Just For You

by reverse

Your lips say that you love
Your eyes say that you hate
There truth in your lies
Doubt in your faith
What you built; you laid to waste
Linkin Park – "In Pieces"

just for you

It wasn't good timing, even the densest of idiots could tell you that. He just had to go and kiss me. I should sound grateful; some girls don't even get that, but maybe if you knew… If you just knew the whole story; you wouldn't judge me. Just listen. Don't judge me…

I am a girl with spunk. I have attitude, and yes I'm proud. I'm proud of my fighter's edge, I'm proud of my land, Suna, the village hidden of the sand. And as cliché as it sounds I am proud of my brothers. One of them achieved the greatest of honors, but that's not the accomplishment. Gaara claimed his own life, and taught me and Kankuro to live ours. They always said pride is a downfall, but I was never too proud of myself.

At least; I was, but in a sardonic, gritty sort of way, proud.

But even old dogs can learn new tricks. I can be befuddled, surprised, scared, and worse… insecure. There was one person who could bring out all of these in a single moment. At first; I thought it was bad, somebody who could bring out all the things I hated.

Then I started to realize that boy was the only one who could and he was special.

I went out of my way, yeah, feel special Shikamaru… I went out of my way to see him. It scared me; vulnerability was not exactly on a kuniochi's list of good emotions. It certainly could never compare to adrenaline in battle, or suicidal devotion, or god-forbid; bloodlust. Vulnerability could not compare.

But it made me feel like a little girl with no cares so I got addicted. And it is possible to get addicted to other things besides smoke and drink. They're just safer.

Scratch that; drinking is never safe. It makes you weak too, likely to spill secrets. Everybody has a story about drinking and I can top any list. Literally. I got so drunk I yelled out nonsense and took off my shirt for none to see, since I was in my room.

But the stupidest thing? I wrote his name on the floor! In blood. I cut my finger and wrote his name on the floor. Gaara almost died, he might have fainted and gone shukaku on us. That would have been very. very scary. He didn't, he just went into a bloodlust and killed every cow within a fifteen-mile radius.

Don't even bother asking about the cows. Long story short; Gaara has a secret cow fetish. I think it has to do with some grudge war thing with the weasels. You really don't want to know. But truly, how do cows have anything to do with Shikamaru kissing me?

Nothing. My point exactly.

It wasn't a long kiss per se, more of a sweet lingering sad kiss. Like when a husband kisses his wife before a kamikaze. Oh god the mental images. Bad, bad comparison!

We were standing looking out at the devastation of a forest fire. Just me and Shikamaru. It looked like the earth had gotten angry and swallowed a huge chunk of itself, romantic, isn't it.

"It's beautiful," I said. Like the sandstorms that swept home it reminded me of the barren desert, of home.

"You think?" Shikamaru asked. He was from the village hidden in the leaves, it reminded him of his home burned and scared.

"Yes," My voice was curt. I was blunt and decisive, it could be a fault but I refuse to see it that way. It's because I care, I don't want anybody to like me if I'm 'not me.' Not in a situation like this.

Shikamaru turned my face with his hand on my chin. He leaned in and kissed me. It was slow and filled with lazy desire and fear of offense. I kissed him back without really knowing why. "Yeah, it kinda is." He whispered as he turned and left, leaving me on the edge of a wasteland.

I can't stop wondering why it felt like goodbye.