Title: Devil's Traps, Tinsel, and Angels
Author: TigerTiger02
Spoilers: pretty much if you haven't seen any season four you probably shouldn't be reading this since it includes a new season four character. Kind of Post-"Hell's Angels".
Disclaimer: not mine, if it was I would totally take Castiel home as pet, he's just so darn cute!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Since there's been a recent lack of hunts and Castiel hadn't shown up with a mission Bobby invites Sam and Dean to his home for Christmas. Its Christmas Eve and Sam and Dean are finally getting around to decorating the tree (Bobby had insisted upon it for reasons neither of the brothers knew).
"Well I think this is the last of the ornaments." Bobby says as he puts down a decaying box in front of Sam who looking at the tree with a mixture of awe and horror.
"Where did you find this thing?" Sam asks and Bobby looks at the tree as well.
"Went to an honest to God tree farm and cut it down myself." He says in a proud voice. Of course he has every right to be proud, the damn tree was well over six feet tall and the top of it is an inch away from brushing the ceiling.
"Heh. I like the touch of the Devil's Trap ornaments." Dean said as he hung yet another miniature, wrought iron Devil's Trap up.
The decorated tree was, in the truest sense, a Hunter's Christmas tree. While there was the pretty, spun glass bulb ornaments there was also a variety of talismans of protection and good luck. There were miniature silver stakes and miniature guns and miniature bottles of holy water. Dean laughed in delight at the miniaturized hunter's arsenal. Of course Dean had seemed to be in much better spirits the closer it got to Christmas, he hadn't been this slap-happy since long before the whole Anna thing, and he definitely hadn't been this happy since the whole Anna thing. Hell he had gotten a little overboard with the tinsel when Bobby had finally dug it out of a dusty box. Sam stared at the oddly decorated tree with the ridiculous amounts of tinsel dripping from it and stifled a laugh.
"When was the last time you had a Christmas?" Sam asked as he eyed the dusty, corroding cardboard boxes around them.
"Not since you guys were kids." Bobby said. "It was around six months after I started helping out your father. When Christmas rolled around I asked John if I could give you guys a proper Christmas. He agreed." Bobby shrugged and looked sad for a moment. His and John's friendship had never been a solid one but hell he still missed the stubborn bastard.
"Ah… I remember that one… Dad actually managed to replace some of Sam's baby crap."
"I don't remember that." Sam says with a frown. Dean grins at him and punches his shoulder lightly.
"That's because you were still drooling and learning how to talk. Geez you must have been a year and half then." Dean's face is light and happy and Sam wishes his brother could always be like this.
They're about to open the box of remaining ornaments when Dean stiffens and turns towards the doorway. Bobby and Sam follow his gaze and Sam starts when he realizes its Castiel who has caught Dean attention. Come to think of it they hadn't seen the angel on casual terms since the whole Anna thing (and Sam really needs to start capitalizing that in his head if he's going to keep thinking of it). Most of the time when Castiel stopped by he said, 'Go here. Stop this.' And then disappeared before anyone could say anything else, or maybe before Dean could stab him again.
"Oh come onits Christmas Eve." Dean whines. "Isn't like a Holy Day. Don't you guys take vacation time on Holy Days?" Dean asks as he stands and stride over to Castiel.
"I have not come to inform you of a new mission. I was watching and merely curious at what you were doing."
"What, you've never seen a Christmas tree?" Castiel gave him the look, the one that said No-of-course-not-you-moron-don't-you-ever-listen-to-me-when-I-talk? Dean rolled his eyes at the look and went back to crouching in front of the box.
"I haven't been on Earth in over two thousand years. The last time I walked around in a vessel there was no such thing as this 'Christmas Tree'." He looked at the tree again and raised a dark eyebrow at the tinsel.
"If it helps it's kind of taken from Pagan beliefs and was turned into a Christian thing." Sam supplied and then winced when he realized that it most certainly did not help.
"Interesting." Castiel looked slightly disturbed by the realization.
"It has something to do with… yeah you know what never mind. I'm just going to shut up." Sam said and then hung another ornament while discreetly shifting some of a particularly large glob of tinsel to a bare spot on the tree. Would it kill Dean to gain some sense of aesthetic symmetry?Castiel probably thought that only reason why he was talking about the fact that half of the traditions of a Christian Christmas came from Pagan ceremonies was because he was 'The Boy with the Demon Blood'. Racist jackass with his candy assvessel and his 'gripped you tight and raised you from perdition', what kind of person talks like that? And Sam really needs a drink because he's starting to turn into Scrooge and he still hasn't forgiven Castiel for the Whole Anna Thing.
"So you're here because Christmas traditions confuse you? Buddy, you're asking the wrong people about Christmas traditions, we don't exactly have normal ones." Dean said with a slight scoffing noise. He hung the last ornament (some fruity ass looking Nutcracker thing) and stared at the last thing in the box. A grin twitched across his mouth before he set his mouth into a firm, serious line, it was too funny and he had to be serious about this if he was going to get any laughs in later.
"What wrong?" Sam asked when he noticed Dean staring down into the box with an odd expression on his face.
"Uhm nothing. Nothing at all." Bobby looked at the box carefully and bit back a grin.
"You going to finish the tree or not?" Bobby asked impatiently.
"Yeah, yeah." Dean growled. "So uh… who wants to put the angel on the tree." He said and then looked at Castiel who stared at him like he was nuts.
"Pardon?" Castiel asked.
"I was asking who wanted to put the angel on top of the tree." Dean said seriously. Sam stared at him horrified and Bobby left to check on their booze supply (and maybe snag a brownie, it had been a really good idea to save that baker from that poltergeist). Castiel looked up at the top of tree and then down at himself, as if calculating his size compared to the tree's size.
"I don't believe I'll fit up there." He said very seriously. "On the other hand why do you want to put me on top of the tree?"
"Well its tradition." Dean said wide-eyed, innocence shining through his hazel eyes. Too bad Castiel was too shocked to use his mind reading powers. "Some people put a star on top of the tree but others put an angel, and we happen to be the type to put an angel."
"Why?" Castiel asked bluntly as he stepped closer to the tree.
"Because…" Dean trailed off and realized that Pastor Jim's lessons had never really sunk in. "Uhm… because you know. When Jesus was born in that stable or whatever there was a star or uhm… angel in the sky that the Three Wise Men followed so they could give their gifts to him. You know frankincense and myrrh…" he trailed off unsure if that's even how the story went but apparently it was good enough for Castiel who nodded and then stared with a frown at the tree.
"How do I get up there?" he finally asked. For a moment Dean says nothing, he just stares at Castiel disbelieving that the angel had not picked up on the fact that Dean was razzing him. Dean takes a quick glance at Sam who is shaking his head at Dean and mouthing, 'NO!'.
"Well I guess I could give you a boost…" Dean says slowly. Sam flees the room so Bobby can't blame him for anything that's about to happen.
He has just stepped into the kitchen when there's a god-awful, almighty, crashing, shattering noise from the living room. Bobby stiffens slightly before he takes a shot. Sam can hear Dean's voice, alternating between cursing and laughing.
"Sam… do you think you could survey the damage to my tree." Bobby asks in steady voice but when Sam looks at him his face is a livid, violent purple. He picks up the bottle of whiskey and drinks directly from it. "I'm going to need a helluva lot more than this before I go in there… especially 'cause I want to strangle the idjit." Sam nodded wide-eyed. He had never seen Bobby this pissed, with the exception of that one time when he had tried to shoot Dad; surely Bobby wouldn't shoot Dean, right? Right? Sam sighed when he realized that there was a very real chance that he might just shoot Dean.
He stepped into the living room and stifled a laugh at the sight before him. Dean was sitting on the floor and it looked like either the force of Castiel falling or the tree had knocked him back. He was sitting up and clutching at his stomach as he laughed, there was some tinsel on him and pine needles but for the most part he was clean. Castiel on the other hand… Sam had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing every time his eyes involuntarily landed on the angel.
Castiel was half-pinned under the tree, the more delicate ornaments shattered and the rest just scattered around him. His bright, blue eyes were wide with shock and maybe a pinch of fear. He was covered in tinsel. It dripped from his hair, mingling with the inky strands and pooled on his shoulders to wash down his chest like a waterfall of plastic painted silver. He was tangled up in the lights and in the tree. The lights blinked on and off in the preprogrammed pattern and cast interesting splotches of moving color across Castiel's pale face. He turned his eyes to Sam and blinked owlishly up at him.
"I was correct in my assumption that I wouldn't fit atop the tree." He said in a very serious, blunt tone. Dean burst into a renewed fit of laughter and Sam joined him. Bobby finally poked his head out from the kitchen and he cringed.
"Holy hell!" he exclaimed, ignoring Castiel's wince, "You boys bettergetting this all cleaned up and the tree redecorated to perfection!" he continued before ducking his head back into the kitchen. Sam looked back at Dean and Castiel and let a chuckle slip past his lips. It figured that their first Winchester/Singer Christmas would end up with Dean convincing the clueless Castiel to climb on top of the tree. Only they could screw Christmas up like this, however it wouldn't be a Winchester/Singer Christmas if it weren't at the very least a little screwy.
Then Sam looked back at Castiel and nearly choked when he saw the angel take a handful of tinsel, examining it closely before the angel stuck out the tip of his pink tongue and licked it.
"This is very puzzling. It looks a bit like ice but it doesn't taste like ice." The angel said just before shoving the handful of tinsel into his mouth. Sam and Dean looked at each other before Dean leapt towards the angel.
"Cas! Don't-." he was cut off by the very loud crunching noises coming from the angel's mouth and then choking and gagging noises as the angel attempted to swallow the 'ice'. "Eat the tinsel…" Dean finished and sat back in front of the angel. There was a moment of silence before Castiel hacked up the tinsel right in Dean's face like a cat hacking up a hairball. Dean's face dripped with saliva and tinsel as he stared horrified at Castiel. Castiel blinked at Dean. Sam only wished he had a camera.
"Why are you feeding the angel tinsel?" Bobby asked from behind Sam. And Sam, well he just dissolved into laughter.
A/N: This would have been up earlier but I had to work (yes I work on Christmas, and Easter, and Thanksgiving, and New Year's Day it sucks… specially because I'm always so hung over, which now that I think of it is probably highly dangerous as I work with dogs… hung over plus vicious dogs equals injuries… ah well I like to live dangerously) so this is the next installment of Crack!Castiel… the idea actually came to me when my sister and I were decorating the tree. I'm like Dean; I just throw the tinsel on in great globs and go 'Ooooh shiny!'And I don't care if a whole section is bare; I'll just throw more on until it's dripping in tinsel. My sister on the other hand is all about symmetry, she kept moving around the tinsel, and re-hanging ornaments so it was all even and 'perfect'. When we finally got around to putting the angel on the tree I kept thinking about Castiel (I'm lame I actually affixed a piece of paper in nametag fashion that read Castiel on the very female and very blonde angel) and how Christmas traditions would seem like to him. Anyway… I hope everyone's Christmas was made of awesome and if you don't celebrate then I hope your Hanukkah is going well and your Kwanzaa is awesome and if you don't celebrate any of the above then Happy Holidays! Anyway… I would like to thank all of you who read "Ben and Jerry's with a Side of Oprah" and…
Review Responses (yeah… I'm lame…):
Mssammydean: LOL! I totally love Uriel's mean, jerkyness! But stab away… its not like he can feel it… I don't know what's wrong with me but I totally love the character's we're supposed to hate i.e. Azazel, Meg… Uriel… Alastair, he's so evil he makes Azazel look tame but Azazel would still win in a fight… and gee I think I have another one-shot idea… and yes Dean and Castiel is very awkward but I imagine to Dean sex can be a comfort thing and he's Dean so he's all awkward about comforting people (besides he would only do it if he were gay or a chick which he's neither unless Kripke is planning on springing it on us… hmmm Dean gets turned into a girl by a vengeful spirit).
EvilspyAchacia or Kira: Awww… man I wanna give you a mini Crack!Castielso you can put him in your pocket and he can do crazy things to cheer you up. Yeah I'm in my second year of Community College and I've done nothing to work towards any definable goal (i.e. take gen. Eds or even decide on a major and every time someone asks me what I want to do I just stare at them and say, 'Uhm… write?') so I'm pretty much screwing around and taking bullshit classes (i.e. Humanities and Philosophy courses, like world mythology and philosophy of religion). I pretty much go just so I can still have insurance, which it turned out was a good idea because I've been sick for the past month… enough of my whining… I'm glad that these fics could cheer you up (I get cheered up by writing them because they're so awesomely ridiculous). I friggin' hate Sarah Mclachlan, while I sympathize with poor doggies and kitties I do not need her silly song and precisely shot commercial to make me cry at awkward times, like before class or before a date. Ugh… what did you think of "Hell's Angels"? I have to say I wanted to smite Kripke, like wtf. He just had to go there with Anna and Dean and Anna being an angel. I friggin' hated her when she was all, "Oh angels can't feel and blah blah blah" I was like, no you're wrong. I'm pretty sure they can if Uriel is going around acting like a 'sanctimonious, fanatical prick' and looking angry and Cas always looks so sad (or you know his eyes do since he's pretty expressionless... damn that Misha is one fine friggin' actor to be able to convey so much emotion with his eyes). I hated that whole concept that they can't feel emotions. I thought it was ridiculous... And then Castiel getting owned by Alastair, not cool! But I do want to know what the hell Alastair was saying; it made me giggle until I realized that Castiel looked freaked out and that it couldn't have been any good. It sounded Latin but vaguely Gaelic but that may have been the actor's weird accent. Kripke better address what that was all about. And where did Anna go? Is Alastair dead (I hope not… )? Why is Uriel such a dick? Is going to be more Ruby because I will flip a shit if she travels with them. Fucking Kripke… every time I feel that we get answers on things ("In the Beginning") we end up with more questions. Anyway… we'll have Misha for longer since season five was green lit (as far as I know) and he has said in interviews that if there is a season five he'll be a regular so YAY! Out of curiosity have you seen the clip of his consultation in Nip/Tuck for next season (I don't watch Nip/Tuck but I'll be watching that episode)? It is friggin' hilarious… and dirty and wrong. I don't think I'll ever be able to watch Supernaturaland see Castiel the same way… Anyway I'll just shut up now, I hope you enjoyed this installment!