Disclaimer: I own nothing of the BtVS 'verse, which regrettably belongs to Joss Whedon(sp?).
Only in Sunnydale.
Only on the Hellmouth.
Only to Xander.
"The gods hate me, I know it. Aphrodite obviously has it in for me, and Cupid's arrows have been dipped in poison, I'll bet you a Twinkie. Sucker bet, huh? Yeah, that's what I thought." Xander's inner monologue ended as he thought of the events of the previous night.
It all started as a normal day on the Hellmouth: violence, death, destruction, blood, gore, and Slaying. There was a new vamp in town that could hypnotize people, like Dracula, only without the eating of bugs. So, Buffy went after it, Willow and Xander trailing behind with the popcorn and peanuts. The fight had barely begun when a girl appeared out of nowhere, dressed in black Kevlar and spandex, with a bat emblem on her rather, ahem, ample chest.
The bat-chick proceeded to totally kick the vamp's butt with more style than Cordelia's most expensive pair of shoes. Besides the butt-kickage, she doesn't make a single sound, which, if Xander wasn't so busy watching the bat symbol bouncing around on her chest, would probably have bothered him( 'cause, hey! You gotta have quips and taunts with the slaying!). The vamp didn't last a minute against all the cool gadgets the bat-chick was using, and quickly added to the dusty look in the graveyard.
Buffy stepped up to ask the mysterious girl what "the frilly heck" was going on. The Bat-chick just turned to look at her, cocked her head and looked at the Slayer. Her eyes traveled over Willow and Xander, and stopped on the teenage boy's face. He grinned goofily and wiggled his fingers in her direction, then decided to smoothly approach and even smoother ask her name. It couldn't hurt, yeah?
"So, I'm Xander," he said, the very epitome of suaveness. "I like meeting hot girls in graveyards. Do you hang out here much?"
It wasn't until he registered the incredulous stares from all three girls that Xander mentally reviewed what he'd just said, and then winced. Ok, so, not his best first impression. The teenager immediately tried to fix it, and, of course, stuck his foot in his mouth.
"I mean, ah, are you new around town? We don't see many people hangin' around the old cemetery, ah, except us, but we're kinda weird that way…not to say that you being here makes you weird, except that it kinda does…Ok, I'll shut up now."
"Good idea," Buffy told him, grinning slightly. Xander gulped in a deep, nervous breath. Gods, he was such a klutz.
The bat-chick was staring at him like he was nuts, and Xander swallowed heavily. The outfit she was wearing was kinda creepy, and she had this whole creature-of-the-night vibe going for her. He was starting to remember his track record with women, and obviously Buffy was too.
"Ok, first, who are you, and, second, where did you get that outfit? It's pretty hip, although I dunno about the bat thing you have going. Bats…yech. Not of the good."
Bat-chick turned to glare at Buffy, then turned back to Xander. "Am not weird," she rasped in broken English. "Thanks for you say 'hot'. Want date?"
Xander's jaw dropped, and by the time his brain had kicked in, so had Buffy. Knowing as they did that only demons and Cordelia expressed romantic interest in the self-proclaimed 'demon-magnet', the Slayer launched herself at the Bat-chick with every intention of slaying her. Unfortunately for Buffy, and even more for Xander, Bat-girl leapt lightly out of the way, leaving Buffy's fist to continue right into the hapless boy's face. At that point, everything went black.
When Xander woke up, he found a bag of ice on his face and a piece of paper with a phone number on it clutched tightly in his hand. Bat-chick had evidently been nice enough to leave it for the teenage boy while avoiding Buffy's kicks and punches. Xander stared at it with his single useable eye for a long minute, seeing again the tight black outfit. Regretfully, he shook his head as he throw the paper away. Demon-bat-girl probably just wanted him for food anyway. Too bad she wasn't human.
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"Barbara! Are you the one who's been coaching Cassandra in getting a boyfriend?"
"Yeah, I have. What about it?"
"She gave the mansion phone number to a boy!"
"What?! Really? That's great! What's wrong with that?"
"She gave it to a boy in Sunnydale, on the west coast, while she was in uniform. She and Batman went over there to get Joker and Harley back into Arkham."
"Oh. Crap. Well…Was the boy cute?"
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AN: OK, so this is a ficlet, although I have had many people clamoring for a continuation. Sorry, people, but that's not going to happen. However, if anyone would like to grab this idea and run with it, I am more than happy to share. Just send me a note saying you want it, and it's yours. Sharing is caring, and all that rot. If not, well, R and R!