Winding her extensive ginger locks around his finger and watching as they unfurled across his pillow, James Potter was undeniably ecstatic.
—-
James loved Lily, he knew that but didn't dare tell her in fear that it'd push her away.
Lily loved James, she knew that but didn't dare tell him in fear that he had lost interest.
So, they both set out to look for ways to subtly tell one another how they felt without saying it aloud. Finding moments to inadvertently touch the other; whether it be him wrapping an arm around her shoulders or her grabbing hold of his hand while running through the illimitable castle corridors.
It wasn't the first time it'd happened, they'd fought and gotten lost in the moment. James would kiss her to make her stop accusing him for something he hadn't done. One kiss was never enough for them though, they could never just walk away. It was always the same; Lily would mean to leave once James fell asleep but she'd get distracted by the slight smile on his face and the warmth of his body pressed against hers. Soon she'd be lulled into a peaceful sleep forgetting all plans of escaping and give into the warm arms that encircled her bare waist
Waking up was the worst part for James, he'd wake up to a bed still warm where the petite redhead had slept but see no sign of her. Every time she'd wake up before him and leave, forcing him to ponder if he meant anything to her at all. James Potter was utterly miserable.
—-
"I can't do this any more" James whispered to Lily at the Gryffindor table one.
"Can't do what Potter?" She asked as if she didn't know. As if she had no idea that what they were doing was killing him more than just loving her from afar.
"You know what I mean Lily" He growls slightly, fuming at the fact that he let himself get this involved when he knew she'd just mess with him. "This. Us. Whatever we are" He gestures between the two of them as if to make his point.
He's not whispering any more, the whole hall can hear them and he knows it. Lily starts to blush; she's still wearing her mask, that face she shows the world instead of showing them who she really is.
"There is no us James and there never was!" She exclaims.
—-
One sentence. That's all it took. One sentence to bring everything crashing down onto James Potter.
—-
"You know what Evans?" He spits out her name like she is the scum between his toes, "You are a bitch! You fuck with people, you mess up their heads!" He scoffs at the literal nature of what he's just said. "You act like you care but you fucking don't!" He roars not caring who hears. Who can think about a reputation when all they can hear is their heart breaking? "And to think, I fucking loved you! Apparently that isn't enough for you!"
James stormed out of the hall leaving behind hundreds of shocked breakfast-goers, none more-so than the Head Girl.
Steady tear tracks fled down Lily's face once James left the hall. Not because she was mortified, but because the boy she loved had just told her exactly what he wanted to. He didn't care what people would think about him loving a "mudblood", he didn't take into account the consequences they may face if they did have a relationship, he just straight out gave her the truth. The first time Lily Evans had been given the straight truth to her. Ever.
Oh how she fucked up.
—-
It took a few days for James to cool down after the incident in the Great Hall
It took Lily a few days to come up with a plan to apologise to James and to actually make him listen.
When the time came, he sure as hell listened. Every one did.
—-
Lily Evans was usually quite an honest person.
Never this honest though.
She usually believed that her business was in fact hers and not something that needed sharing.
This was not the time for that.
—-
"Uh…umm" She cleared her throat, the deafening volume of the Sonorus charm ringing in her ears, "Excuse me" she queried. Everyone turned their heads to look for the disembodied voice of the Hogwarts Head Girl. "I have something to say" Lily exhaled deeply and recollected her thoughts, "James Potter" Her eyes scanned the crowd in search of said boy, finding him looking determinedly at his plate. "James I know you hate me right now and you have every right to, I know this isn't the best way to tell you but I've run out of ideas. You won't speak to me, you won't even look at me, how am I supposed to talk to you? How am I supposed to…" She breaks off, her voice cracking with emotion, "How am I supposed to tell you that I'm sorry, that I miss you, that I love you and want to be with you. To tell you that I was heartless and I know that but I still hope that there's somewhere in that heart I know you have that's willing to forgive me even though I know this will never be enough."
After staring at James for a moment who was still looking at the table, scratching it slightly with his spoon, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the entire school was watching this charade and thus him. Lily, sensing defeat took of the Sonorus charm, wiping away her tears and heading for the door completely mortified.
Before she reached the doors that would aid her escape, the voice she'd been missing, crying over, dreaming about spoke from behind her.
"Did you mean it?" Lily turned her head to see her favourite pair of hazel eyes blazing with uncertainty and what she hoped was a glint of hope.
"Which part?" She whispered back.
"When you said you were sorry and that you missed me, that you… loved me" He asked almost pleadingly.
"Every word" She nodded
This, it seemed, was all James needed to hear. He ran up the rest of the aisle between the tables and wrapped his arms around Lily. With shaking hands and tear stained faces their lips met in a kiss that everyone had been waiting for.
—-
It wasn't the first time it'd happened, they'd fought and gotten lost in the moment. One kiss was never enough for them though, they could never just walk away. It was always the same; James would fall asleep with his arms encircling Lily's bare waist and Lily would be lulled into a peaceful sleep at the warmth of his skin against hers.
Waking up was the best part for James, waking up to the beautiful petite redhead soundly asleep in his arms. He would pass time winding her extensive ginger locks around his finger and watching as they unfurled across his pillow, James Potter was undeniably ecstatic.