"Jack asked me out on a date," Ianto confided to Tosh in an undertone as he handed over her morning coffee. She snuck a look at him; he looked a bit bashful, his pale skin slightly pink at his confession.
"Really?" Tosh asked. He smiled happily as he nodded his head. "When did he do that?"
"When we were searching for the cluster bomb in the office building."
"I'm happy for you, Ianto," Tosh said, pulling him into a hug. "I hope it works out for you."
He shrugged. "I don't really care if it doesn't happen. I mean, we both work for Torchwood. It'll be hard to find the free time for both of us. It's just… he asked me Tosh. Asked me out. That means something." He looked away, probably embarrassed by what he had said.
She squeezed his hand in hers. "Yes it does. I'll see if I can find a day for you two and give Jack a word." She watched as he headed towards the kitchen, probably to grab Jack's coffee. Turning back to her computer, she bit her lip and waited until she saw Ianto disappear back to the archives. She didn't want him seeing what she was about to do. Carefully, she reviewed the CCTV footage she had found earlier of Jack and Gwen from yesterday, where she had demanded to know where he had been, and Jack's so-pained expression upon finding out about Gwen's engagement, and she carefully deleted it. Ianto didn't need to know about it. She hadn't seen him look so happy in far too long. As long as Jack didn't mess things up with Ianto, than she would remain silent. The first time he appeared to hurt him, well… she would take matters into her own hands.
"Oi! Tea Boy! We're off for a pint? Come with?" Owen called out. Ianto sat slumped against the couch cushions, looking a bit lost. He lifted his head and Tosh bit back the gasp of concern he felt at the look of devastation he quickly hid from them. Only Owen's hand on her arm and slight shake of his head prevented her from marching to Jack's office and slapping him for hurting Ianto like he had. Ianto didn't deserve to hear Jack's feelings for Gwen like that. And now, Jack sat in his office, sulking.
"Yeah, sounds good," Ianto finally said, pushing himself up from where he sat. His forced smile did not fool either of them, but for once, Owen held his tongue. The three of them exited the Hub without a further word and headed to one of the pubs they favored.
Later that night, Tosh helped a tipsy Ianto back to his flat. "Get some water, yeah? And one of those pills Owen slipped to you," she encouraged. He snorted under her care but obeyed. She helped him to bed.
"Stay?" he asked when she made to leave.
She paused, having not really expected such a request, though maybe she should have. Jack's confession notwithstanding, Ianto had had a traumatic day. Nearly dying did that to a person. She looked at her colleague, who looked so very young, so very bruised and found she couldn't refuse his request. She nodded and moved to the wardrobe where she knew from similar nights, he kept his vests and boxers. After changing, she crawled into his bed.
"Thanks," he said softly. She shifted so she could see his face, lit by the moonlight that streamed through the bedroom window. He had closed his eyes, a faint line of pain she suspected only partly came from his physical hurts, creasing his brow.
"You going to be okay?" she finally asked. She felt more than saw his shrug.
"It's not like I should be so surprised," he answered after a few moments. "We all know that he has a… bond with Gwen. I guess… I just… hoped it wasn't so strong, not anymore."
"Oh, Ianto… Jack's an arse."
A stuttered laugh left Ianto's mouth. "An attractive one, though."
She smiled. "What are you going to do?"
The covers shifted as he did; he remained silent for so long that Tosh was afraid he wasn't going to answer. "It's been almost a year, you know. A year since Canary Wharf. Doubt anyone remembered, not you lot."
Tosh shifted upwards, scrunching her pillow so that it rested against the headboard. She ran a hand through Ianto's hair, petting him as she thought of his accusation. He wasn't far off. No one at Three actually talked about One and what had happened there. They were all content to pretend it didn't exist; even when they had discovered Lisa, they had pushed it all aside as soon as they could. "Is there something you want us to do?"
He snorted. "Tosh, there is so much I want to do, but none of it is real practicable is it? Jack is Jack and he… he would rather forget I started at London. I'm sorry," his lips twisted into a sort of half smile. "It's just… today sort of brought it all into perspective, didn't it? We're Torchwood and we don't get the happy endings, not really."
"Gwen does. Why should she be the only one?" Tosh protested. She didn't like the idea of Torchwood being all she had. She knew she was more - hell, she wanted more.
"Except for Gwen, every single one of us who works at Three came here broken. Owen had just lost his fiancée to that alien, you were in the UNIT prison, I was coming off of Canary Wharf, and Jack… well. He was broken long before he became Three's leader."
She shouldn't be surprised that he knew her past - or Owen's or Jack's. As he had told them often, he knew everything. "Does that really mean none of us can have a normal life? That we can't find someone to love or who would love us for who we are? Are we doomed to just be alone, until we die or get retconned?"
"Don't be so melodramatic," Ianto chided. He reached a hand up to capture hers, where it tangled in his hair, wincing a bit as it aggravated his ribs and the rope burns on his wrist.
"You're not helping, what with all that talk about happy endings and how we're all broken," she protested.
"You're right. Henceforth, I'll keep my lips shut and pray that we all have a happy Torchwood future."
Tosh half-heartedly hit him in the shoulder. "Now, you're just being silly."
"Hmm…" Ianto hummed, extricating his hand and snuggling into her side. "Been that type of day, hasn't it."
She snorted and then readjusted herself, ignoring Ianto's mumbles as she pushed herself away from the headboard and lay down properly. He slung a companionable arm around her, as he had done on so many similar nights to this. Sleep called and she was ever so grateful for the sober-up pills Owen had reversed engineered and given to them.
"You know, you should just tell Owen," Ianto murmured into her hair, breaking the silence that had descended. She couldn't help but stiffen under his arm, couldn't hide from what he meant.
"Right. Because it worked so well with you and Jack," she bit out and immediately felt contrite. "I'm sorry, Ianto. I shouldn't have said that." She turned so she could face him.
The moonlight lit his face just enough for her to see that little half-smile he sometimes had that said so much while hiding his emotions. "Don't apologize for being right." His eyes closed, dark lashes laying against his cheeks, and Tosh just wanted to pet and soothe him, wanted to put the wonder and good humor that had twinkled in his eyes before today. Gwen had once told her that 'love suited her' and Tosh had scoffed, too hurt about Mary and what her colleagues thought of her to really parse what that might mean. She had finally understood, when she had seen what Gwen must have seen in her eyes reflected in Ianto's.
She cupped a hand around Ianto's face and leaned closer to place a kiss to his forehead. "He doesn't know what he's missing."
Ianto snorted, "Don't know if he really cares about that."
Tosh's lips twitched. "Maybe." He held her in silence; she wondered when it had become normal to have conversations like this with Ianto, when being held in his bed comforted not just him but her. "What are you going to do?"
"Well, first, I'm going to sleep, and then in the morning, I'll make you some lovely coffee, before we head to the Hub for another wonderful day at Torchwood, saving the Earth - or at least Cardiff - from the detritus that comes through the Rift." She poked him in the ribs and he rolled onto his back, keeping one arm around her and sighed. "Jack's Jack… I thought it was something different than what we had before, but… guess it's not. I really can't be arsed to throw him over though." Tosh knew if she looked at him right now, he would have another one of those pained half-smiles he seemed to collect. "All I've really got is Torchwood. Now that I know what I have with Jack, I can… well, I'm not going to make it to be more than it is. It is what it is and I'm fine, really. I can deal with knowing it's just shagging and not something more. At least this time, he takes me out to eat, instead of just cold takeaway."
She wanted to protest, to tell him that he deserved more - should have more. She didn't. He was right when he said Torchwood didn't really allow for a life outside of it. Gwen might think she had done a favor for Rhys by refusing to retcon him, but she hadn't, not really. As much as she might try to prevent it, as much as she and Jack and the rest of Three tried to deny it, Rhys would one day get dragged into it, much as he had this time. Except, a bullet hole to the shoulder might not be his only wound.
Ianto wanted Jack, she knew this, just as he knew about her love for Owen. At least he had a bit of Jack; she had nothing but a man who she suspected was purposefully ignorant of her attempts to flirt with him. For all that Ianto was the youngest of them all, he had experienced more than they had - had survived more than they had (not discounting her own experience in a UNIT prison, but she knew that she never would have survived the prison; she would have died there, even if they had eventually released her. She just didn't have the strength - then - to escape from incarceration with dignity and a will to continue living.), and she somehow suspected that Ianto would take what he could out of this and make it something he could live with.
Entering the Hub wearing clothes from the day before, whilst laughing at one of Ianto's dry comments had never fazed Tosh before. By now, Owen and Gwen knew that after a particularly hard day or a night of drinking, Ianto and Tosh usually ended up staying at one or the other's flat. Apart from the initial titillated giggles from Gwen and the snarky comments from Owen, everyone tended to ignore it when one of them showed up a little less put together than normal.
"Tosh. Looks like someone had a good time last night," Jack greeted with a waggle of his eyebrows. "Man or woman," and if Tosh didn't realize that this was just Jack and this was how he was, she would have slapped him. As it was, she was only slightly annoyed that he seemed intent on ignoring all that had happened yesterday.
"Just drinks with some friends," she said and headed to her desk to start her day.
"Anyone I know?" Jack asked, half-distracted she saw, by Ianto as he moved about the Hub, picking up and putting away the various bits and pieces that had remained from yesterday.
At this point, Owen interrupted them both. Tosh didn't know whether to feel grateful or to wonder if he purposefully had the worst timing ever. "You got Tea Boy home alright then?"
Tosh bit back a laugh as Jack's eyes widened, his eyebrows wandered up to his hairline and his mouth gaped. Owen had no such compunction as he stared at Jack a bit bleary-eyed.
"What's got into you?" he asked.
Jack looked a bit lost, as if he had wandered into a play and didn't have the lines that everyone else had. "Ianto and Tosh?" he finally got out and his incredulous tone was enough to make Tosh frown.
"Me and Tosh?" Ianto asked, coming forward with a tray of coffee. "What about us?"
Jabbing his finger between the two of them, Jack managed to convey the idea of Ianto and Tosh together in a way that was not at all innocent. Ianto rolled his eyes.
"Tosh spent the night because we'd been drinking. Get your mind out of the gutter." He handed the coffee to each of them before turning around and heading to the archives. Tosh hid her smile behind her mug. Whatever confessions had been uttered in the wee hours, whatever Ianto had decided existed between him and Jack, he clearly wasn't letting anyone bother him. Jack frowned silently, first at Ianto's back, then at Tosh. He opened his mouth as if to say something, before closing it again, clearly unhappy despite Ianto's assurances. He had his arms clasped around his chest – his Captain's pose, as Tosh privately referred to it – and looked as if he had lost something precious to him. Why he seemed so upset at the thought that Tosh had spent the night with Ianto, she didn't understand. As far as she knew, whatever he and Ianto had wasn't enough to warrant jealousy or anger. After several moments of tense silence, he decided to retreat to his office; Tosh wondered if she should worry about what he might do to her before realizing Ianto would protect her. He was good like that.
"Sorry, Tosh," Owen murmured as he headed down to autopsy. "I didn't think Jack would take it so seriously."
She shrugged. "Not your fault." It wasn't; given yesterday's actions and reactions, none of them had really thought Jack might care that Tosh had spent the night at Ianto's. After all, hadn't he implied more than once that relationships in the 51st century were quite different from relationships in the now? Why should he care if Ianto and Tosh had ended up in bed together? Even if they had shagged their brains out - which they hadn't - Jack had no room to complain, not when he had all but announced his love for Gwen yesterday.
Owen still looked worried, but she figured it was more because if Ianto decided he needed to take revenge, Owen would end up on decaf. Again.
"Don't worry, Owen," she insisted and turned back to her program.
All day, Tosh intercepted Jack's looks. He eyed Ianto as the other man went about his duties, as if he didn't know what to expect. Speculative looks for her, that she answered with an upraised brow that turned him away.
"Who do you think is going to break first?" Owen whispered to her. She shrugged but placed her money on Jack. "Really?" Owen asked.
"Yep," Tosh replied firmly. "Ianto won't bring their um… well you know," she flushed, not really knowing what to call whatever Jack and Ianto had, especially since she didn't think Ianto knew what to call it. Owen just nodded impatiently, flapping his hand for her to get on with it. "Not at work. It's personal, and he's too professional."
Owen looked at her with a skeptical eye. "Because shagging the boss is so professional," he sneered.
She shrugged. "He's only the boss during working hours." She wouldn't betray Ianto's confidences, even if everyone knows what Jack and Ianto get up to when everyone else had gone home.
She was proven right; by the end of the afternoon, they hadn't had any Rift alerts and Jack sent them home early; conveniently, Ianto was in the archives at the time. Gwen hurried out, eager to get home to Rhys; Owen grumbled as he handed over her winnings and followed Tosh out.
Later that night, as she sipped a glass of wine and tried to get into the latest best seller, she wished she had the courage to confront Jack and demand he stop playing games. She had once vowed to do just that, after she had deleted that CCTV footage of Jack and Gwen when he had first returned. But she wasn't brave, not really. Over four years since Jack had rescued her from her prison cell, but she still couldn't shake the idea that if she angered Jack, he would send her right back. He wouldn't - she knew that as much as she knew Ianto made the best coffee in all of Britain.
"Join me for a drink?" Tosh asked as she shrugged her coat on and grabbed her purse.
"Can't," Ianto replied, and his cheeks looked a little flushed. She raised an eyebrow in question. "Jack's taking me to that French restaurant," he finally responded.
She smiled, "Oh ho! I see…" she teased.
"It's nothing like that, Tosh," he insisted, his hands arranging and re-arranging the files he had collected. "You know we're nothing like that."
She laid a hand on his shoulder, "It's still nice."
He shrugged in reply.
Ianto took her home the night Owen died - and then came back. He took her home and drew her a bath and made her tea and fed her some soup and held her as she sobbed into his shoulder.
"He finally said yes," she whispered, her voice husky from the sobs she had kept inside until she had reached the safety of her flat. Ianto's arms tightened around her and she felt him press a kiss to her forehead. "He finally said yes and everything fell apart. You were right, Ianto. There's nothing for us, but Torchwood."
"That's not true, Tosh…" he murmured half-heartedly, and held and rocked her. He sat vigil with her for a man who wasn't precisely dead anymore but wasn't alive either.
"Fucking Jack," she mouthed as she descended into sleep, emotionally exhausted and certain that no matter what others might say, the morning wouldn't look better.
Life went on, even with Owen as the walking dead. Martha returned to UNIT and Owen took up his doctoring duties with only a small hiccup. Work at Torchwood never stopped, not really and she threw herself into her special projects, hoping to drown out her disappointment at finally touching what she wanted only to have it taken from her abruptly.
At least Ianto looked happy, though his eyes no longer shone with love like they had once done. Whatever he had with Jack seemed to satisfy him and Tosh was happy that at least one of them had regular sex.
"Odds on Gwen's wedding going off without a hitch?" Ianto asked as he handed her a cup of coffee. She snorted, looked at him over her glasses.
"She's part of Torchwood. It'll take a miracle," she told him.
"So, should I put you down for 'disaster but saved by miracle'?" Ianto asked, whipping out a little notebook and pen as if to record it.
"Is that why Jack won't let us go?" she asked.
Ianto stiffened and then shrugged, a bland smile pasted to his lips. "Don't know. He hasn't said." Tosh's eyes darkened with sympathy and she placed a comforting hand to his arm. He looked at her, sadness in his eyes that she wanted to banish. "Well, at any rate, I should go and collect Owen's predictions. Wouldn't want him to complain that we don't include him now that he's a zombie. He's apt to demand special rights and all."
She smiled softly and watched as he made his way towards Owen. She turned her head and caught Jack staring impassively at her, arms folded against his chest, before his eyes flicked towards Ianto. She wondered what he thought.
More than that, she wondered why he didn't simply speak to Ianto.
"Come back to mine?" Ianto quietly asked as they loaded the last of the equipment back into the SUV after Gwen's wedding. Tosh took one look at his strained face and nodded her acquiescence.
"Of course. We can order some takeaway and veg out and watch a movie."
He only nodded, face impassive as ever and her heart ached. He had so much courage, only to be brought short by Jack's indifference.
From past experience, Tosh knew Ianto made a very excellent g&t. This proved true tonight as well. They settled onto his couch to watch one of the more recent blockbusters, snacks and g&ts at hand, an afghan thrown across their laps.
To her surprise, Ianto remained silent, just steadily sipping his g&ts and replenishing as they went. She hoped he had snagged some of the sober-up pills. Ianto seemed determined to drink as much as possible, not that she could blame him. After the movie was over and done and after she helped him clean up their mess and after they had both taken the magic sober-up pills, they crawled into his bed. She wouldn't leave him, not tonight, not when he needed her.
He had done much the same for her in the past, when she had cried over Mary and Owen and even Tommy - though not the same night as Tommy's return to the past. She hadn't wanted it, needing to work through some things on her own first.
"It's not as if I didn't know," he abruptly said. "I mean… he's made it a bit obvious, hasn't he? But it was her wedding." And he sounded half-scandalized, which, given the degree of propriety Ianto kept around himself, he might very well have been. She didn't know how to respond to him and really, he probably just needed to tell someone.
He remained silent after that, and she thought maybe he had drifted into sleep. "Owen danced with you," he said, just as she was about to fall asleep.
She smiled bitterly into the dark room. "Guess now that he's dead, he doesn't have to worry about me wanting forever."
"Owen's a prat." She laughed a watery laugh.
"Yeah, he is," she conceded. His arms tightened around her.
"He didn't deserve the fate Jack gave him," he whispered.
"I know. Owen wasn't made for this death he's in. He loved drinking and shagging and food. Now, he can't even enjoy that."
"Hmm…" Ianto hummed. "He's still a miserable git though." He stayed silent for a little longer, before adding, almost reluctantly, as if he didn't quite believe it but knew it was true, "And Jack only did it because he loves Owen. He loves us all really. That's why he holds onto us so tightly. Though, I… think if he had known what would happen to Owen, he wouldn't have used it." He hugged her closer to his side.
"I hate that he is as he is now. Not because of… you know," and she gestured with her hand, waving at the air. "Because now, it's almost worse. He's not alive and he can't go out and enjoy life like he used to. Owen was all about drinking and shagging and flirting - all those things he used to do. It's like he's not Owen anymore."
Ianto didn't say anything but his fingers rubbed soothing circles along her side.
"Don't you think it's odd that none of us ever talk to each other?" she asked a bit later.
"And what do you call this?" Ianto asked, amusement coloring his voice.
"Well, not us," she agreed, though that had only happened accidentally and not purposefully. "But everyone else. I mean, I didn't really talk to Owen until it was too late. And you and Jack don't talk at all. Jack and Gwen clearly haven't spoken to each other, and I know Owen and Gwen never did. It's not healthy."
"It's Torchwood," Ianto replied. "Nothing about Torchwood is exactly healthy."
"Do you think it's something about Torchwood? That none of us can have normal relationships?" she asked.
"We managed in London," he replied, that quiet tone he always got when he spoke of One taking over his voice. "God, Tosh. Sometimes, I think you would have loved it there. There was so much there, so much to do and study and research. It was like a regular office though, with the office pool for sports teams, the rugby leagues, and the gossip on who took whom into broom cupboards. It was all light and air. Nothing like the Hub."
"Only sometimes, huh?" she teased.
"Well, the other times I think you would hate it. Too regimented, too… concerned with their own goal and not necessarily knowledge for knowledge sake."
"Are we really that different from One?" she asked. Ianto rarely spoke about his time at Canary Wharf.
"Jack thinks so."
She supposed that answered her question well enough.
Of the top ten ways Tosh enjoyed waking up, someone banging on the door in the middle of the night did not even come near to topping it. She groaned as Ianto grumbled, throwing a robe around his body and stumbled to the door. She dragged the covers back over her head and wondered just who had the temerity to bother Ianto this late.
Naturally, the voice identified him even as her brain figured it out - only Jack would think he was welcome at any time of the day.
"Ianto? Did I wake you?" Jack flirtatiously asked.
"Yes. What do you want, Jack?" Tosh wondered if Jack had heard the hint of ice and steel in Ianto's voice.
"I was just, um… thinking and I wanted to see you." He sounded less confident now.
"At… three thirty in the morning?" Tosh winced at Ianto's displeasure. She also wondered if Ianto knew just how thin the walls in his flat were. Wondered if Jack wasn't used to Ianto not welcoming him.
"I, uh… I didn't realize it was so late."
She heard some shuffling and then some clinking and assumed Ianto had gone to the kitchen. She didn't know if she should advertise her presence, or stay hidden. She didn't know how Jack would take her being here. She and Ianto had never really advertised their habit of sleeping over the other's flats, although both Gwen and Owen had discovered it while Jack was away. And given that he and Ianto didn't talk to one another, she didn't think he actually knew about them.
"Ianto?" Jack began.
"Shh!" Ianto hissed. "Tosh is sleeping."
"Wait, Tosh? But - " and then Ianto closed the door to his bedroom and their voices became muffled. It didn't stop her from overhearing some of it.
"…you're not intruding… she's a friend."
" -n't want you to get… -ng -pression."
"What?"
"Just… -dings… -ot Gwen."
She blushed a bit and hoped that sleep would return soon. She really didn't feel comfortable overhearing even a portion of their conversation.
Besides, Ianto would tell her what he thought she should know soon enough.
With that thought, she snuggled back down into the bed and did her best to let the lull of the voices put her to sleep.
It felt oddly domestic to share breakfast the next day with Jack and Ianto. While she should have felt as if she was intruding, she instead felt a sense of rightness, something that made no sense to her. She and Ianto had grown closer in the last year, even more so when Jack had left. They relied on each other in a way they couldn't with their other colleagues. She didn't think it an exaggeration that she knew Ianto better than anyone else - and he her.
"Morning, Tosh. Sorry if I woke you yesterday," Jack apologized. In contrast to her, he seemed uncomfortable with having her join them. She wondered what he and Ianto had actually said to each other.
"Good morning, Jack, Ianto. I fell back asleep soon afterwards."
Ianto seemed content to remain silent about the wedding, and Tosh's presence in his flat, and Jack's sudden arrival. They took their cue from him and the breakfast conversation remained light and banal. She shook her head at their obstinate natures. Of course, that didn't explain why she didn't push.
She could, she knew that, and Ianto and maybe even Jack wouldn't hate her for it. But she didn't, because she wasn't sure of her place. Ianto confided in her and she in him, but Jack… Jack remained on the outside of it all and she didn't know if she wanted to add him into the complicated circle she and Ianto maintained.
Didn't know if Ianto would want that. And when it came down to it, when half their conversations included trying to figure out who Jack was and what he wanted from life and Ianto and Torchwood - all of that meant she would take her cues from Ianto.
"What? You all have an orgy last night and didn't think to invite me?" Owen griped when he saw all three of them enter the Hub together.
"Like it really matters if we did, Owen. Not like you could get much from it," Ianto snapped back.
"Yeah, yeah. Abuse the zombie, why don't you," Owen snarked right back.
"Don't worry, Owen. I promise to send you pictures if we ever do," Tosh smirked. He snorted in reply.
"Promises, promises," he taunted.
"Hey!" Jack interrupted, "I thought I paid you to work, not gossip."
"Yeah, yeah, don't get your panties in a twist. Thought that was Ianto's job," Owen sounded completely unrepentant.
"Owen!" Jack barked out. "That's enough." Satisfied that he had made his point, he took the stairs to his office in twos. "Coffee, when you get a chance, Ianto," he called over his shoulder at the door to his office.
The remaining three members of Torchwood just looked at each other. "What the fuck?" Owen asked.
Ianto shrugged. "No idea. I'll have a chat with him," he said. As he left to make the coffee, Tosh heard him say, 'again.' Maybe Jack's behavior had something to do with last night?
"Toshiko! Can I talk to you?" Jack asked later that day from the top of the stairs.
"Sure, Jack," she said, not really having an excuse to avoid him. Whatever he and Ianto had spoken about, up in his office that morning, clearly hadn't assuaged his temper.
"Good luck," Owen muttered as he watched her head towards where Jack waited.
"Thanks," she told him with a smile. Ianto, she noticed, wasn't anywhere nearby. Probably why Jack had opted to talk to her now rather than later or earlier.
"Take a seat," Jack offered. He sat back in his chair, fingers steepled before his mouth. She smiled at him as she did, wondering what he had to say. Once, she would have feared that he would send her back to prison. Recently, she had come to realize that Jack would do anything to keep his team with him. He wasn't likely to kill her just because he had some crazy ideas about her and Ianto.
At least, she hoped so. Then she saw that he didn't return her smile.
"So… you and Ianto?" he asked. He left the question open, glaring at Tosh like she had some kind of confession to make.
"We're friends, Jack. Nothing more," she tried to assure him.
He frowned, "Doesn't look like it."
She sighed. Honestly! Why did no one actually talk to one another. "Have you actually talked to Ianto about this?"
Shifting, he broke her gaze and flushed. Not a look she had ever thought to see on the face of Jack Harkness. "I… he said you guys watched a movie and drank."
"Exactly. And he has only the one bed. So we sleep in the same bed. Nothing happens, though."
He sighed. "I know," he whispered. Something in his face that had been hard and bordering on angry was suddenly not. Jack just looked lost. "It's just… I feel like it's all falling apart. What we have…"
She hadn't wanted to get involved in what they had, but Jack's misery forced her hand. "Look, Ianto will kill me for this. You two need to talk. Really talk. Stop dancing around this, Jack. Tell him what you want."
"Do you really think he wants that?" he asked, sounding equal parts miserable and hopeful.
"Yes!" Tosh exclaimed. She just wanted the tension between the two of them to go away, for someone at Torchwood to have a happy ending.
"Thanks, Tosh," Ianto told her a few days later. She looked up from the salad she was eating and smiled.
"For anything in particular?" she asked.
He smiled, his eyes shining as they had all those months ago, when Jack had first come back and asked him for a date. "For making Jack talk to me. He… cleared up a lot of things."
"I'm glad," she said, reaching over and clasping his hand with hers. "So…?" her eyebrows arched in question.
"So…" he teased, throwing up hands in mock horror when she threatened to hit him. He smirked, "It's… good." Rubbing the back of his neck, he blew out a breath. "I mean, I don't know where this is going, obviously. We're Torchwood and plans don't always go as we want. We're taking things one day at a time. See where we get."
"Is that what you want?"
He turned suddenly somber eyes towards her. "I once gambled everything on love. My future, my present. Even before Canary Wharf, I was completely convinced Lisa and I could have a normal go at it. That working for Torchwood wouldn't prevent that. But it's Torchwood, you know? Even if One was so different from here, it was still dangerous. Yeah, we had more people, and it looked more like an office building than anything else, but God knows what we actually housed there. Even with safety precautions, Torchwood researchers rarely lived to pension age." He glanced down at the table before meeting her gaze once more. "Jack's trying to make sure that Gwen has what she wants. He won't tell me, but I'm pretty sure he knows something about the future and us. I think that's why he's so lenient with her, and why he brought Owen back. I don't kid myself, though. I don't know what the future brings, and I don't know what my place in it is. I'm happy to take and get what I can. So yeah, I'm more than happy to take it one day at a time. I think if I don't, I'm just asking for a disaster."
Tosh leaned back in her chair, fiddling with her fork. "I guess I never really thought of it like that."
"It's kind of hard not to, when you're one of twenty seven survivors from a building where over eight hundred worked."
She winced at the reminder of Canary Wharf. "That would change my perspective."
He shrugged, "Be glad you weren't there, Tosh. It… wasn't pretty."
A comfortable silence descended again and Tosh went back to her salad. "So… he taking you anywhere nice?" she asked, a teasing smile on her lips.
"That French place again," Ianto admitted. Flushing, he continued, "He, um… likes spoiling me."
"Well, you deserve it."
"Yeah, I guess I do," he agreed softly. "So, I was thinking… Thursday night for drinks and a movie? I've got the latest MST3K DVD. Should be fun."
She looked up in surprise. "Really? I thought you and Jack…" she trailed off, a bit embarrassed by her assumption.
Ianto frowned a bit, reaching over to grab her hand in his. "Just because Jack and I are… I guess dating is as good a word as any, doesn't mean I'm not going to want to spend time with you. You're my friend, Tosh. Nothing is changing that."
"I guess I'm being a bit silly," she smiled. "Alright, sounds like a plan. Lets hope the Rift cooperates."
/fin