Lucy's first year at Fairy Tail... It's nearing the anniversary of her mother's death, Lucy is getting depressed remembering her mother. And to make matters worse Natsu has been lashing out at her. What's his problem?! Will this tear Lucy and Natsu apart?
Lucy felt terrible. July... She was missing her mother dearly. She felt so lonely. She tried not to show it, tried not to push people away like she usually did. Now she had her nakama, and they were here for her. She couldn't bring herself to talk to someone about it. But even so, she only felt worse because Natsu had been avoiding her lately. He was her best friend, but he wasn't there to support and comfort her the time she needed it most. She felt incredibly alone.
Lucy sighed gloomily at a table in the guild. She was trying to immerse herself in a book, but she just kept remembering how her mother would read with her at night or in the garden on some afternoons. She would sit in her mother's lap while her mother read out to her. Mother... Mama...
Lucy squeezed her eyes shut. The guild wasn't taking her mind off of her mother. No matter what she did, she just kept drowning in grief. July... it was her most hated month of the year. She dreaded it. Her grief came tenfold and she felt like the small abandoned girl, alone in the mansion, so empty... No one wants her...
"Get the hell out of my way."
Lucy heard the dark threat before someone bumped into her. Her drink knocked over, spilling on her book. She gasped and tried to save it, but it was completely ruined. She turned in rage to find the culprit to damage her precious literature.
"Oh, sorry Lucy." Gray righted himself. She didn't particularly care who had crashed into her, more who had pushed them. She spotted a fuming pink-haired man walking away. Of course.
"Natsu! What the hell?!"
Gray put a hand up to stop her. Why was he stopping her? Better yet, why was he letting Natsu of all people push him around and not retaliate? "Don't bother Lucy. He always gets like this... Just leave him alone for now. It's better if you drop it."
"No! He ruined my book!" Lucy tore away from Gray's grasp, ignoring his warnings. This was one of her favorite books and Natsu hadn't even said sorry. She stomped up to him.
"Hey asshole I'm talking to you! You ruined my book, Natsu!"
Natsu glanced at her and then went back to his drink. That's weird- Natsu usually didn't drink alcohol except for an occasional fire whiskey on party nights. But it was the middle of the day.
"Natsu! Don't ignore me! You can't just push people and ruin their property and not say sorry at least!"
"Leave me the fuck alone for once Lucy."
Lucy recoiled as if he had slapped her. He never used such a tone with her.
"And what the hell is your problem huh?"
"Shit- I said leave me alone!"
"No! You're going to apologize to me!"
"No one gives a fuck about your dumb book, Lucy! You have plenty so go away!"
"I give a fuck, you ass! What is with you, seriously?!"
"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ALREADY."
Lucy was shocked once again. This was really unusual behavior from him. Maybe he was mad at her for something...? Had she done something earlier? Natsu slammed his empty cup down on the bar and stomped away from her. He turned around by the door and glared directly at her.
"And don't fucking come to my house either. Just leave me alone."
Lucy gapped. Why was he being so cold?
"Um... Lucy-san... maybe you should both cool down..." Lucy glanced at Wendy. It was odd for the young girl to try to break up a fight. The door slammed before she could reply to him. Lucy vaguely noticed Wendy had red eyes today- had she been crying? Looking around, Lucy saw that most of the guild was silent and staring at her or the door Natsu had just slammed shut. Had their fight gotten that much attention? And why was it such a huge fight over a little book? What was his problem? Lucy cursed the tears gathering in her eyes.
"That bastard. What the hell is his problem? He's never yelled at me like that..."
Wendy smiled sadly. "Lucy-san... Do you know what day it is?"
Lucy winced. This cursed day. It was the day her mother died. How could she forget? She answered stiffly. "July seventh."
"Yes... You know what happened today right? Why Natsu is acting up? I can't really blame him. It's his own way of dealing with it..."
Lucy stared at the small girl. Today was the day of her mother's death anniversary. But surely that wasn't what made Natsu upset. So what was it? July seventh... 7/7/777...
Lucy gasped. The day the dragons disappeared. Today was the day Natsu's father abandoned him.
Oh.
So maybe she was the ass here.
That's why Wendy had been crying, why Natsu was lashing out, and now that she looked around, Gajeel wasn't even here. They were all dealing with grief, just like her.
"Oh Mavis. I-I'm sorry Wendy. I forgot... I shouldn't have yelled at him like that... I should go apologize..."
Gray shook his head. "I told you to drop it. Just leave him alone okay? He always strikes out like that every year. It's best to let him be."
Lisanna came up to her and held her hand. "Don't worry about it Lucy! Natsu has lashed out at me and everyone else before, too- even Happy. Nobody can really comfort him today. He'll go back to normal sooner or later. It's not your fault."
Lucy let the tears slide down her face. "It is my fault. I was so focused on myself that I didn't even consider..."
Levy patter her on the back. "It's okay Lu-chan. I'd be mad about a ruined book too! Say, how about we go to the bookstore and replace your book? It'll get your mind off it."
They must think her to be so shallow. She didn't care about the book anymore. She was upset with herself that she was so concerned with her own grief- as if she was the only one harboring pain in her heart. How could she be so selfish?
"Ah... no thanks Levy-chan. Maybe another time. I really need to go talk to him."
Erza frowned at her. "Lucy. That is not a good idea. He needs to be alone."
Lucy almost laughed. Alone? The last thing someone grieving needed was to be all alone. She should know. But she knew they wouldn't let her go see him so...
"Alright. I'll let him be. I think I'll just go home then. I want to be alone too. Sorry for disturbing everyone..."
Lucy slipped out of the guild, trying to escape the pitying and worried stares. How would they look at her if they knew the state of her heart too? She didn't want to know.
Well great. Lucy was soaking in her bath tub. She was allowing Natsu some time to cool down before she went over to apologize. And if she were being honest, she really needed some time to cry.
She felt awful.
Her heart was in turmoil. She was grieving for her mother of course, but not she was also grieving for Natsu- he lost something so precious to him as well...
And she had taken her anger out on him, while he took his out on her... That wasn't solving anything. They needed to comfort each other, they were probably the only ones who could.
Lucy stood up out of her bath quickly, now eager to fix their friendship. She had to apologize officially and explain herself, even if he didn't want to listen.
Even if he got angry again, even if he just kicked her out, she had to do something. She would approach the situation differently. He needed her...
She threw on sweats while building her resolve. Even if he slammed the door on her face, she would sit outside his house and apologize.
Lucy stood outside his door. Her confidence had dwindled as she stepped closer and closer to his home. The last thing he said was to not come here...
She sighed and sat down, leaning against his door. What should she do? She wanted to apologize, to comfort him... but he didn't want that... should she respect his wishes and leave? But she didn't want him to be alone.
Perhaps she was being selfish again. It was really her who didn't want to be alone. Was she running to comfort Natsu or was she running to Natsu for comfort?
She started crying again. This was the worst day ever. Her mother's death anniversary, Natsu yelling at her, and now she couldn't even figure out her own feelings.
The door suddenly disappeared from behind her and she fell backwards. She gave a small yelp of surprise when her head made contact with the floor. She looked straight upwards to see Natsu bending over her.
"How long are you gonna cry out here?"
Oh. He could probably smell her even if she made her presence unknown.
She sat up tentatively and rubbed her head. "Ah. Sorry Natsu. I came here to-"
"I don't care. I don't want an apology. I told you not to come here. Go away."
Lucy wiped her tears away unnecessarily- they were just replaced by fresh hot ones anyways.
"Shit. Lucy I'm sorry for making you cry but please just leave. I need to be alone right now."
"No."
"Dammit Lucy!"
Lucy started to stand but the door was slammed in her face. Well then. She would just have to talk from out here. It might be better not seeing his face anyways.
"Natsu..."
"GO AWAY."
She sighed. She sat down again, not caring if he would suddenly pull the door open again. She was going to talk to him, no matter what.
"Today is July seventh-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP."
"-the same day my mother died."
She noted he was silent. He must have been surprised that she wasn't here to talk to him about his father.
"I guess we all deal with grief differently... I've been shutting people out, trying to pretend everything is okay. I didn't even tell anyone. You probably didn't notice how depressed I was huh? I'm very practiced at hiding it now. That's how I deal with grief." Natsu didn't say anything. So she continued.
"I let it swallow me whole, and I refuse to let others see. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to bother them. Even though I know that's what nakama is for, to help you with your problems. But I can't help it. I'm so used to folding in on myself, I don't know how to reach out or how to ask for help. I was always alone. Alone in that big empty mansion, with nothing to do, nobody to talk to- even my own father couldn't stand to look at me. My only living parent treated me like I wasn't there. My mother was taken away from me, and my father emotionally abandoned me. I didn't want to exist. That's all I can remember when July rolls around. Alone, empty, unwanted, nonexistent..."
"Lucy-"
"I know that you think nobody understands. I know you think you're all alone, that you're the only one feeling such pain. But you aren't Natsu. Everyone harbors pain in their hearts, right? And I understand. I understand you perfectly. And I'll never let you be alone. You can ask me to leave but I won't. I know how awful it is to be alone, and I refuse to put you through any longer."
The door opened again, but this time she was caught from falling by strong warm arms. The arms that would always catch her.
"Luce... I'm so sorry... I didn't-"
"Shhh. It's okay. I understand. We're both asses and we both forgive each other. It's fine."
In answer, Natsu lifted her from the hard floor and laid down on the couch with her settled on top of him. For once, she didn't argue about the intimacy of such an act. She didn't consider how embarrassing it was to be wrapped in his arms, nor what it entailed or implied. She just wanted to be close to him. They needed each other right now.
"Natsu, just promise me one thing okay?"
"Anything."
"Whenever you feel like this come to me. No matter what it is, whatever you're going through, no matter how personal it is come to me okay? I won't let you be alone ever again. I'll always be here for you. So promise me that you'll talk to me instead of lashing out again okay?"
"Okay. I promise. And you too okay?"
"Of course."
Natsu and Lucy fell asleep in each other's arms, their sorrowful tears drying in each other's shirts. They basked in the warmth and comfort that they longed for all along.