I just had this idea and ran with it

I dont own Transformers.

"I cold destroy him if you wish." Ironhide's right forearm morphed into his favorite cannon, its mouth wide and menacing, pulsating with blue energy. He brought the weapon down and aligned it with the paper held in the hands of a very unhappy Samuel Witwicky. Sam had a look of distress on his face; the result of the F graded paper that his eyes scanned. For a moment, he envisioned his teacher, Mr.Hosney, sitting in his 1970 Gremlin, combing over his greasy hair in the rear-view when much to his surprise the roof of his Junker peeled clean off, revealing the towering Ironhide, weapons loaded.

He was ripped from his daydream by the sound of a discontent Optimus Prime. "Ironhide, for the last time!" The weapons specialist sighed and flexed his hand, returning it to its normal opposable form. "Forgive me sir." Optimus did not seem pleased with the apology. " I am concerned for you, Ironhide. You cannot even consider harming a human have you learnt nothing?" Sam simply dropped to the lush grass of the hill, thinking to himself how he would explain this to his father. He knew of course, that his dad would take no excuses; Sam would not be allowed to go on his planned visit to see Mikaela this weekend. How much he despised her mother for moving them, it made him want to put Ironhides guns to good use.

Ironhide and Optimus were going back and forth, much to Sam's annoyance. "I'm just saying maybe I could shake him up a little bit." Ironhide's tone suggested that he believed his proposal was totally normal, perhaps even lenient. "Sam can work out his own problems, we don't interfere. Especially with violence, you need to be sensitive to the humans." Sam couldn't hide his frustration any longer. He stood up and waved the paper up in the air. "Um guys, excuse me, I hate to interrupt you but… WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THIS?" The bickering bots stood quiet and looked down at their human companion. No response. "You know what forget it. I just wont see her this weekend that's all." He walked over to Bumblebee, who was already transforming into his Disguise and before entering the drivers seat managed to make one last remark. "Look if it's bothering you so much just send him to sensitivity training." With his sarcastic remark behind him, Sam and Bumblebee were backing up, and soon driving down the steep hill.

"He makes a good point." Ratchet, still in his vehicle form added in. "Ironhide you seem to have the most difficult time adjusting, perhaps downloading further data from the human Internet could be to your advantage." Ironhide cycled through his cannons, missiles and guns and finally dropped his head in defeat. "Perhaps you are right."

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Sam's plan for the weekend, now foiled by his father had to undergo some serious re-working. He had settled on one thing, a lot of sleep. However, like most things in Sam's life, his plans took a turn in the opposite direction.

The loud honking from outside of the house was so loud and distinctive it had to have been Optimus. Surely enough once he was dressed and out the door he couldn't miss the eighteen-wheeler parked in the middle of the street, looking very out of place in the middle of a suburban neighborhood. " Will you try and keep it down?!" Sam wasn't particularly happy to be awake anytime before noon, especially on the day he should have been with his girlfriend. Bumblebee popped the door open, and Sam slid behind the wheel. "Hey buddy." The Camero pulled out of the driveway, and fell in behind the already mobile Truck.

"So what's the emergency? And it better be an emergency. My moms letting me out for two hours, hopefully my dad decides to sleep in. " As he spoke he kept his hands fixed on the steering wheel, to feign driving. The radio came to life with the sound of the Autobot leaders voice, the one who was leading the way to the groups meeting place, in the country not far from the farm where Captain Lennox resided. "It is Ironhide, there is a problem with him." Sam grew uneasy in his seat. If there was a problem with the bot, it was sure to be a big one. Its not like robots from space caught colds or had financial troubles, the only thing he could think of would be maybe a mechanical malfunction.

"Has ratchet taken a look at him?" He drummed his fingers on the wheel as they approached the first set of steep hills on the outskirts of Tranquility. "Ratchet has done all he can." Minutes went by with only the sound of the Bumblebees radio playing a song by the Strokes; the transforming camero had picked up on Sam's taste in music over the past couple of months. When they arrived at their destination, Sam sighed aloud. Ironhide wasn't hunched over in pain or in a heap of twisted metal. The black armored Mechanoid was sitting under the familiar oak tree, the light of the rising sun shining in his optics.

Bumblebee accelerated forward and opened his left door, shaking Sam out onto the ground and reversing back to his leaders side. Sam stood up and looked back at the two cars, before walking up to Ironhide. "Hey buddy.." The Autobot turned to Sam, the panels in his face shifting to display some sort of joy. His metallic hand searched the tall grass and then stopped to hover over a patch of wildflowers. Two fingers plucked a single dandelion and brought it down to a confused Sam. The teen took the flower reluctantly.

"Gee thanks." Sam stood there, feeling very awkward holding the white fluff.

"You don't have to fake it if you don't like it." Ironhide snapped, turning his entire body to face away from him. Sam stood there, looking back at the now transformed Autobots, all of whom were shrugging, Ratchet forming a pushing motion with his hands, urging Sam to get closer to Ironhide,

"I love flowers, I really do. Thank you for giving it to me, it means so much." He was improvising as fast as he could, and for a moment felt like he was trying to convince Mikaela to stop being angry with him for some dumb reason. It felt exactly like that actually, like he was talking to an upset woman, overly sensitive….

"Don't patronize me Sam!" His head turned on his shoulders and flashed Sam a quick look, and then he buried his face in his hands, letting out a very disturbing electronic weep that did not end. Sam backed away slowly, and then broke into a sprint towards the others.

"What the hell did you do to him!?" Ratchet put a finger to his mouth. "Quiet, he can hear you!" Sam felt ridiculous as he lowered his voice. "What's the deal?"

"In an attempt to undergo… 'Sensitivity training' Ironhide initiated an information transfer from the leading online resource. The desired result was not achieved." Sam ran a hand through his curly hair. "So what now he's reciting quotes from lifetime now?"

"He seems to over react to anything we say, it requires several attempts to engage him in conversation." Optimus gestured at the ground, where there lay a pile of unused armament. "He has abandoned his weapons and dubbed himself a pacifist."

Sam stood there in silence, six robotic eyes staring down at him. Sam raised his voice over Ironhides weeping.

"If the Decepticons come back," He took one last look at the weeping humanoid.

"We are so screwed."