The Mary Sue Alchemist
by
dragondolphin1990
My name is Marianne Susan, and I'm from, uh, you know, the place. It, like, starts with an A, maybe. Amestee? Yeah. I'm the number one State Alchemist in Anustris. So, like, most people from Emestrus are blonde, but my hair is just too amazing for such a mundane color. I have silver hair. No, wait, then they might think I'm one of those stupid red-eye guys. I'll have… purple hair. Sure, purple's a good color. And my eyes too. They're super gorgeous purple orbs of awesome. And they make me even better at alchemy.
So, our story begins back before I was a State Alchemist. The government was missing out back then—I've since become the best puppy dog of the military. I was, like, studying alchemy, and stuff, since I'm super smart and really good at studying. My super hot boyfriend made me an awesome dress that showed off all my super hot cleavage, and he put all the alchemy symbols ever on the dress, so that I could do any alchemy without wasting my precious time drawing circles.
But that doesn't really matter, since I was about to, like, learn the truth, or whatever. Because, oh no, tragic past! My super hot boyfriend died, and it was really terrible, and I was kind of sad about it. So I decided, being the super amazing alchemist that I am, I would alchemy him back to life, so I could keep looking at his super hot bod. I used the human alchemy circle on my cleavage dress, and I got some carbon, or whatever.
That was when I saw the truth. And now I know everything, I guess. I didn't need my cleavage dress, so I ripped it off, revealing an even cuter cleavage dress underneath. I was about to maybe consider mourning my super hot boyfriend, but then Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, Number One Cutie-Pie, Mysterious Dream Boat Extraordinaire, was there, so I forgot all about my mediocre looking ex.
He came to meet me because he heard of my super alchemy skills and take me to meet the Fuhrer to become a State Alchemist. But as soon as he laid eyes on me, he forgot all about my alchemy because he was too busy falling in love with me. On our way to Central for the State Alchemist test, we stopped by a jewelry store, so he could buy me an expensive ring to propose to me. Of course I said yes because he is the best guy in the whole world, and he's hot, and he's totally gonna be Fuhrer some day.
This next part of the story happens later, when we get to Central City. You can tell because Fuhrer Bradley is there.
"And who is this beautiful angel who makes me wish I was not married?"
"My fiancé, the unimaginably wonderful Marianne Susan."
"Such a gorgeous name to match such a gorgeous woman. But of course, your reputation precedes you. Please, please, please be one of my State Alchemists!"
Of course, I wasn't going to deny the Fuhrer, and I wasn't going to not take up the chance to show off my mad skillz at alchemy. Needless to say, I passed. With flying colors. They actually had to invent new colors so they could fly around, symbolizing how well I passed.
"And with that, I dub you… The Mary Sue Alchemist!"
And the government gave me tons of money and so then I was super rich, as well as super famous, super popular, super skilled, super smart, and, of course, super beautiful. Like a trifecta. But with six things.
And so, here we are at present day. I'm making out with Roy, and Edward Elric is here, too, since he's pretty cute. And Armstrong, Alex, not Olivier, or course. Actually, even the Fuhrer is here. Of course, I call him King, since we're pretty much bff's.
Eww, what's that? Some ugly, fat, bald guy just came over and started talking to King.
"Father said we have too many sacrifices now, Wrath. We have to kill one of them."
"The Mary Sue Alchemist," King replied, glaring at me, "She's too powerful that if we don't stop her now, she might stop us later, when our plans are in motion."
And now the fat guy is, like, growing a giant hole in his chest and ohmigod what is happening? And now it's—
Oh now, Mary Sue is dead.