Disclaimer: I know nothing. I understand nothing. I own nothing.

7/23 Lotipac Hill courthouse, 9:30 am

A broad-bodied judge entered the courtroom, took his seat, and looked down on the room's occupents. He banged his gavel on that thingy that you bang gavels on so as to not ruin the woodwork. "ORDER! ORDER!" The jury, defense, and prosecution (in essence, everyone in the room) quieted down. "The trial of Mr. Sling Shot will now begin! If the prosecution will make its opening statement…."

Yeah. Odd place to find the Straw Hats huh? My name is Roronoa Zoro, and, through an odd set of circumstances, I've become a defense attorney for my friend, Usopp.

Flashback

"WHAT????" screamed Zoro. "Why do I have to represent him??"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH WEIRD ENOUGH HAIR TO BE AN ATTORNEY!!!!" yelled back Luffy.

Zoro looked over at Franky and Brook, then back at Luffy. Whatever. He thought, and accepted.

Yeah. Anyway, the case seems pretty straightforward… but not in a good way. The victim, one Casaubon Crypt, was found dead in his room, killed by a single shot through the occipital lobe (Chopper helped me with that one). The only gun within a mile of the scene that had been fired recently was found on a roof nearby and the only fingerprints on it? Usopp's. Now, you know as well as I do that Usopp isn't exactly the murdering kind. Normally, we probably would have just bust him out of jail and fled, but the citizens of Lotipac Hill (the island we're on) are decent people, and Luffy didn't want to see any of them hurt. So here I am, in a courtroom with no previous law experience, defending my friend in an unwinnable trial and

"ZORO!! STOP DAYDREAMING AND LISTEN TO THE OPENING STATEMENT!!!!" screamed Nami.

…and an incredibly annoying woman at my side, supposedly 'helping' me. Yeah. Should be interesting.

"Mr. William Laws?" asked the Judge. "Are you ready to make your opening statement."

"Please, no 'William' your honor" replied the slick, blue-haired prosecutor "I'm just a Bill!"

"Very well then…. Bill…. Do you care to make your statement?"

"Yes, your honor." (Deep breath for dramatic pause) "The autopsy report clearly states that Mr. Crypt was killed by a single shot through the occipital lobe. Furthermore, the murder weapon (present weapon as evidence) was found on the roof of a nearby building. On top of that the defendant, in addition to having no alibi for the time of the murder, has shown, i.e. his 'public shooting exhibition' yesterday (Zoro glares at Usopp, Usopp sweatdrops) that he is a skilled sniper, capable of shooting a hole through the center of a gold piece at nearly a thousand paces!" (Slams the table) "Ergo! Mr. Shot is the ONLY MAN who had the means, and through the means, the opportunity, to kill Mr. Crypt!"

The crowd broke into a murmur. Zoro leaned over to Nami. "This doesn't look good…."

"Oh hush, you'll be fine" whispered Nami.

"This is stupid! I don't know what I'm doing and…

"Zoro, we didn't just pick you because of your hair."

"Huh?"

"We picked you because, well, you have this knack for telling when a person is lying or not. Not as much as Luffy, but we needed someone slightly intelligent too."

"AND????"

"And… they don't allow women to be lawyers."

"DAMNED 13th CENTURY SEXISM!!!"

"ZORO! Focus, you'll do fine."

"Right…"

The judged banged his gavel again. "ORDER! Mr…. Gorgon Zolo? Is that right?"

"Yes your honor" replied Zoro, hesitantly.

"Are you related to that pirate hunter in any way?"

"Only in America your honor."

"Yes… very well. Do you have any requests before we begin the trial?"

"Um… no.." Zoro added hesitantly.

"Ask to see the evidence!" whispered Nami hurriedly.

"I'd like to see the evidence that the prosecution presented before we begin."

"Very well then" said the Judge. "Mr. Laws?"

"Yes your honor."

Evidence

Crypt's Autopsy report: Died around noon. Cause of death: single shot through the occipital lobe, from not farther than five feet. Death was instantaneous.

Revolver: Found on rooftop near crime scene. Fired several times. Ballistic markings match those of bullet found in Mr. Crypt.

Usopp's Flyer: 'Come see the Amazing Sling Shot perform shooting ticks the likes of which you've never seen!' It has a picture of Usopp holding a gun on it. Time of show: 10:00-11:00 am.

"Yes I see…" said Zoro, musing. Something seems… missing here. Maybe it's just me…

The judge banged his gavel again. "The prosecution will now present its first witness."

"My only witness, as it were, your honor" remarked Prosecutor Laws.

"Very well then, continue."

'Bill' cleared his throat. "The court calls Sheriff Corde Marshall to the stand!"

A stereotypical sheriff took the stand. Broad shouldered, fuzz on his face, an awkward, western-looking hat propped on his head.

"Mr. Marshall" asked Laws "you are the sheriff in charge of Cecil district, correct?"

"Ayup" the man answered curtly.

"And you are also the man who found the body?"

"Ayup."

"And you are also the man who did the preliminary investigation, and found the revolver on the rooftop adjacent to Mr. Crypt's apartment?"

"Ayup."

Prosecutor Laws grinned. "What other witnesses do I need your honor?"

HOLD IT!

"YOUR HONOR!" yelled Zoro "DOESN'T THAT ALL SEEM A BIT…convenient?"

OBJECTION!

"How convenient the witness is has no bearing on the case at hand, your honor!" snapped Laws.

"Yes… very well" the judge mumbled. "Objection sustained. You may proceed with your testimony, Mr. Marshall."

"Ayup."

"It was around noon… I was dropping by Mr. Crypt's house to invite him to lunch."

"I knocked….oh… maybe three times… but I didn't hear anything."

"Concerned, I broke down the door!"

"I found Mr. Crypt lying on the floor next to the window, which was cracked open.

"Seeing how the door was locked, I immediately concluded that the shot came from an adjacent roof!"

"That when I found the revolver! The rest is, well, history, I reckon."

"Yes, that does seem like a pretty solid testimony" mused the judge. "I could very well declare a verdict right now…"

OBJECTION!!!

"Hold it!" cried Zoro "There's a contradiction in that statement!"

The court murmured.

"Yes Mr. Zolo?"

"The witness has made two claims! One: He was near the area at the time of the murder, and Two: That he didn't hear anything!"

"Yes Mr. Zolo, the witness has made that clear…"

"BUT THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE YOUR HONOR!!!"

Court murmured again.

"Continue Mr. Zolo!"

"The victim, Casaubon Crypt, was shot your honor! Guns make a noise when they are fired! If Mr. Marshall was near the area…"

"WHY DIDN'T HE HEAR THE SHOT!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?"

The crowd grew restless.

BANG BANG BANG

"Order! I will have order!" "Mr. Marshall, how do you explain yourself?"

"Simply, your honor." Dramatic pause. "The gun… has a silencer on it."

"Wha… wha…" stuttered Zoro. "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?" "There's no silencer on the gun!?!"

"Yeah, well, we had to take it off, for fingerprints 'n such."

Well that would explain….. wait a second! Thought Zoro.

HOLD IT!

"THAT'S IT!!!!!" yelled Zoro.

"What's it, who's it, where's it?" mocked Laws.

"Your honor" Zoro went on "the prosecution has stated my client's sniping skills and the position of the gun… BUT! HE HAS YET TO SHOWN ANY PROOF THAT MR. SHOT HANDLED THE GUN!!!!!"

Crowd goes crazy, etc.

BANG BANG BANG!! "ORDER! ORDER!!!"

"Evidence…" the Sheriff muttered, going through his pockets… "You mean like this?" He held up a slip of paper.

"What… is that, Mr. Marshall?" asked the judge.

"Fingerprint report. Prints on the gun matched those of the perp, perfectly."

What the…. CRAP!! Zoro pounded his head on the desk.

Fingerprint report: Many fingerprints found on both gun and silencer. All discernable prints matched those of Mr. Shot.

"Any other outbursts, Mr. Zolo?" asked Laws.

"erm… yes… well…" stuttered Zoro "theres…. NO WAY TO PROVE THAT MR. CRYPT WAS SHOT BY THAT GUN!!!"

"Nope, sorry pardner." The sheriff pulled out another piece of paper. "Ballistics report, bullet inside Mr. Crypt matched the markings on the gun."

DOUBLE CRAP!!!!

Ballistics report: Single bullet retrieved from the body. Ballistics markings traced to revolver on adjacent roof.

"Your honor" Laws spoke "the defense's cross-examination has only made the case against Mr. Shot more airtight! I request a verdict be passed NOW your honor!"

Double crap on a wrap!!! I've got nothing!!!!

"If the defense has nothing to add…."

Shit… what do I do, what do I do, what do I do….

"I find the defendant, Mr. Sling shot….

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OBJECTION!!!!

Judge: Who? Laws: Who? Zoro: Who?

"I OBJECT YOUR HONOR!!!" yelled Nami.

The volume in the court rose.

"ORDER! ORDER! I WILL HAVE ORDER!!" screamed the Judge. "Young lady, by law, you are not allowed to speak out in this courtroom…"

"I DON'T CARE! HE'S INNOCENT!"

"QUIET DOWN! OR YOU WILL BE HELD IN CONTEMPT OF COURT!" yelled the Judge.

"LOOK AT THE…."

"BAILIFF!!! REMOVE THE TANGERINE HAIR FROM COURT! NOW!!!!"

The bailiff grabbed Nami. There was a struggle, but eventually Nami was thrown out of court.

"Now if I may continue…

OBJECTION!!!

Zoro's eyes gleamed. Hmm… she's useful after all he thought.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" yelled Laws.

"Your honor! Look at the flyer!"

"Yes I see… what about it, Zolo?"

"The gun the defendant his holding… IT'S THE SAME GUN AS THE MURDER WEAPON!!!!"

Crowd murmurs again.

"IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR MR. SHOT'S FINGERPRINTS TO NOT BE ON THAT GUN!!!!"

Volume increases… again.

BANG BANG! "ORDER! IF I DO NOT HAVE ORDER, THIS TRIAL WILL BE SUSPENDED!!!" cried the judge.

"YOUR HONOR!" retorted Laws "The defense has sealed his client's fate! He has shown that the gun belongs to Mr. Shot! This simply 'tightens his noose'!"

OBJECTION!

"ON THE CONTRARY LAWS!" Zoro whipped "It does the opposite!" I happen to know for a fact that the gun does not belong to Mr. Shot!"

OBJECTION!

"THE DEFENSE HAS NO PROOF TO SUPPORT THIS CLAIM, YOUR HONOR!!"

OBJECTION!

"WRONG AGAIN LAWS!" Zoro held up a slip of paper. "This here is a written bond Mr. Shot filled out with the police department! (A/N: Don't you love it when the author holds out evidence from you?)

Bond, Written Bond: 'The police department of the district of Cecil of the island of Lotipac hereby lends Mr. Sling Shot one police-issue revolver for use in his 'shooting show' and expect immediate return of aforementioned revolver after the show is complete.'

"The gun did not belong to Mr. Shot at all!" quipped Zoro.

"IT BELONGED TO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT!!!"

Crowd goes out of control.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG…………………

"Ahem." The judge cleared his throat. "Now that we finally have order, I would like to address the defense."

"Yes, your honor?"

"You've found that the gun belongs to the police department… so what?"

"It's simple, your honor. The bond calls for 'immediate return' of the weapon after the show was complete. Therefore, the gun was out of Mr. Shot's hands before the murder ever happened!"

"So it would appear…"

OBJECTION!

"Your honor, may I ask you something?" Bill asked, slyly.

Uh oh…

"Tell me, have you ever heard of the police department freely lending their weapons to random passers by?"

"Umm…" thought the judge. "Well, no, that does seem a bit silly, yes."

"Then, your honor, the truth is clear." Prosecutor Laws cleared his throat.

"THIS EVIDENCE IS A SHAM!!!!!!"

Crowd explodes again.

BANG! "Order!" "Mr. Zolo, do you have an explanation for this?"

Come to think of it… that does seem a bit odd… why would the police so freely lend Usopp that weapon? Gah! It doesn't make sense! I'm sorry Usopp….

Flashback

"WHAT?? YOU'RE GOING TO DEFEND ME IN COURT?" cried Usopp.

"Yeah, scary huh?" said Zoro, chuckling.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" yelled Usopp from behind the detention center glass. "I COULD HANG FOR THIS ZORO!! HANG!!!!!

"Yeah, well, sorry, but I'm your lawyer."

"I guess I can live with that…."

"Right then, later." Zoro turned to leave.

"WAIT! ZORO!"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I'm innocent, you know that, right?"

"Well, yeah, I can't picture you killing anyone."

"Then you won't give up on me, right? You'll fight it to the end, like a man, right?

"Well… yeah, of course."

"Thanks…"

Zoro turned to leave again.

"I've…. Always looked up to you."

"WHAT?"

"As a real warrior of the sea, you know? Even with all my creativity… I could never think up the kind of things you've done."

"Erm… thanks." Zoro laughed. "If only you were the lawyer, your creativity could probably fool the judge into believing anything!"

End flashback.

Usopp… I'll get you out of this! Think creatively… why would the police lend a weapon so freely? That doesn't make sense!

"Your honor" began Laws. "The defense has been reduced to muttering to himself. Clearly there is no explanation for why the police would willingly lend a weapon to a newcomer to the island! THE EVIDENCE IS CLEARLY FALSIFYED!!!

OBJECTION!

This is crazy but… "Mr. Marshall! Which district did you say you were sheriff of again?"

"Unh… what?" He had fallen asleep at the stand. "Erm… Cecil district… why?"

"So your saying that your district…."

"IS THE SAME ONE THAT LENT MR. SHOT THE GUN?!?"

OBJECTION!

"Your honor! We have already determined that the evidence in question was falsified!"

OBJECTION!

"The validity of the evidence is exactly what I'm trying to prove here your honor!"

"The judge blinked, thinking for a minute. "Objection… sustained."

Laws sweat dropped. "Urk…."

"Picture this!" Zoro went on. "Mr. Marshall, seeing a stranger in town in need of a gun, lends the gun to Mr. Shot, so that his fingerprints would be found on the weapon! Then…"

OBJECTION!

"You're not saying what I think you're saying…" said Laws.

"I am, Laws!" Zoro snapped, confidently. "The murderer in this case…"

"WAS NONE OTHER THAN MR. MARSHALL!!!!!"

Mr. Marshall did a double-take. "Whaaaat?"

BANG BANG! "MR. ZOLO! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

"Don't you see, your honor? Mr. Marshall found the body! Mr. Marshall investigated the scene, and found the weapon. MR. MARSHALL arrested Mr. Shot, even before any direct connection was established!" Zoro banged the table. "IT ALL SEEMS A LITTLE TOO NEAT TO ME!" He pointed accusingly at Mr. Marshall. "IF THE WITNESS IS INNOCENT, HE WON'T HAVE A PROBLEM TESTIFYING AGAIN!"

The judge nodded. "Mr. Marshall, you will testify again."

"Erm… about what?" asked the sheriff, seemingly confused.

"Erm… Mr. Zolo?" asked the judge, definitely confused.

"Erm… about… why he arrested my client before there was a definite connection… yeah!"

"Very well" nodded the judge. "Mr. Marshall? Your testimony."

"Fine…"

"The reason for arrest, well that was easy!"

"From what I saw at the scene of the crime, the only way Mr. Crypt could have been shot was through the window!"

"The window was only cracked a little bit, maybe an inch or two."

"Whoever shot Mr. Crypt must have been an expert marksman!"

"When I found the gun on the roof, I remembered the fancy shootin' guy's flyer!

"That's why I arrested him!"

"You see your honor?" grinned Laws. "There was every reason to expect the defendant!"

OBJECTION!

"Why am I not surprised…" muttered Laws.

"Your honor, doesn't the witnesses actions seem a bit… odd?"

"How so?" asked the judge.

"Why would the sheriff, upon seeing a man dead at his feet, automatically assume the most complicated explanation, that he had been shot expertly through a window, open only a crack, and bearing no visible marks of a bullet passing through it? WOULDN'T IT BE EASIER TO ASSUME THAT THE MURDERER SIMPLY SHOT MR. CRYPT AND LEFT, LOCKING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM?"

"NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE!" yelled the Sheriff. "I TOLD YOU I KNEW THAT IT HAD TO BE FROM THAT FAR AWAY!"

"WELL THEN MR. MARSHALL?" accused Zoro. "HOW DID YOU KNOW?"

"I've been on the force for years, I could tell from the wound! The shot had to have been from at least twenty-five feet away!"

OBJECTION!

"That's a blatant LIE your honor!" accused Zoro. "The autopsy report clearly states that the shot was fired 'not farther than five feet.' "If Mr. Marshall could tell simply looking at the wound, as he claimed…"

"HE WOULD HAVE IMMEDIATELY RULED OUT THE ADJACENT ROOFTOP!"

Crowd goes crazy, first time in a while, I think.

BANG! BANG! "ORDER! I WILL HAVE ORDER! Mr. Marshall, explain yourself!"

"Yes…well…" the sheriff stuttered. "Perhaps that wound was indiscernible… but I clearly saw another wound that had to have been from more than twenty-five feet away!"

OBJECTION!

"Another LIE your honor! The autopsy report clearly states that the victim died from a single shot! I'm surprised you forgot this, Mr. Marshall, seeing as you're the one who investigated the scene!"

"Yes… but….but…. FINGERPRINTS! Mr. Shot's fingerprints were on the revolver! He must have done it!"

OBJECTION!

"NOT SO! We have confirmed that the defendant used the weapon as part of a show, of course his prints would be on it! ALSO! There were several other prints found on the gun that, while indiscernible, were not necessarily Mr. Shot's! I suspect that their smudges, Mr. Marshall…

"SMUDGES OF YOUR FINGERPRINTS, WHEN YOU WIPED THEM OFF AFTER YOU KILLED MR. CRPYT!!!!"

Marshall trembled with anger. Veins popped out of his head. "grrrr……. SHUT UP!!!! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!! I…. never…no…. didn't…. mean…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!" The sheriff smacked his head on the stand and collapsed, unconscious.

……………………………………………………………………..

"Well… that… was interesting" said the Judge. "Mr. Laws, the witness?"

"He's… been taken in for questioning, your honor" Laws admitted, head down.

The bailiff rushed in. "Your honor! The sheriff! He's muttering to himself, unconscious! It looks like he did it after all!"

"Well…erm…yes… that give quite a convenient closure to this case, does it not?"

"I would say so, your honor" remarked Laws.

"Very well then. I find the defendant, Mr. Sling Shot….

NOT GUILTY

Crowd goes wild!

"That is all! This court is adjourned!"

Defendant lobby: 11:30 am

Wow…. I… did it! I won!

"Zoro!" cried a familiar voice.

"Nami!"

"You were great in there, you idiot!"

"Ah heck, I couldn't have done it without you."

"What? Are you… admitting I helped you?" Nami asked, puzzled. "That's… a bit out of character for you, isn't it?"

"Yeah" Zoro admitted "So is being a defense attorney, and look what happened.

"ZORO!" yelled another familiar voice.

"Usopp!" yelled Nami.

"YOU DID IT MAN! YOU SAVED ME! I'M FREEEEEEEEE!" He struck a pose. "I mean, of course I'm free, I'm the Great Captain Usopp! My underlings, such as you, have to be at least half as great as I am!"

"Right… keeeeeep telling yourself that man…"

"This calls for a celebration!" yelled Nami. "Free grog, on me!"

"You know, there are sometimes I don't hate you" said Zoro.

"I'll take that as a compliment" Nami replied, walking out the door.

Yeah. That's how it happened. Who woulda thought it, right? My being an attorney, getting along with Nami, not swearing badly for an entire chapter of a story. I dunno. As unnatural as it seems… I could get used to this.

End.

Yup. That's how it happened. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it myself. Write lots of reviews…or I'll sue! Lol! (Not really)