Author Notes: This has the power to be confusing, I know. I'll just say-- it's from Edward's POV. As always, reviews a re appreciated. : ) And yes, I know--this is kind of short, but I believe that the words explain what I wanted to show.
Summary: Something inside of me has broken. I can't hide in a corner and pretend I have done the right thing, because the right thing has only brought more strife into her life—even death reigns its persecution. Wasn't this what I wanted? To be gone from her, to let her live her life and die as any human would? Never.
Short Summary: Edward contemplates his leaving Bella. He realizes it was a mistake to leave in hopes of protecting her. The very beginning and the last line is a thought-stream intended for the Volturi, while the rest are his own words to himself. It takes place after he finds out that Bella 'died'.
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Mistake
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Do not burrow your head in a shadow under the weak impression that I can't feel the remorse you have for me. It's disgusting.
Pardon me and the likelihood that I will throw some sort of tantrum any moment. You mean no harm, as do I—it is only a mere coincidence that it should turn out so. Ideally, you and I share some sort of—common pain and suffering, for lack of a better term. That is the only reason I have neglected to tear off your head at this very moment. I am too emotionally unstable—Alice's words, not mine—to really understand the intent of my thoughts. Only too often has she put a delicate hand on my shoulder and hissed at me. Intolerable. I understand her and the good intentions she hides behind her words. She loves me as any sister would—of course, our bond is like no other. Our thoughts are almost identical. Our way of thinking has collided before, and I am only too thrilled. Call me unjustified? I dare you.
Moments like these make me wish I had a better understanding of the human mind. Even with all of my… infinite wisdom… I still do not know a single thing that has passed through her head. If only I knew the way she thought… how it would somehow lead to this… I am defending myself—she is a special thing. I have accepted that. It was the reason she intrigued me so much in the beginning, and as we can all attest to now—well, that has transcended too far. Too far they have gone, in fact, that the delicate repercussions are banging its melodic bell as the seconds of my thinking progress. I will never let the feeling of regret come to me again—I will never contemplate how those thoughts truly look. I know it was wanted—she knew it was wanted. Neither of us can deny that. Even as the us in our lives ended—no one can deny it, everyone knew—we would never move on.
Something inside of me has broken. I can't hide in a corner and pretend I have done the right thing, because the right thing has only brought more strife into her life—even death reigns its persecution. Wasn't this what I wanted? To be gone from her, to let her live her life and die as any human would? Never. No one can want this. I am mental if I allow myself to continue thinking freely that I have done no wrong. Even if I unjustly led my way of thinking into believing the end would be sufficiently pleasing—this was a mistake I should not have overlooked. Of course her intentions were not honorable. She lied as I had. I have sinned the ultimate evil. Her life—her life was in my hands.
One second passes.
And so has she.
I will not be discreet. I am at fault, and I know that too well. Believe me for a moment—I loved her so. Call me a murderer if you will, but understand, if only for a moment—I thought I knew what was best. I clearly did not.
The results are fatal.
The results are final.
Do with me what you wish, for my life lacks the purpose it once strived to fulfill.