"Ritsuka, I love you." Those words. Those words were eating him alive! They were killing him!
"Soubi don't say that." He didn't even know what he was saying anymore. He was light-headed. And flushed. Don't say that. Or did he really mean, say it more? Who knew anymore?
"But Ritsuka, I do." That's right. Soubi knew. Soubi knew exactly what he meant. And was either listening to or denying him.
"My brother made you." His love was fake. Was that good or bad?
"Correct." It made his heart race. What was this feeling? Not love. Certainly not love.
"Then don't say it." Ritsuka was torn up inside for a matter of weeks now. It hurt him to hear Soubi speak those words. Those words that the blonde certainly didn't mean. But it didn't make sense to the younger of the two. Love was a very important word! Shinonome-sensei had taught him that. Of course, Ritsuka loved his mother, his brother, Yuiko, and even shinonome-sensei herself, but to none of them had he ever used the direct phrase, "I love you". Ritsuka couldn't do that. He couldn't say something that meant so much in a way that meant so little. So how could Soubi? How was Soubi able to say anything of the sort and not mean it?
"Is that an order?" Love wasn't about orders. If anything, love was about requests. But it wasn't supposed to be things like, 'please don't break my heart' was it? Love wasn't about anger and frustration and hurt, right? How could it be? If everybody wanted love so much, then that could not be what love was. People did not like pain. Ritsuka definitely was not fond of pain. He was not fond of light-headedness. He did not like his face to be flushed. He did not approve of the idea that mere words could hurt him so badly. So by process of elimination, ritsuka rejected the idea of such a love. In fact, all of these things could have just as easily related to a deep hate. yeah. Hate made sense. Much more so than love.
Soubi might as well have been asking, 'Do you hate me, Ritsuka?'
"yes."
Ritsuka hated Soubi. Soubi was not within his reach of understanding. And neither was love. So for now, he would call it 'hate'. Not that changing the name ever changed the emotion, really. And Soubi knew that. Of course Soubi knew exactly what he meant. If Ritsuka would call it hate, then so would Soubi. Just until he grew a little older and gained a higher understanding of the world. Until Ritsuka understood, he would play along. He would pretend those words didn't eat him inside either. It was just a phrase. 3 words.
Do you hate me Ritsuka?
With all my heart. More than Yuiko, more than Shinonome-sensei.
Then don't say it. It's just a phrase. just until you grow a little older.
Is that an order?
A request. Please don't break my heart.