Will never own Glee or CMT's Can You Duet? Very disheartened to find out Lea Michele will not be returning after the third season. Uncredited song is Reba McEntire/Linda Davis "Does He Love You".
**Decided to not be too lazy to fix the alphabetical issue.
Mr. Schuester walked into the choir room with a spring in his step and a grin spread across his face. He'd been up all night looking for inspiration for a fresh, new assignment for the Glee Club and found it on CMT during a Can You Duet? marathon, "Are you ready for this guys? You can duet!" He said it loudly with a badly faked Spanish accent. You would think, Spanish teacher equals great Spanish accent…not so much. The teens all stared at him, only responding with furrowed brows and the chirping of crickets, "Get it? It's a play on words, you can do it, you can du-et!"
Santana, who was not amused, answered for the group, "Yeah, we get it Mr. Schue."
"Is it his time of the month already?" Mike asked Artie, who already had his date book out, thumbing through it.
"It's a week early." Artie answered.
Will's smile began to falter at their lack of excitement as Santana continued, "Are duets going to become, like, a weekly thing? Isn't there some sort of message board for show choir directors, with nothing better to do with their free time, because they can't find anyone, and I stress, anyone, to have sex with them, that you can go to for new ideas?"
"We don't do duets that often guys." His statement was met with disbelieving glares from every student in the room, "Well, this time, we're doing things differently. I'm assigning your partners."
"Wooo." Was the sarcastic cheer from Kurt as he halfheartedly waved his hands through the air.
Mercedes crossed her arms over her chest, "Big Surprise."
Santana continued to speak her mind, "Let me guess, and stop me if I'm wrong. We'll start with the most obvious first, Kurt and Puck, Rachel and Lauren, Finn and Mercedes…"
"Don't get any ideas Cassanova." Sam threatened the taller boy, securing his arm around Mercedes' shoulders, "We all know how you like to steal girlfriends." Finn looked around confused.
The more couples Santana listed, the more thought she put into the pairings, "Me and Artie, Tina and Blaine, Sam and Brittany, Quinn and Mike."
Schue's face fell and he cleared his throat, crumpling up his paper full of names and tossing it in the trash, "Yeah."
"How did you know?" Tina asked.
"The first three couples," She started but was interrupted.
"Can we not call us couples?" Puck asked then addressed Kurt, "No offense but, if I'm going to be coupled with any gay dude in here, you'd be my second choice."
Kurt rolled his eyes as Blaine leaned back and smiled up at Puck, blushing slightly, "I'm flattered." Without looking at his boyfriend, Kurt grabbed his face and roughly turned it back toward the front of the room. He'd worked too long and too hard to get Blaine. He wasn't going to allow Noah Puckerman to go through a bi-curious phase and steal him away. For anyone who thought it impossible for Puck to ever switch teams, Kurt would ask, "Have you never found yourself lost in the depths of Blaine's eyes? He could make a nun leave her faith then, upon finding out he's gay, go under the knife for an immediate and complete sex change."
"As I was saying, the first three couples," She put an emphasis on the word, "are put together by how different they are from each other. The rest of us are what was left and paired up by how random he thought it would be."
"Right." Mr. Schuester was almost ashamed of his predictability. He had an idea and shot his head up, "Actually, line up in alphabetical order."
"By first name or last?" Sam questioned.
"First."
Puck leaned toward Rachel and mumbled, "Probably because he doesn't know any of our last names." He earned a smack in the arm but a smile to go along with it from the future mother of his super hot, incredibly talented, seven Jewish kids. What? He was doing the world a service by contributing so many badass off-spring to an otherwise punk ass gene pool. Besides, they could totally get their own show on the Disney Channel based loosely around the seven dwarves. Rachel could be Snow White and he'd be whoever the hell it was that got to bang Snow White on the regular. That'd be so cool. He smiled at the thought then dropped it once he realized Quinn would be positioned between him and Rachel, thus keeping them from being partners. Bitch was always getting in the way. Fortunately, Schue also heard his remark and approached the group.
"Artie Abrams," He glared at Puck and pointed to the spot already in front of Artie then continued, calling names and pointing to their new positions. Puck exhaled in relief, glad to be free of Quinn, just before having a moment of complete and utter panic. He did a mental alphabetical list several times, hoping each time it would end differently, as the teacher continued, "Blaine Anderson, Rachel Berry, Mike Chang, Tina Cohen-Chang," He said 'Cohen' louder, displaying the fact that he knew her full name, "Sam Evans, Quinn Fabrey, Finn Hudson," Quinn looked up at Finn and groaned in disappointment, knowing they were going to be partners. Shit, shit, shit! This was not going to end well for Puck, "Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, Noah Puckerman, and…" He slumped his shoulders in defeat, "Lauren Zizes." Great, if it wasn't one ex-girlfriend, it was another and Quinn would have been the preferred partner since Lauren was still pissed at him, vowing to make his life a living hell, after he told her he'd lost that loving feeling. The fact that their breakup coincided with Rachel kicking Finn to the curb had absolutely, almost, nothing to do with it. He smiled awkwardly at her and offered a head nod, earning a glare and the sliding of her finger across her throat, "The last detail…" The teacher was back to smiling.
"Do a song that's outside of your comfort zone." Santana spoke up again, causing Will's smile to disappear once more.
Thinking quickly, he changed his rules, "No, actually, sing whatever you want. No limitations and no censorship. Winner gets…"
This time, his sentence was unenthusiastically completed by the entire club, "Dinner at Breadstix." Was he really that bad? How's this for predictable, "No. The winners will get to choose one of the songs we perform for sectionals next month." He immediately regretted the words but, with the looks on their faces, decided it was worth it, "We'll start with Artie and Blaine on Wednesday, going in order. Puck and Lauren will perform last." He stared at Puck, "And I like a big finish so, don't let me down."
After they were dismissed for the day, Rachel and Puck left the room together. Giving her a ride to and from school had become a daily thing for them. They weren't dating, even though Puck asked Rachel out once a week, after waiting a respectable amount of time from their respective break ups, and she turned him down each time. They showed up to group outings together, his arm usually over her shoulders or her arm linked through his. They always sat next to each other on said outings, at lunch, in classes, and during Glee Club, sharing whispered words and soft laughter, and yet, he asked routinely and she said no every time. It was almost a weird, super long, game of foreplay between the two of them. It's not like she ever told him to stop asking and he never grew frustrated with her constant shutting him down.
A hush always falls over the choir room every Monday afternoon when Rachel walks in, hands clasped innocently behind her back, fighting an expectant smile. Puck, already seated, smirks, stands, and saunters toward her where they meet right in front of the piano. They stand chest to chest, her head tilted up toward his and his head lowered considerably to hers, barely an inch between their lips, their eyes almost closed but open wide enough for everyone to see that both of their gazes alternate between each others eyes and lips.
"Rachel." It was always a whisper.
She would smile sweetly and act like she didn't know what was coming next, "Yes Noah?"
He inhaled through his mouth, as if he was afraid breathing her air was the closest he would ever get to tasting her again. Yeah, it was weird but, he was ass over heart in love with Rachel Berry, so it wasn't exactly the weirdest thing going on in his life, "Would you like to go out with me this weekend?"
And here is where she would always raise up just the slightest bit more, bringing her mouth within centimeters of his, tilting her head ever so slightly, like she was about to do the club a favor and put an end to all their sexual tension. They all sat on the edge of their seats, holding their collective breath, hoping her answer would be different this time. She spoke the word quietly with a soft smile, "No." Then lightly bumped his nose with the tip of hers and eased back, leaving him standing in the middle of the room while she went to her seat, still next to his, in the back row. After taking a moment to collect himself, Puck would take his seat, putting his arm possessively across the back of her chair while she leaned ever so slightly toward him, as if she hadn't just rejected him in front of everyone.
The Glee Clubbers weren't stupid…ok, most of the Glee Clubbers weren't stupid. They watched Rachel and Puck, since most of them…none of them, had anything better to do with their time. They all…fine, all but Finn…geez, get off my back, agreed they totally wanted each other despite the embarrassingly constant rejections. Something had to change soon because, even though they were on borderline of togetherness, they still had shouting matches that would always end in them breathing heavily and undressing one another with their eyes. Then, instead of releasing the angry energy in a horizontal fashion, Rachel would take it out on the others, making practices significantly more intense, while Puck would temporarily revert back to his bullying days. Fortunately, he'd only lash out at his designated dummy, Jacob Ben Israel. Sure, the fighting was kind of a turn on for most spectators but, it was like constantly watching Sam and Diane, Mal and Inara, Tony and Ziva, Bert and Ernie…that one was Brittany's suggestion and no one could really argue with her over it with Santana standing directly behind her, sliding on a pair of brass knuckles, urging them to agree. You like to see the tension but, sometimes, you just want them to get together already. While the club was icing sore joints and muscles, and Jacob was in a dumpster, or upside down in a toilet, and maybe, once, in Principal Figgins' filing cabinet with a 'Creep' marked file folder tab stuck to his forehead, the two were back to being besties, strolling the halls, joined at the hip.
Santana still didn't particularly care for Rachel but Puck was the closest thing she had to a real friend besides Brittany. She wanted him to have what she had and, for whatever reason she'd never understand, in a million years, and even after that, it would still baffle her, Puck wanted to have it with Rachel Berry. It sort of made sense in the bad boy, perfect girl, typical love story, kind of way but, shit like that never happens in real life. If it did, perfect girl would fall for bad boy, he'd swear to love her forever, then she'd find him slamming into her best friend a few weeks later in her pink canopy princess bed. But, since Berry's best, and probably only, friend was Kurt, things might actually work out for them. No way would Puck tap Kurt's ass, Blaine on the other hand, maybe. I mean, dude has the eyes and voice of a friggin' angel.
On Wednesday, Artie and Blaine worked the room during their rendition of Method Man and Mary J. Blige's "You're All I Need To Get By". Like Schue said, "No limitations and no censorship." Artie rolled his chair up to Quinn and rapped effortlessly while she smiled and swayed in her seat. The two had been dating since the end of their junior year when she decided she didn't want someone to boost her popularity, she wanted someone who would love and respect her…and not break up with her for Rachel Berry…numerous times. When she cried on Artie's strategically placed shoulder after her break up with Finn and complained about Rachel, he replied, "I don't know what the big deal is about her. She's only pretty if you squint your eyes really hard. Besides, your hips are way slimmer than hers." She launched herself into his arms and they had been, happily, together ever since.
They were followed by Rachel and Mike. While everyone was expecting some over emotional, straight from Broadway number, because, let's be honest, Mike (and everyone else, for that matter) is terrified of Rachel and would do anything she told him to do, they were surprised to hear "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf and Ellen Foley. It was a long performance but enjoyed by the whole group. When she sang directly to Puck, "Stop right there! I gotta know right now! Before we go any further…Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away and will you make me your wife? Do you love me?" Ooooooh. Things kind of made sense now. She's waiting for him to declare his undying love for her. Chick is crazy, but blunt. It was then that Santana started to wonder if maybe she and Rachel didn't have more in common than she thought.
On Friday, for the second day of performances, everyone reported to the gym and spread out on the bleachers for Sam and Tina's song selection. Puck sat one row behind Rachel as she leaned back between his knees. He bent down, bringing his chest directly behind her, his chin on her head, arms on his knees, encasing her. If he had a problem with her telling him he had to profess his love to her, or drop down on one knee with a ring, he wasn't letting it show. No one was disappointed when Sam and Tina came in on roller skates, her idea entirely, recreating "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off" from the Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers classic Shall We Dance, complete with a fall, at the finale, onto a wrestling mat.
The group traveled back to the choir room, Rachel's arm linked through Puck's the whole way, and took their seats for Quinn and Finn's performance. The pair had difficulty choosing a song considering Quinn still wasn't, technically, talking to Finn and all they could find was love songs. Since Finn wronged Quinn in every way imaginable, as she explained, she would pick something and he wouldn't argue over her selection. Knowing he hurt her, several times, he felt it was the least he could do. Which is why he found himself, in front of their friends and numerous cell phone cameras, belting out, "Does he love you, like he loves me? Does he think of you, when he's holding me? And does he whisper all of his fantasies? Does he love you, like he's been loving me?" It was a song about a guy who went back and forth between two women and he got the message, learned a lesson, and apologized profusely to her just after they started rehearsing it.
The final duet for the day was from Kurt and Mercedes who sang Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer's "Enough Is Enough". Five minutes into the version that had a normal playtime of over eleven minutes, Mike fell asleep with his head on Tina's shoulder, while she fought to keep her eyes open, Lauren got up and left, Artie was staring at the floor, rolling back and forth in his chair, Quinn had taken to doing Brittany's makeup while Santana started work on her hair, Finn was counting ceiling tiles, but would always get stuck at "…sixteen, seventeen, eighteen…I'll be eighteen soon. Then I can get into R-rated movies and buy cigarettes. I'll never smoke them but I'll totally rub it in the faces of kids not old enough to buy cigarettes but want to. Oh! I'll be able to get into strip clubs! My uncle Dan told me there was one over on Maple Street that had a stripper with an eye patch. I have to see that. Wait, what was I doing before? Oh yeah…one, two, three…"
Puck had managed to distract Rachel with thumb wrestling. He started out by simply grabbing her hand and grazing his thumb lightly over hers, knowing "One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war," wasn't going to work in convincing her. Touching was touching and, if thumb was the only variety of wrestling he could get out of her, he'd take it…for now. He would occasionally spin circles around her thumb with his until he started lightly pinning it down, thinking about the other ways he'd like to pin her down. The light pins got harder until she started ripping her thumb out from under his and maneuvering to avoid another pinch. The only thing she could do to defend herself was to try to pin his thumb down. It turned into an all out war that escalated to full body movement, stifled laughter, and her free hand on his knee.
The only ones still paying attention to the pair were Sam and Blaine, and that was only due to the boyfriend obligation factor. They plastered on fake, encouraging smiles for the entire performance and didn't look away once. When it was finally over, Blaine smacked Sam's arm to break him from whatever happy place he had spent the past eleven minutes in and the boys stood and clapped enthusiastically. Their clapping brought everyone else out of their other activities, Mike wiped his drool from Tina's shoulder, Puck and Rachel looked up, but didn't release each other's hands and Brittany, who now looked like she was either ready for a set of Glamour Shots or to be a competitor on Toddlers and Tiaras, turned to Santana and asked, "Am I pretty?"
"No Britt. You're beautiful." The blonde smiled in appreciation at the compliment.
Mr. Schuester finally stood, "Thank you Mercedes and Kurt. That was…" Instead of trying to find a word to describe what the group had just sat through, while Kurt and Mercedes waited excitedly for praise, he changed the subject and their smiles dropped, "I'll see everyone back here on Monday for our final performances. Let's see if we can't…top…that."
When they were finally allowed to leave, Puck kept his hold on Rachel's hand, picked up her bag with his other and walked her out of the room, pulling the pink rolling book bag behind them. Once in the parking lot, always the gentleman, he assisted her into his truck and snuck a peek up her skirt. You know, the same thing he did every time he helped her into (and out of) the vehicle. When he purposely touched her ass, almost every time, she would pretend she thought it was an accident. He would apologize and she'd respond, "Nothing to be sorry for Noah. You were simply trying to help. You never have to apologize for being courteous."
Then he would pretend he didn't know she was pretending and always reply with a knowing smile, "I'll make sure it never happens again."
Her answer was also predictable, "Perfectly understandable if it does. Accidents happen."
On Monday, Rachel walked into the room, expecting to see Puck but was disappointed when he wasn't in his seat waiting for her. They did have a standing date, after all. The group, who was also curious as to Puck's whereabouts, watched as Rachel's shoulder slumped in disappointment and her brow furrowed in confusion. She stood in front of the piano and waited for a moment, staring at the door, until she reluctantly walked to her seat. Mr. Schuester walked in followed shortly by Puck. He took his seat next to Rachel but didn't offer any explanation for his tardiness or take a moment to quickly ask her out in order to keep with the tradition. Even Will, who knew about the weekly event, stared at Puck, waiting for him to say something to the small brunette. When he didn't, the teacher began class, "I guess we'll get started…" He looked at Puck, one last time, expectantly but received no reaction, "Santana and Brittany, you're up."
As the girls sang Aretha Franklin and Annie Lenox's "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves", Sam leaned toward Mike, "When they say they're doing IT for themselves, do you think they mean…" Mike simply nodded in response as Sam stared at the duo in awe, "Awesome." He knew the girls were together but he hadn't stopped and taken the time to appreciate all the things that came along with them being together. When he turned his head and smiled at Mercedes like a little boy on Christmas morning, who thought everyone should be as excited as he was about the discovery, he was met with a glare. His smile dropped and he spent the rest of the song staring at his hands.
When they finished, Will stepped forward, "Very empowering ladies. Nicely done. Lauren and Puck, ready?"
"Actually, Mr. Schuester, I decided that, since I can't look at Puckerman without wanting to punch him in the face, that singing a duet with him wasn't the best idea. I respectfully withdraw myself from this weeks assignment."
The teacher was hesitant, "I understand where you're coming from Lauren but-"
"But nothing."
"I just think-"
"Nope."
"Finn and Quinn-"
"Not going to happen."
"Bu-"
"No."
He could have kept going but felt it wasn't getting him anywhere but closer to the end of rehearsal time. Instead of wasting precious minutes, he caved, "Well, alright. Hopefully, the next assignment will be more to your liking."
"Only if it involves Death Metal or Wilson Phillips." She looked around at the others who were confused by her second choice and merely shrugged, "'Hold On' changed my life." The heads slowly turned back to the front of the room.
Will looked at Puck, "I suppose that means you're blowing off the assignment as well?"
"No, actually. I picked a duet to sing by myself. I mean, I know it defeats the purpose of a duet to do it yourself. Kind of like comparing sex to jack-" he was cut off by a smack to the arm from Rachel then continued, "Anyway, I wanted to stick to the assignment."
In a move more surprising than Rachel's song selection, Puck sat down with his guitar and began to strum out a very familiar, but toned down, melody. Rachel immediately recognized it as "All I Ask Of You" from Phantom Of The Opera and gasped in disbelief, her hand coming up and resting over her heart, jaw slowly dropping. This was the moment she had been waiting for.
After the first time he asked her out and she rejected him, he showed up at her house that night wanting to know why. She told him she didn't care if it made her crazy or if it pushed him away, but she wanted a moment she could tell her kids about when they asked her the story of how she and their father started dating. Not some generic, "He asked and I said yes," disappointing story that they wouldn't feel compelled to remember and recite to her, already named, grandchildren. Maybe it was a little ridiculous on her part but, whether or not Puck was the future father of her children (and she hoped he was), she wanted him to make the moment memorable. He felt, asking her every week, in front of their friends, would work, knowing she felt the same way he did and would agree eventually. He had no idea it would take this long. Puck was close to stepping his game up and asking her daily in the cafeteria until he realized he needed to change his tactics. Little did he know, she was perfectly happy with how things were going and was totally ready to accept his offer in a few more weeks. But this…she was not prepared for and was already mentally rewriting the story of her courtship with Noah to their unborn children to include, "I never thought I was one of those girls who would sleep with a boy on their first date but…"
When he played the final chord, he sat the guitar down, stood in front of the piano, then looked at her and gestured for her to join him. She stood and slowly walked, as she was still unsure of the ability of her legs to hold her up, to take her position directly in front of him, their stomachs touching, her jaw still slightly unhinged, staring up at him in awe.
He brought his hand up to rest on her cheek, a new move in their routine, "Rachel."
Had she forgotten to breath? Yes, it would appear she had. With what was left of the small amount of oxygen in her, she replied, "Yes, Noah?"
He let his other hand rest on her hip, another new move, "Would you please," he felt the need to reiterate, "please go out with me this weekend?"
She lifted up slightly, it seemed she was keeping to the script that he kept straying away from, and tilted her head. The moment dragged on until she whispered, "No," into his awaiting lips. A collective groan sounded through the room, even from Lauren who was also tired of the little dance they had been doing. Puck dropped his hands to his sides and stared up at the ceiling in frustration because he had no idea what to do at this point. What did she want from him? His question was met with a small hand on his face, guiding his head back down to hers. She raised herself up even more and allowed her lips to brush against his softly at first. But, after waiting all summer and weeks of asking, Puck wasn't going to accept some innocent peck that was put to shame by some of the action he caught when his little sister made him watch iCarly and Wizards of Waverly Place. He opened his mouth and pushed his tongue forward, to be met by hers, deepening the kiss. If either of them heard the cheers, clapping, "Finally…It's about time…", and eventual throat clearing once the excitement died down, they didn't let it show.
Not long after he pressed her up against the piano, she reluctantly pulled her lips from his, remembering where they were. She bumped her nose against his, revisiting the routine, "I'd like to go out with you tonight. If you're not busy."
"Not busy at all." He replied hastily.
"And, maybe you could sing that song for me again in private."
His eyebrows raised at the connotations, 'in private' held, "Definitely."
"Well, if you two would like to take your seats…" Before the teacher could finish, Rachel started to pull Puck out of the room, "Guys?" She stopped suddenly and Will thought she was rejoining class. Instead, she doubled back, grabbed the guitar (Puck made a mental note of how hot she looked holding it), then went straight for the door, grabbing his hand in the process, signaling to the teacher that, as far as they were concerned, practice was over. Undaunted, Will continued, "Ok guys, great job with this assignment. After we put it to a vote, we're going to talk about ballads."
The rest of the class groaned as Santana stood, "Seriously Mr. Schue, I made a list." She pulled a piece of paper from her notebook, "Check out Lonely Troubadours dot com. It's a legit message board. The last site on the list has pictures of naked people doing weird stuff to microphones and ukuleles though. Thought they might do something for you." After handing him the paper, she and Brittany exited the room, followed closely by the rest of the group. If they hurried, they could probably watch Puck and Rachel make out in the parking lot for a few minutes. If 'angry' Puck and Rachel were super hot to watch, imagine what 'publicly getting to second base' Puck and Rachel would be like.