A/N Haha yay first time posting here! So here is a breif summery from what to expect from me

-Plots that change (because planning is something I should learn to do)

-Writing in past tense (should change that too)

-Thats basically what I can think of atm, enjoy the story! :)

Without even thinking about it, my hands reached out into his fiery red hair and pulled his mouth towards mine.

He was the only one who could make me feel so fucked up that I admitted to it. He was the only one I could fear, but for all the wrong reasons. Even if he pretended this never happened after, as long as I knew it happened I...I don't know.

But for now, I needed this release, this longing had been building up for too long and I had snapped. I begged his tongue to fight back against mine, for him to feel the same thing I was.

He gave in, knowing I wouldn't stop until I had got what I wanted. Warm large hands traveled across my body, tangled themselves in my hair.

Our bodies grew hot together. Our moans echoed the others; our breathing reverberated off one another in the hot night.

The morning light made the room seem angelic, sleep still keeping me in his grasp. The stains on the walls drenched with the sun through the torn white curtains made the place feel homey. The room was not pristine and new, it felt lived in, dirty and just where I needed to be.

I knew what I was trying to avoiding forcing myself to look beside me, but finally the sleep wore off and the fear kicked in.

I couldn't feel Matt's warmth beside me.

I bit my lip to ease the pain of my heart when I looked at where he should be. The pillow had a head shaped indent and a single strand of red hair left from the night before. I didn't need to look around the room to know his clothes were gone, taken with him.

Instead I rolled onto the side of the bed that Matt had slept in, even for a little while, and breathed in his scent of smoke, sweat and sex. The regret of what I had done consumed me for a moment, we would never be able to go back to how we were, and the awkwardness would defile the friendship. Because he now knew.

He knew I loved him.

And I had fucked up.

But he had fucked me.

I forced it on him though.

And he had left.

The tears started without me realizing, but then the lonely sob frightened and shattered my broken heart into pieces that chocolate couldn't mend.

It seemed like an eternity had passed when I tried to focus on the crack in the ceiling. My eyes were swollen and sore from the crying, and the room was slowly coming out of the haze created from tears. At lease Matt wasn't here to see my like this, I managed a sad bark of laughter. How pathetic have I become, to cry over the loss of someone. To succumb to the love I had, my mental walls not strong enough to contain it. My nails dug into my leg at the thought of my weakness. I would not lose. Not to Near, not to Kira, not to myself and not to love.

My feet hit the floor with a thud, and a creak followed when I stood up. My clothes were left forgotten on the floor and I wandered naked to the kitchen where I grabbed an ever frequent bar of chocolate and made a cup of coffee. And even though I hated what I was doing, I reared in my emotions and tucked them in the back of my mind until I knew what I was going to do.

The first thing that came into my mind was caffeine and chocolate. Well I'm already on that.

Step two to making everything right, clean up. This meant me, and the sheets. Goodbye heavenly Matt smell (and other things) on the sheets, and off me. Clear my head a bit. Maybe stop thinking about him. I ignored the though impossible that flickered though my head.

I added a third thing to my mental list, though it would probably not be used. Get some lube. If this night was to ever happen again, let's say through a few bottles and countless cans of booze, this would be convenient to have handy. Plus it gave me something to do well the sheets were in the wash.

I frowned at the forth thing. Figure out where Matt has gone, and somehow make him forget this...happening. He was not in love with me, so I don't think it was necessary for him to know I was in love with him. Even if he already knew.

Since that was all I could think of to do to fix my current situation, I downed the coffee, took a large bit of the chocolate bar and started to task two, heading towards the bathroom.

I got a surprise when I entered the bathroom. Many actually. The first one I noticed was on my chest, a large bite mark left behind. Then I found another on my neck, one graced my shoulder, and I found more in the shower.

When I got out, I realized that I couldn't wear the vest for a while, unless I wanted to remind Matt of the mistake he had made. So I pulled on a black hoodie that had somehow managed its way into my wardrobe. It went surprisingly well with my leather pants.

I was pondering at the different lotions in the store, and opted for the one with the least tacky sounding name. On the way to the counter, I also grabbed; a box of condoms (seemed to fit well with the thought process of lube), more chocolate (is that really a surprise?), and then at the counter I bought a box of smokes (what is a better way to end up on Matt's good side? The wrong answer is a night of passionate sex because he will leave in the morning forcing one to worry, plot to make things right, and put too much effort into thinking about how to have that same sex without seeming like you love the guy.)

The cashier rang me through like I what I was buying was completely normal which helped me relax a bit, I was expecting a dirty joke or a bit more of a reaction. But I guess if they sell it someone would buy it, and it wasn't like I was buying the Lip Smacking Cherry Good Head Lotion for oral sex which just sounded tacky. Besides, who needs lube to give head anyways?

When I got back to the apartment, the first half of part four in My Plans to Make Life Happier was made easier. Matt was sitting in front of the TV, game controller in hand, coffee beside him, a cig hanging from his mouth. Obviously the only reason why Matt would come back was to play video games. But I still felt my heart flutter at the sight of him in hopes he was here because of me.

"You're back." I stated as I walked to the bedroom to hide what I had bought.

He grunted in response, too absorbed in the game to notice me.

I sat on the couch behind his, bit into a chocolate bar and watched. His shirt had a dark ring around the neck, hair still dripping from a shower he must have taken well I was out. His vest was in a heap beside him, the goggles were always wore lay on top. His frame was skinnier than it probably should be, yet it came with the lifestyle we were currently living. I suddenly got the urge to hold him. To apologize for dragging him down with me. To do something to get him to love me back.

I decided to stay on the couch and watch him.

Instead my body, ignoring my metal pleas, moved of its own accord. My arms twined around his neck, my head pressed into the back of his shoulder, his smell comforted me before he did.

"Mels?" The worry and concern were the most evident emotions that came from his voice. He turned around, and wrapped his arms around me. "What is going through your head?"

I thought of telling him the truth. I love you. Please don't leave me. Hold me closer. Let's use the condoms I just bought.

He ran a hand through my hair, and sighed. "Mello, I'm not going to know unless you tell me. You should know that."

I lifted my head to look at Matt's face. His face had always calmed me, supported me when all else failed. Then it slipped out, the three words that he already knew.

"I want chocolate."

He laughed then, his smile so bright. "Don't you have a never ending supply?"

I dropped my head into his chest once again, this time to hide the embarrassment. But I guess saying 'I want chocolate' is better then 'I love you'. But then that slipped out too.

I could practacly hear the smile on his face when he said, "I know. Guess what you don't know."

I lifted my head enough to give him a death glare. "How people can resist me in these pants."

The stupid grin plastered on his face grew larger. "I can't give you an answer to that one. But the correct answer to the question was-"

"The chicken or the egg question?"

"I love you too."